We went down to A.J.’s ranch on Saturday after the mighty Rainbows won their soccer game. It was really no surprise that they won given their intensity for the game as depicted in this photo.
I’m not sure if it was P’s pep talk or their pride in being able to balance their Gatorade bottles on their head that pushed them to victory, but they came from behind to defeat the Purple Flakes.
As soon as the game was over, we loaded up our gear like a modern-day version of The Beverly Hillbillies and headed south. There was barely room in the back of P’s truck for our suitcases due to all the weaponry. I wanted to point out that it seemed like overkill since a person can only shoot one gun at a time, but I knew he’d turn it around on me and my multiple pairs of boots. Which is totally different by the way because one gun goes with any sort of outfit but black boots with a brown sweater? So wrong.
We arrived at the ranch a little after lunchtime and I hopped out of the truck to open the gate because I have been chief gate opener since the day P and I started hanging out over fourteen years ago. He gives me the combination and I jump out, search the area for any rattlesnakes hiding in the grass, open the gate and close it after he drives through. We are a well-oiled machine.
I walked up to the truck and discovered another driver had taken over the wheel.
It’s our very own Toonces the driving cat.
After Toonces got us safely to the ranch house, we unloaded all our stuff and spent some time visiting with A.J.’s friends. This was important because Caroline had composed a list of our scheduled ranch activities and the number one thing on it was “Chat for a little bit”. The next thing on the list was “Go fishing” but we decided to wait just a little while.
P was on the riding lawn mower (I could tell you why he was mowing, but it’s a long story that involves needing to see any pigs that might come to a feeder) when he saw a rattlesnake. He attempted to run it over with the lawn mower in what would have been a truly grisly experience, but the snake flattened itself out so P jumped off the lawnmower, stomped on the snake’s head with his boot (hence the need for tall snake-proof boots) and killed it with his knife. He’s my very own Bear Grylls.
Best of all, A.J.’s friends told him they wanted the dead snake because they were going to cook it (I will spare you the sight of smoked rattlesnake because there are some things that just aren’t right), and they were sweet enough to cut off the rattle and give it to Caroline.
Look at the pleased look on her face. It’s the same way I used to look at my Ballerina Barbie when I was a little girl.
But the fun didn’t stop there.
We played some pool.
Caroline and A.J. found something they wanted to show me.
What is it? Maybe a bouquet of wild flowers?
It’s a giant Iguana that’s about to eat my baby.
Or maybe it’s just a Texas spiny lizard.
Either way, make the screaming in my head stop.
P missed that precious moment and when I showed him the picture I said, “Can you believe that?”
He replied, “No, I can’t believe it. How did that thing’s tail not fall off?”
Because, clearly, that’s the biggest wonder. Not the fact that I have a daughter who will hold an enormous lizard which is just a distant relative of a snake.
Later they went hunting because Caroline desperately wanted to shoot a pig. While they were gone I took a Tylenol Allergy and Sinus pill because I’m either coming down with a horrible virus, a terrible cold or just suffering from seasonal allergies. Unfortunately I didn’t pay attention to the part of the package that said “Nighttime Formula” and so I fell into a dead sleep due to my low tolerance of diphenhydramine, otherwise known as Benadryl.
(I know stuff like this because of my drug rep days when I was practically a doctor but without the eight to twelve years of school. I learned all I needed to know from a workbook and two week training sessions, otherwise known as just enough to be dangerous.)
Anyway, I woke up just as the hunters were coming back from the evening hunt and happened to catch a glimpse of the Texas A&M vs. Kansas State score. I was sure the cold medicine had made me delirious and there was no way we were losing by that wide of a margin, but unfortunately after I sobered up from my Bendadryl hangover yesterday morning I realized that it was real. We are just that bad.
And I’d had such hope that maybe we were pretty good in spite of getting killed by Arkansas since Arkansas almost beat #1 Florida on Saturday. But, alas, it was just my optimism getting the best of me.
P and Caroline didn’t see any pigs on Saturday night so they were as sad about their loss as I was about the Aggies loss. Fortunately, they went out Sunday morning and she made a perfect shot on a javelina, which is like a pig but uglier and with bad teeth.
(Picture to follow. Do not look if you don’t want to see a dead javelina.)
Thanks for having us down, A.J. It was the perfect weekend.
Except for maybe when I overdosed on Benadryl.
And when the Aggies got destroyed.
Love,
Melanie, Bear Grylls, and Toonces
That thing is JUST Awful! I can’t believe she would even stand by it dead! SCARY!!!!
P.S. Now what do you do with it? Do people eat that?
I find this post disturbing on so many levels. The closest I like to get to wildlife is at the zoo, and even then I’m uncomfortable. I’m not sure I’d survive in Texas. I’d probably have to live in a Benadryl induced stupor.
Wow – I thought growing up in Georgia was bad what with the wildlife population and bugs galore. Apparently it’s nothing next to Texas – glad you survived the weekend intact!
Have mercy! Rattlesnakes, lizards, big-ugly-dead-pig things… but the best part was the pool playing with a pistol in the holster! You know how to rock a weekend in your family, that’s for sure!
And that is where you introduce me to a side of life that I’m not used to up here in 32 F NE Ohio.
LOL at Kelly with the pistol in the holster…I was laughing out loud too!
I just love it all….(except for that buck tooth swine relative looking thing….I’ll pass on that)
What memories you are creating for your daughter, even if you cannot recollect them all from your Benadryl induced comas.
Thanks to everyone for all the bedding suggestions – now we have my work cut out for us! ( I mean me and Big Mama)
Is that a Chris Madrid’s T-shirt on AJ? My in-laws live in SA and always eat there. I’m quite addicted to the chilequiles at Blanco Cafe.
Looks like a fun weekend! Reminds me of growing up. Haha I’m a little sad my kiddos won’t go shooting with my dad and me. They have no interest in guns! Maybe my daughter needs a pink camo .22! I’ll pass along the idea to Pap for Christmas!
Love your blog…
Your daughter is a better shot than I think I could ever hope to be. She is also much braver because that is the ugliest animal I’ve ever seen.
My dad used to go rattlesnake hunting with a friend at their ranch in WY and I still remember him bringing one home to clean in the bathtub- he mounted the skin. Still gives me the cold sugars, as my son calls them!
That memory has to be made all the more precious by the fact that Caroline accomplished so much while wearing a George’s Big O shirt.
Also, are the Rainbows sponsored by…lunchmeat?
I am always so amazed at what your daughter will do! I have two very girly girls…who come by it very honestly from their mother. If the one I am carrying comes out anything like your sweet Caroline…boy.am.I.in.trouble!
As a Texan myself, it’s so funny to read comments where folks think you find javelinas and rattlers ALL along Texas state highways! Now THAT would be a mite disturbing! But we – like you – drive a while before coming to my brother’s “land” – where the wild things are! Such great fun!
And as a George’s lover, I noticed Caroline’s t-shirt too! So great!
Your humor warms my soul.
Benadryl puts me to bed every single night.
And finally, although I am indeed an LSU fan as I have lived in the Bayou State most of my 40 years, I am a Florida girl at heart. Pensacola is my hometown. All that to say, I LOVE ME SOME TEBOW!
P.S.
Did you eat that pig? Or whatever it was? I totally love pork. But not sure about eating it once I saw that picture.
What a fun weekend! Nothing like going away for quiet family time and coming home with Wilmer’s ugly Aunt Berta. I hope that you are very well rested from your overdose- I am so tired of these Texas allergies! Mine hit me every night at 2 AM. Not kidding.
I love javalina meat – so good! It can be a little tough but with a little ranch dressing it is fantastic! Takes me back to my days in Freer hunting on my families lease.
Ahhh sweet memories. I grew up with a hunting family. We spent so many weekends at a family hunting camp (in the Everglades). We had to watch for more than just snakes….we had to watch for gators!
Good times!
Oh…and I hate that crummy feeling you get from the allergy med’s. Eww!
Oh. My. Pretty much you can apply that to any of those pics – P playing pool (say that 5x fast!) with a gun on his hip, Caroline and the lizard and especially she and the javelina! Love it.
Umm… I’m from LA (Lower Alabama) and now live in rural TN… yet all of a sudden I feel like a complete city girl with all the talk of rattlesnakes and javelina. Can you make bacon with javelina?!
That last picture is HILARIOUS. I’m in an agreement with you and the lizard. Yuck!
Yeah, sorry about that game. Not a KSU fan, but it’s all we heard about at church on Sunday. Okay, maybe not all we heard at church, but I’m sure my daughter thinks Jesus played football. I’m kidding btw, sort of.
Uggh- so I show Coach the picture of the javelina and he says- “yeah, they’re in Texas, The University of Texas A&I Kingsville is nicknamed the javelinas. They had a running back named Johnny Bailey when I was in high school; he could run; I had a poster of him on my wall”
Nevermind that you have a picture of a 1st grader who shot a pig; he always finds a way to make it about football! Looks like fun- sorry about your Aggies – just be thankful you’re not a Tennessee Titan fan- we lost 59-0 yesterday!
Javelinas are so gross. Way to go, Caroline!
Go Hogs!!! Sorry, had to get that in there.
After I picked up my own hunter from his blind Saturday night, we drove around the oh so serene pasture just to see what was out there. Then he spotted that little black dot running. Pedal to the medal and away we went. I don’t think our auto insurance covers crashing in pursuit of a hog, but I should probably check.
So you know you are not alone, our pre-schooler saw a rabbit the other day and commented how he wanted his daddy to kill and cook it so we could eat it. They start young! Our Ags should have requested the mercy rule in that game:(
When your sweet girl grows up….and if
she decides to get married….just think of all of the wonderful pictues you will have to show at the reception….imagine the looping video….God Bless, Pam, South Bend
My weekend was a tiny bit on the boring side compared to all this. Wow! Did I tell you we found a baby copperhead in our living room a couple of weeks ago? Your husband would be so emabarrassed at how we handled that situation.
This Baylor girl can totally feel your pain on the football front. We’re still reeling from losing our star quarterback without whom our offense apparently becomes paralyzed.
On another note, I’m lovin’ the camo George’s shirt. Tell me you got that in Waco. Please, please, pretty please!
Looks like you have the shot for your Christmas card this year.
My husband is so disappointed that we live in Alabama…..and there are no (or very few) wild hogs. I’ve been here all my life, but he grew up in Arkansas. As a boy he wouldn’t eat any type of meat unless his parents told him it was “hog”. (Which he pronounces “hawg”. Which drives me crazy. But that’s another story.)
Bow hunting season for Whitetail Deer started this weekend……so I’ll be a single mom until Jan. 31 of next year!
ROLL TIDE!!
You are married to such a stud. Seriously. My husband writes political blogs. Yours stomps the head of rattlesnakes. Amazing.
And a studette in the making! Go, Caroline! I love that she is such a balance of a girly-girl and the most tomboy little thing I’ve ever seen!
Wow. This post makes me so thankful that I do not live in Texas. Here in NY we’re not too fond of rattle snakes, weaponry, or wild hogs.
I love the photo of your husband playing pool with a gun attached to his belt. Just in case, right??
I can’t handle the snakes. Thanks for not posting the picture. Nice shot Caroline!! Javelinas stink and they are seriously ugly!
I am the proud wife of matching Cabelas snake boots – so I understand this post on so many levels, but please explain the neccessity of the pistol while playing pool? Did he think that the pigs were going to stampede the game room at the ranch? I know from asking similiar questions that it is always about protecting and feeding the family… I just want it in your words – they are much funnier! I even watched a wild pig show with the multiple gunned husband last night – it was fascinating and you know those hogzillas are procreating faster than jackrabbits!!?? The true fear is not Jihad, but the overtake by WildPigs!!
My son now wants to meet your daughter for the simple fact that she will hold lizards and go hunting. I am simply amused at his fascination. Nice javelina, btw!
Oh my stars. That’s all I can say.
Now that’s a girl who’s gonna conquer the world someday. Love her!
Seriously, your girl is scared of nuttin!!!!! haha
I love Toonces the cat!! I hate Javelinas!!! Lived in Tucson for 6 years and saw too many of those mean critters!!
Amy
I read your blog for two reasons.
1)you’re hilarious!!
2)because I’m from NE Texas, now living in California and I MISS TX and your stories make it seem not so far away. Sorry, but you’re a lot like our families:)
Thanks for such an entertaining blog and way to go Caroline with that ugly javelina!
I took a picture of the Bob cat my husband killed yesterday but deemed it innapropriate for the blog due to a blown out eye and the tounge hanging out. He loves to kill rattle snakes too and takes it verrry serious!
I agree w/Sarah; your blog makes me miss Tejas somethin’ fierce.
Guys who carry are the best, btw; mine does!
Loved this post. I can see how people whose husbands don’t own/carry guns can be confused as to why P might be playing pool carrying his pistol. My T would just say that you always need to be prepared.
I love the way you compare yourself with the Ballerina Barbie to Caroline and her iguana lizardy thing. Funny how different moms and daughters can be sometimes.
The vision of P stomping the rattlesnake and saving the day remind me of a Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett story. Was he proud? I don’t think my husband would ever stop telling that story if he killed a rattler.
Do you all eat javelina? My husband’s family has had to shoot some wild pigs that were overpopulating out in the country, and they divided the meat up between all the hunters. They said it was pretty good.
Caroline must be an exceptionally good shot. P should sign her up for some target shooting competitions. They used to have them here in VA when I was growing up.
That is some girl you have there!
I love this! You are raising the next Sarah Palin. I can see it now – the picture of her with the javelina will be plastered all over her 2024 campaign posters!
Love her shirt!
Toonces = laugh out loud
Ewww…does it taste good?
-FringeGirl
Wowza!!! Certainly an exciting post to wake up to on a Monday morning!
ahhh, I thought about you on Saturday when your Aggies met up with those stupid kitties from k-state. This Missouri Tiger was shocked at the score and deeply sympathized with you. Our game wasn’t so good either. . . .
we have a little house in south carolina & we have to share the inside of the house with lizards. it’s so much fun to be using the bathroom & look up & see twin lizards staring at you from the vent overhead.
most people say: shut the front door, you’re letting in flies. i say: shut the front door, you’re letting in more lizards!
That P is amazing. There is nothing as manly as stepping on a rattlesnake with your boot and killing it. You are definitely in good hands with him!
I totally get the pistol playing pool…my hubby will leave his on around the house etc as well cause better safe than sorry and he wouldnt want to get back outside and find a copperhead and reach to find an empty holster….
steff
PS i really hope my boys marry a girl like your caroline
Love Toonces! Definitely one of the best SNL sketches ever, and a pretty cute little Caroline behind the wheel.
Glad to know my hubby isn’t the only insane one that kills rattlesnakes like that. He also has the infamous snake boots!
1. How was the snake(granted *you* really did eat it)? Was it more of a “cook” then an “eat”?
2. For someone so concerned about fashion,ie a certain vest, and whether or not her clothes are clearly marked as ‘summer’ or ‘winter’, Caroline certainly has a big ol’ dose of hunter-woman in her.
3. Where was it exactly that you found P? Did you look under “pig hunting, snake cooking, gun carrying” in those “find your true love” ad’s in the newspaper?
4. Just kidding,I know he really is a great great father and husband!
?
Fun, fun, fun! Do share your javelina recipes!
Is that thing for real!?!?
I’m headed to bed with my own allergy med induced sleep and I’m quite sure I’ll be having crazy dreams about wild pigs now.
But I tell you the truth, Caroline looks precious in each picture.
(see above comment)That question mark is not supposed to be there and does not reflect on statement number 4.
Holy cow, I’ve never heard of a javelina. So, do these things just run wild? And are these pigs they are trying to find running around wild too? We have lots of deer hunters here.
And, I get the heeby jeebies ever time I read about y’all having rattle snakes. Completely freaks me out. I’m so glad P has those boots to keep him safe. I can’t even imagine being around one. Yikes!
Ok…..after the gasp of the photo of Caroline & the GIANT RAT, I had to laugh my head off!!!! You say that is some version of a pig, uh uh girl…that is a GIANT RAT!!!! LOL!!
OK…all that was great and gross all rolled up into one but did you get the photo for the Christmas card? Wasn’t that the main reason for going?
I once went to the Rattlesnake Rodeo in Opp, Alabama…they had rattlesnake races, rattlesnack kabobs and many many rattles and skins for sale. Not my best choice for a Saturday afternoon but there was not much else going on, so off we went!
Just thought I would share!
paige
What does one do with a dead javelina?
I don’t know if they were sleeping on the highway or what, but I saw 4 dead on the way home last weekend! Of course they may have been pigs, I didn’t get close enough to see the difference.
Wow, things really are bigger in Texas aren’t they? That is one ugly pig-thing.
My hubby mowed over a rock once, does that count? It was a big rock!
My bloggy friend Erica is from Texas and talks about having scorpions in her house and all I have to worry about are flies and spiders……
1. It cracks me up how so many people don’t know what a javelina is. I guess most of the country isn’t populated with them, but having never lived anywhere else, it still shocks me.
2. I love that she’s hunting in a camo shirt from George’s. Such great food.
3. I think javelina would be some pretty tough meat and am not sure if people eat them or not (maybe sausage or jerky?). But they are very mean so the killing is pretty much justified in my book. Kinda like killing the snake. Though in this case, the snake was eaten, so…
4. Javelina’s aren’t pigs. They look very much like pigs. But they have tusks. Which apparently makes them peccaries, collared peccaries in fact, and makes them closely related to both swine and hippos. Seriously. Got that from “The Three Little Javelinas,” which (this is fairly evident) is a take on “The Three Little Pigs.”
It’s almost like a razorback… hmmm
but do you eat them?
Love the pic of your husband playing pool with his gun in the holster! That is so Texas!
What a manly weekend you had.
p.s. I love that the first thing on her list was “Chat for a little bit.” Love it.
First time I have commented. LOVE your blog. Love that you are not afraid to post pics of your hunting girl. I get flack for putting my sons deer pictures in my office. WHATEVER! I have 2 boys and a husband who are major hunters. I am not to shabby with a rifle myself. It is so refreshing to see someone else show off thier kids hunting trophies no matter who it offends!
We have wild hogs in our pasture every night. While not javalina’s, I know how nasty and destrutive they can be. I am way up in North Texas.
I have to admit a bit of jealousy.
We live in inner-city Philly, although my parents are from Oklahoma and southern Illinois, and growing up I lived in IL, IN, TX, NJ, and SC. So I have an appreciation for all these places. It’s amazing that they are so diverse and yet all part of the same wonderful country!
While my kids will undoubtedly grow up viewing innercity experiences as “normal,” your post includes several experiences they may never have.
So . . . while it may be disturbing to see your daughter holding a close relative of the snake, consider yourself blessed!
Big Mama, your girl cracks me up.
Love Caroline’s George’s shirt. Makes me want a Big ‘O!!
? ? Toonces the driving cat! ? ?