Author: Big Mama

Oh.

Hello.

I know I said I may or may not but might possibly write a post or two or six over the next two weeks. And so here I am. Because I had a build up of information I felt like I needed to share. Plus Caroline is currently trying to get past level 189 of Christmas Angry Birds before we go rollerskating with Gulley and her boys later on.

Because nothing says Christmas like an activity that might cause a forty-year-old woman to end up with a broken arm.

And now I’m sitting here trying to remember everything I wanted to share. It seemed like a lot when I woke up at 3:30 this morning thinking about it. Now? I seem to be drawing a blank.

Wait. It’s back.

And it will be in a numerical list formation because that’s so much easier than a narrative.

1. Last night I had my Birthday Club friends over for a little Christmas get together. We keep it very casual and some of us may have even been in our pajamas. Makeup is totally optional. Fun is a given.

In years past we’ve always exchanged a bottle of wine because, well, wine is good. But this year I was inspired by the Nester’s favorite things post and suggested we exchange our favorite things.

And it was so much fun. Really it might have been better than Christmas morning because it was just a bunch of fun little surprises.

Here’s what we each gave. (I think I’m about to create something resembling a real outline. I have no idea what is going on with me. Apparently I’m very organized today.)

A. Cocktail napkins and a cute flower magnet. My napkins say “Low Maintenance is for Rookies.”

Amen.

B. A tube of Moroccan oil for our hair.

Because we all believe in the importance of good hair.

C. A juice box of wine, a People StyleWatch magazine and about six pieces of chocolate.

Forget Midol. That’s the real cure for PMS.

D. A darling turquoise cuff bracelet.

E. Styrofoam cups that read, “Friends are God’s way of making up for our relatives.”

Just in time for the Christmas season and possibly Festivus and the airing of grievances.

I gave everyone pajama pants from Old Navy because I took advantage of the Jingle Jammie sale last weekend.

Anyway, it was so much fun. I highly recommend.

2. Another friend of mine is one of the best cooks I know. And she always makes these sweet roasted tomatoes when we go to her house. And I crave them. They are my kryptonite.

So I emailed her for the recipe so I could make them last night and I thought I’d share it with y’all because it’s so simple and so good.

Sweet Roasted Tomatoes (I’m not sure this is the official name)

Put everything in a pot and bring to boil, then turn down to simmer for 30-45 min. Put it in a casserole dish and top with cubes of French bread, drizzle with olive oil. (I just served with toasted French bread instead of doing the cubes.) Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

3. While I had my friends over, P took Caroline to see the Chipmunks new movie. I’ve never loved him more for taking one for the team. I struggle with the Chipmunks.

I’m pretty sure every time they sing a Lady GaGa song in those little squeaky voices, a box of kittens die.

4. My tree is dead. Like so dead that I feel compelled to give it a pep talk every morning and let it know it only needs to make it five more days before it can go on to a better place.

If you consider the curb by the trash can to be a better place.

5. Look at what the Antelope of the Lord started in our living room.

But I think we all know there is only one true Santalope.

Well.

So.

What happened around here this weekend?

I’m not really sure. But as I sit here with all my memories of nothingness, I’m reminded there was a time when I used to be better about jotting down little notes about funny/strange/bizarre moments that happened over the course of a few days so I wouldn’t forget them and have something to write about.

Yeah.

I should really go back to that system. At some point I have become overconfident in my brain’s capacity to remember various details.

Let’s see. Caroline’s class Christmas party was Friday afternoon and I apparently lived to tell about it. The actual party is never as stressful as all the planning that comes before the party and worrying about who’s bring the marshmallows to dip in the chocolate fountain and WHAT IF SOMEONE FORGETS THE STRAWBERRIES? THE WHOLE PARTY WILL BE RUINED.

You tend to lose perspective about the things that really matter when you’re homeroom mom. Which is why I may step down from my duties next year. Even though that will cause people to judge me because I only have one child and absolutely no job as far as they can tell and what could I possibly be doing with my time other than sending out thirty emails a week prior to Christmas vacation reminding people to bring strawberries and marshmallows?

Caroline was slightly disappointed by the chocolate fountain. She told me on Thursday that she really hoped it would be a chocolate fountain in the shape of a nativity scene and the chocolate would flow from baby Jesus. And I tried to manage her expectations by explaining some folks might think it a wee bit tacky, if not totally blasphemous, to dip marshmallows in a fount of chocolate springing forth from our Lord and Savior.

After we made it home from the party I spent the next two hours on the couch in an attempt to recuperate while Caroline played with some kind of Thinking Putty she talked me into buying. I don’t really know what qualifies it as “thinking” putty, but it glows in the dark and she says it responds to commands. I don’t know about that, but I can tell you that I kept finding it in various places all weekend long and EVERY TIME thought it was something one of the dogs had thrown up.

Friday night we had other plans that fell through and we ended up eating Mexican food with Mimi and Bops and then Caroline and I came home, took up permanent residence on the couch and watched The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. It was exactly the kind of low-key night we both needed and we were both in bed by 10:00. Just like I imagined Friday night would be when I was a teenager.

I immediately went to sleep but woke up to the sound of Bruiser barking at 2:00 a.m. Bruiser rarely barks unless there’s a reason. As opposed to Scout who’s totally deaf and will bark repeatedly as if to prove to himself that he really can’t hear the sound of his own voice.

Anyway, Bruiser was barking. And wouldn’t stop. So I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter and tore open the sash and the shutters (I was so going to do this whole Twas the Night Before Christmas thing here but I can’t remember it right now and I’m too tired to google it.) only to discover that Bruiser had treed a raccoon in our backyard. And my first thought was to wonder why weird stuff like this never seems to happen when P is home. My second thought was I have no idea what to do about this raccoon up in a tree and my obsessed dog at two in the morning.

So I just let the dogs sleep inside. It seemed like the easiest thing even though Caroline told me the next morning I should have just shot that raccoon out of the tree.

Yes.

That was totally going to be my second plan.

Shoot it with what? Her B.B. gun? A marshmallow shooter? Throw some thinking putty at it and see how that turns out?

On Saturday morning I dropped Caroline off at a birthday party for one of her best friends and finished up my Christmas shopping. Then we went to Home Depot because I saw an ad that announced all their outdoor decorations were 40% off. Which wasn’t true. SOME of them were 40% off, but nothing that I would actually want. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think when God sent his son to Earth that he intended for us to mark the occasion with a large lit bear that looks a little unnatural and freakish driving a train through our front yard.

(As opposed to the bears driving trains that look totally natural.)

And I tried to explain that to Caroline but she didn’t really seem to understand.

Of course this is the same child that was hoping for a chocolate fountain made out of baby Jesus.

Then Saturday night I went to a party while Caroline stayed with Mimi and Bops. I picked her up on my way home and we were both in bed again before 10:30. It’s a real rock and roll lifestyle we live.

And then Sunday morning we went to church.

The end.

But wait. Before you quit reading this fascinating account of our weekend with all the early bedtimes and raccoons, I just wanted to say that I may not post every day over the next two weeks. Or maybe I will. I don’t know. I can’t commit. I just really want to enjoy Christmas break and all the eggnog and merriment and fun times to be had without feeling the pressure to write every day.

So I may be here or I may not. But just know that if I’m not here, I’ll be back shortly. Or at least every few days because otherwise I’ll have way too many words to share and I’ll end up writing a bunch of 3000 word posts.

That’s all.

Well, apparently I wasn’t joking about putting up a few things I’ve seen on Pinterest that have intrigued me/inspired me/made me think about heating up my glue gun.

Or maybe have just made me swoon with envy.

And so I’m sharing a few of them with y’all today. Who knows? Maybe I’ll actually accomplish a few of these things at my house before Christmas is over.

Or maybe I’ll just think about it and call it a day.

Oh Pinterest. You make me want to be a better person.

1.  Christmas Button Trees

I think this is adorable.   And would be fairly easy to do if only we had some buttons around the house.

Source: balzerdesigns.typepad.com via Chantal on Pinterest

2.  Gorgeous front entry

I’ll accomplish this just as soon as we move into a house with double front doors and I’m ambitious enough to get the pumpkins off my porch before December 12th.

I wish I was joking.

Source: bhg.com via Anna on Pinterest

3.  Christmas Card Display

This?  I might really do this with the pile of Christmas cards that are currently sitting in the middle our kitchen island.

Source: homelife.com.au via Samantha on Pinterest

4.  Santa Snack Bags

In theory I think it would be so adorable if I made these for all the kids in Caroline’s class in time for the Christmas party.  But I think we all know that probably isn’t going to happen unless I happen to find myself jacked up on amphetamines with a stash of red hots, cotton balls and marshmallows.

And since that seems like an unlikely scenario, it would appear chances are good that each child will just get a single candy cane with a bow tied on it.

Source: Uploaded by user via My 3 Sons on Pinterest

5.  Fun wreath

I would love to make this exact wreath to hang on Caroline’s bedroom door all year round.  And then make one in red and green to hang on our back door during Christmas.  Especially since our back porch is sadly lacking in festiveness right now.

Source: etsy.com via Maxwell on Pinterest

6.  JOY Pots

Well, this looks easy enough.

Source: theinspiredroom.net via Beth on Pinterest

7.  Reindeer Pops

I made a version of these for Valentine’s Day a few years ago.  Except they weren’t reindeers.  Because that would have been weird.

Source: makenmold.com via Kristin on Pinterest

8.  Chocolate Reindeer Donuts

I thought these might be cute to make for Caroline for breakfast on Christmas Eve.  Because a well-balanced breakfast of chocolate donuts with a peanut M&M filler is an important way to start the day.

Source: freefunchristmas.com via Melanie on Pinterest

9.  Handprint Nativity

I am a sucker for anything that uses a kid’s handprints to create some sort of craft.  Because you just know that someday you will pull out the Christmas wreath they made out of handprints and marvel at how they were ever that little and find yourself crying next to the Christmas tree while singing “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler On the Roof.

Purely hypothetical scenario.

Source: flickr.com via Rachel on Pinterest

10.  O Holy Night

I first saw this on my friend Holly Mathis’s blog.  Probably because this is a picture of her mantle.  And I adore it.  ADORE.  Hers happens to be on canvas, but you can read this post she wrote to find out how to get a printable version.

Or you can find a similar canvas at Red Letter Words right here.  I might be wishing for this for Christmas.  I think it would look super classy hanging next to the Antelope of the Lord.

Source: hollymathisinteriors.com via Holly on Pinterest

See y’all tomorrow for Fashion Friday.

Well in the spirit of giving it appears that I have given the cold I had last week to everyone who lives at my house. In other words, P and Caroline are both terribly congested and desperately seeking Sudafed.

And did you know you can’t find real Sudafed anymore? Even behind the pharmacy counter? You can find HEB-fed and Wal-fed and CVS-fed, but not legitimate brand name Sudafed unless it’s the twelve hour Sudafed and that’s not the same. I like the small red 30 mg pill.

I realize this seems like I’ve put a lot of thought into my Sudafed consumption.

And I have.

Old drug rep habits die hard.

I think my preoccupation with pseudoephedrine products is an indicator that there isn’t much going on here right now. Unless you want to hear about how P woke up coughing up a lung last night and how Caroline slept in our bed and decided my body was the perfect leg rest.

Or maybe I could tell you all about the upcoming class Christmas party and how we decided to go with the snowglobe craft and the reindeer food. Because that is FASCINATING.

Oh, we also took P’s truck to the mechanic on Monday because it’s Christmas and his truck has a sixth sense about inconvenient times to leak oil or transmission fluid or to blow the flux capacitor so MERRY CHRISTMAS, P! I hope you love your new return thingy from the oil cooler. FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA.

Let’s hope that’s the gift that keeps giving.

On the plus side, I drove him to pick his truck up yesterday morning in thick, dense fog like something out of a horror movie. Wait. How is that “on the plus side”? Because it was 10:15 and we drove right by a Chick-Fil-A and I realized it was still early enough to get an order of chicken minis.

P got the chicken biscuit. But he tried one of my chicken minis and decided he didn’t like the texture of the roll. I’m not sure how our marriage is going to survive. Maybe some counseling. Or some intensive roll therapy.

(I am just making this up as I go along. I know it’s hard to tell.)

(I nearly resorted to showing y’all a bunch of things on Pinterest that I like. I bet you’re wishing I’d gone with that.)

(Don’t worry. If things don’t pick up here there’s a good chance that will be tomorrow’s post.)

Anyway, after we got home with the good as ten-year-old truck, I realized it was probably time to put water in our Christmas tree. Which is when I discovered, TO MY HORROR, that our tree has already quit drinking water. And there are still twelve days until Christmas. This doesn’t bode well.

But I tweeted my dilemma just like the pioneers used to do and several people suggested I add ginger ale to the water. And so I went to HEB, bought ginger ale and put it in the tree. I don’t know if it’s actually working because the tree still doesn’t appear to be drinking water as of this writing, but it does seem to have brought back some of its pine smell and the branches look perkier.

Or maybe it’s just a placebo effect.

Similar to what you get when you take Wal-fed instead of real, old-fashioned Sudafed.