Last night, Caroline spent the night with Mimi and Bops. P and I weren’t sure what to do with our night o’ freedom, so after ruling out going to the movies due to the fact there isn’t anything showing that is the right mix of romance and bloodshed to satisfy both of our movie watching needs, we ended up going to get ice cream and then going home.
No one prepared me that your mid-30’s are filled with such reckless abandon.
When we got home, P came in and turned on the T.V., and much to our joy and delight, some obscure channel was running a Wonder Years marathon. We’re huge fans of Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper, so we grabbed some candy to wash down our ice cream and settled in to watch.
I’m not sure what channel this was, but it was obviously targeted to an older demographic because every commercial was for a product like a Personal Hearing Amplifier Device that will allow you to overhear girls at the gym discussing how buff you are, not to mention hearing them question why you’re holding that odd shaped device while walking on the treadmill. There were also commercials for motorized scooters and some Indian chief selling Lakota Arthritis Relief Ointment.
It’s obviously a wild target audience watching The Wonder Years on a Friday night.
Finally, at 10p.m., the marathon was over and we were just about ready to go to bed. I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth and when I came out one last time to check the email (because I have an addiction), P told me I was missing out on some quality television.
It was one of those paid advertisements for Time Life music. Soft Rock Classics. I knew it would suck me in with all of its Dan Fogelberg and Boz Scaggs. And it did.
I knew the words to EVERY single song. “Wildfire”…know it. “Sister Golden Hair Surprise”…oh, yes ma’am. “Eye in the Sky”…yes, okay, yes. I didn’t even know that I knew who Bertie Higgins is, but I know his song, “We had it all, just like Bogey and Bacall, starring in our own late,late show, sailing away to Key Largo”.
P and I sat and sang the words to each one of these soft rock classics as they scrolled across the screen. I should be embarrassed, but such is my deep and abiding love for these soft rock favorites, that I am owning it. And before y’all judge me and my love of Rupert Holmes, ask yourself if you can finish these lyrics, “if you like Pina Coladas…”
That’s what I thought.
Some brought back memories of couple skating at the Magic Skate, some remind me of riding in the back of my mom’s Buick LeSabre, and most of them I just know. And therein lies the question.
How do P and I know the words to all of these songs? It’s like they had some power over the years to seep into our subconscious and we were powerless to stop it. Why do I know all the words to “Saturday in the Park”, but yet can’t remember more than 4 words from the 3 years of Spanish that I took or the number of my checking account?
I told P it was dangerous to let me sit and watch because I knew it would be a matter of time before I would want to pick up the phone and order. Plus, if we called within the next 11 minutes, we would get free shipping and handling. A girl only has so much willpower. And then, they threw in a bonus CD of the best songs of 1977. All 168 soft rock classics, plus the best of 1977, plus free shipping and handling, for a 30 day trial fee of $9.95.
They never said how much it would cost to purchase the entire collection.
So, P and I sat on the couch as I served as my own T.V. infomercial asking myself “How much would I pay for these 168 classic soft rock songs?” $129.99? $99.99? $59.99?
Remember, these songs are getting harder and harder to find and it would take a lot of time and money for me to compile this kind of collection on my own. Time/Life has done an incredible public service in making these classic hits available on a 19 disc collection.
19 discs of pure musical gold. That’s the gift that keeps giving, y’all.
Caroline and I could drive down the road (if we had a car) and listen to these songs over and over again, thus ensuring a fine musical legacy for my child, albeit one that might make her a social outcast if she were to enter junior high with nothing but Bread and America on her iPod.
And if the songs weren’t enough to sell themselves, they were being sold by the two guys from Air Supply, neither of whom have gotten the news that the early 80’s are over. Watching them sit and strum their guitars and sing acoustic versions of “Making Love out of Nothing At All” and “Even the Nights Are Better”, while sitting on white couches with what surely was a pitcher of margaritas on the coffee table, just made the entire offer that much more compelling.
The entire collection not only included Air Supply songs, but was RECOMMENDED by Air Supply themselves. Air Supply and classic soft rock are practically synonymous terms.
I think one satisfied customer summed it up best when he said “These songs aren’t just songs about our emotions, they are our emotions”.
And at that point, P had to pry the phone out of my hand and tell me it was time to go to bed. But I went to bed singing, “I can’t live, if living is without you”, not to P, but to this incredible array of Time/Life classic soft rock.