Other

So the real world wasn’t so bad yesterday.

I mean, sure, I had to get up while it was still dark outside and pack a lunch and find a backpack that I threw in the laundry room on December 22, but other than that it was fine. Although we did have a moment when Caroline put on her hot pink skinny jeans and I realized she grew about two inches over the Christmas break.

They gave new meaning to the term “high waters”.

I asked her if she wanted to change but she said “NO WAY. I want everyone to see how much I grew over Christmas.” Sadly, I don’t feel the same way about my Christmas growth.

Anyway, we remedied the situation with a pair of boots that covered the too short jeans because fashion faux pas are the mother of invention.

She went off to school and I enjoyed the complete silence of the house for about twenty minutes before I headed up to Starbucks to try and get some writing done. I hadn’t seen my Starbucks buddy for weeks and he immediately remembered he owed me a cup of coffee since Johnny Manziel won the Heisman. We discussed our Christmases and he informed me that Johnny Manziel will probably never get a speeding ticket in Texas. Which is an incredibly random thought and that’s saying something coming from me.

We also discussed Jenna Bush Hager’s pregnancy. Although we hadn’t officially bet on it happening, it had been a topic of discussion.

And then I left Starbucks to go get my eyebrows done. I have to tell you that the eyebrow gel is actually unbelievably effective. I mean, effective to the point that I might need to quit using it so often for fear of looking like the late Larry Hagman.

After that, I went to HEB to buy some groceries and now you just fell asleep because who cares?

I also feel that I should mention I resisted the urge all day long to ask people, “Did you do something jolly with your hair?” If you watched Downton Abbey this makes complete sense. If not, you have no idea what I’m talking about and that makes me sad.

And then we watched the National Championship Game. I’m using the word “game” loosely because it was beyond ugly. Good night. The college playoff system can’t get here fast enough. And the worst part of the game being boring was listening to Musberger talk about how attractive A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend is and no one wants to hear that. Simmer down, grandpa.

So the bad news is I haven’t watched The Bachelor yet. But it’s good to have goals and that gives me something to shoot for later today.

And that’s really all I have to say today. I realize it’s very boring and I apologize for that.

But, I say, did you do something jolly with your hair?

Well, the tree is down.

And all the Christmas decorations are neatly arranged and/or shoved into plastic bins in the attic that aren’t labeled because otherwise how would P and I have our annual “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T FIND THE NATIVITY?” argument.

(True story. We have a nativity set somewhere in our attic that we haven’t been able to find for the last five years. And then this year we couldn’t find another one that we’ve had since we got married.)

(I don’t know that there’s much worse than not being able to find Jesus at Christmas time.)

And because you know I have to bring it up, the Aggies played an incredible bowl game. I was a little concerned after the first half but I don’t know why I work myself up because Johnny Manziel knows how to tiptoe down the sideline into the end zone for a touchdown. He is amazing.

Also, I’m pretty sure Bob Stoops stole the sweatshirt he was wearing out of his wife’s closet.

Anyway, it has been a lovely break. Did you notice I said “lovely”? That’s because I’m getting ready to watch the premiere of Season 3 of Downton Abbey and feel like I need to be ready. I may even make myself a spot of tea.

The break was nice. I read all three Hunger Games books in a record amount of time which will make me feel better once real life starts tomorrow and I fail to read another book until sometime around April. But it’s time to get back to real life.

We made ourselves get up for church on Sunday just to try to get back in some sort of routine. Caroline and I had completely adopted my preferred schedule and spent almost every night reading or watching movies until well after midnight and then sleeping until ten. And then staying in our pajamas until two.

Which is glorious for a while, but at some point you begin to realize that productivity is at an all-time low. And maybe you’re out of food. And toilet paper.

It was nice while it lasted. (The break. Not the toilet paper. Although it was fine too as far as toilet paper goes.) After a busy fall I felt like we needed the downtime to just relax and do nothing. And now we’ll be ready to face the real world again.

A week ago this past Saturday, I noticed that our dog Bruiser’s ear was swollen. This isn’t anything new because he had the same problem with his other ear about a year ago. It’s called an aural hematoma. Which is just a fancy name for a bruise.

So I knew that we needed to get him to the vet to see about getting it drained because that’s what we did last time. Apparently, draining the ear is supposed to help them not get a cauliflower ear even though that didn’t work for Bruiser and his right ear is now, in fact, a little misshapen.

But this was his left ear. The problem was it was the Saturday before New Year’s and I knew our vet wouldn’t be in until mid-week. And so I conferred with P who was at the ranch and we decided I should take Bruiser into the Emergency Pet Clinic.

I dropped Caroline off at Gulley’s house so she wouldn’t have to wait at the clinic with me and then hauled a very excited Bruiser to the doctor. He weighs about seventy pounds but is freakishly strong. I totally do the Phoebe Buffay run when I have him on a leash. Attractive.

When we walked through the door of the pet clinic, I noticed a couple holding a chihuahua in a festive holiday sweater. According to them, he was having a panic attack. My first thought was how can you tell if a chihuahua is having a panic attack?

My second thought was that his turtleneck sweater probably wasn’t helping the problem.

But who am I to judge? The holidays can cause the best of us to feel a little anxious.

(On a similar note, Gulley’s cousins once had a chihuahua named Frito. They named him Frito because their dad drove the Frito-Lay truck. He once hooked us up with more chips than you can even imagine when we were in college. Anyway, Gulley always tells me that they swore Frito took on one of the cousin’s asthma and she was cured. This story never fails to make me laugh until I cry.)

(For the record, this is apparently a fairly widespread theory because I found it on the google and everyone knows everything on the internet is true.)

(So maybe that chihuahua wasn’t having a panic attack so much as he’d taken on someone’s asthma.)

After what seemed like forever, they finally called Bruiser back. And the on-call doctor said they could do a surgical procedure where they drain the ear and then put buttons in it so it will look good. It’s basically a cosmetic procedure. Umm. Yes. This is a ten-year-old ranch dog who already has an ear that would make Evander Holyfield cry. He doesn’t need plastic surgery.

Option B was to just drain it and give him a cone of shame.

We have a winner.

As I was paying the bill for the painkillers and the cone of shame, an older lady walked in carrying a large flat box that was covered with plastic and some kind of sheet. She looked at the receptionist and said, “I brought kiwi for you today”.

I assumed she was just going door-to-door in the shopping center selling fruit. This may seem odd if you don’t live in San Antonio, but it’s fairly normal here. Tamales, fruit, whatever. And so I was just trying to control Bruiser while I waited for my receipt and discharge orders to print out.

In the meantime, the receptionist began to ask the older lady some questions. I figured she wanted to know more about the fruit. But then I heard her say, “Did he have short hair or long hair?”

And like watching a train wreck, I watch this woman pick up her box, place it on the counter right by me, and pull back the covering to reveal her dead cat. A dead cat who was apparently named Kiwi.

May he rest in peace.

She examined the cat for a few moments while I debated taking a few of Bruiser’s painkillers to dull the shock and then said, “I guess he had short hair”.

Yes. I guess so.

I also learned that Kiwi was thirty-eight years old. I’m going to assume she was counting in cat years.

It turns out that the Emergency Pet Clinic also doubles as a pet mortuary. Which you have to admit is a fairly brilliant business plan.

As for Bruiser, he should feel lucky he got out of there with just the cone of shame.

Technically I still feel like I’m on vacation because school doesn’t start again until Monday. And so we’ve been staying up way too late and sleeping in until glorious hours of the morning. My Christmas tree is still up and I don’t even feel bad about it. As it turns out, waiting until a week before Christmas to get your tree is not a bad thing. It was 50% off, we only had three on the lot to choose from which eliminated a lot of my OCD tendencies, and it still looks great on January 3.

I may hang hearts on it and call it a Valentine’s tree.

Or I will take it down this weekend.

Whatever.

Anyway, I decided I better at least quit reading Mockingjay long enough to recap our Christmas because otherwise I won’t remember what’s real and I’ll end up telling you about that time I was thrown in an arena and made to fight to the death and, ultimately, became a symbol for an entire nation.

So we spent the weekend before Christmas making cinnamon rolls and toffee and pecan pie and anything else that involves obscene amounts of butter. And then it was Christmas Eve.

P and Caroline went out to deliver cinnamon rolls to various friends while I stayed home and finished making our breakfast casserole for the next morning. And before we knew it the day had gone by and it was time to get ready to go to Christmas Eve service at our church.

I decided to wear this chevron dress since it wasn’t cold enough to wear the jacket I wanted to wear but what are you going to do? This is Christmas in South Texas. Which is still better than Christmas in Australia because I don’t care how many kangaroos you might see, it can’t make up for it being summer at Christmas time.

Anyway, I don’t tell you about the chevron dress for fashion reasons or even just to fill in mindless details like I am wont to do. I tell you because it will become important in a minute.

We arrived at church a few minutes early which is the only time all year that ever happens. Normally, we are those annoying people who show up sometime between the greeting and the announcements, but still walk up to the front because we like to sit up close. And so we said hello to some friends, made some small talk and made our way to our seats.

The service opened with a song and we were invited to stand. And then we sat down. That’s when I felt it. Or maybe I heard it. I can’t really remember. I just knew that I was almost certain I’d felt my dress rip open down the back. This was problematic for a couple of reasons:

1. No one wants to see anyone’s rear end hanging out on Christmas Eve.

Or really ever.

2. There was still an hour of church left and I knew I’d have to stand again.

Probably several times.

So I tried my best to assess (no pun intended) the situation discreetly. And clearly I failed because P looked over at me and whispered, “What are you doing?” I whispered back, “My dress ripped”. And he started to laugh. Because he is very kind and sensitive.

When the next song began and we were asked to stand, I turned to the side so P could let me know if it was obvious that my dress was ripped up the back. Judging from how quickly he began to figure out a Plan B that would allow me to exit the church through a side door, I assumed (no pun intended again) that the answer was yes.

Fortunately, I’d made Caroline bring a little cardigan in case the church was cold and so I tied her cardigan around my waist. Which was, I’m sure, a lovely fashion statement. But it got me out the door and into the car after church without completely shaming the family. And I was glad we stayed until the end of the service because our worship team closed it by singing Feliz Navidad.

God bless Texas.

We were supposed to go to Mimi and Bops’s house right after church, but we made a quick stop by the house to take pictures in front of the Christmas tree and then for me to change clothes because OBVIOUSLY.

For the record, that’s not my underwear because otherwise you’d never see that picture. The inner lining was intact. The outer layer didn’t fare as well.

When we got to Mimi and Bops’s house, we ate tamales and chips and guacamole. And I admired my nephew Luke in his tie. Because he’s three and wears a tie. What’s not to love?

Then the kids opened their presents. While we were in New York, Caroline and Sarah both fell in love with the Fantasma Magic Set that was being demonstrated at FAO Schwarz and so Mimi and Bops bought them each one for Christmas.

However, they quickly learned that it was not, in fact, so easy that even a child can do it. But there is a handy DVD tutorial that came with the magic set. The problem is that all the tricks require actual practice and you don’t immediately possess the ability to pull a rabbit out of a hat. All I know is I’ve had a red sponge ball pulled from behind my ear more times than I care to remember over the last week.

We finally made our way home, got Caroline wound down enough to go to bed after she’d put out food for the reindeer and cookies for Santa.

Lo and behold, Santa showed up.

This is Caroline saying, “OH THE HUMANITY” while we made her wait to go see what he brought.

Santa brought a Kindle and perhaps best of all, a remote control helicopter that is surprisedly robust considering it was made by elves. It must have crashed into our Christmas tree at least forty-six times on Christmas morning and kept going.

We spent the morning playing with new stuff and eating breakfast with Mimi and Bops. Then it was time to go to P’s mom’s house for lunch. More presents. Turkey and dressing. Chocolate pudding. And Caroline doing her imitation of Sydney Bristow.

Even though she doesn’t know who Sydney Bristow is yet.

But she will. Because that’s important.

Even more important than Katniss Everdeen.

I hope y’all had a great Christmas. I’ll be back to posting every day on Monday.

Y’all.

I had every intention of waiting until 2013 to put up a post. But then it seemed wrong to not send off 2012 in some sort of rambling nonsensical style.

I’ve enjoyed the last week. I’ve read books. I’ve watched movies. I’ve enjoyed my people. I’ve eaten my share of sugar cookies. And probably yours, too.

It’s been divine.

And the perfect way to end the year.

Later on in the week I’ll tell you all about Christmas and what we did and about my total obsession with The Hunger Games.

But right now I just wanted to list a few goals I have for 2013. That way I can look back on them next year at this time and feel like a failure. Or maybe not. I guess we’ll see.

And can we discuss that it’s going to be 2013? The other day I was in the car with Caroline and “1999” by Prince came on the radio. She said, “Mom. This sounds like an 80s song.”

“Yes. It is.” (It also sounds like pure awesome. Thank you very much.)

I explained that Prince was going to party like it was 1999 because it was going to be the end of a century and we’d probably all be flying around like the Jetsons by then.

“Who are the Jetsons?”

Kids have no sense of history.

Anyway, it is weird to think that I used to listen to “1999” and couldn’t imagine it because I’d be like twenty-eight by then and probably using a walker and wearing dentures. Which would be offset by the awesomeness of having my own robot.

And now, here it is 2013. I have no robot. I also don’t have a walker or dentures. Yet.

I don’t know what my point is except I guess that time goes by fast. So I’m going to party like it’s 2013. And try not to think about the fact that Prince is probably collecting Social Security checks by now.

So here are my goals because FOR THE LOVE get to the point.

1. I need to eat healthier.

This was also a goal for last year. And I did awesome until about April. Which is when I was gloriously reunited with baked potatoes and pasta.

And Peaches ‘N Herb were right. It felt so good.

But I’m going to detox a little after all the Christmas holiday indulgence. Man cannot live by toffee alone.

Which is really too bad.

2. Love.

This is my word for 2013. I want to love those around me better. Take time to focus on all the blessings God has put in my life. And to also remember that God loves me no matter what. I don’t have to earn it.

It seems like 2012 was a year where I was continually reminded that life is short and you never know how much time you have left. I want to be present in every moment.

3. Exercise.

Blech.

But I’m 41. And if Cher can’t turn back time, then neither can I.

And that’s it.

See what I did there? When you only have three goals it makes them a lot easier to achieve.

I wish you all the happiest of New Year’s. May 2013 be filled with blessing upon blessing.

Well.

All I can say is it used to be a lot easier to get a good picture by the Christmas tree.

We wish you a Merry Christmas! May it be full of fun and family and laughter.

See you in 2013!

Well.

It’s just days before Christmas. And I still haven’t baked sugar cookies or made toffee or cinnamon rolls or any of those things I normally do. So this is probably going to be brief because I’ve also in charge of a 4th grade Christmas party later today.

What I’m trying to say is I’m going to put up links but no pictures. I’m keeping it simple. Which is really going to pay off in case the world ends at some point today.

But there are still good fashion items to be found.

1. marbleized berry cardigan

Love the color.

2. mia calvary boots

Piperlime has a bunch of boots on sale right now, including these Mia boots that I’ve loved all year. They’re only $54.99.

3. evening frost structured coat

I love a white coat. It’s so crisp. Until someone touches you after eating Cheetos.

4. NY sweater scarf

Great pop of color for an outfit. I’m picturing a navy striped shirt.

5. eversoft wide-stripe skinny cardigan

I’m a fan of a striped cardigan.

6. striped tab-sleeve tops

I think this is cute. Perfect to throw on with jeans.

7. wimberly quilted bangle bracelet

I would like one of these in every color. I have the blue and the black and wear them all the time.

8. monday morning top

This is another great top to throw on with jeans.

9. pocketed raglan tee

See? This tee would look cute with the orange scarf above.

10. kendra scott evan earrings

I love Kendra Scott jewelry so much. And I really like these gold earrings. Also, if you sign up to receive their email you get 15% off your first purchase.

And that’s it for today.

See you Monday.

Unless the Mayans were right.

Y’all have a good Friday.