Author: Big Mama

Here’s what you need to know. Our Dish Network receiver/DVR has quit working. And to add insult to injury, it deleted every single thing we had recorded, including the last episode of True Tori.

Why am I watching that? I don’t even know.

But to make matters worse, we are missing 24 as I type this. I can only hope Jack Bauer can survive whatever shenanigans are in store for him this hour without P and I cheering him on while we eat ice cream on the couch.

I also spent a portion of my life I’ll never get back communicating with the Dish Network help desk today but that’s a story for later. The short version is they are overnighting a new receiver to our house and feel confident I’ll be able to install it without the aid of a repairman. That makes one of us.

Anyway, here’s a few quick things for now:

1. flour less monster cookies

There’s a bakery by my house that makes these and they are delicious. And this recipe from Edie tastes just like them. They also happen to be gluten-free. Which doesn’t really matter to me because I happen to like all the gluten. In fact, P and I were talking with some friends about opening our own bakery and naming it “Glutes” with the slogan: “All gluten, all the time”.

The point is these cookies are delicious for those of us both for and against gluten. I may be eating them for breakfast, snacks and dessert these days.

2. the beginning of wisdom: on daughters and dating

A friend of mine linked to this post on Facebook and I just thought it articulated so many things I feel about Caroline eventually dating and growing up, but haven’t been able to put in my own words. It’s a great read if you’re raising a daughter.

3. DotMom Conference and Simulcast

The DotMom Conference is one of my favorite things I do every year. It’s September 19-20 in Nashville, TN this year if you’re interested in attending in person.

Even better, this year they are simulcasting it if you happen to be part of a church or a small group that might be interested in that.

4. “My Shetland pony poops too much”

This is a search term someone used that led them to my blog today. I really have no explanation as to why their Shetland pony poops too much, but it made me happy to see it. I can only imagine the trials that come with an overpooping Shetland Pony.

See y’all tomorrow.

I’ve spent the last few hours getting over my disappointment about the last second goal that Portugal scored in the World Cup against the USA team. What the heck? I didn’t even know I cared about the World Cup until a week ago when I began to channel some of the sports angst I normally reserve for college football into soccer.

And even though I’ve watched Caroline play hundreds of soccer games over the last six years, I still don’t understand so many things. Especially how long a game lasts. I think it’s supposed to be 90 minutes, but then all of a sudden they add five more minutes. Or just two more minutes. Or maybe ten minutes. It’s very confusing. I like my sports in concise halves or quarters. I need to know when it’s going to be over.

Also I couldn’t get over that they were playing in the Amazon heat and humidity. Some of you may remember that I went to the Amazon a few years ago and it’s the hottest I’ve ever been in my life. I nearly passed out wheeling my suitcase up a ramp to the hotel so I can only imagine playing 90 or 95 or 97 1/2 minutes of soccer in that heat. I almost had to put an ice cold cloth on my forehead while I watched because I felt so codependent about the conditions.

In non-soccer news, Caroline and I just got back from a fun little trip with Gulley and the boys. It was technically a work trip because I spoke at an event, but the event happened to be the Texas Aggregate Concrete Association and Gulley’s stepdad, Big, was Chairman of the Board. It also happened to be at the Four Seasons Resort in Las Colinas. And so Gulley and her boys went to support Big and I went to speak and brought Caroline along because it made sense to turn it into a mini-vacation.

(I need to clarify that I did not speak on the subject of concrete and/or aggregates. My knowledge of such is woefully inadequate, as evidenced by the fact that P constantly corrects me when I call it “cement”. Or maybe he corrects me when I call it “concrete”. I can’t remember. But I bet he’ll tell me as soon as he reads this.)

I actually spoke at a breakfast for the spouses’ that was hosted by Gulley’s mom, Honey, and talked about marriage. Not that I am an expert on the subject. It’s just more of a “we’re all in this together and does your husband also leave half a paper towel on the kitchen counter to save for later?” kind of talk.

When we checked into the hotel, Caroline was thrilled with our room. She ran from the bathroom to the bedroom and immediately put on the complimentary robe and helped herself to a pear from the fruit basket as she exclaimed, “They even have a hairdryer in the bathroom!” Which kind of makes me feel like we need to get her out of the house more often, although it was an exceptionally nicer hairdryer than most hotels.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out by the pool with the kids where they all enjoyed the time-honored tradition of taking the Nestea plunge even though they have no idea about Nestea. They also have no idea how thrilling it was to watch the Kool-Aid man come crashing through a brick wall. Which leads me to the conclusion that powdered drink commercials aren’t nearly as exciting as they once were.

Then later on Caroline fully embraced her resort experience by ordering a pina colada poolside.

In fact, we decided all the kids took to a resort like ducks to water. Will even declared that he was just waiting for someone to come take his lunch tray as he lounged in his pool chair which makes me think his reentry into the real world is going to be harsh because last I checked Gulley doesn’t walk around picking up lunch trays or putting paper umbrellas in drinks.

And then that night there was a banquet where Big got up and made a speech as outgoing Chairman of the Board and I thought it would be a great time to get a picture of the kids while they were all dressed up.

Yes.

So much for that idea.

Will ended up going home with Honey and Big and so it was just Gulley, Jackson, Caroline and me on the way home. Jackson and Caroline listened to music in the backseat while Gulley and I explored deep topics like how it’s bizarre to think about how women willingly walk around in swimsuits from June through August even though it’s basically just glorified underwear. There’s no way most of us would walk around in front of people in our underwear in November, but in August? Totally acceptable.

And at some point our play list of songs arrived at Rappers’ Delight by The Sugarhill Gang because we believe it’s important to educate our children on the classics. We also believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. As we were singing along, I suddenly remembered something and asked Gulley, “Where were we when someone recognized Wonder Mike?”

She looked at me blankly and replied, “I don’t know. I don’t remember that.”

I said, “Yes. Don’t you remember? We were somewhere and he showed up! Where was that?”

I racked my brain for the next five minutes trying to remember where I saw Wonder Mike when I suddenly remembered that it was on American Idol. Wonder Mike’s daughter auditioned and he was there and they called him into the room because the judges wanted to meet him.

Needless to say, I was not there.

I watched it on T.V. and somehow made it my own personal memory of meeting Wonder Mike. I’m not sure exactly what you call this phenomenon, but I believe “sad” is one word for it.

Meanwhile, while we were gone, P was holding down the fort with these two. Also, they now sleep inside.

It only took them three weeks but they’ve officially trained us.

This is a quick one today, but here are a few things I’ve found.

1. cascata tunic

I’ve had my eye on this for a while and now it’s on sale for $49.95. The reviews say the colors are more vibrant in person which is a plus in my opinion. I think this is really cute and a great deal.

2. phara necklace

Gulley and I were at Nordstrom the other day and saw this necklace in person. It is so gorgeous. And also comes in silver. But I’m partial to the gold. It would be the kind of thing you could wear with anything and everything.

3. switchneck tank

This has a really cute layering thing going on in the back and also comes in a pretty yellow color.

4. roberta roller rabbit kurt a with border

I’m not sure why this is called a kurta considering that my spellcheck doesn’t seem to think that’s a real word. In my opinion, this is a swimsuit coverup. Or a really cute tunic to throw on with white skinny jeans. Plus, they’re on sale for $39.97 or $49.97 depending which color you like best.

Why the .97? I have no idea.

5. quimera layered necklace

Love the colors in this for summer.

6. clare vivier foldover leopard clutch

I kept seeing this clutch all over Pinterest paired with different outfits and fell in love and became determined to track it down. Now I have. But my find is wrapped in sorrow because it is pricey.

I was really hoping there would be a $15 version of this available somewhere but, alas, it is not to be. However, I still love it and thought I would share in case you’ve also seen it all over Pinterest.

7. old navy striped tunic

I was in Old Navy earlier this week and this caught my eye. It’s technically a swimsuit coverup, but I think it works better as a top with shorts or jeans. It also comes in pink.

8. katherine convertible maxi

I love the way this has tiered sections. Really cute. And I personally would never wear it as a dress, but I really like it as a skirt.

9. fringed double chevron necklace

This is currently backordered and I can see why. It’s super cute and only $18. I’m going to go ahead and order one because I’ll wear it all the time.

10. san juan aviators

As I continue to obsess about sunglasses, I saw these at Nordstrom for a mere $12. I’m a fan. I enjoy a pair of sunglasses that you can sit on and not be filled with long and lasting regret.

That’s it for today. Have a great Friday.

I need to talk about the puppies.

Oh sure. They look innocent enough. That’s part of their master plan.

I love them. I love their puppy breath and Piper’s pretty eyes and the way Mabel puts her front paws in the water dish while she drinks. I love the way their ears constantly flop backwards like little superhero capes and how they run across the yard to meet us at the gate when we pull up in the driveway. They are precious.

And those things are good for me to remember.

Because there are moments that I think we were out of our mind to bring home two creatures with an energy level that would remind me of my Kitchenaid mixer turned on high if my mixer also occasionally liked to pee on the rug and chew up flip-flops.

We had finally reached a point in life where we had a child who can make her own sandwiches and appreciates the fine art of sleeping late and now we have added two poop machines who like to wake up barking at the crack of dawn. What are they barking at, you ask? Each other, Scout, a dog walking by, a leaf falling from a tree, an ant crawling on the sidewalk, and the air.

And so my summer has been reduced to this. I wake up to the dogs barking as soon as P leaves for work. They’re barking because he has left, they’re barking because it’s morning, they’re barking because they are alive. I lie in bed for a few minutes to see if the barking will stop. When it inevitably doesn’t, I stumble outside and greet the puppies, who are jumping up and down like they’re on a bungee cord hovering over a canyon, with a warm, loving question along the lines of “Why are y’all so dumb?”

But then they have me where they want me and I’m helpless to resist their little puppy charms and so I let them inside to sit with me while I drink my coffee at a much earlier hour than I really prefer in the summertime. Or ever. They’ll curl up by me and take a little morning nap while I do my Bible study and check Twitter or whatever and I get lulled into thinking they’re precious. It reminds me of that episode of Friends where Phoebe’s brother looks at his sleeping triplets and says, “I really treasure these moments. Because pretty soon they’re going to wake up again.”

This is usually about the time one of them will jump down and attack the fireplace tools because the fireplace tools exist and are very menacing sitting there lifelessly on the hearth. And then they’ll begin to race around the house, sliding and skidding on the wood floors like kids at a roller rink for the first time, until I open the back door, call their names and they go flying outside to annoy Scout. It makes me feel like we might as well have brought home two tasmanian devils.

And then they engage in one of their favorite activities that I like to call “Your Bone Looks Better Than Mine”. They each have their own bone. They are exactly the same. And they are happy with their respective bones for 1.3 seconds before they feel their bone must be inadequate compared to their sister’s bone. If you ever doubt that all living creatures have something innate that makes us feel like someone else might have something better than us, the puppies are living proof it’s true. They growl and chase to get the other’s bone and then are completely dissatisfied with it and want their original bone back two seconds later.

It’s as fun for me as you’re imagining. And I hear myself saying things like “Don’t be mean to your sister!” and “Why would you do that to your sister?” and “Sisters don’t fight! Sisters love!”.

What I’m saying is I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Then, to add insult to injury, Scout peed on the rug yesterday. Scout. Our sixteen year old dog who has been house trained for fifteen and a half years. He just stood there and let it go. Just like Elsa in Frozen except he didn’t freeze anything rather than just urinated. On my rug.

So I used my dog psychology skills and asked him “WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY? WHAT IS HAPPENING?” as I escorted him out of the house. Because here’s the thing. It’s one thing when a baby pees on your rug, but it’s an entirely different kettle of fish when grandpa does it. We can just start with sheer volume and go on from there.

Truth be told, I’ve been telling P for months that I think Scout has dementia and I feel this incident confirmed it. He is losing his mind.

Which, on the bright side, means that I’m not alone.

I feel that this post should come with a warning that I almost didn’t write anything because the last several days around here have been so uneventful. That should be an indicator that the content contained herein might cause drowsiness and the feeling that you were smarter before you started reading it.

In fact, the only reason I’m writing anything is because I am multi-tasking while we watch the Spurs. P is flipping back and forth between the game and a show we’ve watched all afternoon on the National Geographic Channel called Inside Combat Rescue about parajumpers in Afghanistan that has led me to believe that I now have a working knowledge of how to conduct complicated medical procedures in a helicopter. The Spurs are up by 20 at this point so I have every reason to believe they’re going to win the championship tonight and am debating if I want to head downtown to flip over a car or just drive around and honk my horn to celebrate. In truth, I will do neither of these things because I’d have to get out of my pajamas and that would require more energy than I can muster at this point.

I think we’ve fully embraced all the down time this weekend because last week ended up being busier than we planned. Caroline was in a soccer camp every day which required us to get up in the morning and also things like face paint and making the world’s tiniest American flag because the campers received extra points for these types of things and Caroline is nothing if not competitive which meant there was no halfway for any of it. In the end it paid off because her team won first place in the World Cup competition and that child has always been a sucker for a medal.

We celebrated Father’s Day with Bops on Thursday because he and Mimi were leaving on a little trip and were going to be out of town and then we went to Old Navy because we are on a never-ending quest this summer to find the perfect swimsuit. You would think it wouldn’t be that hard to find a swimsuit for a skinny ten-year-old girl but you would be wrong. It can’t be pink, it can’t be “scratchy”, it can’t fit too tight or too loose. The list is really endless. And while we were in the dressing room at Old Navy I kind of started dancing to the music playing in the store and Caroline froze in the middle of trying on a swimsuit and said, “Please stop.”

“What? No one can see me!”, I said as I kept dancing.

“I can see you.”

Well.

I learned two things. 1) Never underestimate the power of threatening to pull out some dance moves to rein in any misbehavior and 2) As much as moms listen to the lyrics of LeAnn Womack’s song “I Hope You Dance” and wish that for their child, there are an equal amount of kids who would like to write a song called “I Hope You Don’t Dance”.

And I should state for the record I was by no means an overzealous dancer. It was just barely more than moving my head.

The good news is we found a swimsuit.

Then on Friday morning Caroline had her last day of soccer camp. While she was there I drove out to Dick’s Sporting Goods to get P another fishing shirt for Father’s Day because you can never have too many. And by you I mean P. I chose a blue one and I realized that P’s wardrobe is a lot like Prince William’s in that they both own a lot of blue shirts. That’s pretty much where the similarity ends unless Prince William has a bunch of fishing shirts from Academy that he wears in private.

And the only other thing of note from the weekend (and I’m using thing of note loosely) is that I managed to clean out several closets and cabinets and then even went so far to get rid of several frames I’ve had sitting on the dresser in our bedroom for far too long. Is it really necessary to have six framed pictures from your wedding displayed when you’re about to celebrate your 17th wedding anniversary? And then, emboldened and empowered by the removal of the frames, I decided to get rid of the lamps on our bedside tables that I have hated for the better part of six years now but have been too lazy to replace. I decided nothing will motivate me to find new lamps like not having any lamps.

So I ended up dropping off a huge load of stuff to Goodwill. There are really few things in life that make me feel more accomplished than that.

And, finally, Sunday we went to church, picked up tacos, celebrated Father’s Day and sat on the couch. But I feel like I’ve learned a lot of good medical terminology from the parajumper show so I can’t say it’s been totally unproductive.

Also, in the time it’s taken me to write this, the Spurs have won the championship. I am sticking to my guns and will not be heading downtown. However I will take this opportunity to say Go, Spurs, Go!

First of all, I can’t thank you enough for all the book recommendations yesterday. The comment section is a gold mine if you’re looking for a summer read. And now I feel super ambitious and plan to read every single book mentioned if I haven’t read it already. I’ll report back on this goal by the summer of 2016.

Secondly, I forgot to mention yesterday that I have been on a bit of a clean out spree. So far I’ve cleaned out Caroline’s room and closet and her bathroom. My plans for this weekend include the playroom, the kitchen and the laundry room. I realize my ambition my frighten some of you.

Here are a few things I’ve seen this week.

1. stripe nylon shopper

Several of you commented about the striped tote I was carrying in the picture from Caroline’s graduation. It’s a Kate Spade bag that I bought on sale last summer and I have loved it. Unfortunately it’s sold out everywhere, but I thought this Dooney & Burke was maybe even better. I love the leather handles and it also comes in red and navy.

I also found this sole society oversize millie tote that’s a little less expensive, but equally cute.

And I think this topshop tile print tote is a really fun mix of black & white prints.

2. bmocha fringe crossbody bag

I’ve been seeing fringe cross body bags everywhere right now and I really like them. This one also comes in black, cobalt and white if you’re feeling brave and daring.

3. teardrop earrings

I saw these earrings at Nordstrom and think they’re really pretty and a great price. They also come in emerald, black, fuchsia, orange and white and they’d be the perfect pop of color to a summer outfit.

4. bangle bracelets (set of 20)

Speaking of pop of color, love these bangles. Great way to accessorize simple summer outfits. These come in black, teal, turquoise and white.

5. old navy crinkle-gauze drop-waist dress

Caroline and I ran in Old Navy yesterday and I saw this dress. I tried it on and really, really liked it but they didn’t have my right size. However I may order it online because it’s a great lightweight summer dress to just throw on with sandals and look super cute.

6. free people keep me v-neck tee

I believe I’ve mentioned these tees approximately 453 times but that’s how much I love them. I wear mine at least three times a week and they are on sale right now. This coral is my favorite. It’s much brighter in person.

7. gap fold over skirt

Yes. It’s the Gap skirt again. I’ll quit talking about it now but I need you to know how much I love it. Listen to me now and believe me later, it’s the perfect skirt.

8. old navy vintage style v-neck tee

And this may be the perfect t-shirt to wear with the above skirt. They’re inexpensive and so soft, but I’d order a size larger than you normally wear.

9. radiant oasis embroidered tank

I thought this was really pretty.

10. natasha couture multistrand necklace

And yes I’ve shown this necklace before but now it’s 50% off and only $15.98. It appears to be sold out in the turquoise but I also really like this gold and silver. Would look great with a black top or really any other color.

That’s it for today.

Have a great Friday.