Author: Big Mama

It’s 9:48 p.m.

And I just finished listening to Caroline practice the flute.

This is exactly what I want to be doing at 9:48 p.m. after a long day.

But she came home after soccer practice and was suddenly worried about her lack of skill as a flutist because there’s some sort of test tomorrow and she realized she doesn’t really know how to read music. She didn’t really appreciate my suggestion that maybe this was related to the fact she never practices.

I did my best to give her a quick overview of the musical scale but it’s safe to say she isn’t going to be the next Sir James Galway.

(I have no idea who he is. I just googled “Famous Flute Players” and found an article that stated everyone would have Sir James Galway on their list.)

(And by everyone I guess they mean no one I know.)

(Who are these people making lists of famous flutists?)

(And are any of them interested in coming to my house and teaching my daughter how to read music?)

All that to say, even without the impromptu bedtime flute lesson, it’s been a long day.

On Sunday afternoon I drove to Houston with Bops and Caroline because I was speaking at a church in Katy on Monday morning. Bops offered to go with me because I mentioned I was kind of afraid to stay by myself in their house in Houston and Caroline ended up getting to tag along after she begged and pleaded and said it would basically make her life richer and better to spend twenty-four hours in Houston with her mother and grandfather. What else was she going to do with that time? We know it’s not practicing the flute.

So I agreed because it seemed like a great chance for us to all spend quality time together and make precious memories. And that’s what we did. We went to our favorite Italian restaurant and watched some T.V. and then we all got ready to head to bed. Which is when Bops announced he was just going to sleep on the couch because he didn’t want to have to make up his bed in the morning. It seems he would rather get a mediocre night’s sleep on a couch as opposed to having to mess with decorative pillows.

Of course I don’t even begin to understand this logic, but I am married to a man who spent the better part of his high school years sleeping in a sleeping bag on top of his covers because he didn’t want to make his bed in the morning. Maybe that’s why he married me. So he’d have someone to make his bed.

Anyway, we woke up Monday morning and Bops and Caroline dropped me off at the church and headed to go eat breakfast until it was time to pick me up. I spoke to the sweetest group of women and they even presented me with a gift bag after it was over that included a package of Mrs. Baird’s cinnamon rolls, a gift certificate to Taco Bell and Chick-Fil-A and a one pound bag of M&M’s.

Sure. To the casual observer that seems like a random assortment of gifts until you realize those are all things I mention in my books. Just like Hemingway did.

And to my delight, they even included this t-shirt from my old high school. I think it’s going to be my new favorite.

After I finished my talk and visited with you a few people, I gathered up all my things and headed to the parking lot to meet my dad and Caroline. They’d had a nice breakfast together and had also made a purchase that essentially sums up the difference between being a parent and a grandparent.

(I realize you all wanted pics of Gulley as Wonder Woman on yesterday’s post and there were none. Now I give you this latex hand. I promise I’ll post a pic of Gulley in her costume when I get one.)

I don’t even know what horrors this hand is supposed to have endured.

All I know is my dad would have never spent his hard earned money on a fake bloody rubber hand when I was a kid. I mean, that’s $8.64 that could be invested in a sensible mutual fund.

But for Caroline? He was all in on the horrible hand.

Which I guess is a grandfather’s prerogative.

I just wish she’d spent the car ride home resting that disgusting, bloody hand on his shoulder instead of mine.

This one thing will speak volumes about my weekend.

I was in bed at 9:45 p.m. on Friday night.

I know. This fast pace is going to kill me.

The truth is we all went out to eat Mexican food for Bops’s birthday on Friday night and then called it a night early because Caroline had a soccer game at eight on Saturday morning. Which meant we had to be out at the soccer fields forty minutes before game time. And the soccer fields are about thirty minutes away from our house. For those of you doing the math at home, this means we had to be up at an hour that is way too early for a Saturday.

I brought my coffee and did my best to pretend I was awake but at some point my dad tried to call me on my cell phone and I just hummed along to the tune until P asked, “Are you going to answer that?” And I realized I wasn’t just hearing a song in my head. Sometimes it’s hard not being a morning person.

But the nice thing about an early morning soccer game is that you have the rest of your Saturday free. And I also found it to be a nice emotional break that the Aggies weren’t playing, even though I’ve claimed to be less emotionally invested. I still know myself well enough to know that I won’t be able to help with the hand wringing and the pacing and the fretting once they play again. So it was nice to have a Saturday when I had no real emotional football investment, although I was happy for LSU. I know I say that Les Miles is Lord Voldemort in a purple windbreaker, but he is a very endearing Lord Voldemort and, when I realized he’d just lost his mom the night before the game, I was all in for an LSU victory. When he was interviewed after the game and did his rambly thing about the stadium and the fans and ended with a sweet “Martha Miles” it just about did me in.

Anyway, that was a nice moment but it wasn’t the highlight of my weekend. That moment came on Saturday afternoon. Gulley and I had made plans to spend the whole day together with the kids because our husbands were going hunting. And so after Caroline’s soccer game, we made a stop for breakfast tacos and then made our way to Gulley’s house. The goal for the day was to make Gulley a tutu. A tutu? Yes, I said a tutu. She’s going to be Wonder Woman for Halloween, but she teaches preschool and felt a tutu version of a Wonder Woman costume is probably more appropriate than the Lynda Carter version which, let’s be honest, is essentially a very patriotic swimsuit.

So our first order of business was to go to Joann’s Fabrics. What we didn’t factor in was that whole free world was going to be getting their craft on this Saturday and the place was packed. I had no idea that many people still sewed and crafted. I thought that’s what Etsy is for. But there is a huge fabric contingent out there and I can only blame Pinterest and all the delusions it creates. Fortunately, we only needed eight yards of royal blue tulle and there was a separate line for amateurs who only needed one cut. Apparently “one cut” is what you call it when you only have one bolt of fabric. I don’t mean to dazzle you with my fabric store acumen.

(I also need to tell you now this isn’t my first rodeo putting together a Wonder Woman costume because Caroline was Wonder Woman when she was five and it required me to spray paint some boots red.)

We knew exactly what we needed because I took some time that morning to watch a video on how to make an adult tutu because that’s a real topic that someone took the time to explain. God bless the internet. So we made it back to Gulley’s house with tulle, elastic, safety pins, white sparkly felt and hot glue sticks and went to work. This is exactly the kind of task that awakens every compulsive impulse I have and I was determined to make the most perfect tutu ever.

After a couple of hours (We took a break to make chocolate chip cookies. Actually, Gulley made the cookies and I just ate the dough by the spoonful.) we were putting the final touches on the tutu, including gluing on some white sparkly stars. This required hot glue and explains why I have what I believe to be at least a second degree burn on my first finger. Apparently, it’s a bad idea to use an appendage to help adhere felt to tulle because tulle is porous and the hot glue will end up on your finger and cause you to hop around and yell profanities. Which is behavior I thought I was going to avoid this Saturday since the Aggies weren’t playing.

I realize that none of this sounds like the makings of a high point of the weekend but, wait, there’s more. The kids were milling around the living room and driving us crazy so we sent them outside to burn off some energy. And then we finished Gulley’s costume and she decided to go try the whole thing on so we could see how it all came together. She came out of the bedroom in full Wonder Woman regalia including the golden lasso of truth and we oohed and aahhed over our skills until I suddenly saw her face completely change as she looked out through the sliding glass doors into the backyard.

I followed her gaze and quickly saw what she was looking at. Our three kids. Covered in mud. Those fools had turned on the hose and made a mud pile and were taking turns running through it. Do you know how many times over the years we’ve sent them out in the backyard and told them not to turn on the hose and play in the mud? Too many to count. That’s the answer. Too many to count. It has been one of our standard mantras ever since they were five, four and two and we found them wallowing like a family of pigs in a mud pile they created when we turned our heads for thirty seconds.

But at some point in the last year or so, we quit telling them that. Because we believed (wrongly) that it wasn’t really a concern now that they’re twelve, eleven and nine. Oh but we were wrong. It’s like they were waiting for the day they could legitimately claim, “But you didn’t tell us not to!”

And that’s how Wonder Woman ended up yelling at three muddy kids late Saturday afternoon while I watched through the glass door, thoroughly tickled by the whole scene.

It’s just lucky for them that she doesn’t actually know how to use that lasso of truth.

Maybe the real wonder of Wonder Woman was to wonder why her kids thought making a mud pit in the backyard was a good idea.

Yesterday I wore boots and jeans even though it was about 85 degrees outside. And I didn’t even regret it until about 4:00 p.m. when Caroline and I were standing in the local pumpkin patch while she agonized over which pumpkin was “just right”. You know which one is just right? The one you can find before your mother has a heat stroke.

And so I immediately came home and changed into shorts and flip-flops. Because as much as I want to dress like it’s the end of October, the heat ultimately forces me to dress like it’s the middle of July.

However, that didn’t stop me from picking a lot of cardigans for this week’s Fashion Friday.

1. hug me hoodie

This hoodie comes in a bunch of cute colors and has great reviews claiming it to be super soft. Sign me up.

2. bobeau long open front cardigan

I love a long open front cardigan. This one looks great and is reasonably priced.

3. gray leopard print scarf

I like the twist of this leopard print in shades of gray. Would look great with black or gray jeans.

4. the good tuft cardigan

I really like this color. I could wear it with my gray jeans and the scarf up above.

5. draped crusader cardigan

Just loved the colors in this. And it’s a cardigan.

6. eclipsed stripe cardigan

And yet another cardigan. But look at the stripes! Plus everything on sale at Anthropologie is an extra 25% off with code EXTRAEXTRA at checkout.

7. del mar tunic

This is another sale item at Anthropologie. It comes in several different colors and would be great by itself or layered under sweaters or jackets. It’s on sale for $29.95 plus 25% off. I’d do the math for you but I spent the evening trying to help Caroline figure out mass, density and volume and I have no brain left because it leaked out of my ears sometime around 7:15 p.m.

8. blank NYC faux leather jacket

I’ve been searching for a great black leather jacket because WWFD? (What would Fonzie do?) This one has great reviews and I love the look. It’s $98.

9. old navy crew neck cardigans

Old Navy is having a huge sale right now to celebrate their 20th anniversary. I can’t believe Old Navy has been around twenty years. Anyway, these cardigans come in a ton of colors and range in price from $24 to $11.99 depending on the color you want.

10. gap fit breathe long-sleeve stripe hoodie

I’m such a fan of these Gap hoodies and I love this stripe one. It comes in gray or black and is on sale for $33.71 which is the most random price in the world.

That’s it for today.

It also happens to be my dad’s birthday and it feels appropriate that I should mention that on Fashion Friday since he supported my fashion habit for many years. Happy Birthday, Bops!

Have a good Friday.

You know what happens when you go to bed at midnight and wake up at 5:00?

It looks a lot like dark circles under your eyes and maybe putting your cell phone in the refrigerator by accident.

I actually jumped out of bed as soon as the alarm went off and managed to pretend like I was well-rested until I was on my flight from Dallas to San Antonio and began to do the embarrassing head bob as I tried to stay awake.

My dad picked me up from the airport and I came home long enough to unpack before I met Gulley for lunch. I realize I could have used that time to nap but Gulley and I hadn’t been able to go to lunch or spend any real time together in over a week and it felt important that we catch up. Then I ran with her to a costume store to look for a Halloween costume.

This is where I have to admit something. I hate costume stores. Especially at Halloween. I am what some people in the industry like to call a big ‘ol fraidy cat and I do not care for the bloody masks and unattached limbs and creepy dolls and OH THE CLOWNS. The clowns are the worst.

Caroline hasn’t inherited my dislike of creepy things as evidenced by the fact she wanted to wrap one of her baby dolls in the fake spider web on our front porch last year. I blame her father.

Anyway, we didn’t find what Gulley was looking for and so I suggested we make our way to Target to see what they had there. I honestly did to go for the sole purpose of helping Gulley find a costume, but once we were there I realized I had a shopping list in my purse of all the things I forgot to buy when I went to the grocery store on Monday. And so I grabbed a basket and Gulley asked, “Did you just trick me into going grocery shopping with you?”

Yes. Maybe I did. I prefer to call it multi-tasking.

But it’s not like we haven’t grocery shopped together before, so we made our way to the costume aisle and researched costumes before I picked up sugar, dog bones, kashi bars and double stuff Oreos. It may seem like none of those items fall in the category of essential but the people and dogs who live in my house would beg to differ with you.

I picked up Caroline from school and she announced she had a lot of math homework. Fortunately it was multiplying and dividing decimals which is one of the few mathematical skills I can actually help with but she didn’t end up needing my help and I am forever grateful.

Especially since I am so tired that I forgot to buy trash bags even though they were on my list and kept my cell phone chilled in the freezer for the better part of thirty minutes before I realized it was missing.

Which is why I’m putting myself to bed right this minute.

Well I’m sitting in bed in a hotel room in Wichita, Kansas right now. And I’m flying home at 6:45 a.m. and will be back in San Antonio by 10:30 a.m. At which time I will get the opportunity to quote Dorothy Gale and declare “I have a feeling I’m not in Kansas anymore”.

Obviously I’m excited about this.

I meant to write something yesterday but it turned into a Monday and got busier than I’d planned and next thing I knew it was 9:45 at night and I was sitting down on the couch for the first time all day. I blame the Aggie football team.

Not really. Just a little joke because I blamed them for a lot of things most of the weekend.

The truth is I had a speaking thing that morning and then had to go to HEB because we were out of almost everything, particularly soup. Caroline is on a soup kick right now and so all she wants in her lunch box every day is soup and I was scraping the bottom of the soup barrel on Monday morning with that last bit of tomato soup I had left in the refrigerator. And so I stocked up on all manner of soups along with milk and coffee and other things that were written on the list I left sitting on the counter at home.

Sadly, I forgot to buy sugar. Mainly because I didn’t know we were almost out of sugar until I was making a cinnamon cake later that evening and used the last 1/2 cup of sugar we had left.

Is it just me or is this possibly the most boring post I’ve ever written? Why don’t I just post my grocery store list? It would be equally fascinating.

Anyway, I cooked dinner and then Caroline got home from soccer practice and I fed her dinner and then I fed the puppies dinner because they still have to have a mealtime chaperone or everyone gets a little testy. By the time everyone was fed, showered and in bed it was 9:45 and I had a slight headache and managed to stay up for fifteen minutes before I headed to bed.

I’m neglecting to tell you I cooked beef stroganoff for dinner because I didn’t want to bore you with meaningless details but I realize it’s too late for that so I’m going all in on the unnecessary information.

Tuesday morning I dropped Caroline off at school, came home and finished packing for my trip to Wichita, caught my flight to Houston and then got on a plane that was smaller than a bug I killed one time to get here. It was as relaxing as you might think, especially when you factor in that I was seated next to a man with very broad shoulders.

On the upside, I bought two different magazines with Taylor Swift on the cover and I am now fully caught up on her life in New York and all her gal pals and how she has spent the last couple of years choosing to love herself. It’s very much like that episode of 90210 when Kelly chooses herself over Brandon and Dylan. Although hopefully Taylor won’t find herself in love with a troubled artist who’s addicted to drugs the way Kelly Taylor did.

Then I landed in Wichita and spoke to a really sweet group of women and now I’m in my hotel room. I guess I should probably go to sleep since I have to be up in about six hours. And I need to be rested if I’m going to be able to stay awake to catch up on all my celebrity news on the flight home.

Remember back when the Aggies had a good football team?

Yes. Me neither.

Thankfully, I had Sophie to help me process my emotions and come to the conclusion that I will now focus all my cheering energy on the Aggie women’s soccer team. We also discuss our love of the SEC Wives show and other various topics.

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