One huge advantage of working for a large pharmaceutical company, other than the ulcer-inducing stress, is the insurance. Big pharma will flat hook you up with some good insurance coverage. In fact, during my 10 years in the industry, P had two back surgeries, a septoplasty, and some sort of esophagus thing due to the fact that he used to almost choke to death while swallowing baby aspirin, and I had a baby. All of these surgeries combined cost us about $2.99 out of pocket.
And when you work for a drug company, guess what? You get their drugs for FREE. I mean, you still need a prescription, but after that minor detail is worked out, they are FREE. It’s enough to make you want to have something wrong with you. “No, I don’t actually have high cholesterol, but prescribe something anyway. IT’S FREE, plus it counts toward my monthly quota!”
And these braces that I constantly complain about, although I know someday I will be so appreciative of my straight teeth because that’s what everyone keeps telling me, I will forever owe a debt of gratitude to the pharma industry for these teeth. The industry may have shaved 5 years off my life due to the high blood pressure, but at least I will have a beautiful smile while I’m here.
So, once I started exploring all of our private pay insurance options, I quickly realized that cash money can’t buy an individual policy like the one we had. Yes, we could Cobra our old insurance for 18 months, except that it’s $1500 a month and really, what good is health insurance if you can’t do frivolous things like buy food? The other thing is, truth be told, it was more insurance than we really needed, but I can’t turn down a good deal. Every year when the company would send us our a la carte menu of coverage options, I always checked all the boxes for maximum coverage because I am an insurance agent’s dream come true.
If I were to ever go to Vegas, I’d be the girl pumping petty change into the nickel slots all day long. I am not really a risk taker. Well, unless someone can guarantee me with ABSOLUTE certainty that the risk will pay off in the end.
Anyway, I finally found a policy that will work for us. By the way, if you’re ever in need of insurance, a great place to start is at www.ehealthinsurance.com, which will give you various plan benefits and cost comparisons. Just be prepared that your phone will start ringing off the hook with agents looking to “help you out”. They are all so sincere and really, they just want to help you out in the same way a shark looks to protect a wounded mullet.
Once I started filling out the application, it became apparent to me that insurers are more than happy to take your monthly premium, as long as you can pretty much guarantee that you’ll never actually use the insurance. And an individual policy with maternity coverage? There are rumors that such a thing exists, but I have yet to see it. I guess they figure they can hedge their bets on other illnesses, but for a 30-something woman, pregnancy is inevitable and may even require (oh the horror!) a c-section complete with a 4 day hospital stay.
After filling out a 114 page application, the insurance company now knows more about my personal health history than my physician. I had to check a box marked “Allergies” as a pre-existing condition. Who doesn’t have allergies? It’s the American way. Those “amber waves of grain” are really just fields of allergy inducing pollen. Allergies are an unalienable right.
Yet, the insurance companies want no part of it. If you have allergies, buy yourself a Benadryl. If you’re depressed, think happy thoughts. If you have high cholesterol, eat a piece of fish. If you have acid reflux, take a Tums. Prescription medication is for the weak. Doctors visits are overrated. A hospital stay is a luxury akin to going to a 5 star island resort. So what are we paying for?
Peace of mind.
The peace of mind that can only come from knowing that, when and if we encounter a health crisis, we can call our insurance company and they will haggle us, perhaps literally, to death. And we get to pay for the privilege.