Other

Well.

Guess who has two thumbs, is all talk, and ended up at the zoo yesterday?

This girl.

Ever since Gulley and I first planned Aunt Camp I declared vehemently that I would do anything…slide down the slide at the pool, go to the new children’s museum, visit Kiddie Park, ride the train, play at the park…anything except go to the zoo.

Why? Because I am not fond of the zoo.

I don’t need your judgement. Some people don’t like pizza. Others don’t care for the circus. My personal kryptonite is the zoo. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I made PLENTY of zoo trips when Caroline was little but I calculated today and I think my last trip to the zoo was when I was a chaperone for her field trip when she was in second grade. I had blocked that trip out because I was in charge of eight second graders who were supposed to fill out a detailed report about everything we saw and what they ate and where they lived. Which is all fine and good except I’d have been more successful letting the monkeys out of their cages and asking them to compile that information rather than a group of seven year olds who were giddy from a day outside the classroom and all hyped up on bus fumes and the smell of parental fear.

The day began innocently enough. I dropped Caroline off at soccer camp and then had an appointment. After it was over I ran by the grocery store and then to Gulley’s house to provide reinforcements since Linc woke them up at 5:45 a.m. bright eyed and ready to start a new day. I brought some Ninja Turtle gummy snacks and a couple of new books and we hung out until it was time to pick up Jackson and Caroline from their respective camps.

Our plan was to pick up Chick-Fil-A and go have a picnic in the park by the zoo train before riding the train, but it began to pour down rain so we opted to eat at EZ’s and then make our way to the train. Here’s what we didn’t count on. As we drove into the parking lot for the train, Lincoln began to see all the signs with animals on them and excitedly exclaimed, “IS THIS THE ZOO? I LOVE ANIMALS! I LOVE THE ZOO!” And since I am not, in fact, dead inside, what option did I have but to acquiesce that maybe we should visit the zoo after riding the train? Maybe Gulley and I are more like grandmas than aunts because his excitement caused us to forget all our plans to avoid the zoo.

We boarded the train which we hoped was better than Linc’s last train experience. He told us he’d ridden Thomas the Train and it was just okay because he didn’t make any of the stops he said he was going to make although apparently he did play “appropriate music” according to Lincoln. I’m not sure what constitutes “appropriate music” on a train but I’m guessing no Iggy Azalea was involved.

Of course the zoo train isn’t as slick as Thomas and there’s no music, appropriate or inappropriate, but we did tell him there was a tunnel where you have to be loud to scare away the bears and we might even see a wild cat or two. Which, the train ride did not disappoint because we did see a wild cat while on the train.

Sadly, this bit of wildlife didn’t get us off the hook for the zoo.

So we got off the train and made our way to the zoo entrance. The kids unanimously decided they wanted to visit the snake house first which, if the zoo is my kryptonite then the snake house is my Lex Luthor. And Gulley remarked that it’s sad our kids can read now since there was a time when they were little that we took them to the zoo and I told them that the sign on the door of the snake house said, “CLOSED” even though that was a lie. But you know what? You want to visit the snake house? LEARN TO READ.

We made our way through the vipers and the rattlesnakes and the iguanas and I tried not to think about my belief that they could totally break that glass if they wanted out badly enough. And, thankfully, that portion was over fast enough and we moved on to more pleasant things like the hippo habitat.

And we saw an elephant getting what appeared to be a pedicure.

Plus, some zebras who were trying to get some shelter from the rain because, OH YES, it started to pour down rain.

Then Linc declared he was so hungry he couldn’t walk, so we stopped for a nutritious snack.

Have you ever tried sour apple flavored cotton candy? Here’s a tip. DON’T.

But he loved it and eventually his entire mouth and both hands were entirely green. I dug some handi-wipes out of my purse that I’d grabbed at Chick-Fil-A the day before and handed him one and he asked, “Hey! Are these wipes from Chick-Fil-A?” Which cracked me up because that’s a boy who has been wiped down a time or two with some antiseptic wipes.

Then just when we all decided we could zoo no more, we saw the carousel and sometimes you just have to ride a gorilla to complete your experience.

I’m glad to report the carousel played “appropriate music”.

After we left the zoo which had turned into a sauna, thanks to the rain and the ensuing sun, and I brought Linc back to my house where he enjoyed a long bubble bath before curling up with Nothing to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I was honestly glad we’d ended up there. It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon.

Except for maybe the snake house.

Yesterday morning I dropped Caroline off at soccer camp and then picked up Gulley so we could meet Jen halfway between Dallas and San Antonio to pick up her little boy, Lincoln.

Actually, I stopped at Starbucks in between dropping Caroline off and picking up Gulley because CAFFEINE. I also feel the need to let you know this particular Starbucks was experiencing an air-conditioning outage which just seems so wrong for a coffee shop. I nearly ordered an iced coffee until I remembered I don’t like cold coffee.

But then I picked up Gulley and we had no shortage of things to discuss as we made our way to the Chick-Fil-A we’d designated as the official meeting point. We made it there before Jen and Linc arrived and decided we might as well eat some nuggets while we waited.

Once they got there, Linc wasn’t interested in waiting in line for some nuggets because he was just ready to get to “AUNT CAMP”. And so we loaded his little bag into my car, strapped him in his car seat and headed back to San Antonio. We felt we got off to a shaky start when he announced he was going to refer to us as “Aunt Stinky” but he ultimately opted for Aunt Gulley and Aunt Mel, thankfully. Although I did spend an entire summer after college being called “Miss Smelly” while I taught swim lessons to toddlers who couldn’t quite manage “Miss Melanie” so this is apparently a theme in my life.

Also, Gulley and I discovered on the trip back to San Antonio the wonder that is streaming episodes of Paw Patrol on an iPhone which is a technological marvel we didn’t have access to when our kids were four. Or maybe it existed and we just still had flip phones because we are late adopters of new technology.

Eventually, we made it to Gulley’s house where Linc was beside himself to see Will’s “dragon” because Will does, in fact, still have Hank the bearded dragon. But Linc was in such complete disbelief that he was about to be able to pet an actual dragon that we began to worry we’d oversold what is essentially a large lizard that neither flies nor breathes fire. However, he seemed to be duly impressed by Hank which just goes to show that you never know what will be a crowd pleaser.

I picked up Caroline from Bops and Mimi’s house and then we met Gulley, her boys and Linc at the pool where we remembered what it means to actually have to catch someone off the diving board and put on floaties and go from the baby pool to the diving pool to the big pool and help someone back down the steps of the slide because they change their mind within the course of a three minute time span.

God go with you, mamas of toddlers.

And I died laughing as Gulley and I ventured into the baby pool with him in what was our first baby pool expedition in several years and Gulley glanced around at all the young mamas sitting and watching their littles splash and announced, “We aren’t the grandmas, we’re the aunts.” Because those mamas around the baby pool look younger and younger every year.

I also can’t underestimate how much it helps to have three built-in babysitters who were all fighting to take care of him.

One of the best things about being with the child of one of your dearest friends is seeing how you may be able to fight city hall, but you can’t fight DNA. This is Linc as he gave us all loud commands through the megaphone on the playscape at the pool.

I have no idea what he was actually yelling but he felt very passionate about it and that’s really all that matters.

But my favorite moment was when we decided it was easiest to feed Linc dinner at the pool and he told us he wanted chicken fingers. Jackson chose to get a hamburger even though that wasn’t technically his dinner but rather a snack because he’s thirteen and grows an inch taller every minute. The boys sat side by side eating their food but Lincoln kept reaching over and helping himself to Jackson’s potato chips. Gulley leaned over to me and said, “That apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Because Jen is famous for ordering what she thinks is the best, healthiest choice (steamed veggies with a side of rice) and then eating off the plate of the person next to her who ordered what is clearly the more delicious choice (cheese enchiladas). It made us so happy to see this character trait has proven to be dominant.

We finally decided it was time to head home because Linc was clearly about to cross the threshold into overtired or as we call it “sadder than a pickle that’s been eaten” which is an actual thing Caroline told us when she was four and devastated to leave the pool one day. Gulley got him packed up and they headed to her house where he’s spending the night because we figured he’d want to sleep in the room with her boys. And, sure enough, he declared that he was so happy to be sleeping with “his friends” although he was very concerned about where Caroline and I sleep. Most importantly, he declared that his stuffed dog named “Nothing” loves Aunt Camp and so we’re declaring day one to be a complete success.

Not to mention that Gulley had him bathed and in bed by 7:30 and just sent me this pic which shows he has clearly managed to make himself right at home.

Rumor has it that tomorrow we’re hitting the train at the zoo. And praying for no rain. And I’m personally praying we don’t have to actually go in the zoo because venturing back into the baby pool is one thing, but having to smell the rhinos is a whole different animal.

Literally.

Listen.

I have fallen into summer and I can’t get up. It’s like we spent last week unwinding from all the activity of the school year and realized how tired we’ve actually been.

So we spent a lot of time watching movies and reading books and playing games and just generally not doing much of anything. Although this week is going to be a little busier because Caroline has a soccer camp every morning this week and Gulley and I are meeting Jen on Monday to pick up her little boy, Lincoln, for the first official Aunt Mel & Gulley Camp.

But, in the meantime, I have a question. What are your book suggestions for kids ages 12 and up? My goal is that we don’t let our brain completely atrophy over the summer and it would help if Caroline had some books to read that she was excited about.

Here’s some of what she’s read (This is not a comprehensive list, but just highlights of things I know will get mentioned and things that I recommend if your pre-teen/teenager hasn’t read them.) S

The entire Harry Potter series
The entire Chronicles of Narnia
The entire Percy Jackson series
Anne of Green Gables
Lemony Snicket series
All of the Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Petersen

I’d love to hear any suggestions you might have in the comments. And my goal is to compile this list and the list of grown up suggestions from a few weeks ago into actual posts that we can all reference when we need a good book suggestion for ourselves or our kids.

Have a great Monday.

On Monday, Caroline and I went to the Sears Auto Center because I had to buy a new battery for my car. This is one of those purchases that falls right above washing machine repair and right below fixing the roof. In other words, smack dab in the middle of the list entitled “Why Adulthood Is Often Not Fun”.

But instead of waiting at Sears for the car to be ready, we walked across the street to the mall like we were very urban, big city type people. Our first stop was at the Food Court because we hadn’t eaten lunch yet and then we made our way to the Apple Store because Caroline has been saving up for an iPad forever and was finally ready to make her big purchase. After we left the Apple store we just wandered the mall aimlessly because the car wasn’t ready yet and ended up in a dressing room because I saw what I believed to be a cotton, tie-dye maxi dress in the window and thought it would be a great addition to my summer wardrobe.

However, I was unprepared for this turn of events.

It was a jumpsuit. M.C. Hammer style.

Well.

That was not something I was emotionally prepared to handle.

Not only did I have to see myself in a jumpsuit, I was denied the tie-dyed maxi dress I envisioned.

The good news is I did manage to find several things this week that are neither a harem-style jumpsuit nor traumatizing.

1. gillie duster vest

This is one of those things at Anthropologie that I would never have paid full price for, but I really like now that it’s on sale for $39.95. Just a great layer for the summer to add to an outfit without being insufferably hot.

2. star struck cover up

I’ve been on the search for a cute coverup – hence the tie-dye jumpsuit disaster – and I really like this one.

3. best backyard award dress

I love this because it’s patriotic without being over the top.

4. streets of peru embroidered dress

We aren’t there yet, but there will come a day this summer when it is so hot that I will wish for clothes that barely touch my body. This dress is that kind of thing. Plus, I really like the way it looks.

5. noonday collection botanical bag

Noonday Collection is having a huge sale on some things right now so I suggest you go look immediately. My personal favorite is this darling bag with a detachable strap that was originally $78 and is now $19.50.

6. palm print racerback dress

Apparently this isn’t in the Gap stores yet which explains why I’d never seen it until about ten minutes ago. I love the print and the colors. And it’s 30% off with code WARM at checkout or 40% off if you have a Gap Card with code SUNSHINE.

7. summer eyelet dress

This is really pretty and also comes in black.

8. loft summer softened shirt

Love this easy button down style shirt. Plus it’s on sale for $35 and also comes in cobalt and emerald. You could even throw this on over your swimsuit with a pair of shorts.

9. old navy crinkle gauze skirt

Old Navy has some really cute skirts right now, including this one. And everything is 25% off with code SPREE at checkout.

10. ainsley knot thong sandal

Love these sandals and they’re only $19.99. They also come in cognac or black. Simple and clean.

11. mossimo crochet cover up dress

And I had to add this because I just saw it. I’m not really a fan of it in this green color, but I love the white or black option.

That’s it for today.

Have a good Friday.

This is going to be brief because I am watching the Aggies play TCU and we’re going into the bottom of the 15th inning. For those of you unfamiliar with the game of American baseball, a typical baseball game is only nine innings. This is what I signed on for tonight, but here I am five hours and six more innings later.

I was going to wait to post this until I knew how it ended but now I’m not sure it will ever actually end and whenever it does I don’t believe I’ll have the strength to write any words. However, I’m hoping by the time most of you read this we’ll know what happened. Either that or please come peel me off my couch where I will be in a stone cold stupor caused by adrenaline and anxiety.

So here’s something really quick because I need to get back to texting furiously about this game and wringing my hands.

Yesterday was National Best Friend’s Day and I had no idea. But it seems like something you should know if you’ve written a book about friendship. Personally, I celebrated it by getting a new battery in my car, going to the mall with Caroline and then stopping by Gulley’s to visit and drink a Diet Coke while the kids watched some terrible movie called Ping Pong Playa. Maybe you remember it from the Academy Awards this year. All I know is it caused me to lose at least twenty precious I.Q. points in the few minutes I watched.

Anyway, I made this offer a couple of weeks ago to anyone who subscribes to my email newsletter, but I am going to offer it to any of you who may be interested in light of yesterday being National Best Friend’s Day and me totally missing out on the whole celebration.

My publisher has designed the cutest book plates (a fancy name for a sticker) that I can personalize and sign and mail out to any of you who might want to give a copy of Nobody’s Cuter Than You as bridesmaid gifts or graduation gifts or to a group of your girlfriends. The only requirement is that you have to buy five or more copies, then just email proof of purchase (a receipt or invoice from anywhere books are sold!) to [email protected] along with your mailing address and any special personalization you’d like and I’ll get five or fifty-five (or however many books you buy) signed bookplates in the mail to you. This offer is good until I run out, but I can’t guarantee when that will or won’t be.

Have a great Tuesday!