I feel like before I can write any further that I need to apologize to those of you who had no idea “Greased Lightning” is a dirty song. In fact, several of you seemed so surprised that I began to question whether or not I was right about the whole thing and wondered if maybe I’d just made it up in my head. So I went and googled the original lyrics from the movie and YEP, it’s dirty. I’m so glad my six-year-old mind didn’t comprehend all those words or I might have spent the rest of my life with a fear of cars. Or maybe I would have just been afraid to go anywhere near an auto mechanic shop. Maybe this whole thing explains a lot about Jesse James.
Anyway, the fact that I could have become someone who rides a bicycle or a horse everywhere isn’t important right now because I need you to prepare yourselves for today’s discussion of swimsuits. I know. You don’t want to think about it. Honestly, I don’t want to think about it. Especially since I’m sitting here eating a box of Four Cheese Cheez-Its while I write this. But it’s April and we all just gave a chunk of change to the government yesterday or are now facing jail time, so we might as well endure a little more pain and agony before the week is over.
And I don’t want to get on my soapbox, but I’m going to anyway. (Before I get on my soapbox, I just have to say that I watched “The Incredible Shrinking Woman” with Caroline the other night and I’d never noticed that a miniature Lily Tomlin actually stands on a soapbox while she lectures her family. Brilliant film-making.) If you have a child that swims in the summer who is not a strong swimmer, you need a swimsuit. No one wants to be the person who has to catch your kid off the diving board ten times in a row because you won’t cowgirl up like the rest of us and put on what is essentially lycra underwear. Put on some shorts, wear a swimskirt, buy a scuba suit, but don’t go to the pool with your young child if you’re not willing to get in the water. No one is going to talk about your thighs, but they will talk about the perfectly coiffed mom in full makeup who’s letting everyone else save their child from drowning.
Don’t hate me. I speak the truth in love. IN LOVE.
I have conducted an internet wide search for the best swimsuits. Some have underwire (thank you, Jesus) and some help hold your tummy in and some are just cute. You can choose what works for you according to your needs.
1. The suit with underwire (Let’s start at the top.)
I am a firm believer in the importance of underwire. Or maybe I should say I’m a saggy believer in the importance of underwire. A few years ago, I discovered a site called Aerin Rose and became a big fan because every top is sized just like a bra. And comes with underwire, just like a bra.
Everything is sold as separates so you can choose a tankini top, a bikini top in several different styles, a one-piece, and various bottom options.
There is also a brand called Sunsets that are sold as separates and offer a variety of top and bottom styles. I’m particularly in love with the Metro pattern and am seriously considering the twist tankini top version for myself. Although I really like the emerald and the cobalt, too.
Last year I ordered a suit from Athleta and have been really pleased with it. They have several different underwire options, including this darling batik print.
I also love this top in a tropical print by Tommy Bahama and Victoria’s Secret always has some good underwire options although their models might cause you to fall into a deep depression and vow to put away the Cheez-Its.
2. The suit that performs miracles
Behold the Miraclesuit.
It promises to make you look ten pounds lighter in ten seconds. Which is the total opposite of what eating a box of Cheez-Its can claim.
The Miraclesuit comes in a variety of cute styles.
But while we’re discussing miracles, I have to talk about the Lands End swimsuits. They have so many different suits that offer all manner of support and suck innage qualities.
And then there is this one-shouldered number that Sophie and I discussed on the phone yesterday. We agreed that it’s very Betty Draper. And while it’s normally not a good idea to go through life asking “What would Betty Draper do?”, it’s a question that works when it comes to fashion.
Yes. Suck innage is a real word.
3. The suit that’s just cute
There are some people who just enjoy a cute suit and get to choose it based on the fun pattern or whimsical details. They aren’t worried about support or what have you. I call those people the ones who haven’t hit puberty yet.
Oh I kid. They could be the ones who get up and do stuff like bootcamp or dance at halftime for the Dallas Cowboys.
But if I were one of those people, I would choose a suit like this one from Lucky Brand. Or maybe even the tankini version.
There are so many cute suits to choose from. I don’t know how I’d decide.
So I guess it’s a good thing that I am limited by a need for underwire and suck innage qualities.
The Cheez-Its have totally paid off.
Next week I’ll discuss cover-ups and other swim accessories.
Y’all have a great Friday.