Well.
Guess who has two thumbs, is all talk, and ended up at the zoo yesterday?
This girl.
Ever since Gulley and I first planned Aunt Camp I declared vehemently that I would do anything…slide down the slide at the pool, go to the new children’s museum, visit Kiddie Park, ride the train, play at the park…anything except go to the zoo.
Why? Because I am not fond of the zoo.
I don’t need your judgement. Some people don’t like pizza. Others don’t care for the circus. My personal kryptonite is the zoo. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I made PLENTY of zoo trips when Caroline was little but I calculated today and I think my last trip to the zoo was when I was a chaperone for her field trip when she was in second grade. I had blocked that trip out because I was in charge of eight second graders who were supposed to fill out a detailed report about everything we saw and what they ate and where they lived. Which is all fine and good except I’d have been more successful letting the monkeys out of their cages and asking them to compile that information rather than a group of seven year olds who were giddy from a day outside the classroom and all hyped up on bus fumes and the smell of parental fear.
The day began innocently enough. I dropped Caroline off at soccer camp and then had an appointment. After it was over I ran by the grocery store and then to Gulley’s house to provide reinforcements since Linc woke them up at 5:45 a.m. bright eyed and ready to start a new day. I brought some Ninja Turtle gummy snacks and a couple of new books and we hung out until it was time to pick up Jackson and Caroline from their respective camps.
Our plan was to pick up Chick-Fil-A and go have a picnic in the park by the zoo train before riding the train, but it began to pour down rain so we opted to eat at EZ’s and then make our way to the train. Here’s what we didn’t count on. As we drove into the parking lot for the train, Lincoln began to see all the signs with animals on them and excitedly exclaimed, “IS THIS THE ZOO? I LOVE ANIMALS! I LOVE THE ZOO!” And since I am not, in fact, dead inside, what option did I have but to acquiesce that maybe we should visit the zoo after riding the train? Maybe Gulley and I are more like grandmas than aunts because his excitement caused us to forget all our plans to avoid the zoo.
We boarded the train which we hoped was better than Linc’s last train experience. He told us he’d ridden Thomas the Train and it was just okay because he didn’t make any of the stops he said he was going to make although apparently he did play “appropriate music” according to Lincoln. I’m not sure what constitutes “appropriate music” on a train but I’m guessing no Iggy Azalea was involved.
Of course the zoo train isn’t as slick as Thomas and there’s no music, appropriate or inappropriate, but we did tell him there was a tunnel where you have to be loud to scare away the bears and we might even see a wild cat or two. Which, the train ride did not disappoint because we did see a wild cat while on the train.
Sadly, this bit of wildlife didn’t get us off the hook for the zoo.
So we got off the train and made our way to the zoo entrance. The kids unanimously decided they wanted to visit the snake house first which, if the zoo is my kryptonite then the snake house is my Lex Luthor. And Gulley remarked that it’s sad our kids can read now since there was a time when they were little that we took them to the zoo and I told them that the sign on the door of the snake house said, “CLOSED” even though that was a lie. But you know what? You want to visit the snake house? LEARN TO READ.
We made our way through the vipers and the rattlesnakes and the iguanas and I tried not to think about my belief that they could totally break that glass if they wanted out badly enough. And, thankfully, that portion was over fast enough and we moved on to more pleasant things like the hippo habitat.
And we saw an elephant getting what appeared to be a pedicure.
Plus, some zebras who were trying to get some shelter from the rain because, OH YES, it started to pour down rain.
Then Linc declared he was so hungry he couldn’t walk, so we stopped for a nutritious snack.
Have you ever tried sour apple flavored cotton candy? Here’s a tip. DON’T.
But he loved it and eventually his entire mouth and both hands were entirely green. I dug some handi-wipes out of my purse that I’d grabbed at Chick-Fil-A the day before and handed him one and he asked, “Hey! Are these wipes from Chick-Fil-A?” Which cracked me up because that’s a boy who has been wiped down a time or two with some antiseptic wipes.
Then just when we all decided we could zoo no more, we saw the carousel and sometimes you just have to ride a gorilla to complete your experience.
I’m glad to report the carousel played “appropriate music”.
After we left the zoo which had turned into a sauna, thanks to the rain and the ensuing sun, and I brought Linc back to my house where he enjoyed a long bubble bath before curling up with Nothing to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I was honestly glad we’d ended up there. It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon.
Except for maybe the snake house.