I talked to Gulley this morning and she mentioned that she had already read Big Mama. For Gulley to read the blog before 9:00 a.m. is quite the accomplishment because her computer is in the office in her garage, which means to get on the computer she has to endure the cold and let her two year old roam around the garage. I appreciate the loyalty.
Anyway, Gulley said, “I read Big Mama, it seems like you’re in a bit of a funk”, which is the way your best friend tells you that some of your posts of late may be a little lame. And let me be the first to say that I am well aware of that fact. Also, I know Gulley well enough to know that she will read this and call me to apologize. Gulley is always worried about hurting somebody’s feelings, so if she tells you that you look great and like you’ve lost 10 pounds, she’ll call you later in the day to clarify that you definitely didn’t need to lose weight, in fact you look great, you look like you’ve lost 15 pounds, which, in case she didn’t mention, you definitely did NOT need to lose in the first place.
Gulley explained that she can tell I’m not myself because she knows me so well. So, if any of y’all have been wondering, let me state for the record that I am, in fact, in a bit of a funk. Gulley does indeed know me well.
I spent this past weekend with a raging case of PMS. In fact, yesterday Boomama posted a great story (if you’re looking for writing quality, you should head over there…if mediocre is your thing, you’re always welcome here) about her Sunday morning with her three year old and her own case of PMS. Her story ended with a great spiritual lesson, mine does not.
Due to my sad state of mind throughout the weekend, I was bound and determined that Caroline and I were going to church Sunday morning. P was out of town hunting, so it was just the two of us. I woke up with a headache, but decided to go ahead with my church plan, so I got up and got myself dressed while Caroline watched T.V.
I took a deep breath and headed in to get her dressed. She had decided that every article of clothing in her closet offended her to no end and I finally just picked out a dress and started to pull it on over her head while she kicked and screamed. There is no sweeter picture than a crying mama wrestling a crying toddler to the ground as we try to get ready to go sing praises to Jesus. I wanted to throw the dress across the room and go back to bed, but by this point we had to go to church on principle alone. I wasn’t going to lose this fight.
We drove to church with Caroline whining the WHOLE way about how unfair life is and how she doesn’t like Sunday School and she has NO FRIENDS and doesn’t want to HEAR ABOUT JESUS. I mumbled something about how much we both needed to hear about Jesus this morning, got her out of her carseat and headed into church.
I wish I could tell y’all that it ended with us learning some great spiritual lesson and that we both left renewed and refreshed with the peace of the Holy Spirit upon us, but that would be a lie. We left with both of us in tears once again and I cried most of the way home in frustration.
When we pulled into the driveway, P was thankfully home from the ranch so I handed Caroline over to him while I went inside to compose myself and see if maybe a nap would take away my desire to set fire to something.
But really, it’s not just the PMS. I could throw everything into that category and use it as a catch all for all that is wrong with my current state of mind, but that wouldn’t be accurate. The truth is that I feel overwhelmed right now. Things at work are busy, as they always are at the beginning of the year. It’s hard to come off the fantasy that is a three week vacation and snap back into the reality of reports, quotas, painfully long meetings and strategy planning about new clients. This is a huge part of the reason that January is always one of my least favorite months of the year. When you combine all of that with an obstinate three year old and a case of PMS…well, it’s just bad waiting to happen.
I hope in the next few weeks as I adjust to being back in the real world and maybe as the people around me decide to give me some good material, that the content of Big Mama will once again achieve new heights of averageness.