A reader sent me an email earlier this week to let me know that Banana Republic is selling skinny jeans with zippers at the ankles and she wanted to break the news to me gently. Unfortunately, she was too late because earlier that morning I’d clicked over to Banana Republic to see if they had anything on sale and right there on the main page of their site, in front of God and everyone, was this photo.
You know why that model is lying down like that? Because that’s the only way those jeans actually look decent. Of course in all fairness they probably look pretty good on her because she just ate half a lettuce leaf for lunch followed by a wee slice of apple and, man, is she stuffed.
The sight of those zippered ankles made me reminisce about my favorite pair of jeans in 8th grade. They were Guess pinstriped (oh the horror) jeans with a zippered ankle. When I walked down the halls of Marshall Middle School wearing those jeans with my huaraches, it was best to just get out of my way because I worked that look with an attitude that only an awkward 13 year old could.
Anyway, I totally should have saved those jeans because they are back in style. Well, minus the pinstripes. But they were probably a size 24 waist since I had yet to hit puberty, so I guess the only purpose they’d serve would be to hang around in my closet and look chic (chick).
I have a theory that all these horrific fashion flashbacks to the 80’s are coming back around because today’s designers are mere babies who were born in a year I vividly remember. A year where I already had a drivers’ license and listened to Duran Duran while wondering how long it would be before Simon Le Bon would discover there was a teenage girl in Beaumont, Texas who wanted to marry him and move to the UK and host great karoke parties where all our friends would sit around and sing “Hungry Like the Wolf” or “Reflex” while we laughed at the irony.
My point is that most of today’s designers were wearing onesies the last time zippered leg jeans and large shoulder pads were in style and don’t understand that they went out of style for a reason. A very good reason.
Okay, now that I’ve sufficiently rambled, here are the remaining six trends for fall. If you miss the first four from last week, then click over to Edition 62 to catch up.
5. Boyfriend blazer
I cannot express how much I loved the boyfriend blazers back in the late 80’s/early 90’s. They completed me, especially the one I bought from The Limited with super cool gold buttons. In fact, the only time a blazer let me down was when I decided to wear a red one from the Gap with jeans and a denim shirt (bless my heart) to an A&M football game. We were playing SMU and in an unfortunate turn of events I was dressed just like the SMU band. It was years before I recovered from the horror.
There are several different kinds of boyfriend blazers to choose from. The important thing is to find one that’s flattering and doesn’t make you look frumpy.
Also, it’s important to remember that blazers can be taken in on the sides for a better fit and sleeves can be hemmed if they’re too long, but there’s nothing you can do to change where the shoulder of the blazer hits. Make sure you get a good fit through the shoulders and that it’s roomy enough for you to move around without looking like Mr. Roboto.
Domo Arigato.
6. The Sheath Dress
I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought a dress because I have a shockingly empty social calendar, which is fine with me because there’s a good show on Bravo every single night of the week and why would I want to go out when I can stay home in my pajamas and watch The Rachel Zoe Project or Top Chef?
But, truthfully, if I still worked for the evil pharmaceutical empire, I would be all over this trend. There is nothing easier than just throwing on a dress and calling it a miserable day of schlepping Starbucks to various doctors’ offices.
Here are some sheath dresses that are perfect for the office.
And here are a few that would be great for dressier occasions, like a regatta gala.
Bon appetit.
I don’t know why I just said that.
7. Long cardigans
Am I in some sort of tricked-out Delorean that’s taking me to a place where I revisit the fashions of my youth?
The cardigan is tricky because you don’t want to look like a librarian, unless of course you are a librarian. Proceed with caution and try on several styles.
You could totally go old school with something like this or this or this.
Just make sure it’s not too fitted around the bottom area because I could write an entire doctoral thesis on the wrongs of having a garment cling to your booty.
Personally, I prefer this version of the long cardigan look. I also really like this one and this one.
And be still my ever lovin’ heart at this one that I adore from Anthropologie even though they never write or call.
8. Chains
Accessories really are the best way to make an outfit look up to date without spending a lot of money. This fall is all about the chain necklace.
Here are a few different chains to choose from.
9. Boots
Boots are going to be a staple again this year and I couldn’t be more thrilled because I have always been a huge fan of the boot because I suffer from chronic cold feet syndrome (it’s a real sickness, people) and they allow me to wear my warmest, ugliest socks and no one knows the difference.
Depending on your needs, there are boot styles that fit every need and budget.
10. Country influences
I know you’re thinking what in the world does that even mean? Well, it means what it means and I saved it for last because it is one of my favorite looks. The other night on The Rachel Zoe Project, Rachel said she’d like to be buried in head to toe Chanel. Maybe it’s my Texas roots, but I’d like to be buried in jeans, a great pair of boots and some fab turquoise jewelry.
Of course depending on your style, country can either mean “I’m on my way to the ranch” or “I’m on my way to our country estate in England where we’ll spend the weekend playing polo and drinking tea”. I think we all know which option I lean towards.
To get the look, you’ll need a good pair of jeans, a few plaid shirts or a white ruffled shirt, some cozy sweaters for layering, a great belt, turquoise jewelry, and cowboy boots. Lucky for you, this is the year to find cowboy boots in every price range and style.
You may also want a tweed vest, a classic jacket or some tall boots to wear with skinny jeans or leggings if you want to lean more towards the English countryside look. It may also help to adopt a British accent.
The key is to mix and match these pieces with other things in your wardrobe. Wear a long plaid shirt with skinny jeans tucked into boots or wear a long sweater with a cute belt and boots. Just add a few key pieces to your wardrobe to give it a little bit of country flair.
Or if you’re like Donny Osmond, you can just be a little bit rock and roll.
Maybe you could even wear purple socks.
How obsessed was I with Donny Osmond that I still remember that?
Y’all have a great Friday.