Author: Big Mama

  • Forty

    Today is a big day at our house. It’s P’s 40th birthday. I am married to a forty-year-old man. Which means I must be getting old.

    But I can’t think of a better way to grow old than with someone who makes me laugh every single day. It’s part of why I love you, P. Along with these forty other reasons:

    1. The way you never really panic about anything. In fifteen years, I’ve never seen you panic.

    2. The way you talk me off the ledge when I work myself up into near hysteria.

    3. Your ability to recall movie lines from a movie you saw one time back in 1983.

    4. Specifically, The Warriors. Which I’d never even heard of until you referenced it about four years ago.

    5. The way you get so excited about hunting season EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

    6. That you have all your camo clothing arranged by pattern in the guest bedroom closet.

    7. The fact that you don’t mind keeping your camo clothing in the guest bedroom closet because it usually smells like dirt and would make our shared closet smell like dirt and you realize I don’t want to smell like dirt.

    8. Your ability to just sum up a situation in two words. For example, “COMPLETE NONSENSE”.

    9. The way you never hesitate to be completely honest about anything.

    10. That you know me well enough to ask me how honest I want you to be when I ask a question like, “Do you like this dress?” or “Do these jeans look okay on me?”

    11. You never question my sanity. Even when I paint the kitchen twice in six months. Oh, you’ll mock me for it. But you don’t question my mental capacity.

    12. The way you occasionally get sucked into something I’m watching on T.V. and start to ask about the characters or plot before you remember that you have absolutely no interest in Rachel Zoe or how she styled Demi Moore for a photo shoot.

    13. Your constant safety lectures. How else would I know I should NEVER, EVER stand on the very top of a ladder that’s not securely on the ground?

    14. Or that it should be my natural impulse to immediately lock my car doors THE VERY MINUTE I get in my car?

    15. The way you can get on the phone with your friends and discuss all manner of weaponry and ammo with the same passion and intensity that I talk to my friends about The Bachelor or Real Housewives.

    16. You know how to fix just about anything. And if you don’t know how to fix it, you will find out. Or make something up.

    17. That you actually believe I’ll allow you to hang a third deer mount in our living room.

    18. The way you clean out the backhouse at least once a month and always find new ways to organize everything.

    19. That you tell me we’re out of everything and then give me a grocery list that contains two items. Usually York Peppermint Patties and Nilla Wafers.

    20. How you sometimes add things to the grocery list just to make me laugh. For example, “toilet paper not made of sandpaper”.

    21. The way you love the Doodle.

    22. And how you never get tired of answering all her questions even when I am way past done.

    23. Seeing the two of you dressed up in your camo, loading up your guns and heading to the ranch for an adventure. Oh, she does love her daddy.

    24. The sweet mullet you had in high school.

    25. That you weighed all of 155 pounds when we first met. And that when you got sick after we’d been married for three months you went to the doctor where they weighed you and you discovered you weighed 185 pounds. You told them their scale must be broken.

    26. That you rode the city bus to a Tea Party gathering about a year ago. And packed heat.

    27. The way you believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself.

    28. How you know when I’m being too hard on myself and when I’m not being hard enough.

    29. That you make me want to live up to the person you see in me.

    30. You never question me when I tell you something only cost $15.00.

    31. Although you do laugh at me.

    32. That you carry a weapon at all times when you’re down at the ranch. Even when you’re playing pool.

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    33. The way I never feel safer than when I’m with you. You are a man that can handle some things.

    34. You aren’t too proud to say when you’re wrong.

    35. Or to let me know when I am.

    36. That you’re man enough to help Caroline dress her Barbie dolls or let her give you a makeover or to always compliment her on a new outfit and tell her how pretty she looks.

    37. The heart you have for God. And how I know that you’re always in prayer over anything that involves our little band of three.

    38. The way you provide for us even though it means working long, hot days in the South Texas sun.

    39. The fact that you told me last night at dinner that you’ve lost six pounds since Friday. Actually, I don’t know if I love you for that as much as I envy you for it. And am slightly bitter about it.

    40. Your hair that’s almost entirely gray. Because I’ve always had a thing for a silver fox.

    You are everything I ever wanted and so many other things I never knew I needed.

    Caroline and I love you so much.

    Happy Birthday! from Big Mama on Vimeo.

  • Nothing to see here

    I so appreciate that y’all would like to see a picture of my new bangs. However, that is not possible at this juncture because I haven’t had on makeup in twenty-four hours and, even though I’m all about keeping it real, I’m not really sure any of us need that much reality.

    But I promise that the next time my hair is freshly styled and I don’t look like a slightly worse version of death warmed over, I will post a picture of myself with the new bangs.

    In other news, I think I contracted some type of flu-type illness while I was in Houston this past weekend. But I hesitated to write about it because I told P that I was just going to put a quick post that said I wasn’t feeling well and he said I’ve written way too much recently about having PMS and not feeling well.

    So now, not only do I feel achy and tired, I am also extremely paranoid that many of you may think I’m a hypochondriac. Or worse, a complainer.

    Truthfully, I may be both of those things depending on the day.

    But I’m legitimately not feeling well and spent most of yesterday in bed. Which means I have nothing interesting to write about and can’t even make something up. I know this because I’ve been desperately trying to think of anything for the last hour.

    I have nothing.

    Unless you want to hear about how many Advil I’ve taken in the last twenty-four hours. And I’m going to assume that’s a no.

    So why don’t you tell me something interesting in the comments, like maybe the name of a blog you love to read or whether you think Pretty in Pink or Sixteen Candles is the best movie from the 80’s or maybe there’s a question you’d like me to answer one of these days. Whatever. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

  • I dedicate this post to Eye of the Tiger

    On Friday morning I packed up Caroline, my bangs and myself and drove to Houston for the weekend. Yes, I have bangs.

    Again.

    I blame Reese Witherspoon and her perfect bangs that aren’t hindered by a cowlick and an overall spirit of stubbornness.

    And I count the bangs as their own entity for the weekend because I am constantly aware of them right now. Where are my bangs? What are they doing? Have they rebelled and gone two separate directions while I wasn’t paying attention?

    It’s not that I don’t like them. In fact, I’ve been plotting to get bangs all summer long. I was just waiting for the humidity to drop somewhere below 152%. I think I just need them to grow out a tad bit longer which is my fault because my sweet hairstylist cut them perfectly the first time and I said I thought they needed to be a little shorter.

    I bet Reese keeps her mouth shut when she’s getting her hair cut. I bet she doesn’t offer her own amateur opinions to a professional.

    So, not only does she have better bangs than me, she’s also smarter than me.

    But enough about Reese.

    The trip to Houston has been on my calendar since sometime around last February. Several of Sophie’s college girlfriends wanted to get together to celebrate her birthday and decided to have the festivities in Houston where one of them lives. And they invited me to join them for all the big fun.

    I’m so glad they did. Not only did I get to spend the weekend celebrating Sophie’s birthday with her, but I got to hang out with seven other sweet girls that made me laugh until I cried as they told stories from their college days. And you know what I have to show for it?

    A picture of the cupcakes I bought on Saturday afternoon from Crave Cupcakes. I think the banana one may have changed my life. And I’m not even normally a huge fan of the banana flavored baked goods, but I took a risk. A risk that totally paid off.

    Sometime last week I saw something on T.V. that showed how your heart beats after you eat a meal that’s high in fat and I’m so sorry I saw it. Because it’s a wonder my heart didn’t just up and stop after everything I ate this weekend. But there are probably worse ways to go than sitting around sharing massive amounts of the beef fajitas from Lupe Tortilla while singing Total Eclipse of the Heart with eight other girls.

    The whole weekend was so much fun. There were pedicures and cheeseburgers and college football games and shopping. Oh the shopping. We debated the merits of various booties and the practicality of the open-toed bootie. And Sophie’s friend, EK, found a dress at Marshall’s that I’m still thinking about. The only thing that soothed my disappointment over the lack of additional dresses was the fact that I bought a really cute shirt at Nordstrom Rack for $4.00. FOUR DOLLARS.

    In the meantime, I’d dropped Caroline off at a hotel where she spent the weekend with Mimi and Bops. She told me she “wasn’t sure how she was going to make it until Sunday” without seeing me, but I think she felt better after she bungee-jumped at The Galleria for about her fourth time. Bless her heart, it makes me so sad to think of how she had to endure being spoiled rotten all weekend long.

    And so on Sunday morning, I said goodbye to my new friends and went to meet Mimi, Bops and Caroline for breakfast. You’ll be glad to know she survived the weekend and found comfort for her soul by jumping back and forth between the beds in their hotel room.

    We headed back to San Antonio and I was so tired that the only thing that kept me going was a steady rotation of 80’s Hits on Pandora. I owe Eye of The Tiger a debt of gratitude for giving me a little pick me up sometime around Seguin when I hit the wall and felt like I couldn’t go on anymore.

    Now I plan to sleep for about four days. And dream about banana cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

    And to my dear friend, Sophie. I’m so glad I was able to spend your birthday with you and some of your oldest friends. Thanks so much for including me in all the fun.

    Even though it sounded like we found each other through EHarmony every time we told the story of how we met.

  • Fashion Friday: Edition it’s all in the bag

    I just finished watching the Aggies lose to Oklahoma State in the last two seconds of the game and I’m so worked up that I may never sleep again. And I don’t really want to write about fashion so much as I want to write about excessive turnovers and how it’s close to impossible to win football games when you continually give your opponents the ball. It’s times like these that P likes to give me a lecture about the foolishness of placing my happiness in the hands of a bunch of nineteen year olds.

    He makes an excellent point.

    But my night was not a total loss because I found out a FASCINATING piece of news and now you’re going to have to follow me on a rabbit trail as I tell you about it.

    Back in March 2009, I received an email from a reader named Melissa who lived in Austin at the time. The email explained that she was single and had just reconnected with a guy she knew in high school on Facebook. She was planning a trip out to California to meet up with him for an official first date and she wanted to know what I thought she should wear.

    So I posted her question and responded to it on this now VERY SPECIAL EDITION of Fashion Friday back in March 2009. And many people wanted to know how the date turned out. I’m not sure I ever actually posted about it, but she emailed me and said it went fine but wasn’t sure if anything would become of the whole thing.

    Fast forward to me watching the Aggie game on Thursday night. I was tweeting (twittering?) about the game to keep myself from throwing something across the room and Melissa responded to one of my tweets and said she wasn’t sure if I remembered her but she just got engaged to the guy she reconnected with on Facebook almost two years ago.

    I twittered (tweeted?) back, “NO YOU DID NOT!” She emailed me a link to their wedding planning website which includes a picture of them on their first date and she looked beautiful.

    So, basically, I don’t want to take ALL the credit because I’m sure her personality and what-have-you played a role in the whole engagement thing, but I’m pretty sure this happy ending is at least partly due to some stellar fashion advice.

    Let me have my delusions, please. They are all that’s keeping me going in light of the Aggies losing in the last two seconds. TWO SECONDS.

    Congratulations, Melissa! I am so happy for you.

    Okay, so on a fashion note. This week has been the scene of a fall purse crisis at my house. I have been in desperate need of a new handbag because the handle on the one I carried all last year is shot to pieces. And so I have scoured various websites and stores looking for the perfect bag.

    Then late last week I discovered that ebags was offering 20% off all their Big Buddha bags. I agonized over which one I should order and ultimately decided on the Miranda bag in black. But by the time I made up my mind, it was completely sold out. So I ordered it in red instead.

    But it was an impulse decision and I could hardly sleep that night for worrying about whether or not I really wanted a shiny, red purse. The next morning I tried to cancel my order, but it was too late. However, the 20% off sale ended that day and so I went ahead and ordered the gray Miranda bag as well. Ebags offers free returns and I figured I could look at them both in person and make my decision.

    They both arrived on Tuesday. I opened up the boxes and thought they were both pretty, but was struck by the fact that the gray wasn’t so much a gray as it was more of a brown color. And the red was very bright and made me feel a little bit like HERE I AM WITH MY ENORMOUS SHINY RED PURSE.

    Naturally, Caroline thought the red was the clear winner. I held them both up and asked P which one he liked. He responded, “I didn’t realize my Grandmother Tatum’s purse was back in style”.

    Which wasn’t really the look I was going for.

    So I shipped them BOTH back. Not just because of P’s comment but because I really wanted the gray purse to be gray as opposed to brown and the red was just too much.

    And so I’ve spent the last few days looking at every handbag known to man. Or woman. I’ve debated the merits of black vs. green vs. brown vs. gray.

    Then yesterday I walked into a local boutique and ended up with a shiny black patent bag with gold hardware. I’d show it to you but I can’t find it on the internet and I’m too lazy to get up and take a picture. But here are several other great bags I’ve seen over the last few days.

    (By the way, I’m not adding in any commentary because I believe I have written more than enough for one day.)

    1. Champs-Elysees Bag

    2. Big Buddha Empire Bag

    The Empire bag also comes in green

    3. Fossil Vintage Reissue Satchel

    4. Miley Hobo

    5. Diviney Bag

    6. Fossil Patchwork Hobo

    7. Gathered Frame Satchel

    8. Steve Madden BWarrior Tote

    9. Magid Christiana Tote

    10. Big Buddha Hollywood Bag

    That’s it for this week.

    I hope none of your favorite teams lose their games in the last two seconds this weekend and feel free to let me know if you’d like to get married and need to know what to wear on a first date.

    Y’all have a great Friday.

  • So I took a little road trip

    Dear Friends from the Internet,

    I don’t know that I’ve ever loved y’all more than I did yesterday when y’all went above and beyond to tell me all about your preferred television shows. Although I have to say that many of you way underestimated me by assuming that I don’t watch Glee or Modern Family or Chuck. I merely mentioned the new shows I’m auditioning to become part of my regular rotation because who has the time to read all my various programming choices and the reasons why they are dear to my heart?

    And I do become invested in my shows. Hence the reason I am already mourning the imminent end of Friday Night Lights. I don’t know what I’m going to do without Eric and Tami Taylor. The sky won’t be as blue.

    Not to mention that I found out yesterday that Brad is leaving Rachel Zoe, Inc.

    I DIE.

    I AM DEAD.

    Oh, and that Brad Womack is going to be the new bachelor. Which just goes to prove that there are a lot of single women out there who think they are going to be the one to make a handsome bar owner with commitment issues settle down and change his ways. Here’s a secret, play the lottery instead. The odds are better.

    But enough about television. For now.

    Yesterday was such a gorgeous day. In fact, the whole week here has been absolutely perfect. I’ve even worn sweaters for about three hours every morning before the temperatures get back up to the mid-80’s and I remember that October is too early to wear sweaters in Texas. I’ve only been a Texan my entire life so it’s understandable that I have to relearn this same principle every single fall.

    Anyway, I went to our church in the morning to help register women for Bible study, even though I am completely paranoid about being in charge of any type of administrative duties. That is not one of my gifts. Mainly because it involves things like details. And numbers. And sometimes even basic math skills.

    After I finished up, I decided on a total whim to drive out to Boerne (It’s a little town outside San Antonio and is pronounced like Bernie. As in Bernie Mac, but without the Mac.) I’d gone out with my friends from Birthday Club the night before and a few of them were talking about some great little boutiques in downtown Boerne. So I turned up a little Pat Green on the stay wag stereo and made the thirty minute drive out there intending to only stay for about an hour.

    So, naturally, I found myself finally heading back home three hours later. I had the best time looking in all the antique stores and home goods stores and clothing boutiques. And I found some treasures that you can’t find just anywhere.

    Like this vest.

    No, I didn’t buy it. But GOD BLESS AMERICA that it exists.

    And speaking of America, the land of opportunity, check this out.

    Acorns. Twenty-five cents apiece.

    Caroline totally cut me a deal on the acorns she sold me. I had no idea the acorn market was so lucrative.

    Then I saw this framed Lonesome Dove Trail map and fell in love.

    I’ve decided I want some type of vintage Texas map to frame and hang in my living room, but this one was more than my standard $15 price limit so I had to pass.

    I also passed on these melamine plates that I debated buying to hang in the kitchen.

    And now I think I regret that decision.

    However, I did make one purchase.

    I’m not even sure where I’m going to put it, but I loved it immediately. The picture really doesn’t do it justice. The store owner told me it was made by a local Austin artist, but she couldn’t remember her name. Which makes me sad because I’d love to see her other stuff. This was the last piece in the store.

    Then I bought myself a veggie sandwich made on homemade wheat bread and drove back home to pick up Caroline from school.

    When we got back home I showed P my new piece of art and he asked, “Is it supposed to look like that?”

    I realize it’s no roll of toilet paper on top of a toaster oven, but I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    _____________________________________

    My friend, Travis, released his first book a few days ago. It’s called Surprised by Worship and I can’t recommend it enough.

    It’s on sale on Amazon. Just click on over to order a copy. And no I’m not getting compensated or anything to mention it. It’s just a great book written by a dear friend.
    ____________________________________
    There’s a new Kellogg’s giveaway on my giveaway page. Click over here for a chance to win $100 gift card.

  • A post about television because I have nothing to say

    You might think I’m exaggerating when I tell you that my mind is a total blank right now. But I’m not. I am not exaggerating. Because I NEVER exaggerate.

    I think the problem lies with the Benadryl I took earlier in the day. And, yes, I know there are other medications I can take for allergies but they all make me feel like a slightly better version than death so I might as well dance with the one that brung me.

    I don’t even know what that means.

    And there’s also the option of taking Sudafed but it causes me to be all hyped up and, frankly, if I have a choice between being overly excited or completely lethargic, I’ll take completely lethargic for $100, Alex. At least that way I can just sit on the couch and try to work my way through all the new shows filling up my DVR.

    Speaking of new shows, I’d love for you to share your thoughts on the new T.V. season. Are there any new shows that you’re adding to your rotation? Any must see T.V. that I need to know about?

    So far I’ve recorded Undercovers and then deleted it before I ever watched it because it didn’t get great reviews and I felt that it might be an hour of my life I’d never get back. I also recorded My Generation on ABC and watched it the other day. It has a good premise but OH MY WORD the acting is horrendous and the whole thing made me want to bury my head in a pillow several times. Which means I’ll definitely watch it again this week. And every week from now until its almost certain cancellation.

    I can always be counted on to pick the absolute dog of the new season. Several years ago I even managed to get Gulley hooked on a show called Reunion (apparently I am very drawn to shows about people who have known each other since high school and all find themselves back together in a big quagmire of drama) and it was cancelled after about eight shows and we never found out who killed one of the other characters. It was a heartbreaker.

    The other new show I meant to try, but forgot to record, is Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck because MAGNUM P.I. Plus it comes on Friday nights and I could use a Friday night show to get my weekend started.

    The words you’re looking for are pathetic and sad.

    And, also, ragweed sufferer. Which has nothing to do with T.V. but everything to do with Benadryl.

    Other than that, I can’t think of anything else I’m interested in adding to my weekly watching schedule. Am I missing anything good?