Author: Big Mama

  • If it happens before 6 a.m., it can’t be any good

    Yesterday morning I had to do something that is, in my opinion, completely barbaric. I had to catch a flight to Dallas that left at 7:30 a.m. which means I had to leave my house at 6:15 which means that I was up before the crack of early at 5:00 a.m.

    See, the “bank” where I work decided that nothing really puts employees in the Christmas spirit more than shipping them off away from friends and loved ones right in the middle of the holiday season. And just to make it more festive? Let’s allow them to see what early morning at the airport (otherwise known as hell) looks like.

    So, the alarm goes off this morning and since P loves me and is the greatest person ever, he has already gotten up and turned the heat on for me so that at least I won’t freeze to death while getting dressed. I sleepwalk through the basic functions of personal hygiene, stopping only to admire the lovely red sleep creases etching themselves across my face. Then I wrestled with my suitcase in a vain attempt to get it to actually zip all the way closed. I’m a chronic overpacker. It’s what I do. I need options.

    At 6:15 the cab company calls to let me know that my cab is arriving, so I walk out the back door since I had requested that the driver pull up on the side of my house. We try not to use our front door while Caroline is asleep because due to the fact that the house is almost 100 years old and the foundation constantly shifts, opening the front door produces a sound somewhere in the same decibel range as a building being demolitioned.

    I didn’t see the cab until I noticed red brake lights coming from the front of the house, so I wheeled my suitcase around the house and got in the cab. I told the driver that I thought he was going to pull up on the side of the house and his response was the he couldn’t tell what the side of the house meant, so apparently he just went to the FRONT side. Turning on the side street that runs along the side of our house would have been too obvious a choice.

    I know I’m grumpy but the moon was still out and everything. That’s how early it was.

    I get to the airport, check in, and wait in a security line where I’m told that I can keep my lipgloss if I want to buy a .25 cent ziploc bag to put it in. Um, yeah there’s no profit margin in that is there?

    I take off my shoes and my jacket and unload the entire contents of my computer bag. Business travel is just so glamorous. I am so grateful to the bank for giving me this opportunity.

    Finally, I arrived at the hotel and checked in. While checking in at the bank reservation table to get my meeting itinerary, the lady smiles and tells me that there has been a change in schedule and the meetings won’t actually start until 1:30 p.m.

    It’s 9:00 a.m.

    The whole thing has filled me with so much holiday cheer that honestly, I’m thinking this trip must be my Christmas bonus.

    How could it get any better?

    Wait, I just realized the icing on the cake, high speed wifi at this particular hotel is a complete oxymoron.

    Now it’s like Christmas and New Years all at the same time!

  • Somebody get that cow a pillow

    Saturday night we went to a wedding. This was a big deal because it was the first real social event that Caroline has been invited to just as an attendee, not a flower girl. Our friends Cyndea and Shane got married and let me tell y’all that it was a beautiful wedding. She walked down the aisle to “Come Let us Adore Him” and there were Christmas lights everywhere. It was like a magic Christmas fairyland.

    If I had it to do over again I’d have a Christmas wedding, but 9 years ago when I was young and newly engaged there is no way in the world I’d have waited 4 more months just so a quartet could play Christmas carols as guests were seated. No ma’am, get me to the church and hurry, even though it meant tying the knot when it was 149 degrees outside.

    Caroline did a great job of being quiet during the ceremony thanks to the steady stream of Mike and Ike’s that I had stashed in my purse. Anytime she opened her mouth, I just popped in a Mike and Ike and it bought us 30 more seconds of silence. So a big thank you goes out to my friends Mike and Ike who were a tremendous help in bribing my child. Yes, I said bribing and not only do I not condemn bribing a child, I give it two thumbs up.

    Don’t judge me, she’s 3 years old and I live in a constant state of Don’t Anger It.

    After the outdoor wedding ceremony (why yes, it was very cold), we moved indoors for the reception. I was already wondering how I was going to convince Caroline to eat prime rib for dinner when I noticed that there was a buffet table set up for kids that consisted of chicken fingers and french fries. It was like someone had just given me a million dollars otherwise known as a dinner my child would actually eat. Kudos to the bride’s parents for supplying the country club version of a Happy Meal.

    I got her settled at the table with her chicken fingers and fries while P went to go find the adult food. She was thirsty and when they brought her water, it was in a glass goblet. She looked at it and said “Oh Mama, I get to drink wine too. Let’s say cheers!” So we clinked our water glasses together, said “Cheers”, and she looked at me with a french fry in her hand and said, “This is the life.”

    And so yes, she shares a large portion of my genetic makeup that does enjoy the finer things in life like beautiful weddings at fancy country clubs and eating chicken fingers without utensils while wiping your hands on your dress.

    After her meal was cut short by the arrival of wedding cake (and let’s be honest, why would anyone continue to eat anything of substance once there is cake?) she hit the dance floor. Our poor friend Erin made the mistake of volunteering to dance with Caroline, not realizing that Caroline’s signature move is to make you run around and around and around in circles as if she is trying to achieve lift off. For awhile we all stood around, watched them dance and made bets as to who would give us a another look at the wedding cake first.

    Pretty soon, she was joined on the dance floor by a group of little girls just about her size and they danced and twirled their little hearts out. Nothing makes a mama more proud than seeing her little one shake her booty as the band plays “Brick House”.

    Finally, when she was obviously about to collapse from exhaustion, we loaded her up to head home. She wanted me to carry her to the car and she was almost asleep before I got her in her car seat. I buckled her in and whispered “We partied ’til the cows came home.”

    P walked around the car and as he was starting it, this little tired voice said “Daddy, we partied until the cows went to bed.”

    Yes, we did.

  • We saw his star in the east

    A few years ago, P and I attended a church that brought in a speaker named Rick Larson also known as the Star Man. We went to the presentation and were completely blown away by the enormity and power of what he shared.

    Rick Larson is an attorney and served as a professor at Texas A&M for many years, but his passion is known as the Star Project. You can read all about his research by clicking on this link.

    “Scholars debate whether the Star of Bethlehem is a legend manufactured by the early church or a miracle which marked the advent of Christ”

    That quote from The Bethlehem Star website is a summary of all the information that is contained within the site. And trust me when I say there is a lot of information. A LOT. But if any of y’all are interested in learning more about the Star the wise men followed, it is powerful stuff.

    And if y’all want to read a post that really touched my heart today, you should head over to Blessed Beyond Measure and read this.

  • We saw his star in the east

    A few years ago, P and I attended a church that brought in a speaker named Rick Larson also known as the Star Man. We went to the presentation and were completely blown away by the enormity and power of what he shared.

    Rick Larson is an attorney and served as a professor at Texas A&M for many years, but his passion is known as the Star Project. You can read all about his research by clicking on this link.

    “Scholars debate whether the Star of Bethlehem is a legend manufactured by the early church or a miracle which marked the advent of Christ”

    That quote from The Bethlehem Star website is a summary of all the information that is contained within the site. And trust me when I say there is a lot of information. A LOT. But if any of y’all are interested in learning more about the Star the wise men followed, it is powerful stuff.

    And if y’all want to read a post that really touched my heart today, you should head over to Blessed Beyond Measure and read this.

  • What separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize

    There is no point to this post other than to show y’all the cutest of the cute in her winter coat and hat. She added the leopard print scarf all by herself, so apparently she’s inherited at least 50% of my fashion DNA after all.

    And for that I’ll breathe a big sigh of relief.

  • It’s like an early Christmas present


    I went to visit Barb over at A Chelsea Morning and discovered that she is a nominee for the Christian Women Online’s Best Homemaker blogger award. And honestly, she is an incredible homemaker…she irons her sheets. Do I need to say anymore?

    So, imagine my surprise when I clicked on the link to see the other nominees and discovered that I am one of the nominees for Most Humorous Blog, along with Boomama and Antique Mommy.

    To say I am thrilled and honored is an understatement, because really in all likelihood if you’re reading my blog right now you fall into one of three categories.

    1. You found me through the many times that Boomama has kindly linked to me and sent her “tens of readers” my direction

    2. I left you comments until you felt that you had no choice but to come visit me

    3. You are related to me by blood or marriage

    No matter which of these categories y’all may fall in, just know that I am really appreciative. I love this whole blogging thing and having people read and think I’m funny is just a bonus. I know it’s the most overused phrase in the world, but it really is an honor just to be nominated.

    And I’d like to thank Caroline because really part of what makes me funny is that she keeps me on the edge of sanity with the mood swings that make me go from Mama of the Year to Big Ugly Girl in a hearbeat.

    And if I don’t win, I promise I won’t pull a Faith Hill and scream “WHAT??!” and I won’t be a Democrat and demand a recount.

    For voting information and to see all the nominees you can click on the picture below.

    Really, thank you. Y’all made my day!