Well, this is a sad day.
I feel like I’ve forgotten how to construct sentences over the last three days and, therefore, actual paragraphs may be entirely out of my reach. I’m not sure what has happened, but it would appear my brain has officially gone over to the summer side.
My point is this may officially be the blog post that describes how I did my laundry and separated the whites from the darks and, OH, did I mention that I washed a tube of Chapstick and a Kit Kat?
(Just so you know, the Chapstick washed fairly well. The Kit Kat? Not so much.)
So it’s been a busy few days around here. On Friday night, P went hog hunting because a group from our church is heading to Joplin, MO this week and wanted to provide some meals while they are there. And P is always willing to shoot something for a good cause. Or even no cause. He’s not really particular.
While he was out hunting and gathering, Caroline and I went to eat Mexican food with Mimi and Bops and my sister and her family. And then we came home and watched some truly terrible animated movie that she found at Redbox. I can’t even remember the name and, trust me, you don’t want to know. I guarantee you haven’t seen it. And if you have you don’t want to be reminded.
Saturday morning we all slept late. Which means P slept until 7:30 and Caroline and I slept until 9:45. We had a lazy morning around the house and ended up at the pool later that afternoon. We didn’t order any food, but we did get popsicles since they are pretty hard to screw up. Later that night, we went to a post-wedding party for our friends Stewart and Hannah who got married two weeks ago. We had the best time hanging out with friends we haven’t seen in a long time.
(Also, total side note but Stewart and Hannah got married by the river, flew off to Greece for two weeks for their honeymoon and then came home and had a reception. THAT is how you get married.)
I totally overslept and missed church on Sunday morning which is totally worthless but I’m being honest. We’d been out until midnight the night before and I had to take out my dentures and tend to my rheumatism and I was tired. It’s not easy having all that carefree fun.
Caroline was invited to a birthday party at the roller skate rink on Sunday that was supposed to be a drop off party. However, once I walked in and realized half of San Antonio was also at the skating rink, I didn’t feel like I could just leave her there with minimal supervision. Especially because there seemed to be an inordinate number of older men there by themselves who were very eager to participate in the ADULTS ONLY backwards skate.
(It would have been good to know I was staying at the party because then I might have chosen attire other than my rattiest running shorts and slightly holey t-shirt. Also, the bun on top of my head was a nice touch.)
First of all, I don’t feel like we really need to have an ADULTS ONLY backwards skate on a Sunday afternoon. And, secondly, it made me feel like some of them might have a white, paneled creeper van out in the parking lot filled with candy.
Call me paranoid but I am just suspicious about grown men at the skating rink with no children. P would never go to the skating rink alone and participate in the ADULTS ONLY backwards skate. The fast skate FOR SURE, but not the backwards skate.
(I’m just kidding. I’ve never seen P roller skate. Although I’m sure he did back in the days of junior high to impress the ladies.)
Anyway, I ended up staying at the skating rink for the entire party and listened to more than my fill of Lady Ga-Ga until it was time for us to head home so we could get ready for a dinner party with some friends. And so we went to dinner with friends, came home and put Caroline to bed because she started a week of day camp yesterday and we didn’t want her to frighten the counselors with the DON’T ANGER IT thing she can get going if she’s overtired.
Yesterday morning I dropped her off at camp and then tried to remember what I do when I have free time. Ultimately, I threw caution to the wind and went to the grocery store AND the bank. I know. I am the wind beneath your wings.
After I ran all my errands, I came home and discovered that P had thrown down the chandelier gauntlet. You probably don’t know what I mean by that because I don’t know what I mean by that. But he had hung the chandelier I bought for Caroline’s room. Granted, I bought the chandelier at a garage sale back in September so he’s had a full nine and a half months but, still, it made me feel like I needed to do something productive.
(I realize this isn’t a great picture of the chandelier, but I couldn’t get a picture with it actually on because THE BRIGHTNESS WAS VERY BRIGHT.)
(Also, if you have any thoughts on how I could make that chain more attractive, feel free to share them. I realize we could hardwire it, but let’s not pretend that will happen in the next five years.)
I felt like I should do something productive around the house, yet I didn’t want it to involve actual cleaning products. So I decided to organize Caroline’s Wii games and movies that are all just piled in the bottom of our armoire. Which is how I discovered a long-forgotten stockpile of VHS tapes in the armoire drawers.
All of which belonged to P.
And had been there for the last twelve or so years after he assured me they were very important and he would continue to enjoy his “movie library” for many years to come.
Here’s a look at his extensive collection.
Obviously, “The Buck Stops Here” is a classic. As is “Monster Bucks VI” which everyone knows was SO MUCH BETTER than “Monster Bucks V”.
But it felt like it was time to let them go. Especially in light of the fact that we haven’t owned a VCR in five years.
Oh, and “Hope Floats” may have been mine because P doesn’t really watch a lot of chick movies.
He’s way too busy practicing his fast skate for the roller rink.
Well, I’ve never been the first one here (at least when I started – who knows once I hit “submit”) so I kind of feel like I didn’t dress right for a formal occasion, being in my gown and all. But the chandelier thingie – you can get fabric cord covers for the part from the lamp to the ceiling that are quite nice looking (usually satin or velvet fabric, “scrunched” to cover the “works” – yes, I have sophisticated and precise decorating language…). As for the corner, you can either paint it to match the wall color or buy trunking (that’s what it’s called in England which I realize is TOTALLY USELESS to you going into Lowe’s but I honestly don’t remember what they call them here after spending 10+ years drinking tea and covering my cords on the wall). They are white plastic housings that attach to the wall/corners/around windows to hide wires – then you paint them to match the wall. The plastic is a matte finish that is made to take paint. Perhaps I should have waited until oxygen was actually going into my system before trying to explain all this?? Oh well, good luck – with the chain/cord covering and trying to decipher this. And, if I’m not mistaken, there are TWO copies of Monster Buck V so it must have been totally riveting…kind of like me having two DVDs of “White Christmas” except I’d actually WATCH “White Christmas”.
Yup, that was so much fun, I decided to be second as well. Go to http://www.cordcoverup.com/ and you can see what I mean more clearly. And for the corner, I’m talking about a cord cover (yes, I found out what we Americans call them afterall! Nothing like educating a Texan who’s gone all Anglophile-ed. http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=cord+covers&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=725953899637770943&sa=X&ei=pWoJTtCiLMeltwftuph0&ved=0CHcQ8wIwAg
I promise if you click on them you will not get offers to buy dubious pharmaceuticals or Monster Bucks video of his honeymoon. Just did a search for them after discovering I not only could not articulate what they were but didn’t know what they were called. Now, I’m going to go to bed before I do any harm to my person…
I’m with Cheri above – the scrunchie would be a good look there…..especially if you make your own and let Caroline choose the fabric, because what a lesson in domesticity, measuring, sewing, and letting the angry out. We have also disguised cords with feather boas, plastic beaded chains and my personal favorite, “ignore it and it will soon disappear from my awareness.”
In P’s defense, I have been known to sit and **enjoy** watching several episodes of Lonesome Dove back-to-back. AND Silverado–how could you NOT want to watch it??? Also, we still have a VHS/DVD combo, so the tapes are still quite evident in our house.
That is hilarious b/c Hope Floats immediately stood out to me from the picture, and I wondered why P would have such a film in his arsenal of testosterone films.
Um, the skating rink thing with the old guys? That would have totally weirded me out too. Glad you stuck with your gut and stayed. No middle aged man has any business doing the backwards skate on a Sunday afternoon, unless he is there for his daughter’s birthday party or something.
Caroline’s bedding is so cute and girly!
Are you getting rid of Lonesome Dove? Please don’t tell me if it’s a yes. It’s my all time favorite series. I have watched it over and over. I am also reading the books. It does take forever when you only have 10 minutes of reading time a day though.
I love Caroline’s room. I really like the monogram and the chandelier. Maybe you could paint the chain white/beige in hopes of it blending in with the wall.
YOU ARE HILARIOUS. THE END.
My husband the retired parole officer would tell you that your radar about those men at the skating rink is probably spot on. I never knew how many child molestors hung out at child related businesses and events until my husband started pointing them out to me (he knew them from his job). Places like the skating rink, Chuck E. Cheese, my daughter’s cheerleading competitions. It’s shocking really. While I don’t want to indict people based on a stereotype or fear, I have seen enough with my own eyes to believe you were right to stay put. Holey clothes and all.
Michael Devlin, the man who kidnapped two boys in St. Louis and is now in jail, used to hangout at the skating rink. Always thought it was weird. Now it makes sense. (I worked with him for years…this is how I know he was a skate rink regular.)
I TOO was VERY surprised and a little scared by how many grown men were at the roller rink the last time I was there. Very strange…..probably a good idea to stay. Although…it could be hard to resist a van full of candy no matter who you are~ strength in numbers:)
My brain has gone over to the summer side too, so I thoroughly enjoyed and chuckled over this post.
LOVE the chandelier – I think I remember seeing a picture of it when you bought it, no? Maybe that is someone else. My mind, it is a terrible thing to waste. I have to know if most of the kids were on inline skates or the traditional/dinosaur 4-wheel type that we had when we were kids?
Also, can I request another installment of your “all things fabulous” in San Antonio posts? You are talking Mexican food again and I am making a list of places to try! Any other “must do” things in town?
I hope the rheumatism isn’t acting up today 🙂
no normal middle age man I know would spend his Sunday afternoon skating backwards at a skating rink with a bunch of kids to Lady GaGa. My husband would rather stick an electified fork in eyes. Now, shooting the pig, he would be all over like a tic on a dog.
I would have stayed too.
I’m wondering if I shouldn’t run out right now and buy the hubs a copy of Monster Bucks V…it must be awesome if P has 2 copies!!
I was not allowed to get rid of the VHS version of Lonesome Dove until it had been replaced with the DVD version. When all the relatives ask for gift ideas for P, you could get them to help him convert to DVD.
Now, don’t go hatin’ on Monster Bucks V as it is truly worth watching over and over, even if your collection has reached Monster Bucks XIXVIII, because as we all know, every single buck kill shot is completely different from all the others, you really CAN tell the deer apart, and one could never truly tire of watching grown men get buck-fever on camera!
Oh, Lonesome Dove….the series my boyfriend proclaims “the best epic of all time.” We started watching it together last year, and let me preface this whole thing by saying I have a real inability to watch movies at night. I’m tired. The bed/couch is comfortable. He threatens to hold my eyes open with toothpicks. But, anyway, I don’t think (?) we have finished the best epic known to man yet. However, I did read the entire book while on a big trip and enjoyed it thoroughly. The book is always better than the movie anyway. Even if there is an all-star cast and Diane Lane plays a saloon hooker.
Hilarious post, I loved the whole thing.
I have to agree with your boyfriend—-I love me some Lonesome Dove. I actually watched it on AMC, with commercials, last weekend. But you are so right about the book being very good. It’s worth reading even if you know the movie by heart—so much more in the book, but quite graphic.
We just got rid of our VHS copies of Lonesome Dove and Hope Floats.
Too funny.
Creepy about the men at the roller rink.
You crack me up every day. My brain too has gone over to the summer side. This is unfortunate as my boss still wants me to work every day. I don’t get it either.
Laundry. Ugh. Washed a kleenex with black stuff last week. I hate it when that happens. Little pieces of it everywhere.
Remember to go to Target this week while you have time alone. Cause who doesn’t like a good trip to Target? Maybe get a Diet Coke and Sonic too.
#1 I can’t stand Lady Ga-Ga ( I know, everyone is going to start hating on me now).
#2 Love some of P’s collection. Braveheart, The Patriot, Gladiator…..great movies. I have not had the pleasure of viewing any of the Monster Bucks but I’m sure they are classics.
#3 Caroline’s chandelier is adorable!
#4 Childless men at a skating rink seems VERY creepy. I agree with the van full of candy in the parking lot description also.
You could cover the chandelier cord with pretty yarn — get the type that’s kind of feathery/fluffy, maybe in a hot pink. You can buy it at Jo-Ann’s or Michael’s and just wrap it around the cord. Girly, fuzzy greatness!
So funny!!! Can’t imagine your big burly hubs on skates!! Ideas for chain: wrap in tulle (comes in lots of colors), wrap a fuzzy boa around it, hang hooks on it and have C. hang her stuffed animals on it.
Great idea for P. to kill hogs so volunteers could provide meals…
Have you thought about transferring the vcr tapes to dvd?? He can keep his collection and you can rid your house of tapes….
Thanks for a great post!
Did I notice TWO Monster Bucks V tapes??
Eww on the old dudes at the skating rink! There should be a rule!
Love the fancy chandelier!
If you have trouble finding the scrunchie thing for your chandelier cord, you can also use wired ribbon. Just make sure it’s about 2 inches wide, and you may need to buy more than the length of your cord. Then you can either twist it around the cord (it will end up being twisted on a diagonal, so you won’t need as much ribbon). If the cord is intertwined in a chain, it actually works better — just put the ribbon through a link in the chain every so often to help it stay in place. (That’s when you’ll need more than the length of the cord.)
And I’ll second everyone else — there is NO good reason for old dudes to be at a skating rink. *shudder*
The wire – surely the hardware store has some type of cable management system that is easy to use.
The VHS – I laughed OUT LOUD at the large chunk of LONESOME DOVE right there in the center. Awesome.
Girl!! Oh my — the Buck tapes…. my word my man has so many of those and I’ve sat through a many of the whispered harvesting of the big buck.
Somebody probably already suggested this–but thread some ribbon in and out of the links of the chain–that would give it some color at least! I am with you on those drop off parties at the large, busy venues–half the time the “responsible adults” giving the party have no idea your kid is even there. My daughter totally missed the birthday cake one time–it was tragic.
We were in SA this weekend, hit Chris Madrid’s (thank you LORD!) and Rosario’s (thanks for the rec – their enchiladas with tomatillo sauce was a-maz-ing!!!) Also, my husband and yours could surely hang out sometime and watch all their hunting videos. Although I have to say, the swamp shows (people, wars, brothers) have taken precedence lately. And I’d go with some really cute grosgrain ribbon for the wire. Good luck!
Lady Gag-Gag while very talented, makes me gag. Her mentor session on American Idol sealed the deal. Totally inappropriate, to say the least, which is weird for me because I’m not normally known for saying the least.
You were completely correct in staying at the rink. I, too, worked in adult felony probation/parole and the “sexies”, our term for sex offenders, love to hang at skating rinks, county fairs, etc. It is just ICKY. My co-workers and I joked we were not too worried doing home visits as we were WAY too old. I know, gross.
I love Hope Floats and now have the soundtrack going on in my head. I have it on VCR tape too. I may have to get a disc and watch it! It is above 60 degrees today so off to the pool.
I just keep wondering—don’t the police monitor places like the skating rinks for known offenders, and creepy behaviour types? It just boggles my mind.
Where did you order Caroline’s monagram initials on the wall? Love them!
OMW! When we moved about 2 years ago, I FINALLY convinced my husband to get rid of all his VHS tapes. We sold them at a yard sale 2/$1 and they went like hotcakes! Now if I can just get him to part with his collection of cassette tapes of other Pastor’s messages, I’m so not kidding!
And what’s funny, he watched Lonesome Dove this past Sat. on tv!
I don’t know that I have been to a roller rink since elementary, I didn’t even know they were still around. Are actual roller skates used or just in-line skates? I’m fascinated ….and sort of feeling the itch to go skating, but not without a quick prayer that all the old men there would fall and decide to fish instead or something.
Ummm….how can your daughter sleep until 9:45? Is this some magic that happens once they pass six or something? Mine are all up at the crack of dawn. Every. single. day.
How did you get a picture of all of our leftover VHS tapes to put in your post? I am not kidding, it’s extremely eerie…you have one or two Texas videos we don’t have but I swannee, that’s what our stack looks like. Our two hubs would seriously get along. Loved your post today…I laughed. You just have funny in your bones, dontcha!!!
Loved this entire post. Hilarious!! Keep in mind I am WAY older than you and have a granddaughter named Caroline. She is the same age as your Caroline and they would be great friends. My favorite line, “Don’t anger It” ……….we have just about reached that stage so I recognized it immediately. Whew, wonder what puberty will bring?
You have such a way to make an ordinary day HILARIOUS. And skating rinks- I didn’t realize they still had those around!
So, did Hannah get to wear her wedding dress twice? that would be cool.
Ugh, we call those creeper vans, CHI-MO vans, and they give me the creeps for sure! Glad there are still some Momma’s out there who will stay with their kids at parties.
Your post is inspirational for me today, and here’s why: We still have some VHS tapes out in the garage we just can’t get rid of, yet we don’t even have a vhs player, maybe we can find the strength to let them go now, ha!
So, totally not related to your post…but, I remembered all your fashion tips. I have a 15 yr high school reunion to go to in July at a sports bar. Would love to get your opinion on a fun outfit…Help a fellow Aggie out, por favor!
I too had the same idea as the folks above to have a “scrunchie” for your chandelier. I would think you could easily make one if you can find one in the store.
Love the room! So pretty and girly – I want one:)
I think the men roller-skating thing freaks me out too, but I have seen many a VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THEIR ART adults at the roller-rink. I don’t really get it, but there are some retro-type roller skaters out there.
I still think you made the right call. And bun on top of head?? Is there any other way to be in the summer?!?!?
I don’t have anything clever to say but I felt like I must comment because yet again you made me laugh out loud!
Thank you for clarifying the Hope Floats movie. I saw that right away and had to chuckle and ask myself “P? OR Mel?” 🙂 And I’m exhausted just reading that post!