Author: Big Mama

Your stomach and your family will thank you

Okay, so since y’all asked, here is the recipe for Monkey Bread. It is unbelievably good and oh so easy. I make this every Christmas morning so that we can have a good sugar high as we open all our presents.

Monkey Bread

3 (10 biscuit) cans of biscuits (I’m sure some people use homemade or whatever, but I am not those people)

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup butter (not margarine, so just own the fat, ladies)

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional and it’s an option I don’t choose. Why ruin pure, sugary goodness with nuts?)

Preheat oven to 350. Grease a BUNDT PAN (although others would say this isn’t necessary).
If you have chosen the nut option, go ahead and throw them in. It’s your monkey bread and I’ll keep my mouth shut.
Cut biscuits into quarters.
Combine cinnamon and granulated sugar. Roll each biscuit quarter in cinnamon and sugar mixture.
Arrange them in BUNDT PAN.
Melt butter in microwave and add brown sugar. Stir it all together.
Pour brown sugar mixture over biscuits.
Bake for 30-40 minutes.

Let cool for about 5 minutes and then place on cake plate. I know some people who immediately get a fork and just start eating pieces right out of the BUNDT PAN (and yes, I am those people).

Cry tears of joy at the goodness of it all.
It says bundt pan for a reason, it’s not just a suggestion

This morning my cell phone rang around 9 a.m. and it was my friend AJ calling me. Since AJ is in her early 20’s and childless, 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning is pretty early for her and really why, WHY?? would anyone be up that early on a Saturday if they didn’t have a 3 foot tall person with the demeanor of a belligerent taxi driver telling them to get up?

Anyway, I answered the phone because I knew AJ had been out of town and thought she might be back and looking for something to do that might involve entertaining my child. Nope. She was at the lake with one of my best friends from college, Jen.

Now, AJ and Jen met last summer in what is just one of those weird, small world kind of things. Jen was on a mission trip in Africa for Family Legacy Missions and AJ had been hired as the photographer for the trip (and as a result is doing a very cool project called “Lahema’s Legacy” ). They were sitting next to each other on a bus, driving through Africa, and making small talk. AJ mentioned that she was from San Antonio. Jen said, “I know this is a random question, but do you know Big Mama and P? (because that’s really how everyone refers to us) And AJ said, “How do you know them? Big Mama was my Bible study leader all through high school and we are great friends!” Jen told her that we were college roommates and they marveled at what a small world it is and then linked arms and sang “Kumbaya”.

Or probably not.

Anyway, it is a really small world kind of thing and now AJ is great friends with Jen and she goes to Dallas to visit her and spend long weekends having fun and just hanging out at Starbucks, because did I mention that AJ is in her early 20’s and childless? She can travel at the spur of the moment and be all devil may care and go eat at restaurants that have cloth napkins.

So, AJ calls this morning for two reasons. First, Jen was making Monkey Bread for breakfast, which is a recipe I gave her years ago, but she wasn’t making it in a bundt pan, which made me very nervous. If the recipe says it needs a bundt pan then, PLEASE, use a bundt pan. Don’t take those kind of risks with 3 cans of biscuits rolled in cinnamon and sugar and covered in 8 cups of butter. But, WHATEVER, it’s her life and I’m used to Jen’s cooking methods. She once tried to bake a pan of brownies and 3 hours later couldn’t figure out why they weren’t ready until she realized the oven wasn’t even on. So, really, if she wants to make Monkey Bread in a 9×13 casserole, I just need to let it go.

It’s her way and part of her charm.

My advice was to bake it about 15 minutes less than the REAL RECIPE WITH THE BUNDT PAN calls for and they text messaged me later to let me know it turned out okay. And if they are reading this then let me say that I am so proud of y’all for how well you improvised with the recipe. I wanted to text message y’all back but, honestly, I’d still be here tonight trying to figure out how to change the caps lock on my cell phone.

Have y’all heard all that controversy about people texting while they drive and it’s a danger, blah, blah, blah? Well, yeah. I can’t even text message when I’m text messaging, much less when I’m driving. That’s just a whole other kind of skill set or something.

Okay, the second reason they called was to inform me they had pulled up Big Mama on Jen’s Blackberry this morning to read my new post and I hadn’t posted anything. WHY, WHY hadn’t I posted anything? Which is ironic considering that AJ hadn’t really read the blog at all until about a month ago and neither had Jen, and now? Now that they’ve made time to get to know Big Mama they are all demanding and everything, and calling on Saturday morning wanting to know why I didn’t spend my Friday night toiling away for their enjoyment and amusement.

I told them, “You people have got to back off. Big Mama cannot bring the funny every day, 7 days a week. I need my weekends.”

But here I am, so apparently, they wore me down.

Just remember ladies, even God rested on the 7th day.
Our very own wonder years

Gulley and I have been best friends for almost 20 years. In this time, we have taken many the road trip together. And the last few days proved that some things never change. I do the driving no matter whose car we’re in, we stop often for snacks, and we make each other laugh until someone spits their Diet Coke across the car.

Good times.

On Wednesday morning, the plan was Gulley and her kids would pick Caroline and me up around 10 a.m. This would allow us plenty of time to get to Bryan in time to show up at Gulley’s mama’s birthday luncheon. We hadn’t planned on the fact that it was pouring down rain, so we got started on our way around 11:00, when P put on his raincoat and carried an umbrella for me while I put Caroline’s car seat in Gulley’s car and loaded up our suitcases and all my pillows. Then, I went around to take the wheel because, due to my control issues and my impatience, I always do the driving.

Other than that, I’m really laid back.

Gulley let the kids take turns picking the music. Caroline picked something from the Cars soundtrack and then, it was Jackson’s turn. He picked “You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC. Gulley looked at me and said, “When you write about this on the blog, because I know you will, please mention that he heard the song during the bullriding at the rodeo this year and not because I still listen to AC/DC on a regular basis”.

Oh, I’d say an AC/DC concert t-shirt proves otherwise, my friend.

It’s just a joke. A little humor to pass the time until I figure out the point of this post.

Here are our little headbangers in the backseat. Please note, not a cup pourer in the bunch.

During one of our frequent potty stops, Gulley let everyone pick out a bag of candy for the road. Her boys chose Skittles. Caroline chose Circus Peanuts, so really, who am I to judge about AC/DC? I have a child that will choose Circus Peanuts over something normal like M&M’s or Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Circus Peanuts are worse than those sugared orange slices that everybody’s grandparents keep in a glass candy dish.

There was also a point on the way home today that we decided to stop and get Chik-fil-A for the kids to eat for lunch. I asked Gulley if she was going to get something for herself and she said she didn’t know, was I going to get something? And I had to reply that I didn’t feel that hungry since I’d already eaten a chocolate chip cookie, two kolaches, and a donut earlier.

It was only 11:30 a.m.

But we both got an order of chicken nuggets anyway, because hello, it’s Chik-fil-A and my stomach might get nervous if I just went cold turkey on consuming massive amounts of greasy food.

Anyway, we had a great time. There are stories to be told, but it’s not going to happen right now. I’m still recovering from the massive amounts of fun, staying up way too late, and actually having a sore throat from talking so much. But here’s my thought on the road trip, and it’s a little sappy because I just watched the last episode of “The Wonder Years” and the Kevin Arnold voiceover talking about the fleeting days of childhood and one day being in diapers and the next day being grown, left me with tears running down my face because I am a big old sucker for emotionally charged television.

And I have PMS.

So really, I could have been watching “The Jeffersons” and started crying because it is so inspiring that George and Weesie worked their way on up to the East Side.

But here’s my point.

You know how at some point in life you’ve had that friend that you daydreamed with and thought how great it would be if y’all lived down the street from each other and got to see each other everyday and your kids could grow up together and be best friends?

Gulley is that friend for me.

When we met almost 20 years ago, I couldn’t have imagined that someday we’d live a mile away from each other, take road trips with our kids and that they would love each other as much as we love each other. But they do.

Caroline had a great time. And yes, some of it was due to the massive amounts of candy, the donuts, the birthday cake and getting to stay up way past bedtime. But mostly, it was because of how much she loves Jackson and Will.

I don’t know what the future holds for this little gang, but I bet there’s a lot of fun that will be had along the way.
On the road

Oh y’all. We took a little road trip yesterday to Bryan/College Station with Gulley and her kids. Let me just say that the first words out of Caroline’s mouth when she woke up this morning were, “I don’t ever want to go home to San Antonio”.

Unfortunately for her, we are getting back on the road to head home in just a few short hours. And oh, will I have stories to tell. I’m just way too tired from all the fun right now.

Have a great day!
A whale of a tale

Well, it seems that seeing P driving the Volvo loaner was enough to motivate JoEL to get things going. The service guy called about 4:30 to let me know my car is ready, so first thing in the morning, I’ll be saying farewell to my friend, the loaner.

Au revoir sweet friend. I will miss you and your cool stereo that scrolls the name of the song and artist that are currently on the radio. Not to mention your thoughtfulness in automatically muting the radio every time I got on my cell phone. I feel like we really connected over the last 8 days. God speed.

And in other non-automotive news.

On Saturday afternoon, someone must have slipped something into my Diet Coke because all of a sudden I could hear my voice saying, “Caroline, how about we go to Sea World on Monday? Wouldn’t that be fun? Just you and Mama at Sea World?”

What? Who is this person with the boundless enthusiasm for taking a 3 year old to an aquatic themed amusement park all by herself?

Alas, on Sunday, when I woke with a clearer head, it was too late to back out because the child? Oh, you better believe she was going to Sea World on Monday. Going to Sea World to see SHAMU! AND THE FLYING MONKEY PEOPLE! AND THE SQUIDS AND THE OCTOPI! (except she didn’t really say Octopi, she’s only 3 1/2 people. Give her a break on the plurals)

Part of my Sea World compulsion is due to the fact that we have season passes. We bought season passes last summer and then upgraded them in the fall, to include this summer, for just $35.00. And heaven knows I can’t pass up a bargain. The problem is I have been under serious, self-imposed pressure to GET TO SEA WORLD immediately so that we can get our $70.00 worth.

Oh yes, we’re going to go so many times this summer that we will be completely sticking it to the man and his killer whale. And seeing as how it’s already mid-June, we needed to get going on my master plan to outwit and outlast Sea World, nevermind that they stay open through December…it’s now or never.

So, Monday morning. We woke up and ate a breakfast of homemade waffles to sustain us in our journey to the other side of town. I packed every bottle of sunscreen we own, multiple towels, a case of bottled water (because at the park they charge $52.00 per bottle), a few snacks, and our bathing suits. I would realize later it was a strategic error to not just wear our swimsuits, but at 9:00 a.m. I was innocent and naive and not aware this was a tactical mistake.

However, at 10:45 a.m. as we were changing into our swimsuits in the restroom at The Lost Lagoon and Caroline kept opening the door and exposing me to the free world, I realized I should have suited up at home and saved myself and the eyes of some poor, unwitting souls the sight of my white behind.

As soon as we got to Sea World, Caroline informed me she didn’t want to see Shamu or the dolphins or anything. And really, who goes to Sea World to see Shamu? That’s so last year. Instead, she wanted to go to Shamu’s Happy Harbor and ride the Shamu Coaster, the Penguin Pete ferris wheel and play some arcade games.

And look!

She won a Nicole Richie doll!

Oh, I kid because of the big head and the small body. This is actually a monkey that was immediately christened, appropriately enough, Silly. We won Silly about 10 minutes into our day at Sea World and got to haul him around for the rest of the day, along with the kitchen sink we packed. It was a treat.

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent at The Lost Lagoon, which is the water park section. We had so much fun in the wave pool and I loved hearing Caroline laugh hysterically everytime a wave knocked her over. She is fearless. Then, we stopped for lunch at Castaway Cafe and she declared that she would, indeed, like to see Shamu. I looked at my schedule and realized the only way to make that happen was to trek to the other side of the park in about 10 minutes, so I loaded Caroline, Silly, and our bag ‘o stuff into the stroller and took off at breakneck speed. In a swimsuit. With a coverup (thank heaven for small mercies). And flip-flops.

We got there just in time, and Caroline insisted she wanted to sit right up front so that Shamu could splash us. We sat down so low that we had a perfect view of the trainers and the various Shamus swimming underwater. Caroline kept asking, “When is he gonna splash Mama? When is he gonna splash?”

Here she is, waiting for the splash.

And finally, he splashed.

You know, the trivia they showed on the big screen prior to the show, mentioned that Shamu’s water is 52 degrees. In theory, after a 35 mile sweaty hike while pushing a stroller, 52 degrees doesn’t sound too cold. But oh, when he finally splashed, we didn’t just get splashed, we were soaked in 52 degree, freezing cold, saltwater. Caroline started crying and wanted to leave, so we headed out. We made one stop for cotton candy and then got in the loaner car and drove home.

Later that night, I asked her what her favorite part of the day was. She said, “Oh! I LOVED getting splashed by Shamu”. She obviously subscribes to her mama’s theory of that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. I mean, after all, I’m already talking about our next trip to Sea World.
Volvo loaner watch ’07

The loaner, she is still with us. Day 7 and counting.

And in what can only be described as an incredible twist of irony or whatever, P drove the loaner to pick up some barbecue for dinner last night from our favorite barbecue place. They make the best barbecued turkey in the free world and I don’t even like turkey (why not ham for Thanksgiving? The Indians ate turkey because it was the only thing available. You can’t tell me the pilgrims wouldn’t have pulled up to a table with a Honeybaked Ham given the choice), yet this barbecued turkey with all the smoky, barbecued goodness compels me to eat it.

Oh, and the creamed corn? It is sinfully and wonderfully made.

I’m not implying that people are sinning in the making of the corn, I’m just saying it has a high fat content.

Just wanted to clarify.

Anyway, P is driving through the parking lot of the barbecue place when he notices about 4 or 5 men who have set up chairs in a kind of semi-circle configuration towards the back of the parking lot. He observes that they all have on ties and shirts and are hanging out in their lawn chairs and drinking beer. This is about 6:30 at night, so the temperature is still around 135 degrees and they are sitting out in the full sun.

We’re good friends with the owners of the barbecue place, so P calls Stew up and tells him about this group of men camping out in their parking lot. He tells him they don’t look shady or anything, it’s just kind of odd to see a group of grown men, dressed up, drinking beer in lawn chairs in the blazing heat, in a parking lot.

Stew says, “Oh, it’s no big deal. Those are just the salesmen from the Volvo dealership down the street. They sit out there and drink beer after work almost every day, even if it’s 135 degrees.”

P realizes, on closer inspection, that one of the men sitting there is, in fact, JoEL. And, they are all eyeing P as he drives off in the Volvo dealer loaner.

Suckers.

I’m thinking this scene speaks volumes about JoEL. God help him, he probably does think the service department is great because compared to sitting out in 185 degree heat in a concrete parking lot, while wearing a tie, anything is good.