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I am proud to announce that we are the owners of a real live Christmas tree that is going to spend the rest of its short-lived days bedecked in lights in the comfort of our living room. We went to pick it out Tuesday afternoon about 5:00 p.m. and I believe it’s the fastest we’ve ever all agreed on a tree. I mentioned this to P as we climbed in his truck with the tree in the back and he said, “If we don’t have this whole process figured out after seventeen years of marriage then there’s no hope.” It’s a valid point.

He carried it into the house and we began the process of getting it secured in the stand. But we had an issue. It was too tall for our living room and the top of it scraped across our ceiling. P looked at me and asked, “Don’t we have nine foot ceilings?”

“Yes! And the tree should fit! It was in the 8-9 foot category!”

He looked at me blankly and replied, “Well either they measured wrong or our ceiling aren’t nine feet.”

And then he may have mumbled something along the lines of “you and your obsession with a tall tree” as he walked out to the backyard to get his hedge clippers to lop off the excess height. He climbed on a stepladder, chopped off about eight inches and announced, “Well, there’s the extra $49.99 we paid for lying on the living room floor.”

So I guess what we’ve actually figured out after seventeen years of marriage is that my eyes are always bigger than my living room when it comes to Christmas trees and P has just learned to humor me and wield his hedge clippers as necessary.

Here’s our tree in its current undecorated state except for the star on top.

See how the top point of the star touches the ceiling just like sweet Baby Jesus intended?

That’s all I’m saying.

(Also, those are P’s feet in the bottom corner of the picture because I am an excellent photographer.)

Anyway, tomorrow I will begin the arduous process of covering it in lights because there is nothing that really brings out the perfectionist in me like making sure the tree is evenly covered with sufficient wattage and then when Caroline gets home from school we’ll hang all our ornaments and drape some garland. In the meantime, I’m going to make myself quit looking at all the various Christmas home tours on the internet because they’ll make me believe it might be feasible to create beautiful handmade ornaments using nothing but deer antlers, white paint, gold glitter and a Jedi mind trick.

Piper and Mabel are leery of the few decorations I’ve put out thus far. Mabel feels like the stockings hung by the chimney with care are basically a front for a ring of thieves and likes to give them the side eye every time she walks by.

This past Sunday I had Caroline and her friend Sadie cut out a bunch of paper snowflakes for me because I wanted to hang them from the kitchen windows. And when Piper came in the house, she laid in her bed and growled at them like they were a menace to our home. Which I guess explains why she took the first opportunity to grab one of the ones I left on the countertop and tear it to shreds.

It was evil and must be destroyed.

(Side note: I saw the snowflake idea on Pinterest and it had me at hello. And, yes, I basically ran a snowflake sweat shop in my kitchen on Sunday afternoon with free child labor but in my defense I told them they could quit cutting snowflakes as soon as they mentioned the scissors were beginning to give them blisters.)

(I promise I’ll post a picture of it at some point but it’s not finished yet. Also, it would require me to get up and walk in the kitchen to take a photo.)

With any luck all our inside decorations will be finished by tomorrow night. Which will be a nice contrast to the rotting pumpkins and dead mums on our front porch.

They say the first day back to reality after vacation is the hardest. I’m not sure who “they” are, but I hope they’re right because it was a tough re-entry. And it didn’t help that I’d fully reverted to my full night owl self over Thanksgiving and didn’t fall asleep until sometime after 1 a.m. For those of you skilled in sleep math, you might deduce that means I got somewhere in the neighborhood of five hours of sleep. However, you’re not factoring in the eighteen times I woke up throughout the night with my brain swimming with the list of things I needed to accomplish in the light of day. It was just as restful as it sounds and what do those sleep experts know about the importance of REM sleep anyway?

So when P popped his head in the room to wake me up, I greeted him with a cheerful “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” But I quickly put on my best morning face, which is basically a smidge more coherent than a drunken monkey, and poured Caroline’s cereal as I attempted to generate some excitement about the school day ahead. It must have worked to some extent because she smiled all the way to school and didn’t even attempt to tell me her throat hurt. Of course this might be because I basically told her that the only reason she could miss school between now and Christmas break is Ebola and to not even talk to me about any kind of cough due to cold.

Anyway, the day was full of getting caught up on a million things I’d neglected with more still waiting for me, grocery shopping because I threw out the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers and our fridge was beyond sad, and then driving soccer carpool. Now Caroline is finally in bed, the kitchen is clean and I’m settling into relax on the still somewhat white couch (as of this writing) at 9:42 p.m. I think I have about eight mediocre minutes left in me before I crash. Which is really a shame because when I was on my preferred night owl schedule during Thanksgiving, I was rehanging my drapes at 9:42 p.m. and full of energy and creativity. Sadly, the rest of the world – particularly public school – doesn’t work on my schedule.

So here are a few quick things I wanted to tell you about.

1. My couch and the pillows

Several of you asked about the white couch. May God have mercy on your soul. It’s actually a great couch that I ordered from a local store that’s now out of business back before I was pregnant with Caroline. It’s made by Lee Industries and I’ve always loved it because it has a little bit of a curve to it. Originally it was slipcovered in darker fabric colors (I looked for a picture and couldn’t find one. Of course I only looked for about three minutes and gave up, but still.) but those were worn out and I switched to white when Holly Mathis helped me decorate a couple of years ago.

And here’s the thing. I love the white. It’s gorgeous. But we are not a white couch family. I am not a person who is equipped to fret and worry about a couch and wrestle slipcovers back on cushions on a regular basis. If you are, then more power to you. I just need a couch that I don’t have to think about or worry about washing before company comes.

As for the pillows, here’s the Peace Love Santa Christmas Pillow if you’re interested.

The elephant pillow and the pillow with words are both Sugarboo pillows from Carol & Company. You can find them (and so many other cute ones) here. The rest of them are either pillow covers I bought on Etsy or had made.

2. New Christmas music

My friend Shaun Groves has a great new Christmas album that just released yesterday. You can listen to some of it here and, even better, it’s only $4.95 right now on iTunes. Click here to buy it.

My personal favorite is his cover of Better Days. The line “tonight’s the night the world begins again” gets to me every time.

3. Advent books

Last year I loved Ann Voskamp’s advent book, The Greatest Gift, and so I was excited to get the kid-friendly version of it that just came out this year, Unwrapping the Greatest Gift: A Family Celebration of Christmas.

If you’re looking for a new tradition for your family, I can’t recommend it enough.

4. Hummingbird Farms

Don’t forget that you have until Friday to get 10% off any purchase from Hummingbird Farms. And you also get free shipping if you spend over $75. You can click here to see all their great products.

And now it’s about fifteen minutes past the original eight minutes I had left in me. So I’m headed to bed because rumor has it we’re getting our Christmas tree tomorrow. And by rumor I mean I told P that we were going to get our Christmas tree tomorrow. Otherwise known as the day of the year that trying to determine what constitutes a straight tree might lead to some marital strife.

I think it’s a sign of a good holiday when it’s time to go back to reality and you aren’t ready. That’s where I am right now. Although I can’t let Caroline know because she will smell weakness and all her lamenting about going back to school will increase a hundredfold, along with what I’m pretty sure is a faux sore throat complaint.

But it was such a nice break from everything and we had some much needed downtime to just relax and eat too many carbs and watch a whole lot of football and movies. I realize this can’t be our permanent reality because LOSERS, but it was nice while it lasted.

We spent Thanksgiving at Bops and Mimi’s house with my sister and her family and P’s mom. It was a nice way to spend the day and the weather was gorgeous so the kids were able to play outside while we all visited after lunch and let ourselves recuperate after all the various food groups we consumed. My sister and her family had just gotten back from a week long trip to Disney World and so we got to hear about that and the stomach bug she had while she was there. You know when Disney isn’t magical? When the stomach bug hits. But fortunately no one else got it and she was able to rejoin her crew after a day off in the hotel room. Better known to moms everywhere as the REAL VACATION.

Later that evening we went over to Gulley’s house to watch the A&M game and while the game outcome was less than desirable, the company was fun and the Thanksgiving leftovers at her house were superb. (Yes, I ate again Thanksgiving night. I regret nothing.)

P left for the ranch on Friday morning and I had to go record an audio thing for the trailer for the new book. Caroline didn’t care to go with me because she has discovered these things are very boring and she has to hear me talk all the time and so I dropped her off at Gulley’s house to hang out with the boys while I ran across town to my appointment. When I got back they were all happily playing outside with the puppies and Gulley was sitting at her computer doing some Christmas shopping and answering emails. I happened to have my computer with me and so I sat down next to her and we had what is best described as an unofficial office day. We answered emails, did some Black Friday shopping that didn’t involve being out in the masses, watched football, and discussed various important topics all at the same time. Later we took the kids to EZ’s for a dinner that wasn’t turkey and dressing and then Caroline and I came home and watched a movie together on the couch.

On Saturday Caroline and I debated driving to College Station to watch the Aggie soccer team in the NCAA tournament (They won! And are going to the College Cup for the first time ever!) but decided to stay in town instead. I took her to get the pedicure I’d been promising after soccer season ended and then we went to go see a movie at the actual theater before we came home and spent the rest of the night watching football.

Then Sunday I decided to show some ambition. I cleaned the house and began the process of getting rid of my pumpkins and replacing them with Santa and nativity scenes. It seemed a little odd to be doing it while wearing shorts and flip-flops but welcome to Christmas time in Texas. It is what it is.

I also decided it was time to wash all the slipcovers on the white couch again. I cannot even stress how much I hate doing it. And I will confess that it was long overdue. The good news is I have ordered a new couch, the bad news is it most likely won’t arrive until after the first of the year. But I want my house to look pretty for Christmas and that meant I needed to wash and bleach the slipcovers and strategically place a festive blanket over the places they have ripped after so much washing and bleaching. I will also tell you that I kept looking at Pinterest yesterday and noticed the common denominator in every picture I loved was that it contained a white couch. This is what some people refer to as a sickness. And, also, insanity.

However, as I wrestled the slipcovers back on my cushions Sunday afternoon, I went all Scarlett O’Hara and may have exclaimed “As God is my witness I will never wash these slipcovers again”. And I mean it. I’m done messing with them and I plan to throw them straight in the trash as soon as the new couch arrives. Actually, I may throw them out for Piper and Mabel and let them finish destroying them once and for all. I suspect that has been their goal all along.

But let it be noted that for one brief shining moment at 3:46 p.m. on Sunday, November 30, I experienced my own version of Camelot.

And let it also be noted that at 3:48 p.m. I noticed there was already dog hair on the couch even though the puppies weren’t even home. And at 7:01 p.m, Caroline ate Oreos on the couch and left several crumbs. And at 8:06 p.m., Piper lost her mind and jumped up on the couch even though she knows she’s not allowed to.

And that’s how dreams die.

I purposely waited to finish this until after the Aggies played LSU and now I regret that decision because my mood is not nearly as good as it was about four hours ago.

Here’s the thing about Les Miles. It’s all fun and games until your team actually has to play him and gets Les Miles’d.

Truthfully, the way the game ended with that very questionable non-call and the interception seems fitting given what has been one of my least favorite Aggie football seasons in recent memory. Here’s to 2015.

Also, I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving. I ate enough carbs to last me throughout the winter. I regret nothing.

Here’s the good news. Today is a day full of shopping glory to be had. And I’m going to get you off on the right foot by telling you about my absolute FAVORITE body product right now.

It’s Julia 1933 Body Butter by Hummingbird Farms.

I have raved for years about the Hummingbird Farms lavender lotion and I still adore it, but this Julia body butter is amazing. It smells divine, a little bit goes a long way and it has kept my skin from feeling dry in the driest of weather.

I’m also a huge fan of the lavender spa treatment and the Julia hand cream.

Basically, what I’m saying is I’m in love with all of Hummingbird Farms bath and body products and use them on a daily basis. They would make great gifts for someone on your Christmas list or just for yourself.

And, best of all, Hummingbird Farms is offering 10% off all their products for my blog readers for the next seven days when you use the code BIGMAMA14 at checkout. You can check out all of their fabulous products when you click here.

Here are some things I found this week:

1. chilly coastlines cardigan in sunset

Anthropologie has a sweater coat that looks almost just like this that’s a lot more expensive. I love the colors in this. It would be such a great thing to have all winter long.

2. free people mexicali pullover

So I think it’s well-documented that I’m a fan of an oversize top. I love this one and it would be great with leggings and boots. It’s on sale for $58.80.

3. nike gym vintage hoodie

These vintage hoodies are so cute and are perfect if you enjoy spending lots of time in your yoga pants.

4. ombre multi-stripe infinity scarf

I loved this scarf all last year and still love it now. Plus it’s on sale and comes in several different color combinations.

5. jacquard blanket cardigan

Well. I’m pretty much in love with this. And Anthropologie is offering 25% off with the code holiday at checkout. Which still doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it, but it’s making me think about it really hard.

6. tinley road woodbury tee

This would be such a cute tee to throw on with jeans. And Piperlime is offering 25% off everything with the code IHEARTNYC at checkout.

7. teresa may blouse

This comes in red or gray and is 30% off with code BLKFRDY at checkout along with everything else at Ruche.

8. half moon kimono cardigan

This is another Anthro find and I really like it. It’s also 25% off with code holiday at checkout.

9. jackie tassel necklace

Kendra Scott is offering 15% off and free shipping with code BFCM2014. I adore this new tassel necklace.

10. fair isle knit leggings

I’m wearing the black version of these right now because I wear them constantly unless they’re in the washing machine. And I’ve come so close to buying another pair, but wondered if that was silly. However, now they are offering them in this new color and so SOLD.

And it’s 50% off everything at Gap with code BLKFRIDAY at checkout. Happy shopping.

Hope you have a great Friday.

The past few days around here have been filled with fun all around. P took Caroline hunting and Gulley’s husband and boys joined them and so they had a great time hunting while Gulley and I had a great time shopping and getting pedicures.

And I also got to go buy all new tires for my car and that’s always an exciting way to spend money. Except the opposite of that.

But I just wanted to take a minute to wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving and share a few quick things that you might want and or need to complete your holiday experience.

1. How to make a pom-pom wreath

I made one of these for myself last year and loved it so much. And then Gulley asked me to make her one but I ran out of time and then it was New Year’s and what was the point?

But one of the things we did over the last two days was make a run to Michael’s to buy yarn and wreath forms and we got our craft on. I’m proud to say she is now the owner of a pom-pom wreath. And I’m in the process of making myself a pom-pom garland for my tree. It’s going to be a pom-pom Christmas around here.

This might be a fun thing to do instead of camping out in front of Best Buy to get a new T.V. at a bargain price.

2. Best ever beef stew

This is another thing I’ve learned to make courtesy of Edie. I made this beef stew last week and it is truly the best I’ve ever had. I rose up and called my own self blessed when I tasted the first bite.

I would plan to make this for when your whole family eventually mutinies against the very idea of any more turkey leftovers. Let’s be honest, turkey isn’t that great the first time around and I sure don’t need it stuffed in a sandwich for a week after.

3. Broccoli-rice casserole

I posted a picture of Cheez Whiz on Instagram this weekend and said it was beginning to look a lot like Thanksgiving and people responded with a split decision of envy and disgust. Listen, do not think you’re better than the Cheez Whiz. If it was good enough for the 1970’s then it’s good enough for you. And I personally don’t believe this casserole would be as good with real cheddar cheese. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. Bottom line, haters gonna hate.

As a bonus, the link to the broccoli-rice casserole also has the recipe for my mother-in-law’s dressing. It is absolutely delicious and contains no Cheez Whiz for you sophisticates out there.

I’ll be back on Friday with Fashion Friday.

And, like Linus, let’s take a minute to thank God for the blessings he has given us this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you need me for the next year, there’s a good chance that you’ll be able to find me trying to clean mud off all the various things in my life that were covered in it this weekend.

Friday was Caroline’s last day of school before the Thanksgiving holiday and the rain had already begun with the weathermen promising there was a lot more on the way. But we braved the rain to meet Mimi and Bops for Italian food and then came home and went to bed early because Caroline was scheduled to play in a soccer tournament on Saturday morning at 7:30. If you’re interested in travel math, this meant we would have to be up at 5:45 and leave our house by 6:30. In case you are new here, this is not my optimal time of day.

But it rained enough on Friday night that I really thought the tournament would be cancelled. This just goes to show that I know nothing because we checked the website at 5:45 Saturday morning and found out all the games were going on as scheduled. Which is how we found ourselves driving across San Antonio in the pitch dark and the pouring rain to go sit and watch soccer on Saturday morning. It felt like it was the middle of the night in a monsoon.

The parents watched our girls play in the rain while we all stood under a pop-up tent. The upside was at least it wasn’t cold. They were like a bunch of drowned rats chasing a ball and our team didn’t fare so well. It was like in their hearts and minds they were still snuggled up in their beds. And I totally get it. Bed would have been a far better place at that juncture.

By the time we drove back out to the fields for our second game of the day, it was like a big mud stew. In about the second minute of the game, Caroline slid right into a girl on the other team and they both fell flat in the mud. For a minute she acted like it bothered her which made me want to remind her of all the times she and Gulley’s boys have purposely made a mud puddle for themselves to slide around in. But then she seemed to embrace it and did a header even though the soccer ball was just covered with mud.

Sadly, they lost that game too but played much better and certainly had the dirt to show for it. I spent about forty-five minutes after we got home attempting to hose down my child, her uniform, her cleats, her shinguards, her backpack and all the towels we used to clean her up enough for the car ride home. And then I had to hose down myself.

After we were finally showered and clean again, we went over to Gulley’s house because look what’s been going on there.

That’s right. Two puppies. Because apparently she doesn’t read my blog or listen to what I say.

Oh I kid.

They’ve been talking about getting a puppy ever since their dog, Annie, passed away at the beginning of the summer and I told her I highly recommended getting two at once because if I end up in an asylum I’d like for her to be there with me. But, truth be told, there is something to be said for getting the puppy phase over in one fail swoop as opposed to repairing the wood frame on your back door only to have someone chew it up all over again.

So we got our puppy fix and picked up some barbecue for dinner before heading home. And then about an hour or so later, the big storm they’d been talking about all week finally hit. There was wind and rain and lightning and thunder and all I could think about was that the soccer fields were going to be even muddier for Sunday’s game.

Sure enough, when we got to the fields about 12:45 Sunday afternoon they were just one giant mud pit. We slopped through the mud to get to our field and the girls started the game a little slow as they tried to figure out how to move the ball and keep their footing.

They were down 3-0 at halftime against the team who was currently in the lead to win the whole tournament, but came back and had an amazing second half and won the game 4-3. It was the perfect way to end the fall season and they were just a little bit excited.

And more than a little muddy.

P and I did our best to rinse her off as she sat on the tailgate of my car, after we peeled off her muddy cleats and socks, using a few old towels I’d packed and the water left in her water cooler because we were heading to Bass Pro Shops right after the game to buy her a pair of snake boots to wear to the ranch.

That’s right. Snake boots. These are not boots for snakes because snakes don’t have feet. They are boots in case you inadvertently step on or near a snake that keep you from being bitten. I really can’t talk about it or explore any further scenarios.

We left Bass Pro Shops with the snake boots, some camo face paint, a squeaky rubber turkey for Piper and Mabel and a bag of kettle corn that they were selling out front. So, you know, the essentials.

When we got home I repeated the entire mud eradication system I’d done the day before and then threw everything into the washing machine. Honestly, I’m not sure any of it will ever be really clean again. Personally I wanted to just throw the socks away but P seemed shocked by that suggestion so I’ll attempt to salvage them…until he’s not paying attention and I throw them in the trash.

Once I got everything in the wash and I was showered and in my pajamas, I texted Gulley to see how their day had been and how the puppies were doing. She texted me back that she’d been cleaning the house all day and getting ready for Thanksgiving and we lamented about how puppies wake you up in the middle of the night and then she texted me this:

She also called me and left me a voicemail explaining, “I meant ME, not YOU!!!”

Which I was relieved to know even though I am well aware I wasn’t looking my best. I was just concerned I might have to change the title of my new book to “Nobody’s More Horrendous Than You”.

And I’m not sure that’s quite as endearing as the original.