Well, we had an exciting weekend here. You don’t believe me? What if I told you we added not one but THREE new members to our family?
Friday was the annual carnival at Caroline’s school. And of course we’d been building up to it for the last week or so. I had to buy raffle tickets and t-shirts and volunteer for a shift in the Cold Drink booth even though I knew odds were good they weren’t going to be selling bottles of Corona with lime.
Because everyone knows elementary school kids prefer sangria over beer.
I made my way to the carnival to be there right when Caroline got out of school with what I foolishly believed to be plenty of cash. And I also took the time to make a funny joke on Twitter about how I hoped Caroline wouldn’t win a hermit crab, not really even knowing for sure that hermit crabs were going to be on the menu of prizes this year.
When the school bell rang, she came running out of school. I handed her a bunch of tickets and the two cans of Silly String I’d already bought for her and hoped that would keep her satisfied for at least thirty minutes. So you can imagine my delight when she came up to me about fifteen minutes later holding a goldfish in a plastic bag and a plastic jar of fish food, completely out of tickets because she’d used them all in her multiple attempts to win a fish. Which means we essentially paid about 100% more for the fish than we’d have paid if we’d just gone to a pet store.
The thing that worried me was the heat. It was really hot on Friday because God has decided that we’re skipping Spring and going straight to Summer and I didn’t feel like that boded well for a fish in a plastic bag. So I found a block of ice in the drink booth and set it next to our fish in the hopes it would give him (Or her. I do not want to be sexist when it comes to fish.) a fighting chance.
Then I handed Caroline a few more tickets and went back to working my shift at the Cold Drink booth. I’m sad to say I managed to drop at least a six pack of Dr. Pepper causing it to spray all over me and the interior of the drink booth. Something tells me next year they’re going to put me at a booth that doesn’t require the skill and dexterity of handing out canned drinks.
Secretly, I was hoping Caroline might show up with some type of winning from the Cake Walk at some point. Maybe some cookies or brownies. But I knew I was in trouble when I saw her running towards me holding some sort of plastic container. A plastic container that didn’t look like it was holding brownies.
I was right.
It was a hermit crab. A hermit crab she christened Phillip. Which seems like an incredibly regal name for something with antennae that eats freeze-dried shrimp.
And, really, I’m not opposed to hermit crabs. I owned a hermit crab when I was about Caroline’s age. His name was Sharples. I named him after Melvin Sharples, the cook at the diner on the show Alice. I really wish I could look inside my eight-year-old brain for the root of that decision.
Anyway, Sharples died because I thought he might enjoy a day out in the sun. So I left him out all day which isn’t really good for crabs unless you’re trying to bake them. It was tragic. And the end of my hermit crab experience.
Until Friday.
We brought Goldy the goldfish and Phillip the crab home. I filled up Caroline’s old aquarium with water for Goldy and put her in to get used to her new digs. I felt like she was on her last fins in that plastic bag and hoped she might be revived by new surroundings.
And then P and I tried to make a temporary habitat for Phillip. Or as people in the crab business call it, a CRABITAT. He spent the night in one of my glass mixing bowls (that I’m now going to have to throw away) with the jar of a spice lid as a water dish and only a layer of sand and the memories of his time at the pet shop with his old crab friends to keep him warm.
So we went to bed that night with the satisfaction that only comes with the knowledge you own a fish and a hermit crab.
On Saturday morning P had to wake up early to go do some work out at our church. We didn’t have a soccer game and I’d been dreaming for weeks about sleeping late on Saturday morning. In fact, I’d had a long talk with Caroline the night before about how she needed to get up, grab a pop-tart, watch cartoons and let me sleep. Which I believe is the same thing that woman told her kids in Proverbs 31.
You can imagine my dismay when I felt someone breathing on me while it was still fairly dark outside. I opened an eye to see Caroline standing over me. Startled, I asked “What? What’s wrong?” She replied, “I can’t find Goldy. I don’t know where he is.”
“Is your daddy still home?” I questioned. “No, he left”, she said. And I blame the early morning hour for my heartfelt response of “Well, Goldy probably died during the night and Daddy already threw him out”.
Cue the sobbing.
Then she wiped her eyes, looked at me and said “WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A DOWNER? You don’t know what happened.”
Granted, I didn’t know for sure what happened. But death seemed like a logical conclusion for a missing fish and seemed more likely than an alternative where Goldy packed his teeny tiny bags and headed west for bluer seas.
I handed Caroline my phone and told her to call her daddy. He confirmed her worst fears. All of this happened before 7:45 on Saturday morning.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and wailed, “He was so special to me!”
Really? Because we hadn’t even had him for eight hours.
But I didn’t say that. I suggested that she look on the bright side. On the side where she still owned a delightful hermit crab named Phillip. This cheered her up a little.
She rebounded nicely and we ate breakfast and then went to watch Will play baseball. Then we went to the pet store where we spent $40 gathering everything we needed to keep our FREE hermit crab in the style to which he apparently had grown accustomed.
Oh, and she also talked me into buying a friend for Phillip. She named her Clementine.
And as for me? You can just call me sucker.
I shouldn’t read these late at night before I go to bed, but I look forward to them so. I almost snorted I laughed so hard at the comment about the pop tart, TV and letting you sleep was like the Proverbs 31 woman! Too funny!! One night I am going to wake up my husband laughing.
I appreciate you!
The Proverbs 31 comment cracked me up! And I totally agree because it makes me feel better about all those Saturday mornings I let my girls fend for themselves with pop tarts or even with cereal I pre poured into bowls on Friday night! Why I thought they couldn’t handle a cereal box but could handle a gallon jug of milk without making a mess is beyond me!
And I must ask, Melanie,: are Phillip and Clementine sharing the crabitat? Will there be lots of baby hermit crabs joining the family?
My friend, Jill and I were talking about hermit crabs just this evening. Her daughter bought two crabs at the beach (which she named Flower and Flip-Flop) ALMOST A YEAR AGO, and one of them is smack-dab in the middle of molting. She explained the process in detail, and it was the first time in 38 years I had ever heard such a thing, proving you are never to old to learn something.
On the bright side, you only spent $40, $60, maybe $70, (counting the carnival money), and you have a hilariously funny story.
FYI the fish people at Pet Smart told me gold fish die without an air filter thingy. They were right and I proved it.
I have an animal-loving son and I can not TELL YOU all the money we have spent on animals that died the next day. Pet Smart is the stock to buy.
Thank you soooo much for starting today off with some laughs for me. I’m taking the oldest to the pediatrician this morning (stomach bug, yay!), so I could use some happy thoughts.
I have to say that you all are remarkably gifted in the pet naming department. Phillip and Clementine. I love it! I think they’ll grow old together.
Ahhhh, the Hermit Crab. We ended up with the same lot of new family members last year at Balloonfest! Only we named ours Willow (the fish) and Abraham Lincoln (the crab). The names proved to be the best part. They did survive for about 8 months though, and Abraham gained a buddy named Fire. They moved into new shells and everything. But alas, they finally kicked the bucket and now we have a furry little cutie named Hammy. Way better than a crab!
And people – do not believe those sales people! Goldfish do not need a water filter! Just weekly water changes and some water drops to take out the chlorine or fluoride- apparently fish don’t like clean teeth 🙂
Goldfish don’t need a water filter… but they do need the water conditioned, you can’t just put them in straight tap water… I don’t know if you knew that but it might explain poor Goldy’s fate…
I never had a hermit crab. And now I’m feeling like maybe I need to rectify that situation. Hey, it’s my birthday this week….
Goldfish and hermit crabs seem to be an elementary school right of passage. My daughter’s goldfish were named Belly-up and Backstroke as we knew that is exactly what they would be doing sooner than later.
All I can say is absolutely hilarious! Thanks for the laughs on this Monday morning!
My son won a goldfish at The State Fair of Texas. I felt comfortable that it would not make it through the day–due to the heat. But the fish survived that day and went on to live MANY years. We had to move it to a regular sized aquarium because it got so big (maybe it was really a channel catfish). When we moved to a new house, we had to put it in a small fish bowl until we could get the aquarium set up. The next morning I saw something on the floor. Dead fish. I didn’t even know goldfish could jump!!
“In fact, I’d had a long talk with Caroline the night before about how she needed to get up, grab a pop-tart, watch cartoons and let me sleep. Which I believe is the same thing that woman told her kids in Proverbs 31.” This statement right here is why I love you and your blog! Classic!
Sorry to hear about Goldy. 🙁
I love all of your posts, but Mondays are the best. Sounds like a fun weekend. I can relate with looking forward to sleeping in and hearing little voices at your bed before sunlight on Saturday morning 🙂
Oh geez, why are you such a downer? Haha! We like to get all attached to critters too.
Crabitat?! That’s wonderful! We had a Beta fish for quite a long run but once it turned winter here in the mid-west (and mama doesn’t keep the heat above 66) he seemed to have lost his “zeal” – it may or may not have been due to the cold AND the fact that I forgot to feed him or clean his disgusting mini-tank often enough- until a couple months later, he went to that big fish bowl in the sky. Not 2 MONTHS LATER did my little guy ask where he was. I told 4 year old he went to Heaven. Then he told his older brother that his fish, named “Fish”, went to go see “Kevin”. I love 4! Good luck with Phillip & Clementine!
Oh you have cheered me no end this morning! Waiting for AAA to come and unlock my car, which is running with a 3/4 tank of gas. My daughter 27 years old, went to warm up the car and hit the wrong button. I must laugh or have a little cry. 🙂
Oh Lorinda, I’ve done that before! I got out of my car to unlock a private gate, accidentally shut my locked door, and had to run 1/2 a mile down a dirt road to get help!
Bwahahahahaha! My daughter won a goldfish last year at a carnival. It promptly died and we went and bought a replacement. And then a replacement for the replacement…you can see where this is going. After the 4th or 5th fish, I was all geared up to go buy yet another when she took my face in her hands and said “Mama. I’m really quite tired of flushing fish down the toilet. Why don’t we lay off the fish for a while?” Out of the mouths of babes!
Poor Caroline, I hope she’s doing okay with the death of poor Goldy. Our 9 year old still talks about our sugar glider, Toby, dying when she was little.
This post is one of my all time favorites, the Proverbs 31 part could be my most favorite ever! Thank you for the laugh, I needed it, my little two girls and I are suffering the ill-effects of allergies *sniffle sniffle*
I smiled when you said that must be what the Proverbs 31 woman was thinking. I bet Pet Smart funded your school carnival. Think of all the kids that came home with free pets this past weekend and all the parents that had to go buy new supplies for these new critters.
I , myself am guilty of “negligent hermicide” when I allowed our hermit crab a day in the warm January Texas sun. I forgot about him until the cold morning, when we discovered he had frozen to death and then been eaten by a racoon!! (We still don’t know which happened first!!) I still feel so guilty 3 years later, while neither of my kids remembered having had a hermit crab at all. Thank Goodness!! Love, love, love your blog!! 🙂
We were at the Nederland Heritage Festival a few weeks ago and this little girl walked by with a hermit crab in a hand-painted shell, which, of course, my oldest daughter thought was the apex of pet greatness. So I asked the girl how many tickets it had cost her to win it and she replied, with eagerness, “Just $18!” At which point I had to explain the harsh reality of Carnival Game Economic Theory to my children, and also the cruel physics that is the tossed ping-pong ball. They were impressed. They also thought we should try for a hermit crab anyway. We did not.
I have been reading your blog for a couple of years and each time I do, I’m hit afresh with your “funny”! Thank you for that. Not that I like being hit with anything, mind you. But I’ll take the funny. And we had a “Goldie” as well. And a Finnley. And a Wilbur (that name came out nowhere!) I’ve requested that we just start giving them numbers ,for crying out loud, but that suggestion wasn’t taken too kindly. Alas…
Oh, Melanie, you make me laugh!! I totally agree with your Proverbs 31 assessment. I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she told her kids too! Thanks for the laughs. Have a great week.
Love the Proverbs 31 reference!
That Caroline is something isn’t she? I could just eat that child up, she is so precious!
I see you’ve already heard all of the tips on keeping a goldfish alive. But in case you don’t want to–you’re doing fine! Good luck with those crabs!
This one’s a classic, Melanie! Thanks for cheering up my Monday.
Has Caroline met Michelle the shell with shoes on in light of her fascination? YouTube sensation… Here is the link – in case she hasn’t made it to your neck of the woods… my kids love her!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF9-sEbqDvU
Love your humor!!!
Be happy it was just a hermit crab. When we lived in San Antonio, my teenage daughter and a friend went to the strawberry festival in Poteet and she won a baby chick. That thing grew up to be a full size chicken that took over our backyard. It never made a sound so the neighbors couldn’t complain, but it was not the smartest or cleanest animal I ever saw either. Thankfully, the chicken went to her (or his) reward before my daughter came home with 2 ducks. They were noisy but our nice neighbors never complained. Bless their hearts. Love your humor and look forward to reading your blog every day.
we won a goldfish along those same lines at the Fall Festival for my daughter’s school (she is 3.) We were convinced it was going to be a short-lived experience, and while I worked out my shift at the festival, her daddy brought her (she’s a Sherry by name) home and placed her IN MY TRIFLE DISH in the center of the kitchen table… and added to the things I never planned on saying with “I was going to make a trifle, but there’s a fish in my DISH! We are going on 6 months now..with trifle dish house and marbles that used to be toys. Sherry is evidently a fish superpower.
Oh dear. I’m holding my sides, yet again. Everyone, listen up. Children need to be trained to get up early on Sat. mornings, get themselves something to eat, watch cartoons and never ever wake their parents. Unless the house is on fire. Back in the 1950s when I was a kid and there was NO TV, my mother trained us to fix ourselves graham crackers spread with peanut butter and call it breakfast. Then we’d turn on the radio and listen to “Big John and Sparky”. I never woke my mother, my son never woke me. Caroline — let your mother sleep — she needs it!
Oh, I have SO been there! My oldest son did Junior Cotillion in 6th grade and came home from the final formal dance with the prize of a beta fish. He was thrilled. Me, notsomuch. It was dead the next morning and he was crushed. We bought another. Along with all the necessary accessories. And it lived for a bout a week. So we replaced it again. And it lived for a few weeks. At that point, my poor, downtrodden son said, “I just don’t think I’m cut out to have a fish, Mama,” and we put the tank away. Fortunately, we have better luck with dogs!
I can say that even some tropical fish apparently don’t need special care. When my son left for the Navy back in 1989 he left a much neglected aquarium and one little Tetra fish still alive. Being an animal lover, I could not just toss the thing. So I put him in a goldfish bowl with conditioned water and the darn thing lived for over five years! Of course I cleaned the bowl and fussed over him. We even did a Christmas video to send to my son with the fish. He thought we were all nuts. Sadly the fish died shortly before my son’s six years enlistment was up.
One word: hilarious!