Splinters, stomach bugs, and soccer. Pretty much in that order.

Before I ramble on for at least a thousand words trying to make our weekend seem more interesting than it really was, I just need you to know that I’ve been sitting here for the last hour with a damp sleeve. And it’s very annoying. But apparently not annoying enough for me to get up and do something about it. I’ll probably end up with a diaper rash on my arm.

Maybe you’re wondering how my sleeve got damp. Or maybe you’re thinking that if I’m starting off with a non-story about the current state of my clothing that it doesn’t really bode well for the rest of this post. You are correct.

My sleeve got wet while I was wiping down the kitchen countertops. But I’m wearing my favorite sweatshirt thing that I wear every night and I didn’t want to change because it’s so comfortable. Except for the part where the sleeve is wet.

But enough about that.

(And the crowd said HALLELUJAH)

We had a nice little weekend around here. On Friday I brought lunch to Caroline at school and then went to Target. I was hoping to try on some cute sandals that I’d seen online, but they didn’t have them in the store. I’m not sure what’s going on with our new neighborhood Target but I am seriously disappointed in their shoe selection. I don’t know if it’s just the one by our house or if it’s Target in general right now. Part of me wants to explore it further except that that would require me to drive seven extra stoplights to a different Target and I don’t care that much.

After I left Target I picked up Gulley’s boys from school. I saw my friend Leslie picking up her daughter and she informed me that almost one hundred kids had been out from their school that day with the stomach bug. Cue my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I loaded Jackson and Will into my car and told them it would probably be a good idea for them to wash their hands thoroughly as soon as we got to my house. Perhaps a bleach shower for good measure.

We picked up Caroline and then the kids played while Gulley and I visited for the next couple of hours. And then they left but we had big plans to spend Saturday afternoon together at the Little League Fields since it was Opening Day and we wanted to watch the boys play baseball.

Then P got home from work and we decided to just pick up Mexican food for dinner because we were all tired after a long week and just wanted to relax. So we caught up on all the news over tacos and guacamole and enchiladas and then Caroline decided she wanted to go climb a tree in the backyard because isn’t that what everyone wants to do after a big Mexican food dinner?

But she came in a few minutes later and announced she’d gotten a splinter. Which led to an impromptu surgical session on the kitchen island where she exhibited my propensity for drama by declaring, “OW, OW, OW! THAT HURTS!” before P ever got the knife anywhere near her. However, I can’t judge because I am the worst. The absolute worst. There is no bigger chicken than me concerning all health-related issues that could potentially cause pain.

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And speaking of health-related issues, we spent the rest of the night catching up on part three of The Bible series and I could have lived forever not seeing King Herod with those leeches on him. Good night of living. It was like a horror show.

On Saturday morning I woke up to a text from Gulley informing me that both her boys came down with the stomach bug overnight and there would be no baseball. I was not only so sad for them, but sad for us because I spent the rest of the day feeling a little bit like Caroline and I might be ticking time bombs. Every bite of food I ate was like a roll of the dice wondering if it was about to become a food I might never be able to eat again.

(Spoiler alert: As of this moment none of us have gotten the stomach bug. Thanks be to God.)

Caroline had a soccer game at 10:30 that morning. And in typical Texas fashion the weather was supposed to be in the 90s later that day but was only in the 60s with a strong wind and some drizzle at game time. Which made it feel like it was approximately FREEZING degrees outside. But the game was incredible. It was like Caroline had all this stored up energy and aggression from two weeks spent in a boot and she had the game of her life. Every time I looked up she was diving for the ball or sliding to get to the ball or running down the field dribbling the ball. At one point she kept shooting for the goal until she and the goalie both ended up on the ground and the goalie had a mouth full of dirt. I’ve never seen her that intense.

Girlfriend had the eye of the tiger.

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Clearly it skipped a generation.

After the game she went home with her friend Ella. And I went to the grocery store because I am forty-one and I guess that’s what life becomes. Especially when you’ve spent the whole week before trying to avoid making a big trip to the store.

Then I came home and caught up on a few things around the house while P went to a gun show because OF COURSE. And then Caroline and Ella, along with Ella’s parents, came over and P grilled quail and sausage for dinner. I boiled some eggs for the girls to dye because I felt like this killed two birds with one stone, festive Easter fun plus stuff to make egg salad for lunch this week.

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On Sunday morning I woke up with a little bit of a headache thanks to a cold front that blew through and brought every drop of pollen it could find with it. And so we slept in and then I took some Advil and a Sudafed. And then I lamented the sad state of my March Madness bracket.

I’m looking at you, Gonzaga and Georgetown.

And that was our weekend. Otherwise known as how to bore people out of their minds in 1027 words.

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  1. Missie says

    I do believe that very same stomach bug has made it’s way to Western PA! I work at an elementary school and we had sick children to tend to all day on Friday. 60 degree weather sounds absolutely wonderful. We are getting snow, AGAIN, here in our area! I’ll swap you 20 degrees and snowy with your 60 degrees and drizzle.

  2. says

    Oh last night I was sure I was coming down with a stomach bug. Sooo thankful I didn’t! And yes, 60 sounds wonderful. It snowed here last night. I told my sisters we should pretend it is the first snow of the winter so we’d be happy about it. lol But then my sister said that would get us looking forward to Christmas. Bad idea in March.

  3. Tracey says

    Went to the big Target in west Houston yesterday to find the sandals in this week’s ad…no luck there either. Feels like retailers everywhere are pushing for more online shopping. Glad you and Caroline dodged the stomach bug but notice how Target shopping woes are higher on my list!

  4. BethA says

    I hope Jackson and Will are feeling better, and glad that y’all didn’t succumb to the bug. And AMEN about the pollen!! Good grief. Bob and Catherine washed and waxed the car on Saturday and by the next morning when we left for church you could hardly tell that the paint color wasn’t actually a bilious yellow! Oh, my sinus passages! And AMEN about this weather. Where did our nice warm temps go?? I had to turn on the heater this morning. Enough already! This is Texas, not North Dakota. (Please forget that I’ve said this when summer comes and I’m whining about how hot it is here. Thanks.)

  5. Leigh says

    My brackets blew up Thursday when Harvard won, and then Friday night, Florida Gulf Coast? Really? Next year, I am picking solely based on which mascots costumes are the cutest, and which team colors are the most attractive and forget my vast knowledge of college basketball.

    And now my Gators get to play the Cinderella of this years tournament. Don’t know if that’s good or bad. I just hope none of them get a stomach bug!

  6. Beth W in FL says

    We call the stomach bug Voldemort at our house…That Which Must Not Be Named or You Know What. 😉

    And I have to echo your sentiments about the Target shoe selection lately. It’s pretty heinous.

  7. Lyn says

    It’s not just your Target. Mine has a lousy shoe selection also. At first I thought maybe it was just because they were redesigning or rethinking their shoe department. It’s been going on for over a year though. No shoe buying at Target here!

  8. Tisha Ward says

    I have been looking for those same Target sandals. Their shoe selection is BAD!!!! I guess I am stuck ordering online. I have GOT to have the animal print ones.

  9. Marybeth says

    Is that a bowl of antlers in the background of the surgery picture? If it is you are the best wife evehaa!! God bless you!

  10. Makila says

    Oh I had Georgetown winning it all. My bracket is now dead to me and I have and will be cheering for the underdog from now on. Lets go Florida Gulf Coast!!!

  11. says

    Damp sweatshirt sleeve? Can literally ruin a good Monday night date night with my husband. We watch Castle every Monday night, (yes, this is life after 40) and on those occasions my sleeve is damp from cleaning up the kitchen, I literally get so distracted I can’t even think of anything else until I change. My husband thinks I have SO many serious quirks. Can’t wait to share with him that I am not alone. (Not that it will make him feel better, mine are the only quirks he has to live with!)

  12. says

    We were just watching Duck Dynasty last night and giggling at Uncle Cy saying “Good night of living!” Ha! Pollen = ick. Eye of the tiger = GoGirl, Go!

  13. Amy C says

    I read once to wrap raw bacon around a splinter, that the fat draws it out. While I was NOT willing to do that, I figured anything greasy would take it out just as well. So, when one of us gets a splinter, I put triple antibiotic ointment over it and cover with a band-aid. It always works itself out on it’s own…pain free!!

  14. says

    Well, I am so happy for the person from Ft. Myers, because if we can’t support each other why are we here, but hello??? FLORIDA GULF COAST? My final four are still in but they’re about the only four I’ve got out of SIXTEEN. Fortunately I never got around to joining a bracket because goodby five dollars if I had. (p.s. it is fun to watch those gulf coast boys play, though)

    • Leigh says

      I don’t even have my Final Four still in! See, I picked Pitt to come out of the West bracket simply because I like their coach. Am so going with the mascots next year, I tell ya!

      And while I do so agree it’s fun to watch the FGCU boys play, I really hope that Friday night is the last time we see them this year, because my Gators need to win. I picked them to win it all…

      I do like FGCU’s colors-that royal blue and pretty green are nice and tropical looking, like, um, the Florida Gulf coast.

      Sorry to hijack your blog/comments Melanie. Don’t have another place to discuss March Madness.

  15. says

    Felt the same away about Herrod and the leeches AND the Target shoe department! The website said cute leather ballet flats in Spring colors and the store said absolutely nothing of the sort. Fun post!

  16. judy says

    I read your book, which was a delight! Caroline is such a little firecracker. I live in Spokane and thought we were going to have to close everything for a day of mourning, after the Gonzaga game.

  17. Christine says

    I am with you and the shoe department at Target right now! What is the deal?! I can’t buy shoes for myself at Target because in order to do that they would have to sell shoes in a size “Tugboat” and there is no cute stripey canvas wedge on the planet that looks good that large. HOWEVER, my girlies are right in the Target shoe department wheelhouse, so why, oh why was there not a single blessed flip flop in my local Target the other day that would fit a 9 (almost 7) year old girl ?! Not a single one. A whole flippin’ wall of them in ladies sizes 7-9 but I was completely out of luck for the ladybugs! Go figure…

  18. amanda fair says

    Read almost all of your book this past Saturday and I l.o.v.e. it. I have no children of my own – but we’re in the middle of some serious trying (our second IUI procedure will be in about 15 days) and….I don’t know. I guess the book really hit home for me – for where we’re at right now. Can’t wait to get home tonight so I can finish it up! Thanks for the great read!

  19. says

    AAAAAHHHHH!!! I want to see her play!!! Hello, my little Leo Princess! OF COURSE, you are intense when it comes to soccer. I get it. Nothing in the world matters except GET THAT BALL. I’m so sorry that your head was in the way, dear Goalie friend of mine. We’ll have ice cream later, but right now IN YOUR FACE!
    Hmmm…I wonder why my oldest son told me that I “didn’t have to go” to his 4v4 tournament this weekend. There was some jibberish about parents not going, being informal, blah blah blah. Nevermind that I went home promptly and cried in my bathroom. No big deal.
    My guess is that as soon as he gets his license in August, I will never see him again. (Not that I’m dramatic.) Something about those headstrong Leos.

  20. Laura Drury says

    did you know that you can put elmer’s glue on a splinter, let it dry and pull it off and USUALLY the splinter comes out with the glue?? It’s great and no screaming is involved!

  21. Trisha White says

    Boo hiss to Target on their shoe selection! I’ve noticed a decline over the past year. I ordered those adorbs leopard print thong ones. They said they were on backorder. Then I got an email saying they would not ever be available, so the order was cancelled. Really bummed. I need a new place to find my cute summer sandals and flip flops that doesn’t require a major financial commitment.

  22. Wendy T in Indiana says

    I would be happy if there was a Target in my neighborhood, shoes or no shoes! My only consolation is that my Indiana Hoosiers are in the Sweet 16!!!

  23. Sue W says

    Your weekend was a lot more interesting then ours! Ours consisted of laundry, cleaning, cooking and basketball! Oh, living in KS I was happy to see WSU and KU win!

  24. Marilyn says

    The Kohl’s I go to is also bad about not having things that are in the ad sheet.

    I’m a no-intelligence-involved person when filling in the NCAA bracket. All my home state teams (KU, K-State, Wichita), and Gonzaga, because I like saying (mispronouncing) Gon zaaaaaaaaaaa gah.

  25. Marie M.C. says

    I love hearing about your weekends, days, triumphs, tribulations. Whether it’s the stomach bug, splinters or damp sleeve you turn something (perhaps something mundane) we all have experienced into something funny. Every time I read a post I laugh and feel a connection. Well, expect for the six foot snakes and deer (or is it an antelope?) head in your living room.

  26. Allison says

    Lovin your book! I am nearly done reading it – it’s what I read in the car while I wait for my kids to get out of practice. To the others in the parking lot waiting in their cars, it must look awfully strange that I am throwing my head back and laughing so much! (Luckily the windows are up so they can’t hear the snorting!) Great book – fun, funny, thought provoking – wish it was longer! :o)

  27. Cassie B. says

    First things first…LOVED your book! I truly enjoyed it and especially liked your honesty and candidness.
    Second…I am from Spokane, WA – home of the Gonzaga Bulldogs. Like you, I had the Zags advancing further than they made it. Wichita State…seriously?!? LaSalle?!? Aye, aye, aye.
    From a depressed Spokane, I wish you and yours a beautiful and blessed Easter holiday!


  28. terri mccormick says

    Found you when I googled diamond darlings (rabid aggie bb fan). Great writing, too funny and bang on. Thanks for some laughs. And yes, in my next life I will be a darling, even though my husband’s nickname for them is ‘afgans’ (canine not cotton).

  29. Deborah (Debbie) says

    You have the absolutely most INTERESTING boring posts! Can’t get over how they brighten my day!

  30. Midj says

    Okay, here’s my dilemma… I live in Gainesville and have been a Gator fan FOREVER— Now, my husband is a UF Alum (as are several of my family members), my daughter is a recent (last May) UF grad, aaaaaaannnnnddddd… my son is a Junior and the President of the Honors Program at FGCU… What to do, what to do… :-)

  31. Amy E. says

    Can’t comment on March Madness, just don’t love it at all, but I LOVED it when you said “good night of living”! I know, so random, but my dad used to say that. I can hear it now, said with just the right amount of disgust/surprise/amazement….And only a southerner will understand it. Anyway, it made me smile :)

  32. says

    Please keep the funny coming. Now when I need a pick-me-up, I will come here to your blog, and imagine I actually know you. I followed here from Melanie’s blog at bagelsbuddyand me.

  33. says

    Nothing and I mean nothing makes me cringe more than the thought of digging a splinter out of my kid. Splinters send my blood pressure through the roof. Broken bones? Blood? Piece of cake. But a splinter? I can’t do it.

    The photo of P and Caroline made me laugh out loud though. It’s so serious. It looks like he’s getting ready to perform surgery. LOL

    I enjoyed all 1027 words of this post!