Author: Big Mama

I almost hate to admit this because I fear you will all be disappointed in me.

I didn’t make it to Target to look at the Missoni collection. I know. It’s like I don’t even know who I am right now.

The truth is that I had good intentions but we all know the road to owning inexpensive Missoni merchandise is paved with good Target intentions. But then Tuesday morning turned out to be busy for a multitude of reasons and by the time I thought about making the long journey to Target I could tell from all the buzz on Twitter that it might be like walking into sheer insanity or an elementary school cafeteria.

There were rumors of people piling their baskets full of everything Missoni they could get in their red plastic cart, the Target website crashing, and shoppers who bought only with the intention to resell it on Ebay. Which, honestly, raises some unshoppingmanship red flags with me. Whatever happened to just shopping for the love of zig-zag prints?

Anyway, I think all of the hoopla caught Target totally off-guard. I just hope the security assets protection division had this bad boy gassed up and ready to go.

Oh that the Lord would allow me to see it in action one day.

In other news, well, there’s not much other news. I took Caroline to the dentist yesterday morning and that was every bit as fascinating as what you’re imagining. And I did have a mini-celebration when the dentist announced her permanent teeth are coming in really straight and her bite looks good because I don’t know if y’all know this but orthodontia don’t come cheap. I know this because I had to have braces at the tender age of thirty-four years old. I refer to that time period as the two years I walked in extreme humility and lived in fear of shooting a rubberband from my mouth across a cocktail party.

So I treated her to a double-chocolatey chip frappucino to celebrate. It was my little way of saying “Hey Kid, way to have good teeth and potentially save your parents thousands of dollars. Here’s a four dollar drink in honor of the occasion”.

I really am at a loss for anything else to say. I feel a little “we could talk or not talk for hours” leaning heavily on the not talk side. But it’s just been one of those weeks filled with the pest control guy spraying the house and picking up dry-cleaning and thawing out hamburger meat and trying to make a bunch of stuff in my refrigerator magically turn into a good dinner.

(I just read that paragraph and it sounds like the pest control guy picked up my dry-cleaning. That is not the case.)

(Although how awesome would that be? Someone should do that.)

(I could edit that paragraph so that it reads better but that would take a lot of work.)

Speaking of a lot of work, I was driving Caroline to school on Tuesday morning and she was telling about some math test she had taken the day before.

She told me, “It didn’t make sense. The question asked if an armadillo’s head is six inches long and his tail is four inches long and his total length is eighteen inches, then how long is his body?”

(Word problems are of the devil. You’ll never convince me otherwise.)

But I responded, “Well, what didn’t make sense?”

She said, “How am I supposed to know how long an armadillo’s body is? I’ve only seen ONE in my whole life and he was running really fast.”

I think she makes an excellent point.

That’s why I’ve never liked math.

However, I do like Missoni. But not enough to fight a crowd at Target for it.

So how was your weekend?

I spent the majority of mine in Lubbock, Texas and then got home Saturday night and slept until 11:00 on Sunday morning. That’s not even an exaggeration.

I left for Lubbock on Thursday afternoon. You might think a trip to Lubbock wouldn’t be that long considering I’m already in Texas, but you would be wrong. It takes a long time and a layover in Dallas to get to Lubbock. Because in case you didn’t know, Texas is an enormous state.

Lubbock, I would like to take your dry, cool air and wrap myself up in it like a blanket and stay there forever. My hair has never held up so beautifully.

Shortly after my plane landed, I headed to the rental car counter to pick up my car. The clerk handed me all the necessary paperwork and I gave him my drivers’ license and credit card while I confirmed that I only wanted the economy size car. He handed me a set of keys, directed me to the car lot and said, “It will be in stall #21. It’s a green Ford Fiesta.” When someone says “green Ford Fiesta” do you think something in the family of hunter greens?

Yes, I do too.

But it turned out to be a wrong assumption. Because as I wheeled my suitcase out to the car rental lot, I spotted my car while I was still 500 yards away.

(That’s not the actual car. I’d like to show you the real car but my phone isn’t speaking to my computer again and, thus, I cannot upload the photo. Sufficed to say, my rental was every bit as bright as the above photo.)

I have never been so sad to be alone because I had to laugh all by myself when I saw that green machine shining like a beacon from the parking lot. In the words of Mac Davis, “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble.”

To make matters worse, I had no idea where I was going. And do you know what’s worse than driving the ugliest car in Lubbock, Texas? Driving the ugliest car in Lubbock, Texas when you have to drive thirty miles an hour because you’re trying to decipher the directions on your iPhone.

But on Saturday during her message, Beth Moore reminded us that sometimes “we can guard our dignity right out of an epiphany.” So I feel like that Ford Fiesta in Lime Squeeze opened up my heart to an epiphany because my dignity was gone. I’ll let you know what that epiphany is as soon as I figure it out.

And so that’s why I was in Lubbock. It was the host site of the 2011 Living Proof Live simulcast with Beth Moore and I was in town to help out with the event. Sadly, I think I’ve been demoted since the last event because not only was I not in charge of selling any merch, I didn’t even get a walkie-talkie this time. Instead they put me at the marketing table which only involved passing out Homelife magazines while saying, “They’re free, Ladies. Take as many as you’d like.”

Honestly, I think it’s probably the best job for my particular set of skills, mainly because it doesn’t involve having to make change or realize that you’ve been pushing down the talk button on your walkie-talkie for the last hour.

On a side note, I mentioned to one of the women on the Event team that I used to have fun visiting Lubbock back when I was in college and Texas Tech played A&M. She said, “Oh! Then you know what’s fun to do around here. Where should we go?” And I had to let her know that we really couldn’t do the same activities in Lubbock that I did with my friends back in 1993. Largely because the SAE fraternity might be alarmed by a bunch of middle aged women out in front of their fraternity house looking for the keg party.

Anyway, the best thing about the weekend was listening to a great message from Beth, fabulous worship with Travis and the Praise Team, and getting to meet a couple of y’all. Which totally made my day.

And then I had to fly like the wind in my sweet Ford Fiesta to get back to the airport in time for my flight late Saturday afternoon. I barely made it in time and by the time Gulley and her boys picked me up at the San Antonio airport around 8:30, I was so tired that I told Gulley I could just sit and cry like a little kid does when they’re completely worn out.

From the back seat, Will said, “I know just how you feel, Mel. I know just how you feel.”

P and Caroline were off hog hunting and didn’t get home until around 11:00. I waited up for them as long as you consider waiting up to mean that I fell asleep on the couch until I heard them pull in the driveway. And then I got into bed and passed out until 11:00 a.m. Sunday morning.

The end.