Other

Well.

Caroline is officially a fifth grade graduate. We are understandably excited because it’s about time she go out into the world to look for gainful employment and quits mooching off us. Which is why we gave her a briefcase to celebrate.

Not really. Although I will tell you that’s what my dad gave me for college graduation. It sent a clear message that I was expected to get a job. Frankly, I felt like a red convertible BMW could have conveyed a similar message.

On Thursday morning she was ready to go albeit a little put out that she had to wear a dress. However, it didn’t curb her excitement for long.

The ceremony was sweet and I honestly didn’t cry at all until the very end when they did a little slideshow of the year. But I’m a huge sucker for pictures set to music. You could show me your vacation photos from Williamsburg where you purchased a “Got History?” t-shirt as a souvenir and it would make me cry if it was accompanied by some heartfelt songs.

The school had sent a note home earlier in the week with all the graduation details and informed parents that we should plan to take our children home right after the ceremony so we could “celebrate as a family”. I think we all know that’s code for “The fifth grade teachers are exhausted, don’t let the door hit you on the way out”. So there was a quick reception in every classroom afterwards and then we collected any remaining belongings and walked out of the doors of the elementary school for the last time. I think I would have been more emotional if all the end of the year activities hadn’t left me in the near fetal position.

We’d told Caroline we would take her to eat lunch anywhere she wanted and she chose IHOP. Because we raise ’em classy around here. But then she decided her stomach didn’t feel great and wasn’t sure she wanted to go eat anywhere so we just went home and she opened a couple of little graduation presents. Then later on when she was hungry I took her to an Italian place she loves for a cheese pizza.

Those helium balloons were from her Gigi and provided several minutes of entertainment the next day when Caroline enjoyed what helium does to your voice.

Finally, we ended the day at the pool with friends. It’s always our favorite way to celebrate the end of the school year and we are always the last ones there at the end of the evening. This year was no exception.

And then I’d love to tell you how we slept late on Friday morning, but that would be a lie. The truth is I woke up to the puppies going crazy. P lets them outside when he wakes up in the morning and they were whining and barking. I threw on my robe and stumbled outside to see what was going on only to discover that Mabel had managed to get her head stuck in the iron scrolls of one of our patio chairs. This presented quite the dilemma. It felt very reminiscent of that episode of Designing Women when Julia Sugarbaker gets her head stuck in the banister at the Governor’s Mansion.

I couldn’t figure out where P was and had never wanted his help more, but I didn’t feel like I could leave Mabel to go find him. So instead I gently pulled one ear back through and then managed to get the rest of her head out right as P walked outside. He explained he’d been busy cleaning up the mess in the guest bathroom where an undetermined perpetrator had not only pooped in the bathtub but had also annihilated a roll of Charmin that we’d forgotten to put out of their reach.

The short story is the puppies are now officially sleeping in their crates outside. At some point Caroline wants them to sleep in her room with her but we tried it last night and I have the bags under my eyes to prove it today. It all feels very reminiscent of Caroline’s newborn days when I’d bargain with God if he would just please let my baby go to sleep. It’s a good thing they’re so cute because otherwise I might have put them on Craig’s List.

The rest of the weekend wasn’t nearly that eventful. Caroline and I went shopping on Saturday and she bought her first pair of sunglasses that immediately transformed her into a teenager and then we went over to Gulley’s house because they had to put their dog, Annie, to sleep on Saturday morning and we wanted to check on them. It’s been a rough season for dogs around here. So many of us have these dogs that we bought before we had kids and they’re all past their prime at this point because our kids are doing things like graduating from fifth grade.

On Sunday we went to church and then I took Caroline and a friend to see Maleficent. My expectations weren’t high, but I have to say that I loved it. Like the kind of loved it that I would see it again. It was ultimately a sweet story and Angelina Jolie is stunning. And I guess this shows the kind of minutiae I value because I noticed that virtually all of the character’s eyebrows were a triumph. If I hadn’t already been on a year-long quest to grow the perfect eyebrow for my face shape, this would have sealed it for me. I will tell you that based on this movie, it appears to be true that a fuller eyebrow is the eyebrow of youth. Just like we learned from Brooke Shields all those years ago.

Of course she also encouraged us to wear Calvin Kleins and I’m not sure we necessarily want to go back there.

I’m sure I’ll be back on Monday to write all about fifth grade graduation but right now I am sitting on my couch for the first time since last night at this time and I’m a little bit tired. In fact, I may be about to fall asleep at this very moment. And I can already tell it’s going to take me a few days to adjust to the reality that it’s really summer.

Here are a few things I’ve found this week:

1. park house pleated blouse

Love the color of this. Perfect with white shorts or jeans.

2. chuck taylor shoreline linen sneaker

These are great. This is the oyster gray color but they also come in a great pink color.

3. sleeveless dot print blouse

This is a great top and can be worn all year round under a jacket or sweater. It comes in several great colors.

4. embroidered smock dress

I don’t know if the length of this is too short, but I love it so much. It would even look good over skinny jeans with boots.

5. old navy kimono sleeve coverup

This coverup also comes in black and a blue and white stripe. It’s really soft and easy to throw on. I know this because I bought it for myself last week. Even better, it’s 25% off with code ONSAVENOW at checkout.

6. minnetonka sandals

I bought a wedge heel version of these but then a friend of mine showed up in these flat ones and now I have sandal envy. They come in several great colors and look so cute with shorts.

7. overlay tunic dress

This is kind of the same thing as the first dress. Obviously too short for many of us, but I think it has real potential to be worn over jeans or leggings with boots.

8. daniel rainn embroidered detail top

Love a good white top for the summer.

9. tortie aviator sunglasses

I have been on the sunglass hunt of 2014. And I really like these. They’re on sale, they’re tortoise and they’re aviators. I’m not sure what else you could want.

10. finn tank

I’ve been waiting for this tank to go on sale. Love the fit and the colors.

That’s it for today.

Have a great Friday.

You know that expression “death by a thousand cuts”? Well, I’ll tell you what’s happening here. Death by a thousand puppy bites.

They just come at you with their mouth wide open like a couple of piranhas except not as gentle. It’s a good thing they’re cute because I’m worried my arms and fingers will never be the same.

So this past Thursday was the long-anticipated 5th grade talent show. And by last Monday I had never been so ready for something to be over. There was second-guessing about their routine, the costumes, and complaints that they weren’t allowed to throw beach balls out into the audience as planned. I finally had to shut it down with the ultimate mom statement, “You only get ONE fifth grade talent show. You can either enjoy it or spend your time complaining about things you can’t change.”

And so she chose to enjoy it. Which was the choice that allowed her to have the most fun and allowed me to keep the little of my sanity that was left at the end of May.

They did a great job and the glow suits were a big hit, especially with a big group of first and second graders sitting in front of me who “ooohed” and “aahhed” when the girls came on stage like it was Disney on Ice.

But an unexpected thing happened to me in the midst of the show. A precious girl who I don’t even know sang the song “Brave” while playing the guitar and I totally had to fight back the ugly cry. It just hit me all of a sudden how much this group of kids has grown over the last five years of elementary school and how brave they are to put themselves out there in front of parents and peers, but I was also so moved by the audience who was encouraging and supportive and cheered wildly for every single act. It was just the pure sweetness of elementary school in that moment and it made me realize how much I’m going to miss it.

Okay. Dry up the tears, Francis. This doesn’t bode well for the actual 5th grade graduation ceremony that will be held this Thursday.

On Friday morning Gulley and I ventured out for a last girls’ shopping trip before the kids are out of school. Our goal was purely accessories. I needed a new pair of sunglasses and Gulley was on the search for a few good necklaces and earrings. I’m happy to report that we both had success in our respective missions.

We’d originally toyed with the idea of driving to Houston to go the Texas A&M vs. Texas baseball regional game, but decided it probably wasn’t the smartest choice in light of all we have going on here. This shows how much we’ve matured over the years because there was a day back in college when we both dropped out of summer school to go watch the Aggies in Omaha at the College World Series. And maybe forgot to tell our parents until after the fact.

But then the Aggies ended up losing and you could almost feel how hot it was at the game even through the T.V. I would guess the humidity was hovering somewhere in the neighborhood of 148%. And someone remarked on Twitter that the snowcone line ended somewhere in Humble, TX. So we were actually glad that we chose to shop and watch the game from our air-conditioned living rooms instead.

Friday night we just hung out at home and then Caroline had a friend over all day on Saturday. I took the girls to the pool and spent a little time in the sun in an attempt to get some color before I had to give in and move to the shade. It’s too bad I wasn’t that smart and/or heat intolerant when I was a teenager because I could save a lot of money on anti-aging creams now.

Speaking of beauty products, I talked Gulley into buying some Bumble & Bumble Surf Spray for her hair while we were out shopping. I have some and love the texture and wave it gives my hair on days when I don’t want to curl it, but Gulley texted me a selfie on Saturday morning and said her hair looked like she’d been at a fraternity party the night before.

So maybe it doesn’t work for everyone.

Unless you want hair that looks like it’s been subjected to a night of spilled beer and stale cigarette smoke. If so, ACES.

Now I’m sitting here and just watched the Aggies beat the Longhorns to advance to the final game Monday at 6:00. Clearly I’m going to be too wound up to sleep.

And I also might need to text Gulley to see if she’s up for a road trip.

Thanks so much for all the sweet thoughts about Bruiser yesterday. We appreciate it so much.

In other news, I need it to be summer already. There is just something so wrong about having to send a child back to school after Memorial Day weekend.

And speaking of wrong, let’s discuss the Science Fair project that was due last week. While I completely appreciate that teachers are every bit as eager to be out for the summer and have to manufacture activities to keep kids busy for eight hours a day, a Science Fair project just seems harsh.

If you wanted me to be enthusiastic about a Science Fair project, then it should have happened sometime around October. Back then the school year was full of promise and possibilities, but at this point I am a shell of the person I was then. I have written multiple checks to the PTO, I’ve had to watch Youtube tutorials to remember how to convert mixed numbers, and I’ve lost hours of my life in the carpool line. We’ve eaten a healthy breakfast on standardized testing mornings, practiced spelling words, written book reports and I’ve packed somewhere in the neighborhood of 542 lunches. (I might be rounding up.)

So to have to think about Science (A subject that has been my nemesis since I had to memorize the Periodic Table) at the end of this long stretch of school year was almost more than I could bear. This exhibit I saw on Facebook pretty much sums it up.

But Caroline was excited about it. Mainly because it was an excuse to order a pack of ten petri dishes with something called blood agar in them. So this is still in my refrigerator since it’s the gift that keeps giving. She can’t wait to test things for bacteria ALL summer long.

(Sheep’s blood. Pancreatic digest. In my refrigerator.)

In fact, she took the initiative to go ahead and begin testing various objects, starting with one of the dog’s chew toys. She swabbed that sucker, put it in the petri dish to grow and then failed to mention it to me. Which wouldn’t have been a problem except that she chose my laundry room as the best place to leave the petri dish to grow and fester all manner of bacteria. I walked into the laundry room yesterday and began to dry heave. I was certain a rodent had crawled in the walls and died.

If only I’d been that lucky.

But then I spied a bacteria-laden petri dish labeled with masking tape that read “Dog bone”. And now my life will never be the same. I’m not the naive, simple girl I was just 48 hours ago when I didn’t know such bacteria existed.

Anyway, back to the actual Science Fair project.

Caroline decided to test whether or not food preservatives keep bacteria from growing. And so she needed to choose two foods, one with preservatives and one without. She chose a piece of beef jerky and a carrot. And then she left them out in her bedroom for three days along with this helpful sign.

She clearly meant business even if her spelling of “project” makes me want to cry.

Also, that dried up carrot will give me nightmares for the rest of my life. It looks like someone lost their pinky toe and left it lying on that piece of paper.

After they’d sat out for a sufficient amount of time to cause me to question the meaning of life, she swabbed them and put the samples in her petri dishes that we placed in the garage because pancreatic digest, sheep’s blood, I’ve lost my will to live, etc.

And then we brought home the puppies and life got even crazier than it was already and so I was given the task to go to Michael’s while she was at school to buy all manner of supplies for her presentation. It’s moments like these when I am never more aware of my lack of science acumen because I was concerned about things like the color of the tri-fold board and finding sticky letters that matched and even debated if glue-on rhinestones might be a nice touch because while some believe in the science, I believe in the pretty.

She worked on the presentation while we chased puppies around the house and I wished that science wasn’t a real thing until she finally had it ready to bring to school last Friday morning.

Please note that her “Fun Fact” at the bottom is that the most common bacteria on petri dishes is staph and strep.

This is not what I consider to be a legitimate fun fact. A fun fact is that if you wait long enough eventually everything at Gap is 40% off.

And that’s the kind of science I can get excited about.

Well we lost a good one right before Memorial Day weekend.

Our dog Bruiser.

We’d known before we got the new puppies that Bruiser wasn’t going to be with us long. He’d been diagnosed almost a year ago with a degenerative spine and the vet sent us home with the words, “You’ll know when it’s time to put him down. One day he’ll wake up and won’t be able to be a dog anymore.”

For the last year we’ve watched him grow progressively weaker as his condition continued to worsen, but he’d still have a lot of days when he’d bring us his tennis ball to throw over and over again until he finally had to give up and lie down. He loved nothing more than a good tennis ball. He’d carry one around until it was falling apart and go into a depression until we replaced it with a new one. I used to always contend he’d chase a tennis ball until he fell over from sheer exhaustion. And so it was an indicator of how much he was going downhill when we’d throw the tennis ball and he’d just watch it roll across the yard instead of chasing it down.

Bruiser was always the one who would run barking to greet us at the back gate when we pulled into the driveway and, as time went on and our other dog, Scout, couldn’t hear our cars, Bruiser would jump on him in a full body tackle to alert him that the people were now home. Sometimes he was a little overzealous and I often had to roll down my car window as I pulled into the driveway to start yelling “NO, BRUISER, NO!” in an attempt to save Scout from an attack while the neighbors probably questioned my mental state.

But as the last few months have gone by, Bruiser struggled to meet us at the gate and, more often than not, would choose to lie on the back porch because I think it was just too hard for him to get up. He never attacked Scout any more and could only hobble out to get the tennis ball a couple of times before he needed to lie down in the yard. His walk began to increasingly be more of a wobbly, tenuous lumber and was very reminiscent of Fred Sanford.

Then in the last two weeks, he grew weaker every day. By Thursday morning we knew that the time had come when he wasn’t able to be a dog any longer which I think is the hardest part of being a dog owner, making the hard decision to let go of someone that’s meant so much to your family. So P called the vet and we made an appointment to bring him in later that evening. There were lots of tears and we all said our goodbyes.

Bruiser was a good dog. But he was absolutely a dog in every sense of the word. Part of it was just his personality, but I think a lot of it was because we brought him home when Caroline was five months old.

(Please note how pale I am. Just looking at this picture makes me feel like I want to go sleep for days.)

It dawned on me when we brought Mabel and Piper home that I don’t remember one thing about Bruiser’s puppy days. I was still in the fog of having a newborn and in sheer survival mode. I can’t even tell you why we thought it was a good idea to add a puppy to that mix.

When Scout was a puppy, I would come home from work at lunchtime to sing him songs and rock him in my lap. True story. I came just shy of burping him after he ate. He was my first experience with any sort of maternal instinct and I still credit him as being part of what gave me the courage to become a mom to an actual human.

Bruiser just had to make do. There were no lullabies. I never rocked him in my lap. I had a baby and spent Bruiser’s puppyhood barely treading water. But he was a good dog. Loyal to his marrow and always so gentle with Caroline even as she unwittingly taunted him as she toddled around the back yard holding all manner of animal crackers loosely in her sticky toddler hands.

He was never a dog that wanted you to mess with him. Any attempt to check out his ears or to see if he had a thorn in his paw would be met with a growl. Even at the end as we had to lift him on and off the porch steps, he’d growl as we did it. But occasionally he’d give in and put his head in my lap and I’d scratch his ears while doing my best Harlan Pepper imitation and make him say, “I’m the best dog!”

Caroline said it best as we said goodbye to Bruiser when she remarked, “I can’t remember a day of my life that he wasn’t there.” And that’s what dogs do. They come into our lives and share a season or two and then we have to say goodbye to these loyal companions that have taken a piece of our hearts and become a part of our story.

It’s not easy, but they’re worth it. We couldn’t have spent Caroline’s early childhood with a more faithful friend, even if he was a little cantankerous on occasion.

That picture totally sums him up. I can almost hear him saying, “Please give me the duck. Please. Give me. The duck. Look at me. Sitting here. Being a good boy. Waiting for the duck.”

Goodbye, Bruiser. We’ll miss you.

Well, this is definitely an improvement over the one we decided not to use. But in typical fashion, that may not be saying much.

This is a hodgepodge of information about Sophie’s cold she had over the weekend, my plans for some home improvement projects and thoughts about Science Fairs and how they don’t belong at the end of the school year. You’ll also notice I make no mention of our new puppies because I didn’t know that was about to happen.

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