Author: Big Mama

Gulley called me the other morning and she had been on the phone with our friend Stephanie. Steph had called to see if Gulley had seen Fergie earlier that morning on the Today show. Gulley said that no she hadn’t and wondered to herself if Fergie was promoting a new book about Weight Watchers or being the Duchess of York, when she realized that the Fergie that Steph was talking about was Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. In her defense it is NOT easy to stay current and trendy when you’re a mama. It takes some work, especially when you spend most of your time in the car listening to Veggie Tales and the like.

Anyway, Steph was calling to talk about Fergie’s song called London Bridge. Her question was what exactly does one mean when they say “my London Bridge is falling down”. Is it dirty or could someone say something like “I can’t wear skinny jeans because my London Bridge is quickly succumbing to gravitational forces beyond my control?” Do any of y’all know the answer?

I downloaded the song on iTunes and after giving careful consideration to the lyrics I can safely say I have no idea what Fergie is talking about so I’m going to refrain from discussing my London Bridge in public and I’d advise y’all to do the same.

All this talk about musical lyrics made me think about songs that I have loved and songs that I have completely misunderstood. When I was in Junior High, my dad would take me to his friend’s music store and I could pick out any cassette tape that I wanted. My musical tastes ranged from Def Leppard’s Pyromania to Mac Davis’ Oh Lord it’s Hard to be Humble to Kenny Rogers’ The Gambler. I wish I were kidding, especially about Mac Davis.

I remember singing Lucille at the top of my lungs. “You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille, 400 children and a crop in the field” and even in my 9 year old reasoning thinking well no wonder she left, my goodness 400 children. I’d leave too if someone made me have 400 children and harvest crops in the field. Have some decency.

Another misunderstood favorite of mine was Billy Joel singing It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me. Remember the line, “how about a pair of pink sidewinders and a bright orange pair of pants”? Yes, a BRIGHT orange pair of pants makes much more sense than a FRIED orange pair of pants. I won’t embarrass myself by telling you how long I sang it my way. It NEVER even occurred to me to wonder what exactly a fried orange pair of pants would look like.

I also spent many years in college singing along to Garth Brooks’ Friends in Low Places except instead of singing “I’m not big on social graces, think I’ll slip on down to the Oasis…”, I was singing (and not quietly may I add), “I’m not big on sausage gravy, think I’ll slip on down to the Oasis…” I can’t really explain what I thought gravy preferences had to do with going to the Oasis. I wish I could.

So how about y’all? Any song lyrics that took you years to figure out? I am willing to bet it’s not just me and if it is, make something up.

I finally got my September/October issue of Paula’s Home Cooking in the mail today. I’m not sure why Paula wasn’t on her A game and I’m just now receiving it, but I’m just glad it’s here because it is chock full of all kinds of things I’m going to cook in the next few weeks. She even has a recipe for popcorn balls which I’m just thrilled about because some of my favorite Halloween memories include eating the popcorn balls that my Nanny used to make. I guarantee Caroline and I will be making some in the next month.

Something on the cover of Paula’s magazine got me tickled. Here I’ll show you.

Do y’all see on the cover where it says “Bobby’s Hip New Home”? It just cracked me up. Can’t y’all hear her saying, “Bobby has just moved into a new home y’all, and it is SO HIP.” She might even describe it to some of her friends as chic (which I bet she would pronounce chick).

It made me laugh because it falls under things a Mama might say in all innocence while completely mortifying her child. I still laugh about a friend of mine who was moving into her dorm and her mom said something was AWESOME. She immediately snapped “Mom you do NOT say awesome.”

My mama has kept a note for years that my younger sister wrote when she was in junior high and Mom was supposed to pick her up from the movies. It said, and I quote “Mom, pick us up at 9:00. DON’T SAY ANYTHING. You can ask how the movie was but DON’T SAY ANYTHING else.” Looking back I can’t believe my mom didn’t tell her to call a cab. I’m not blaming my sister because I am fully aware that I was just as bad, if not worse. I just didn’t leave a paper trail of evidence to prove it.

I realize that my day is coming and in fact may already be here. Caroline is quick to tell me “Mama, you stop singing” or “Mama, don’t dance like that”. Apparently I can already be a huge embarrassment to the three year old set. It kind of makes me cringe when I think how bad it will be 10 years from now when we’re both at the height of crucial hormonal shifts.

I guess it’s too much to hope that she’ll always think I’m hip and chic.

I am a little late with my list for the Fall book challenge hosted by Katrina at Callipidder Days. As some of y’all who read Big Mama on a regular basis know, I have had technical difficulties this week. I’ve also struggled with my list because I’m not necessarily a planner (and by not necessarily, I mean not at all).

I read constantly, but usually what I read is determined by what looks good at Borders on any given day. Also, if someone recommends a book they just love, I tend to drop everything else and pick up that book. Except for when Gulley recommended The Secret Life of Bees and I told her I had no desire to read it. A year later I am halfway through it and I love it. I was telling Gulley what a great book it was and she said “Yeah, I know. I told you that a year ago.” My only defense is that I had an 18 month old at the time and was quickly losing my grasp on my sanity. So with those disclaimers, here are the books I intend to read this fall in no particular order. Y’all will notice I lean heavily on the side of fiction.

1. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

2. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (recommended by Toni, who I think is a great writer and also loves some of my other favorite books)

3. Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (mentioned by both Toni and Barb)

4. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

5. The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian (I’ve read parts of this, but it’s a work in progress as are my parenting skills)

6. Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner

7. Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin

8. Something by Francine Rivers since I loved Redeeming Love. Any thoughts?

9. I’m leaving the 9 spot open because I never know what I’m going to come across. If y’all have any suggestions, I’m always up for them.

Happy Fall!