Another day

Yesterday was one of those days where I just played a lot of catch up and tried to answer a bunch of email and give myself the illusion of being productive. But all I could really think about was that Parenthood was coming on later because it’s my new favorite show. I watched all three seasons this summer on Netflix in a shamefully short amount of time.

I’d tell you how long, but I feel like you might judge me.

I won’t go as far to say that I love it as much as Friday Night Lights because, well, that just isn’t possible. But it is a close second and I feel that the Braverman family has filled a void in my T.V. heart.

So I spent the morning on the internet doing various internet things and came across this headline.Men Caught Smuggling Monkeys in Their Pants. And to give you insight into my maturity level, my first thought was “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

The truth is that two men were actually trying to smuggle monkeys in their pants and got caught because have you ever observed a monkey? Is there any scenario in which you think you might be able to get away with having one in your pants?

Anyway, that’s not really the point of this post because there is no point to this post. But what I really wanted to tell y’all is that I went to a new beauty salon on Monday. And while I was there I had a consult with an eyebrow specialist. Raise your hand if you knew that existed.

Normally I just get my brows waxed every now and then at the little place where I get an occasional pedicure. And then I tweeze stray hairs every morning and night to keep them in line. I inherited my daddy’s eyebrows which means they could take over my entire face if left to themselves.

But the eyebrow specialist used a stencil to show me the brow shape I should ideally have. I don’t need to tell you that I was sad to discover that my ideal brow shape is not my current brow shape. I guess it stands to reason that when you’re paying $8 to get your brows waxed in the back room of a pedicure place located in a strip center that you may not be getting a proper brow evaluation.

Apparently I have been over-plucking my eyebrows. And now, according to the ideal brow shape stencil, I need to let them grow in at various locations including in between my eyes. Just the thought of it makes me start to twitch.

The eyebrow specialist told me that I need to throw away my magnifying mirror and tweezers for the indefinite future. Which is the equivalent of telling me to quit breathing air. Plucking my eyebrows is one of my hobbies. I guess I’m trying to make up for all those unfortunate years in high school when it looked like two caterpillars were dueling to the death on my forehead.

But I’m going to follow her advice because she admonished me with the warning that thin brows make you look older. And I certainly don’t want my brows giving away my age. That’s what my “laugh lines” are for.

So there’s no real point to this except to tell you that if I seem a little edgy over the next few weeks, it’s because I’m in the arduous process of growing out my eyebrows. Which is a phrase I never thought I’d say.

Right along with “Two men were caught smuggling monkeys in their pants”.

Y’all.

I really had every intention of writing a post because it was the best weekend and my heart is so full. But it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow since I’m exhausted and also have to drive to Kerrville tomorrow morning to speak to a group of women and they might, you know, want to hear more than about how tired I am.

Although I’m sure that would be a FASCINATING topic.

However, I do want to take this opportunity to tell you about a really cool thing that’s happening this Saturday. Beth Moore is doing a Living Proof Live Simulcast this Saturday, September 15th. And for the first time, Lifeway is offering women a chance to watch it from the comfort of their own home for only $20.

I really can’t express what a difference Beth’s Bible studies have made in my life. She has challenged me and encouraged me more than I can say. And the fact that she has a way of doing it with humor and grace makes it all the better. If you’ve ever heard her speak, then you know what I’m talking about.

And if you haven’t? Well this Saturday is a great opportunity.

Lifeway has given me two free individual simulcast registrations to give away today. All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post for a chance to win. I’ll pick the winners using a random drawing on Wednesday, September 12th.

For more information about the simulcast, you can click to the official Living Proof Live Simulcast page.

Is it already Wednesday? Because this is what happens to me after a holiday weekend. I’m disoriented and confused about my days and can barely remember what I did on Saturday because, well, it was four days ago.

On Friday afternoon Caroline went home from school with a friend and then I picked her up so we could meet Mimi and Bops for dinner. As we drove to dinner I informed her that she was not allowed to wake me up the next morning because I know how her little body works. Her internal alarm automatically resets itself for 7:00 a.m. no matter what, while my internal alarm doesn’t really comprehend 7:00 a.m. That’s an hour for farmers and chickens and kids who have to go to school. And none of those things apply to us on a Saturday morning.

And the chickens and farmers apply to us never.

So she let me sleep in while she watched one of the myriad of survival type shows available on Netflix. This is her new thing. She loves a survival type show. There is nothing that excites her more than someone who has to live for days off the leg of a dead antelope while dodging the most poisonous snakes in the world.

She and P were watching one of these shows together. I’m not sure what the name of it is but it’s a husband and wife who are both Bear Grylls wannabes. As they sat there watching this madness, Caroline said, “Dad! You and Mom should be on one of these shows!”

I heard P say, “Your mother has been known to leave a vacation early because the hotel didn’t have a ceiling fan and she was hot. She’s not really cut out for survival.”

And I really wanted to defend myself but I was so comfortable and felt like it was going to take a lot of effort to walk into the next room.

Anyway, on Sunday morning P took Caroline and Gulley’s boys to the ranch for a day of fishing.

Needless to say, they had to have chocolate donuts to fortify them for the long day and all the hard work that lay ahead.

After they left I posted that picture of them on Facebook. And then one of my friends, AJ, commented that the most important question was what were Gulley and I going to do all day since the kids were gone. Which was a valid question.

Gulley and I have this thing we say and I don’t even really know when it started. But whenever one of us is having a bad day or is tired or we just wish we had time to hang out together, we will say, “I wish we could just get in the bed and eat some fried chicken”.

Let me just clarify that neither of us has ever eaten fried chicken in bed. Because that seems kind of gross and unsanitary. I think it originally began as two separate concepts that might make a day better.

Eat fried chicken.

Get in bed.

See? They work better as separate entities. But in our own language we just combined it into one event. Apparently it was too difficult for us to add an “and then” into the equation.

And so we decided against answering AJ’s question in the comments on Facebook because do I really want someone I haven’t seen since high school thinking I’ve turned into someone who eats fried chicken in bed?

The answer is no. No I do not.

Anyway, Gulley did bring over Church’s chicken for lunch. But we ate it at the table. And then we sat on the couch and discussed an array of topics before finally landing on skincare. More specifically, the state of our skin after a summer of trying to use sunscreen and wearing large hats and not always succeeding.

Which is how we ended up at Sephora around 3:30 on Sunday afternoon. Normally I am diametrically opposed to going to the mall on the weekends. A stance, by the way, that was confirmed as soon as we walked through the entrance doors at Forever 21. I had no idea San Antonio has that many people, much less so many people who feel like booty shorts are a valid fashion option.

Our Sephora mission was two-fold. I needed new mascara. Gulley had read about Clinique’s new under-eye dark circle corrector. Oh, and we also wanted to try Dior Airflash foundation because a friend had said it was the best, most natural coverage ever.

But when we found the Airflash, we realized it was actually a spray on foundation. Which explains why it’s called Airflash. You have to shake it like spray paint and then spray it on your face. I’m sure it works beautifully, as well it should at $60, but there isn’t really a universe where I can imagine spraying my face with something every morning. It would only be a matter of time before it would get in my eyes and earn me a trip to the ER where I’d have to write “Makeup Application Tragedy” on my admission form.

However, I did decide to buy a tube of Dior Show Mascara. I’ve debated about it forever but finally took the plunge and I have to say that I love it so far. It’s a great consistency and has a big fluffy applicator brush that’s easy to use. I mean, it hasn’t made me look like Sophia Loren or anything but it’s not bad and definitely better than the L’Oreal Voluminous I’d been using.

And Gulley bought her Clinique under eye corrector. The guy who was ringing up her purchase was BESIDE HIMSELF with excitement over it. He told her it’s one of the best products he’s ever used and has already made a huge difference in his under eye circles even though he didn’t use it that morning because he was hung over and what was the point and he didn’t want to waste it.

I was standing there trying to take all that in when he handed me a small sample of it to try for myself because “ONCE YOU SEE HOW AMAZING YOUR FRIEND LOOKS YOU’LL HAVE TO HAVE IT”.

Which kind of made the whole trip to the mall worth it. It was so much better than eating fried chicken in the bed.

Then on Monday we debated going to the pool for one last hurrah. But Caroline said she was sick of the pool and didn’t want to go. So we got pedicures instead.

And that was officially the end of our summer.

I know you’ve all spent the weekend wondering how we spent our Labor Day weekend here, but I’m going to save that for tomorrow.

(Please tell me you can feel the sarcasm in the previous sentence.)

Today there are two books I want to tell you about because the authors are both near and dear to my heart. Not to mention that they are both incredible at what they do.

The first is Perfectly Unique: Praising God from Head to Foot by Annie Downs.

This one is so special to me because I first met Annie at a writing conference almost five years ago. And she had just quit her teaching job and was about to move to Nashville to pursue her dream of being a writer. Which made her the bravest person I know. Plus, she was in her twenties at the time and I have a special place in my heart for girls in their twenties trying to find their way.

Anyway, that conference didn’t really go that well for either of us. I mean, we had people who acted mildly interested in the books we were thinking about writing but no one handed us a contract or anything. In fact, one lady who shall remain nameless told me no one would really be interested in my “cute stories”.

Thank you. That was my heart you just crushed.

But Annie kept pursuing her dream and never gave up and I’ve felt like a proud big sister watching her sign a contract with Zondervan and get Perfectly Unique published.

It’s the perfect book to buy for a young pre-teen/teenage girl in your life who might be struggling to love herself and the way God made her. (And isn’t that all girls that age?) Annie has the unique gift of being vulnerable, funny and relatable all at the same time. You will love her.

The second book is Mended: Pieces of A Life Made Whole by Angie Smith. Angie is one of the most gifted writers I’ve ever read. Seriously. I read the things she writes and pretty much decide that I should never write again because I’ll never say it as great as she does. And she has the ability to make you laugh and cry and think. Sometimes all at the same time.

I love this description of the book. “Mended takes you on a journey to show how faith lived in the regular events of daily life is all that it takes to be a part of creating God’s picture of redemption in your life and those around you. Your life does make a difference—because of how He is magnified in the cracks.”

The stories in this book will change you. I know that to be true because God has used Angie’s words to show me so much about myself, good and bad. And in honor of Angie’s new book her publisher is going to give one of you the opportunity for a full day at the spa for you and a friend just for sharing your story. Click over and read Angie’s latest post for all the details.

(Make sure you read the whole post and not just about the contest because the post is amazing. I cried. And I laughed. But mainly I cried because I related so much.)

3. Okay, I didn’t know about this one until I checked twitter this morning, but now I think you need to know about it too.

Emily Freeman has a new book out that’s also for teenage girls. It’s called Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life.

It’s a book about the girl who is trying so hard to be perfect and do everything right that she’s missing the joy and freedom that Christ intends for us to have. And Emily has the gift of speaking teen girl. I plan to buy Emily’s book and Annie’s book and give them to Caroline to read in about a year.

So there you go. Three great ways to add to your book collection on a Tuesday.

Tomorrow I’ll be back with a report about mascara and other important news.

After y’alls comments yesterday I feel like I need to try about forty-two different kinds of mascara. I don’t know how I’ll ever decide. But I’ll keep you posted on what I end up with and if I love it and adore it and have people stop me on the street to ask about my eyelashes.

Here’s how our week is going. Please lower your expectations.

On Monday morning we jumped right out of bed. Then on Tuesday morning we still managed to have a little spring in our step and were even ready in time to walk to school.

Yesterday morning we slept until the alarm went off. And I was in such a stupor that I walked into the kitchen, poured Caroline a bowl of Cheerios and then threw the spoon in the trash.

So basically we’re only three days in and I’ve reached a low.

Oh. And I also realized after I’d dropped her off that I forgot to pack her water bottle.

This doesn’t really bode well for the rest of the year. Or maybe I’m just having to readjust to a real schedule where we actually have to be somewhere at a certain time.

I spent most of the day running errands and ended up at Michaels. Which led to me feel completely inadequate because I see all these cute crafty-type items and think that maybe this will be the year I make some fabulous wreath for the back door or stack some faux bales of hay by the back steps with a wagon full of pumpkins, but deep inside I know it’s all lies. LIES. Because I’m more of a pay someone to make something really cute for me kind of person than a make something cute kind of person.

And even though I can find a step-by-step tutorial on Pinterest on how to make my pumpkins look like mummies or witches or preppy argyle sweaters, I tend to just pin those things as if that will make them magically appear on my porch.

So I left Michaels pretty much empty-handed. And certainly not any closer to coming up with a fall centerpiece for my dining room table. Any suggestions are appreciated.

(This should be the point in the post where you realize I really have nothing to write about if I’m talking this much about Michaels)

After I picked Caroline up from school we ran by Academy because she needed new soccer cleats since her foot basically grew two sizes over the summer. That’s not even an exaggeration.

We spent the better part of my life in the shoe aisle at Academy looking at all the various cleats. Because it’s not just about which ones feel the best, it’s about which ones look the best. And I appreciate that. I really do.

But for the love of all that is good and pure, just make a decision.

She finally decided on the pink and black Adidas. Which is when we realized they didn’t have her size. And so she ended up with some gold and white Pumas that I assured her looked “fierce” and she informed me I pronounced “Puma” the wrong way.

Why do you want to correct your mother who’s buying you new soccer cleats?

And then we bought a new pair of running shorts because that is apparently going to be her standard attire again this year.

Then I came home and took two Advil.

And that was our day.

Well, the good news is my car is legal again. I took it back to the service station around noon yesterday and the whole thing only took about five minutes. Which made me feel a little stupid about putting it off for so long. And for about three seconds I felt inspired to do a few other things I’ve been procrastinating on, but that feeling pretty much passed as soon as I drove out of the parking lot.

There are a couple or six things I wanted to share with y’all.

1. I’m almost out of mascara. Which means I’m in the market for a great mascara that will perform eyelash miracles. Please let me know if you have any suggestions.

2. My wonderful and extremely patient agent, Bill Jensen, posted this link on his Facebook page. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to write a book this pretty much sums it up. I laughed until I cried.

3. Speaking of books, several of y’all (at least two) have asked about my book, Sparkly Green Earrings. It’s all finished. Cover art and everything. And it’s coming out the first week of February.

I’ll be here alternating between excitement and wanting to curl up in the fetal position if you need me.

4. If you haven’t watched this Feel Inside (And Stuff) video by Flight of The Conchords then your life isn’t as good as it could be.

5. I kind of fell off the fitness wagon this summer and have got to get back on. But I can’t run everyday because I hate running. And I can’t face doing The Shred because it makes me so dang angry. Not to mention that I can’t even get off the toilet seat for the first five days after I do it.

So I ordered Body by Bethenny. I’ll let you know how it goes. I hear those exercise DVDs can really work if you actually put them in your DVR an use them.

6. I wrote a post about football movies on Ree’s blog. You can read it here.

I’m slightly depressed about the whole thing now that the Aggies season opener has been rescheduled due to Hurricane Isaac but I guess that makes sense because, you know, it’s a hurricane. Stay safe if you’re on the Gulf Coast.

And that’s it for today. I know it’s brief but back to school is kind of kicking my rear end this week. I mean, did you not read the part about how I had to get my car inspected? It was exhausting.

Y’all have a great day.