Author: Big Mama

P came in yesterday morning wearing olive colored cargo shorts, a navy shirt and gray socks that hit about mid-calf with running shoes and asked, “Does this look okay?”

I responded, “Where are you going?”

He told me it shouldn’t matter where he was going. What he had on was either okay to wear in public or not. There was no in between.

However, I disagree. Are you going to meet with a potential client? Or are you going to Walmart? Because nobody is going to bat at eye at those mid-calf socks at Walmart. In fact, they may wonder why he’s so dressed up.

But it ended up not mattering because he went and changed based on the fact I didn’t say it looked ok and instead asked where he was going. He took that as a sign that it wasn’t his best look. Which was probably a good call.

On a brighter fashion note, a few of you asked about the blog that documents what Kate Middleton wears. It’s called What Kate Wore and you’re life is about to be significantly better. It not only shows the outfits and accessories but usually tells you where they’re from in case you’re in the market for a $7000 evening gown.

Because you never know when you might get invited to a Regatta Gala.

Here are a few more practical things I’ve found this week:

1. plaid flannel shirtdress

I saw this in Gap the other day and really liked it. And I almost tried it on but I knew if I tried it on and it looked cute then it would take all the willpower I possessed to not purchase it.

So I didn’t try it on.

However, I am still thinking about it. I can see it with a pair of leggings and tall boots. It’s calling to me.

2. spearmint sequined collar top

This would be fun for the holidays. All green and sparkly.

3. twill parka

This was in Gap too and I really like it. The fur hood comes off in case you don’t want to look like a lion something bad has happened to. However, I think this particular fur hood works.

And this comes in some great colors.

4. harvest necklace

Speaking of great colors, I love this blue necklace. But it comes in some other great colors too.

5. antonia dress

This is so great. I love the color. I love the collar. I love that it could be dressed up with black skinnies and heels. Or dressed down with leggings and boots. Maybe with a denim or black leather jacket over it? Perfection.

6. riveted plaid jacket

Well. This is just darling. I am such a fan of plaid.

7. blanket stripe cowl neck poncho

I’ve been eyeing ponchos. There’s just something about them that draws me to them. Maybe it’s because I’m a child of the 70s and a time when ponchos were aplenty and people had rakes so they could make their shag carpet really stand up.

Ann Taylor Loft is offering 40% off everything right now so, even if you aren’t a poncho fan or a shag carpet fan, you should still go see if they have something you like.

8. zigzagged bracelet

I went back and forth on this. But, ultimately, I think cute. And it’s on sale.

9. eliza j v-neck sequin fit and flare dress

Lace is so big right now. This would be a great little dress if you have some sort of fancy holiday soiree.

I don’t. I just have a lot of plans to watch Christmas movies and eat sugar cookies.

10. color block peacoat

I love the stripes on this coat. And Old Navy is having an outwear sale right now so it’s a great time to get a new coat if you need one.

And that’s it for today.

Y’all have a good Friday.

Frankly, I’m glad the election is over. Now I can fully concentrate on the real issue at hand, which is obsessing over A&M’s game against Alabama this weekend. More importantly, can we beat them?

I’m going to go with a big yes. It’s totally possible. Any given Saturday and all that business.

I know. I know. Roll tide and blah, blah, blah and they have the Father, the Son, and the Ghost of Bear Bryant on their side, but I still am believing we’ll get the upset.

Because there is no harm in hoping for the best.

So there’s that.

I’ve also been spending a lot of time at Starbucks in an attempt to get some writing finished. I try to sit in the same chair every day because I am a creature of habit and also because it has an electrical outlet in close proximity. And since I sit in the same spot every day, I’ve made friends with the retired gentleman who sits right next to me every single morning in his sweatpants and baseball cap and reads every newspaper that’s ever been printed.

We always engage in a little small talk and Tuesday morning was no different. We discussed our thoughts on the election and then somehow this segued into a conversation about how neither Jenna Bush nor Chelsea Clinton are pregnant yet. I’m not sure why he’s so concerned about this because I can honestly say it falls in the category of things that have never crossed my mind. But apparently he’s thought about it quite a bit. It concerns him. He isn’t sure what it all means.

I tried to reassure him that some women just like to be married for a while. Case in point, ME. I shared that I was married six years before I had Caroline at age thirty-two. He told me I was the exception.

Then he brought up Kate Middleton.

And here’s what you need to know. I consider myself to be practically an expert on Kate Middleton. I read blogs solely devoted to what she wears. I have studied her hair like it’s a science project. And the highlight of the entire Olympic Ceremonies for me was any time they showed her on camera.

My point is that I don’t think my Starbucks friend was prepared for the level of knowledge and insight I was about to bring to this topic. I mean, judge me if you want, but I have put some thought into when Kate Middleton is going to have babies.

(I just want you to know that P is rolling his eyes at me right now as he reads this.)

(Whatever. Some of us are obviously more into cutting edge news.)

So I filled this man in on my whole theory that the powers that be over in the UK have given Kate two years of marriage before she has to give them an heir. Mainly because they figured she needed to look her best during the Queen’s Jubilee year and the Olympics. But I think it’s now just a matter of time before she has a royal bun in the royal oven.

He disagreed with me. I’m not sure what his reasoning is or why he didn’t trust my full analysis of the situation (possibly complete with a diagram drawn on a napkin) but he thinks it will still be a few years. And, ultimately, we ended up betting a cup of coffee on whether or not Kate will be pregnant by April.

(Kate, if you’re reading this, no pressure but I’d like to win this bet.)

After a few hours I came home and P asked how the writing went. And I told him all about my bet, mainly because I wanted him to tell me that I was right. Instead he said, “So it’s a crucial Election Day and you spent all this time talking to some stranger about when some princess is going to have a baby?”

Listen. You don’t know my life.

First, he’s not a stranger. I see him at least three times a week. He wears sweatpants and house shoes that look like moccasins.

Second, I am 78% certain I’m going to get a free cup of coffee out of this deal and who’ll be laughing then?

In other news, I’m no botanist but I think something is wrong with our pumpkin.

Where’s a fruit thief when you really need one?

Except it’s not really the day after right now. It’s the night of.

And you know what we’re not watching? Election results. Because the whole thing drives me crazy and I start to stress eat and just wake me up when the whole thing is over and we know who won.

Which we may know by the time you’re reading this. Or maybe we won’t know for two more weeks.

I have no idea.

Because we’re watching the movie remake of 21 Jump Street. Frankly, I vote for Johnny Depp. 21 Jump Street isn’t the same without him.

Anyway, since I can’t even pretend to keep any kind of normal train of thought, here’s a quick list.

1. Many of you have inquired about the oranges. The verdict is still out but it does appear that the apple in the bag experiment is working. They are definitely a little more ripe than they were a few days ago.

On a related note, I’m totally buying new ripe oranges at the grocery store and putting them in the bag if I have to resort to that. It’s the fruit equivalent of replacing a goldfish.

Not that I’ve ever done that.

2. I’m a little obsessed with these chevron knit throws.

I just thought you should know.

3. I’m also more than a little bit in love with this kitchen island. And those lights.

Does anyone know where I can find some reclaimed wood? Because P says he can make that countertop for me if he can find some reclaimed wood and I’m going to take him up on it.

So if you have an old barn you’re not using, please let me know.

4. I still have fake spider webs in my yard and decaying jack-o-lanterns on my front steps. Meanwhile, my neighbors put their Christmas lights up this past weekend.

Is it wrong that this makes me dislike them? I don’t need the pressure of holiday over-achievers living right by me.

5. That’s really all I have for today. Or tonight. I know that’s kind of lame, but it’s the best I could do under the stress of not watching the election returns.

Y’all have a good day.

I’m sure y’all will be relieved to know my neck seems to be much better today. I don’t know if it was the Advil or the proper positioning of my head on my pillow, but I can actually almost move like a normal person. But I’m so intrigued by the thought of trying one of those My Pillows because I am always in the market for ways to improve my sleep.

And, truth be told, I can’t remember the last time I bought a new pillow.

But today isn’t really about pillows. Or my neck. I have a story for you.

I believe I’ve mentioned that Mimi and Bops have a vacation house in Houston. Because doesn’t everyone want to vacation in Houston, Texas?

And they usually spend about one week a month there, going to their favorite restaurants and running at Memorial Park and various other things. So they drove to Houston last Wednesday and brought their two dogs, Bella and Daisy, with them. Because Bella and Daisy also like to vacation in Houston.

Their Houston house is kind of like a garden home. It doesn’t have a real yard, just a small courtyard with a wrought iron fence around it. And they have a doggie door around back so Bella and Daisy can go in and out of the house as they please.

On Wednesday night Mimi and Bops went out to eat dinner. And when they came home and walked into their house, there were not two, but THREE dogs in the house wagging their tails and excitedly barking at them.

At some point during their night out, unbeknownst to them, Mimi and Bops had acquired a third dog. And I’m sure they each had a moment of wondering how many glasses of wine they’d had with dinner when they saw an additional dog. IN THEIR HOUSE.

It was a Jack Russell terrier. Apparently, she had managed to squeeze through the bars of the wrought iron fence, made friends with Bella and Daisy, and just joined them as they walked through the doggie door into the house.

My dad checked the newcomer’s collar to see if there was an address or phone number he could call. And that’s when he discovered that the dog’s name was PJ and the address on the collar was their address.

Well. He was not expecting that.

He and Mimi called the phone number on the collar and left a message. Then they called us to tell us the story and Caroline was very excited at the prospect that they might have a new dog because she thinks there is nothing better than a new dog. In fact, she wants a puppy for Christmas. Which I might consider if she had remembered to feed her fish OR her hermit crabs at any point during the last month. Her bedroom is like a seafood slaughter house.

Anyway, my dad called again after about half an hour and a man answered. Dad asked if they were missing a dog and the man said he’d just realized it had been several hours since they’d seen their pet. My dad questioned him about the address and they found out he was the former owner of Mimi and Bop’s house.

They’d moved almost two years ago. But I guess PJ wanted to go home.

And so he made his way, almost five miles, down extremely busy roads and several shopping centers to his old house. Then he let himself in, kicked his paws up and made a sandwich.

Not really. But that would have been cool.

Instead he made friends with the new dog occupants, lounged around with them for an hour or so and greeted their people with enthusiasm when they returned from dinner.

All good things have to come to an end. And so his owners picked him up and he seemed happy to be reunited with them.

But Bella and Daisy were sad to see him go.

And Caroline was sad for the new dog that wasn’t meant to be. Even though it definitely worked out better for him than it has for the hermit crabs.

But my guess is PJ would say Thomas Wolfe lied when he said you can’t go home again. Because you totally can.

Provided you can find your way and dodge all the traffic getting there.

Here’s the first thing you need to know about this weekend. Not because it will add or detract from your life even one bit, but I just want to share. On Friday night I slept wrong or something and I’ve spent all weekend with a sore neck. Like sore from my neck down through my left shoulder. Which has caused me to move like Joan Cusack in Sixteen Candles for the last forty-eight hours.

Needless to say, I am singlehandedly bringing sexy back.

The other thing you need to know is that I have no idea what time it is right now. That’s what happens when you just randomly reset clocks in your house. When I walk in the kitchen I feel stressed that it’s so late and then I check my phone and life is good again because at least it’s smart enough to change itself.

And so that’s what’s going on here.

Given that those are my first two subjects, it’s a safe bet that there wasn’t a whole lot of excitement around here.

On Friday night we just stayed home.

The end.

Actually, on Friday afternoon I got a coat in the mail that I’d ordered from Eddie Bauer. It’s a dark gray down coat with a fur-trimmed hood. And when I tried it on to get Caroline’s opinion on it she said, “Mom, that coat makes you look like a lion that something bad has happened to.”

And so I’ll be mailing that coat back. Because I have no desire to look like a lion with a case of mange.

Saturday morning Caroline had a soccer game. And then we went straight from the soccer game to watch the Aggies play Mississippi State at Gulley’s house. I mean, the game wasn’t in her backyard because that’s how I just made it sound. It was in Starkville. We just watched it on Gulley’s T.V.

A few of you were worried about Sophie and me since our teams were playing each other. But you’ll be glad to know that we spent several minutes on Saturday morning exchanging friendly texts complimenting the other teams’ uniforms and didn’t talk one ounce of trash because we both knew there was no telling which way that game would go since historically both teams like to find a way to lose at times.

When the game was over I helped Gulley clean out Will’s room and pack a few boxes because they’re moving to a new house in a few weeks.

(Just a few houses away from where they are now. No need to panic.)

(Not that you would be panicking. But I would.)

And I reaffirmed my love for a good clean out and throw away session. Even when it’s not my own house, I find the whole experience cathartic. It helped that Will wasn’t home while we were cleaning and so if he notices anything missing she can just claim it’s “packed”. He doesn’t need to know that might be code for “It’s at Goodwill”.

Honey and Big ended up coming to town Saturday night and we went to go eat with them. And then we went back to Gulley’s house to hang out for a little while. Caroline and I got there before them and killed time in the car listening to Taylor Swift LOUDLY, specifically the song “Trouble” because it’s her favorite. She looked so cute that I tried to snap a picture of her with my phone. But it was dark in the car so I turned on the flash.

That’s why this is the first pic I got.

What you can’t hear is her screaming, “MY EYES! MY EYES!”

But then I was able to get this one.

And wondered when she quit looking like a baby. It takes my breath away.

Anyway, we watched the LSU/Alabama game which almost gave me a heart attack even though I really didn’t care who won. It was one of those games that makes me love college football even more.

Sunday morning we enjoyed our extra hour of sleep. Well, I did. Caroline didn’t really care because she thinks sleep is just something you have to do to get to the next day.

And so it was a lazy Sunday. P was at the ranch so it was just the two of us. We went to Target and bought dog food and Advil (Mamaw needed it for her neck). Then I dropped Caroline off at a little Bible study she’s doing with a few other girls her age and after that we went to go see Wreck It, Ralph. Which I have to admit was better than I expected.

Of course, it helped that I had close to zero expectations.

Because if you set the bar low, you won’t be disappointed.

Someone should put that on an inspirational poster.

And that was our weekend. Now I’m off to find the heating pad.