Author: Big Mama

White hamsters can’t jump

You know why I love the internet? I mean other than the fact that it’s possible to spend an entire afternoon watching videos of squirrels dancing to Michael Jackson songs?

(Do not judge me. I was merely searching for things that might bring Caroline some amusement while we spend our evenings gathered around the computer in front of the fireplace just like the Waltons.)

I love that almost every comment from yesterday validated my use of all the words to tell of all the nothing. And so, while I didn’t get too many (or any) orders for my custom-made potholders (coasters? Barbie rugs?), I am secure in knowing that at least some of you don’t mind that I wouldn’t know succinct if it was a dancing squirrel on the internet.

Speaking of rodents, I have a big announcement to make. Santa Claus has secured a Zhu Zhu Pet for Caroline, complete with a hamster house.

I received so many emails informing me of Zhu Zhu Pet sightings at Cracker Barrel, CVS, and even a gas station in Louisiana. Apparently, Toys ‘R Us handed out golden tickets, like some kind of whacked out Willy Wonka, that could be exchanged for a Zhu Zhu Pet at approximately 4 a.m. when the stars aligned perfectly with Saturn or whatever.

It all seemed very mysterious and began to remind me of an old episode of 90210 where Donna and David hear about some super-cool party, but they can only find the location if they take an egg to a convenience store. Did I just make that up or was that an actual episode? And, if so, why did I spend such a good portion of the early 90’s watching a T.V. show with such stupid plot lines?

Says the girl addicted to BravoTV.

Anyway, after I wrote about my quest for the Zhu Zhu and read all the comments that basically said, “Yeah, good luck with that”, I reminded myself that the Christmas season isn’t about the giving and receiving of fake hamsters, took a deep breath and decided that if we were meant to bring home Mr. Squiggles or Num Nums that it would happen.

That calm, peaceful feeling lasted all of two seconds and then the crazy lady inside me who could use a hobby took over. I got on Amazon.com to purchase a Zhu Zhu Pet at a slight markup just in case of emergency. In the words of one commenter, I’d spend at least that much money on gas driving all over town to various Walmarts.

So I bought Chunk because he was the cheapest of the overpriced hamsters. Apparently Chunk, with his white synthetic fur coat, isn’t nearly as desirable as Mr. Squiggles and his realistic tawny coloring that makes him look exactly like a real hamster if real hamsters had wheels instead of paws.

But then I received a fortuitous email from a reader named Stephanie who’d had the foresight to purchase four Zhu Zhu Pets several months ago and only needed three. She said she’d love to send me the extra one in exchange for the $8.00 plus shipping cost, which, YES PLEASE. Anything to save me from being trampled in Walmart and being the subject of an embarrassing headline in the newspaper that would probably read:

“ACCOMPLISHED POTHOLDER WEAVER INJURED IN ZHU ZHU RAMPAGE”

I received Stephanie’s package in the mail the same day I received my package from Amazon. We are currently the proud owners of two Chunks, but not for long since I’m sending the overpriced one back to the land of greedy, price-gougers from whence he came.

To be honest, I thought about keeping them both and giving Caroline a litter of white hamsters for Christmas, but P and I were sitting around with my family after Thanksgiving lunch and my sister asked if I was going to head out to Walmart at the crack of awful to look for a Zhu Zhu. I told her my whole story and that I now had not one BUT TWO Zhu Zhus.

P looked at me from across the room and asked, “How much did you pay for that Zhu Zhu Pet from Amazon?”

“Well, it retails for $8.00.”

“That’s not what I asked. How much did you pay?”

(Dang. He has known me too long.)

“It doesn’t matter because I’m sending it back.”

(Which I wasn’t actually going to do, but I threw it out there because it was better than the shame of admitting in front of my whole family that I’d bought an overpriced hamster and I knew that’s where the conversation was headed. ABORT. ABORT.)

So there will be no family of Zhu Zhus on Christmas morning, but we’ll have a solitary Chunk, complete with hamster house (I bought it off Ebay. It retails for $21.00!), and an exercise wheel.

And I may even weave him a tiny bed with my loom.
A lot of words to say a lot of nothing

Apparently I have a blog.

Huh.

The problem with taking close to a week off to eat myself into a stupor, the likes of which will require an 85 Day Shred Workout DVD before I’ll be able to wear jeans instead of stretchy pants, is that so much has happened, SO MUCH FUN HAS BEEN HAD, that I don’t even know where to begin.

The irony is I read a blog post over the weekend that discussed ten things that bloggers do wrong and I was only slightly surprised that I am guilty of eight out of ten, chief among them being that I use too many words when I write a post. At least now I know that my failure to build any sort of media empire is largely due to my inability to use less words and I’m okay with that because I can’t help myself. As Caroline told me yesterday as we decorated for Christmas, “Mama, the details make everything better!”

Okay, Martha Stewart, hand Mama some more of that ribbon and that sparkly tinsel.

Caroline was out of school all last week so we left for Bryan/College Station with Gulley and her boys the Friday before Thanksgiving. As soon as we drove into town we headed straight to Reed Arena to watch the Aggies play basketball and to purchase three buckets of popcorn so that each child could eat four pieces.

On Saturday we went to Kyle Field before the A&M vs. Baylor game. The kids got their faces painted and then found a prime spot to watch the band and the Corps march in.

Caroline decided to wear her zebra pants which I felt was a good choice since any occasion is more festive when you’re wearing zebra pants. It’s worked for Aerosmith for years.

Then Sunday night we went to Santa’s Wonderland to see the Christmas lights.

But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is. Media empire FAIL.)

Nena came by on Saturday night and brought a shirt that she wanted Honey to try on. She said she’d originally bought it for Uncle Johnny, but it turned out to be a shirt for a woman so she thought Honey might want it because doesn’t every woman want to wear a shirt intended for her older brother?

Here it is. (The model’s head has been cut off because there are limits to what should be on the internet.)

It’s made of fleece and the brand is Bugle Boy. The best part is all of us have figured out a way to contort our bodies when we try on Nena’s clothing offerings to ensure they don’t fit. Gulley called me on it last time by declaring she never knew my arms were so long as I made sure to bunch a jacket up around my shoulders causing the sleeves to be way too short.

Anyway, it turns out that it’s okay that none of us wanted it because Nena’s friend Dorothy Kay said she’ll take it and has plans to cut off the sleeves and turn it into a chic (chick) vest. In the words of Tim Gunn, make it work, Dorothy Kay, MAKE IT WORK.

But enough of all this, let me tell you about the most important development of the past week, my new talent. I may never reach the heights of success with my faux media empire, but I’ve discovered I can weave a potholder like a son of a gun. Thirty years ago, when I was a wee young member of Brownie Troop 4032, I managed to weave a few potholders with some modicum of success. However, I always struggled when you had to tie off the edges so that you could actually take it off the loom.

WELL, Gulley and I decided to take the kids to Michaels to buy them each some type of craft to entertain them since the weather was wet and cold outside. Caroline chose (with perhaps a little direction from me in the form of saying “LOOK AT THIS LOOM! DON’T YOU WANT TO MAKE POTHOLDERS?) a weaving loom.

Look! It includes everything you need for only $6.99 plus tax!

Unfortunately it didn’t include everything we needed because the plastic loom was already broken on one end when I opened the box. I was too lazy to return it, but thankfully it didn’t hinder my potholder-making abilities.

Much.

The kids sat at the table and did their crafts for approximately eight minutes, but I totally got sucked into the loom. In fact, I kept the loom by my side the rest of the weekend and worked tirelessly to create four potholders of less than mediocre quality. I’m considering opening up my own Etsy shop because I believe there may be high demand for homemade woven potholders that are smaller than my hand.

Maybe I could market them as coasters.

Or rugs for Barbie’s dreamhouse since I’m pretty sure that’s what I used them for back in 1978.

Either way I think this idea holds promise which works out well since I’m up to 857 words on this post and haven’t even gotten to Tuesday. Goodbye Media Empire. Hello Big Mama’s Woven Creations: a woman, her loom, and a dream that wouldn’t die.

And yet I keep on writing with all the words.

Tuesday we went down to the ranch and spent time with some friends.

Caroline and her friend, S, went deer hunting with P. I can’t believe that they didn’t scare off every deer in a fifteen mile radius due to all the giggling, but they managed to get one.

Then we sat around the campfire and ate S’mores.

I spent most of Wednesday making desserts and some other stuff for Thanksgiving lunch while P and Caroline stayed at the ranch.

And then, FINALLY (970 words) it was Thanksgiving Day.

Caroline and her cousin Sarah continued the time-honored tradition of the kids’ table.

You may notice that Sarah chose to dine on the more traditional Thanksgiving meal of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a side of goldfish crackers. She’s a gourmet.

That night we watched the Aggie game.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Except for this. (Seriously, I CANNOT stop the words.) I kept saying that if we won I wouldn’t gloat or rub it in, but I feel that I should confess that I would have totally gloated. In fact, when we were only down by a few points with mere minutes left to play, I’d already devised a plan for Caroline to wear her Aggie sweatshirt to school every day next week to torment her very Longhorn teacher.

I may have even considered weaving her a maroon and white potholder.

I’m not saying it’s right. It’s just who I am.

Love,
Melanie
Big Mama’s Woven Creations
Founder, Craftsman and Owner
May your turkey be plentiful

We just rolled back into town yesterday after spending a great weekend in Bryan, TX and have big plans to spend the rest of the week making some memories and enjoying family and friends.

I hope y’all do the same.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Makes your eyes light up and your tummy say howdy

On Friday, the first grade at Caroline’s school had their very own Thanksgiving Feast. This is not to be confused with the feast they had in the cafeteria earlier in the week that involved very tough turkey and nary any sort of cutting utensil to be found.

The feast on Friday was just for the first graders and each class was asked to contribute various things. I’m the homeroom mom (I know. I can’t even believe it myself. Rumor has it I actually have to come up with some crafts for them to do at the Christmas party.) so I sent out an email to the parents in the class with a list of items we’d need for the feast.

Fortunately, we have really great parents and they quickly volunteered for everything we needed with the exception of pies. My co-homeroom mom and I agreed that we’d just take care of the pies so, when I picked up Caroline from school earlier in the week, I asked her what kind of pies she’d like me to make for the Thanksgiving Feast and she informed me that she’d like a cherry pie and a shoofly pie.

I’d only heard of a shoofly pie thanks to the musical stylings of the late Dinah Shore, but when I told Caroline I wasn’t sure how to make a shoofly pie she told me to “go look it up on the google”. I informed her that when I was her age the only way I could have found out how to make a shoofly pie would have involved something called an “Encyclopedia” because we didn’t have computers or “the google”. She said, “Yeah, but they didn’t even have electricity when you were little”.

I think she has the 1970’s confused with an episode of Little House on the Prairie.

Ultimately, I did indeed find a recipe for shoofly pie using Google, but decided that I didn’t have the time nor the inclination to make two homemade pies for a first grade Thanksgiving feast that was going to consist of some turkey roll-ups, chex party mix, and carrots with ranch dressing. So I went to Central Market and bought a chocolate cream pie from the bakery and this.

The night before the feast, I pulled it out of the freezer and began to open the box. Caroline walked in, noticed what I was doing and exclaimed, “Oh! So that’s how you make a homemade cherry pie!”

And I replied, “Yes. Yes it is.”

I just thought y’all might want my recipe.

Disclaimer: Dinah Shore never sang a song about Mrs. Callender’s frozen pies. But I think she totally would have if she’d ever tried one.
Fashion Friday: Christmas wishlist edition

Yesterday morning I got an email from a sweet reader and she informed me that she was standing in the toy department of her small town Walmart surrounded by Zhu Zhu Pets. She asked if I wanted her to buy one for me and I replied, “Well, if you’re sure it’s not any trouble then YES PLEASE! I’LL TAKE TWO!”. So she headed to the checkout line with Mr. Squiggles and Chunk only to be stopped by a Walmart employee who informed her that the Zhu Zhu Pets were just part of a display and not available for purchase until Black Friday.

Shame on you, Walmart. It’s like you’re begging for a riot over $8.00 hamsters.

So I’m still on the hunt for the elusive Zhu Zhu, but it will not beat me.

To add to my frustration, I read an article online about a firm called Panjiva, run by fancy scientists from MIT that analyze the general insanity of the American population by measuring trends in imported goods, that has projected the hot holiday gifts will be Snuggies and Zhu Zhu Pets.

I don’t know what kind of computer program those MIT geniuses are using, but they haven’t told me anything I couldn’t have deduced from my eight trips to local Walmarts over the past week. Also, I believe their data regarding the Snuggie may be flawed considering that I saw an entire Snuggie display on the end of an aisle at HEB and they’d been marked down to $14.97.

All I know is that if there ever comes a day that some sort of anthropologists are digging through the rubble that used to be our society, they will find evidence of the Snuggie and the Zhu Zhu Pet and will all agree that our culture must have been very sad and misguided in our quest for backward robes and battery-powered pets.

And on that note, I thought it might be fun to compile a list of a few things I’ve found that would make great Christmas gifts for you or the ones you love. You will see that neither Pipsqueek nor Num Nums made this list.

(Also, these are just things I like. I wasn’t paid or given any merchandise to put them on this list. Just wanted you to know.)

1. Best of Lavender Gift Set

My friend Debi and her husband Jack own a lavender farm in the Texas Hill country and, y’all, they grow their own lavender. Like from scratch or seed or whatever. And then they use it to make the most awesome lotion in the world. I keep a bottle by my kitchen sink, a bottle by my bathroom sink and a tube of it in my purse. Addicted much?

Best of all, they are currently offering the gift set with free shipping.

2. The Pioneer Woman Cooks

Unless you don’t reside on this planet, you’ve probably heard about this cookbook, but what you may not know is that Amazon is currently selling it for $10.75. TEN DOLLARS AND SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS. What is this, 1974?

Why are you still here? Go order the cookbook for everyone on your list. If you’re lucky they’ll make you some homemade cinnamon rolls as a way to say thank you.

3. Ragg Wool Socks

I can’t tell you how much I hate to put socks on the list. It seems so boring, like the kind of thing you’d get someone who is in their pajamas by 7:30 p.m. every night and considers BravoTV to be the greatest invention of the 21st century.

Oh wait.

That’s me.

Truth be told, P bought me some of these socks about eight years ago and I have now worn a hole in the bottom of them because I wear them so much. They keep my feet toasty warm on these chilly South Texas winter nights when the temps dip into the mid-40’s. In other words, they pretty much perform a miracle because my feet are usually so cold that I’m either suffering from circulatory issues or I’m already dead.

4. Deux Lux Ruffle Bucket Bag

I just think this is a super cute bag. Love the ruffles.

5. 2010 Calendar

Who doesn’t love a new calendar to start off the year? I mean, besides people who don’t love a new calendar to start off the year?

This one is great because, not only are the designs beautiful and simple, but it’s separated into individual pages so you can put up each month one at a time. Isn’t that clever?

However, if you’re a fan of the entire twelve months being neatly bound, I’ve always been a big fan of Kris-10’s Creations Calendar.

6. Canon Powershot Digital Camera

P bought me one of these for Christmas about four years ago and it’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. It’s small enough to carry in my purse and it takes video and still pictures.

My Pa-Pa never would have dreamed there’d be a day when you could shoot moving pictures with something this small instead of a camera bigger than your head with a spotlight that could blind anyone in a three-mile radius.

7. Vintage-inspired apron

Just looking at how cute this apron is makes me feel like a better cook.

It also makes me have a desire to wear my hair in a bouffant and put on some pearls while I vacuum.

8. Flannel plaid pj pants

Flannel pj pants complete me and the plaid is so right now.

9. Bulletin Boards

I’ve been on the hunt for a bulletin board for Caroline’s room and when I saw this one, I immediately knew that I’d found the look I’d been searching for. It would be perfect in a kitchen, office or bedroom and you could even get it monogrammed in the center because who doesn’t love a good monogram? Other than people in the witness protection program?

10. The Sarge duck call

P has been sitting next to me while I make this list and he suggested that I include The Sarge duck call.

First, let me tell you that if you haven’t experienced The Duck Commanders, then you are missing out on one of life’s greatest joys. I am generally not a fan of hunting shows, but they reeled me in. It seriously makes me laugh out loud.

Secondly, you probably don’t need The Sarge duck call unless you plan on hunting ducks or giving it to your child and seeing how long it takes before they drive you insane with all the quacking.

That’s all I have for today.

Y’all have a great Friday.
Rodentia powered by Duracell

About two months ago, Gulley and I were talking on the phone making plans for our annual Christmas shopping weekend when she asked, “Is Caroline going to want a Zhu Zhu Pet for Christmas?”

“She hasn’t mentioned it. Why?”

“Well, I’ve heard it’s going to be the hot toy this season. You might want to go ahead and get one if you think she might want one.”

And then I think I may have made some comment about kids in America needing to spend more time outside and not becoming consumed by fake hamsters made in China because I like to make bold, sweeping generalizations about topics that will come back to haunt me.

Fast forward to two weeks ago when I was looking through the Sunday ads at Mimi and Bops’ house. Caroline climbed into my lap, pointed to the front page of the Walmart circular featuring a prominent picture of the Zhu Zhu Pets milling about in their little plastic hamster house and said, “That is the NUMBER ONE THING I want from Santa this year! The NUMBER ONE THING!”

Dang.

I headed to Walmart the next morning fully expecting to purchase a Zhu Zhu Pet and all the faux hamster accoutrements. In fact, I even threw out a breezy Twitter update that said, “On my way to buy a Zhu Zhu Pet because everyone knows a battery-powered hamster is better than a real one.” Imagine my surprise when I perused the toy aisles at Walmart only to discover that there was nary a stitch of any sort of Zhu Zhu Pet merchandise to be found.

The same can be said of my visit to Target and three other local Walmarts. All I managed to come up with was a lone Zhu Zhu Pet exercise ball which I promptly snatched up even though I do not currently own a fake hamster that needs to get fake exercise. In the midst of my desperation, I turned to Amazon.com only to discover the travesty that is Zhu Zhu Pet price gouging. Those hamsters are being sold for upwards of $50.00 online and while I may be naive enough to pay $9.00 for a pizza at the Rollercade, I refuse to shell out $50.00 for what was originally an $8.00 hamster.

So this past Monday, I went back to Walmart to see if some Zhu Zhu Pets had made their way into the store over the weekend. There were none to be found so I wandered over to a Walmart employee and asked in my most polite voice, “Ma’am? Do you know if you’ll be getting in any more Zhu Zhu Pets before Christmas?”

“I don’t know. And even if we do I have no idea when they’ll get here or how many I’ll have.”

Because I’ve always been told that you catch more flies with honey, I replied “Thank you so much! I can’t even imagine how crazy things are around here right now.”

And with that, I caught her.

“Honey, I’m going to tell you something because you’re a lot nicer than the last twenty people that asked me about those Zhu Zhu Pets. I put in an order on Friday and I should be gettin’ them in sometime next week but they’ll go fast. And I’ll tell you somethin’ else, I don’t know much about computers but we sell them for $8.00. Don’t go buyin’ one off of that google or yahoomail or whatever because they’re sellin’ them for $50.00 and, Honey, those things ain’t nothin’ but a battery-powered rat. If I saw that gray one in my house I’d stomp on it.”

Preach, sister. PREACH.

However, it’s the NUMBER ONE THING on my six-year-old’s Christmas list. I thanked her profusely for her time and her wisdom and then went on my Zhu Zhu-less way.

On Tuesday afternoon I made Gulley go with me to another Walmart (the one where I’d found the exercise ball) to see if they might have any in stock. As we walked away empty-handed, Gulley said, “Well you could always just get a real hamster if you can’t find the Zhu Zhu.”

I stopped short and made her look me in the eyes and vow that she would not let me stoop to that level of desperation. I said, “If it gets to be Christmas eve and I start talking crazy about going to PetSmart and buying a real hamster, YOU HAVE TO STOP ME.”

Then as we were walking out the door of Walmart I was busy messing around with my iPhone. I’ll be the first to admit that I have become a little obsessed with it and all the apps that make life so much easier than it was in the olden days when I had no way of playing Frogger anywhere I went. Gulley glanced over at me and said, “Too bad your fancy iPhone has an app that will tell you when you’re about to start your period, but not one that’ll help you find a Zhu Zhu Pet.”

I don’t know when I’ve ever laughed so hard inside a Walmart.

Yesterday, I began to work on my ace in the hole strategy, otherwise known as calling Walmarts all over town trying to get insider information. P, who so far has been oblivious to this whole thing, walked in the back door in time to hear me on the phone saying, “Well, my first choice would probably be Mr. Squiggles, but at this point I’ll take Chunk or Num Nums or even Pipsqueek. I really don’t care.” I looked up from the phone to see my beloved husband looking at me with a mixture of pity and fear, so when I got off the phone I explained the seriousness of the situation and he gave me all the sympathy that any fake tragedy involving a fake hamster deserves.

Gulley even went to Toys ‘R Us yesterday and asked them if they had any Zhu Zhu Pets and they just laughed at her. THEY LAUGHED. I believe that Toys ‘R Us and their employees make Santa Claus sad.

Finally, in the ultimate act of desperation, I remembered Gulley’s words and searched my iPhone apps for Zhu Zhu Pets last night. And you know what? THERE IS A ZHU ZHU PETS APP.

SO THERE!

Unfortunately, it’s just a game where you can guide Mr. Squiggles, Chunk, Num Nums or Pipsqueek through a maze by moving the phone in different directions. I can’t help but feel that the app will be of small comfort to Caroline come Christmas day as I sit and explain that Santa couldn’t fit one more battery-powered rat on his sleigh, but if she’ll just wait until January we’ll finally see the day that Chunk will be able to work out in his new exercise ball.

I smell the beginnings of a Christmas we’ll always remember.

Which is still better than the smell of cedar shavings and real hamster.

**Edited to add that many of you have pointed out that they are available online at Toys ‘R Us and it appears that way until you actually try to buy one and then it tells you they are OUT OF STOCK. Which brings me back to my point: Toys ‘R Us = Santa Claus sad