Big Mama Blog

Doritos and Nelson Mandela

I never mentioned last week that a fairly miraculous thing happened. As long as you don’t believe that I mean that literally.

My iPhone has been brought back to life.

You may remember that I mentioned over a month ago that my phone died constantly. I mean it would show that I had 78% battery life left and then just die. Usually in the middle of a fascinating text conversation between Gulley and me about my quest to find a new purse.

Needless to say, it was desperate times.

It got to the point that I basically had to have my phone plugged in at all times or it would die. As you can imagine, this was terribly convenient and also reminiscent of the dark days of the 1980s when you could only move as far as the twisty cord on your phone would allow.

And I just never took the time to go to the Apple store to get help with my phone. Why you ask? Because I’m an idiot with no sense of proper priorities. Need a new purse? MUST GET IMMEDIATELY. Unreliable phone that dies at the drop of a hat? Let’s wait a few months on that to see how annoying it can be to me and everyone around me as I constantly complain about it and yet do nothing.

On Thursday morning I finally pulled myself together, made an appointment at the Genius Bar, and took my phone in, mentally preparing for the worst. By which I don’t mean an Apocalypse. I mean I might have to upgrade to a new phone and there would go my new purse budget. But they ran a quick diagnostic test, determined I had a defective battery (You don’t say?) and gave me a new battery free of charge.

It has changed my life. I am once again walking in phone freedom and had no idea how much I’d taken it for granted. I can text extensively and talk for hours and check email and never have to charge my phone. And this could have happened months ago if I had any sense of urgency regarding things that actually matter.

I’m the worst.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know about my phone because I walked around most of the weekend feeling this huge sense of accomplishment regarding my phone that now works the way it’s supposed to. Imagine if I did something that actually took real effort.

So on Friday Caroline’s class hosted their annual Mother’s Day tea. She’s had the same teacher for first, third and now fourth grade and the tea is something they’ve done every year. It’s one of my favorite things ever. They work so hard to make it special and her teacher puts a slideshow together from the school year and you’re basically guaranteed to get a little teary unless you’re dead inside.

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Friday night we picked up barbecue which was a departure from our usual Mexican food, but we like to play it fast and loose over here. Predictable? Not us.

Truthfully I was just excited because we had nothing planned for Saturday. No soccer, no basketball, no macrame’ classes even though we’ve never taken a macrame’ class. I can’t really explain how lovely it felt to sleep in Saturday morning and know we had a day of absolutely nothing we had to do ahead of us.

So P headed down to the ranch and Caroline and I went to watch Will’s baseball game. Then the kids put the hard sell on Gulley and me to take them to the pool for the first outing of the season. We agreed to it as long as they realized we weren’t even wearing our swimsuits to the pool. That’s how committed we were to not getting in the freezing water.

Honestly, we didn’t think they’d last more than an hour because we’ve had a lot of rain and not a ton of super warm days and it’s not like any of them are gunning for Polar Bear Club membership. But they proved us wrong and we ended up staying at the pool for four hours.

And here’s the beauty of having an eleven, nine and eight year old, they were totally self-sufficient. They got their own snacks, they performed elaborate routines off the diving board and Gulley and I were able to sit and visit for four hours about everything from hair to football.

The only low point came when I made a trip to the concession stand to order Gulley and me a couple of beers and some chips and salsa. First of all, they were out of tortilla chips. I don’t even understand how this is possible, but I feel it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the summer. May is too early to be out of chips. That’s the kind of thing that happens in August when everyone is over the pool and only there because what else do you do when it’s 106 degrees outside? I’m a little ashamed to say that I resorted to buying a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos to fulfill my chip craving.

(On a related note, the purchase of the Nacho Cheese Doritos caused me to confess to Gulley that my favorite after school snack when I was in high school was Doritos with Cheez Whiz melted on top of them. There are so many health issues regarding this snack even if you don’t factor in that I was basically eating my proper dietary sodium allowance for the month in one sitting.)

The other low was the conversation between the high school boys working in the concession stand. I’m going to write it out for you to do it justice.

Boy 1: “Dude, have you seen Shawshank Redemption?”

Boy 2: “Yes, that’s an awesome movie. What’s that guy’s name that plays Red?”

Boy 1: “Oh yeah, I think his name is Nelson Mandela.”

Y’all.

I don’t even know.

Hope you had a good weekend.

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Comments

  1. 1
    Jeannette says:

    I thought your purse budget was $15! And agree with you about dreading to go to the phone in a box store. Those kids talk in a language I have never heard before.
    Your first of many visits to the pool this summer. Just knew they were going to “card” you for your beer.

  2. 2

    LOVE the Nelson Mandela line – I saw him in Dolphin’s Tale this weekend; that former So. African President really gets around :-)

  3. 3

    Praise the Lord for pool season! I’m also disturbed about the lack of chips- guess the staff got hungry?
    Confession: I totally eat Nacho Cheese Doritos with that Tostitos queso-in-a-jar. I’m pretty sure my arteries are coated in orange junk.

  4. 4

    Oh my goodness! The Nelson Mandela line had me simutaneously cracking up laughing and wanting to weep for the future of our country.

    That picture of you and Caroline is simply adorable! And I’m happy your phone is working again. :)

  5. 6

    Well now. If we’re gonna talk Nacho Cheese Doritos, then you need to know about the nachos at Momma G’s here in Birmingham. You’ll have to get BooMama to take you next time you’re here in town. It’s real simple: nacho cheese doritos with pepperjack cheese melted on top and then jalapeƱos if you like that sort of thing. DELICIOUS. Being a college student, I’m a ran of Monday and Friday. From 3-6 you get a sub (so good), drink, and chips for the time on the clock. Show up at 3:26? Pay $3.26. And you can get nachos instead!

    I’ll totally take you next time you’re here for dotMOM. :) Hoping to meet you next time – I was there because I (in)tern for (in)courage but I was just too nervous. :)

  6. 7

    And this is why I should wait til morning to read your posts! I was so caught off guard with Nelson Mendela that I burst out laughing – thankfully my husband did not wake up. I am glad I was not reading it in our room. You just delight me!

  7. 8

    Omigoodness! As soon as something technological stops functioning nominally, it’s off to the Apple Store or up to my hubby’s office it goes. I have zero patience for malfunctioning tech gadgets.

    Ooh, new purse? I just got one for my birthday/Mothers Day gift. I had a $45 GC from the Dooney Store plus a $50 off Mothers Day coupon & the purse I wanted was 25% off, so I made out like a bandit. I got the Florentine Medium Russel Bag in Aqua. I love it. It holds my iPad & tons of other stuff & doesn’t even look bulky. :)

  8. 9

    Your photo of you and the darling daughter absolutely rocks. She looks more and more like you every year. Congrats on four hours of relatively alone time with Gulley-grrrl–that’s such a wonderful activity , watching them do it themselves.

    Purses for Mother’s Day ~!~! I just built one for myself out of grey linen with strips of my quilt “coins” on the front and across the top where it folds. Very cute. Small-ish and with a braided bias tape strap it’s very chichi looking. Got the idea from a Field Bag I saw on Etsy-in leather, but I have no cow hanging about waiting for a purse to be made from her skin, so I went with the nicest fabric I had-the linen, medium weight, gorgeous gray. Guess I ought to take this comment to my own blog, huh ?~!

  9. 10
    Jennifer S says:

    My best friend and I used to crumble Doritos and sprinkle them generously on top of a frozen pizza (the one with the cubed pepperoni back in the 80″s). We were all kinds of healthy back then.

    • 11
      Wendy C. says:

      The Totino’s small, frozen pizzas have the cubed pepperoni, and I love them.

  10. 12

    Nelson Mandela in Shawshank?! LOL!!! Please tell me you southern sassed them politely into correction? ;)

    Favorite after school snack in high school? Honeybuns from the gas station. And these amazing soft dinner rolls from a local restaurant. What was wrong with me?

  11. 13

    My two favorite movies with Nelson Mandela were The Bucket List and Bruce Almighty. He’s a very talented guy is he not? lol
    We have ice tsunami’s here in Minnesota over the weekend. The ice is being blown from the lakes onto the shores and creeps just like tsunami’s. They have wrecked many houses/cabins. So our warm weather is hopefully coming soon!

    Hugs from Minnesota
    Marie

  12. 14

    Melanie, I have so many things to say. 1) It once took me 6 weeks to get a new phone charger for the car. My life was miserable for those 6 weeks. And the only reason it ONLY took 6 weeks is because when I had to run into a UPS store to mail a giveaway prize to a winner, they happen to have a converter sitting right there by the counter. It was fate. 2) That pic of you and Caroline is GORGEOUS! 3) My Gulley and I have been friends since elementary school. And our go-to snack for around 8 years was tator tots dipped in queso. And to be perfectly honest, I would love to have some of that right now. We also drank cream soda, which I could do without. 4) And Nelson Mandela? Laughed SO hard. But boys who don’t know about Morgan Freeman weren’t raised right. But they’re right, great movie. In my top 3 of all time for sure.
    That is all for now.
    xoxo,
    Sheaffer :)

  13. 17

    That is the sweetest picture! She looks so much like you! I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!

  14. 18

    What a beautiful picture of you and Caroline!! She looks so much like her Momma. :)

    I loved all the throwbacks in this post. The twisty cord. The after school snacks. The Shawshank. Oh, the memories. Your Cheez Whiz comment had me thinking of my husband, who had a babysitter who used to make him grilled cheese sandwiches with Cheez Whiz. Yuck. Unfortunately, this has led to a general ban of Cheez Whiz in our home. The sacrifices we make for marriage.

  15. 19

    That is cool that Caroline has had the same teacher all these years. Is her teacher gonna keep moving up with them?

  16. 20

    The teenage conversation, Awesome!

  17. 21
    Colorado says:

    Just saw “Nelson” in the new Tom Cruise movie…… my opinion: don’t bother. However, I am biased b/c I do not like the Cruise at all. Such a cute photo of you and C!

  18. 22
    Wendy C. says:

    *facepalm* on the Nelson Mandela conversation

  19. 23

    wonder who is more offended by that remark…Nelson or Morgan?

  20. 24

    And on that note, I’m finally booking into Genius Bar to get my iPad looked at. The battery is rubbish at holding charge, and I keep whinging to my husband that it cuts out when I’m reading important things about politics and health care and suede ankle boots on sale.

    I don’t know why he walks out of the room halfway through that conversation…?

  21. 25

    Cheese Wiz! Yes! I liked the stuff in the can, myself. I used to make little stars on top of each of my Vegetable Thins crackers, decorating as I snacked myself into a junk food coma!

  22. 26
    Sherri Len says:

    And this is why our daughters shouldn’t date until they (and the guys) are 30!

  23. 27
    Nikki H says:

    First I want to say that is a darling picture of you and your little clone. And second, Nelson? Really. At least they have seen a good classic.

  24. 28

    I used to/still do love beanie weenies (the children’s microwaveable cup) with saltines covered in mayo on the side. No one understands me…

  25. 29
    Celeste Hill says:

    Melanie the picture of you and your girl is just precious. She is such
    a combination of you & P! The comment about Shawshank
    makes your head hurt for our youth. Then a glimmer of hope is
    restored when you attend a graduation & hear the Valadictorian’s
    speech.
    Have a blessed week in the freedom of your restored iPhone.

  26. 30

    Hilarious!!

  27. 31
    Marie M.C. says:

    Nelson Mandela. 27 years in prison. Leader of anti-apartheid movement in South Africa. President of South Africa. Winner of Nobel Peace Prize. AND Hollywood movie star. (Who knew?) What a career.

  28. 32

    Im cracking up, and I like you.

  29. 33

    Melanie,

    I started reading your book, and I am enjoying it.

    Keep Christ shining, we need much more of that.

    Wayne

  30. 34
    Heather says:

    ok – first, to be fair, I think Mogan Freeman played Nelson Mandela in a movie once. So I can understand the confusion those young, ill-informed boys. However – it really does leave you with not much else to say. Wow.
    on a similar note – my husband I were at our local ‘amusement park’ (and I use those terms loosely since I grew up in Florida where we went to Busch Gardens monthly. That is an amusement park. What we have here in PA is a glorified carnival.) At any rate, we were standing in line for something and listening to the two boys in front of us chatting about the Wii. Suddenly the one kid says, “your mom likes the wii”. And that may be the best “your momma” line ever used. Just had to share…
    And lastly – I just finished your book! FANTASTIC!! It made me laugh and cry thinking about my one and a half year old and our years to come. Thank you for sharing it.
    ~Heather

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