Author: Big Mama

I feel we represent a different kind of southern living

Well, after reading some of the comments on yesterday’s post, I was thoroughly freaked out about the possibility that the acorns Caroline brought home for me might be the host vehicle for some type of worm as opposed to little tiny oak trees that never reached their full potential. So I explained the situation to her and said it might be in our best interest to use them somewhere outside. Like maybe the trash.

She completely agreed with my decision but I’ll have you know that she didn’t offer me any sort of refund. That’s two dollars that I’ll never see again.

I’m just thankful that I didn’t buy into her sales pitch on the way to school yesterday morning when she tried to convince me the acorns might be worth the same amount as a new game for her Nintendo DS. Listen, if I wanted to pay $25 for fifteen acorns I’d shop at Pottery Barn.

(Speaking of Pottery Barn, have y’all seen the Catalog Living blog? Hilarious.)

As I bagged up the little worm-infested acorns, I felt that it was just one more example of why my house will never be like the homes featured in Southern Living. In all the years that I’ve perused the latest issues of various home decorating magazines, I have never once seen a dining room table that featured rotten, worm-infested acorns as a centerpiece.

Understandably so.

Here are a few other things you’ll never see in Southern Living:

The charming tableau that P has arranged using our toaster as a focal point.

Sure he could use a box of Kleenex to help him through fall allergy season, but that’s such an obvious choice. And if the half-used roll of toilet paper on top of the toaster doesn’t send the message, I think the spare roll off to the side says WE ARE EXTRA-CLASSY.

Along those same lines, I think these bright orange soccer cones really add a little something extra to our office area.

Before Caroline was born, I bought these darling little canister-things at Restoration Hardware. So you can be certain that I paid too much for them. But I felt like they added just the right decorative touch to the bathroom.

So you can imagine my delight that Caroline has decided to use them as various receptacles for her mouthwash, toothpaste, toothbrush, hand soap and whatever else she decides to stick in there on any given day. I’m sure that’s exactly what the folks at Restoration Hardware had in mind.

And then there is Caroline’s bedroom that has become P’s temporary lodging while he fights a cold and snores loud enough to wake the dead.

I blame myself for this really. I brought that yellow floral comforter into our marriage. It belonged to me in college. Never could I have imagined that, twenty years later, my husband would use it every single night. And that it would become a replacement for the beautiful hot pink bedding I picked out for my little girl’s bedroom.

But you know what’s worse than that comforter crumpled up on her bed? Trying to sleep while he breaks the sound barrier.

Finally, there is this.

You can’t really tell from my stellar photography, but that’s an album full of slides P pulled out about three weeks ago with the goal of going through all of them and getting them turned into a DVD. And then headless Butterfly Barbie joined in on the action about a week ago.

I’m not sure why.

But I can guarantee you that those acorns will hatch, the worms will complete an entire life cycle and those slides will still be right there.

As will the toilet paper on the toaster.

It’s how we roll.

(Yes. I just went there.)
It’s not really a dry heat

I will remember Saturday as one of the hottest days of my life. Although I’m sure I’ve probably survived hotter days. But those days didn’t happen forty-eight hours ago so I don’t need to complain about them at this juncture.

Saturday morning started off just fine. Except for the fact that Caroline doesn’t really get the concept that Saturday mornings are for sleeping in. I can’t figure out why I have to drag her out of bed Monday through Friday but yet she wakes me up at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday morning by leaning in as close to my face as she can get and uses a stage whisper to ask, “Will you turn on some cartoons for me?” After I peel myself off the ceiling, I lovingly say, “Go find your daddy”.

But P had to head out early Saturday morning to help a bunch of men cook about 8000 pounds of meat, give or take 7900 pounds, for our church’s fall festival and he wasn’t available to turn on cartoons and scramble some eggs. So I rolled out of bed, cooked some breakfast, and hoped for a cat nap during Phineas and Ferb before we had to leave for our soccer game.

The game was at 1:00. We got dressed and left for the fields by 12:30. This was a personal best departure time for me, especially considering that P wasn’t there to rush me out the door. It was my day to bring snack so I lugged the cooler across the parking lot and felt like I was about to die because it was approximately 132 degrees with about 204% humidity.

We met P at the field and the Cheetah Girls took to the field for what had to be the hottest, most torturous game of their little soccer careers. Bless their hearts, they all looked like they’d jumped in a pool by the time it was over. And meanwhile all the parents sat on the sidelines and complained about how we’d never been so hot in our lives. As we sat there. Drinking our water. Under our umbrellas. Cheering on our precious babies as they ran up and down the field.

After the game, Caroline and I drove out to the Fall Festival with P to see if I could possibly get any hotter without spontaneously combusting. As it turns out, I didn’t explode. But I wanted to. I would have happily exploded if it meant that I could have gotten out of the heat.

I spent Saturday night trying to hydrate myself and wishing I could pack myself in a bathtub of ice like they did to Almanzo in that episode of Little House on the Prairie when he was so sick and Laura showed up to take care of him and let him know she still loved him even though he’d said that no woman of his was going to have a job. It’s one of my top five favorite Little House episodes ever.

On Sunday Caroline ended up spending most of the day with Mimi and Bops. I was all excited about the alleged cold front that still hasn’t shown up as I type this (if it doesn’t make it here I will say horrible things about the weatherman for leading me on) and decided it would be a great time to really clean off our back porch and get it ready for all the dinners I envision us eating out there once the weather drops down to a crisp 85 this week.

P had planned to sit on the couch and do nothing all day, but I lured him into my cleaning scheme because he doesn’t trust me to mix the bleach in the little pressure washer thing. I mean, you kill the grass dead one or six times and everyone’s a critic.

Somehow cleaning the porch turned into bathing the dogs, taking the screens off all the windows and washing them from top to bottom and cleaning off all the outdoor furniture. I say that like we have vast amounts of outdoor furniture. We have a table. And four chairs. And a glider thing. Still, it was a lot of work.

I also discovered that we don’t have any grass AT ALL on the far side of our house. It’s just dirt. Dirt that turned into mud while I washed the windows over there. So I asked P, “How long have we not had grass on that side of the house?”

“About seven years.”

Clearly I need to get out more.

Later in the afternoon, Mimi and Bops dropped Caroline off. She handed me a Ziploc bag full of acorns and said, “Mama, I picked all these up for you so you can put them in the glass things on the dining room table”.

(The glass urns on my table are filled with pinecones, acorns and little pumpkins right now. Very festive.)

“Thanks, Baby. That’s so sweet!”

What a sweet girl. Always thinking about her mama and taking the time to pick up all those acorns just to make me happy.

“You’re welcome, but I’m going to need to get a few dollars for them.”

Okay, so maybe she’s not as sweet as much as she’s a capitalist.
Fashion Friday: Edition memories light the corners of my mind

Yesterday morning there was nothing I wanted to do less than my Couch to 5K workout. Nothing. Face a pack of angry badgers? FINE. Walk/run three miles around my neighborhood in 205% humidity? NO THANK YOU.

But I did it anyway because, ALL TOGETHER NOW, if I let myself have even a tiny break it will turn into a five year running sabbatical.

After I dragged myself around the block a few times and made it home, I cooled down for a minute and then jumped in the shower because I had to run up to Caroline’s school for the Book Fair. I took the time to blow dry my hair AND roll it in hot rollers. Then I realized I was completely out of hairspray.

I stepped outside and before I’d even finished locking the back door my hair was as flat as a pancake. Any volume or curl was a distant memory. I had hot-rolled in vain. IN VAIN.

So after I left the book fair, I headed straight to Ulta to purchase new hairspray. After spending much time debating the merits of different sprays, I decided to take the plunge and buy a can of L’Oreal Elnett Satin. I’ve wanted to try it for the last year but the $14.99 price tag had held me back. It seemed pricey for an unknown hairspray.

But in their magazine ads it was touted as the brand STYLISTS ALL OVER THE WORLD have used for years even though it hasn’t been available in the United States until the last year or so. Allegedly, U.S. hair stylists used to stock up on cans of it while overseas and bring it back to the United States.

(This must have been prior to the days of the no liquids over 3 ounces rule took effect. Surely the L’Oreal marketing people wouldn’t exaggerate for effect.)

So now I’m the proud owner of the hairspray BELOVED by the world. Conveniently, it really was $14.99 which is my preferred price point to throw out to P when he asks how much something cost.

Anyway, my hair was beyond salvaging by the time I made it home with my WORLD-FAMOUS hair spray, but I sprayed a little bit on my hair just to get a gauge of the aerosol coverage and smell. And I’ll be danged if the smell didn’t immediately transport me back to my Me-Ma’s pink tiled bathroom and the years between 1971 and 1992. L’Oreal Elnett is one of the smells of my childhood and I had no idea.

Now I just need to figure out how my Me-Ma was getting cans of L’Oreal Elnett all the way to Beaumont, Texas when world famous stylists had to smuggle it back to the U.S. in their suitcases. I mean Me-Ma never even drove a car, much less jetted off to Paris to secure some hair product. It’s a mystery I will continue to ponder.

I will also continue to use the hairspray because the smell makes me happy. And I’ll be honest, it doesn’t smell very good. It smells a little like the ozone is melting around me.

And now for some fashion.

1. Wanigan Coat

I am so drawn to plaid coats. And I own at least two of them.

But then I see one like this one and think that it’s so adorable and would love to live in my closet.

2. Jacket with Front Ruffle

See? I have a thing for jackets.

3. Cecil Chunky Cowl Scarf

Last year I found a little scarflette thing on Etsy that I wanted to carry around in my pocket because of all the precious. Now, I’m slightly in love with the cowl neck scarf thing with the little flower. It looks so cozy.

And I’m not even sure what I’d wear it with, but I bet I could find something.

4. Hooded Cargo Jacket

The majority of the time I just show y’all stuff that I really like but have no intention of actually buying. Not that I don’t want to, but because I have to save my money for $14.99 bottles of hairspray and Pretzel M&Ms.

However, I’m actually going to buy this jacket. It’s the perfect casual thing to throw on with jeans while running errands or going to school events or buying hairspray.

5. Ultrasoft V-Neck Sweater

I feel the same way about this sweater. It comes in a bunch of different colors, it’s soft, and I can throw it on with jeans or a skirt. And it’s on sale.

6. Argyle Flannel Pajamas

I don’t know why I’m featuring flannel pajamas when it’s still hotter than the sun here. I’d just like to believe that someone, somewhere might need a pair of flannel pajamas to ward off the chill.

7. Shades of Carnelian Necklace

Another Etsy find. I love the colors in this. It would look so great with browns or greens or denim. Perfect for fall.

8..Mossimo Black: Studded Tote

I saw this bag at Target the other day and was so tempted to buy it and then I didn’t and now I can’t remember why. It comes in red, black, brown and maybe silver but I can’t remember for sure.

I just know that it’s seriously cute and a great deal.

9. Kamik Janis Rain Boots

About two week ago it was pouring down rain one morning and I got on the internet with a mind to get serious about making a rainboot purchase. I talked about it all winter long last year and never actually ended up with any rainboots, but with some seriously wet feet every time I had to pick Caroline up from school since San Antonio turned into Seattle for much of last winter.

But then I fell in love with these and showed them to P and he said we’re in a La Nina cycle or an El Nino cycle or some kind of cycle that supposedly means it’s going to be a warm, dry winter and so I decided to wait on the rainboots.

And it’s rained almost every day since.

Thus ends my tale of woe.

10. Made to Measure Skirt

I have nowhere to wear this skirt. But if I had a job that required me to get out of my yoga pants, I would totally buy this skirt and I’d wear it with a velvet blazer and some great boots and I would reminisce about how much I loved the store Harold’s back in the early 90’s and how this outfit seems very Harold’s-like.

And how maybe I was wearing an outfit very similar to this the last time I smelled L’Oreal Elnett hairspray in my Me-Ma’s pink-tiled bathroom.

Y’all have a great Friday.
This, that, and the other

I am so glad that y’all like the kitchen. I mean I wouldn’t have changed it if you didn’t, but I appreciate the validation. My kitchen felt like Sally Field at the Oscars all day yesterday. “You like me! You really like me!”

Honestly, I don’t know how my kitchen felt. It may have been more along the lines of “Hey! Don’t be afraid to push that self-clean button on the ovens” or “Any time you can sweep the floor in here wouldn’t be a moment too soon.”

Anyway, a couple of questions came up so I thought I would answer them in a handy numerical format. And I’ll probably add a few other things for good measure.

1. Several of you asked about the picture hanging on the kitchen wall. It is with probably too much pride that I inform you that it’s a magnetic chalkboard.

I had long dreamed of a magnetic chalkboard because we have a stainless refrigerator which doesn’t take kindly to magnets and yet I needed somewhere to post all manner of homemade art and party invitations. But I never found anything that wasn’t plain and boring and ugly.

Then, one day six years ago, I walked into a local store and saw this chalkboard hanging on a wall. And I fell in love. I told the salesgirl I had to have it and she took it off the wall as she said, “Did you know it’s also magnetic?”

LORD, YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME.

2. Okay, here are the links to the fabrics I showed you yesterday.

Aviary (It also comes in a beautiful blue and a yellow)

Richloom Cornwall Garden

Duralee Perch Fabric

3. I kept my nephew yesterday while my sister ran a few errands.

I tried not to gnaw on his cheeks, but it was very difficult because he’s like a real live muppet.

4. After I left my sister’s house I ran by Hobby Lobby to look for a couple of things, namely some fall decor and perhaps a faux pumpkin or gourd. But I left empty-handed because I get totally overwhelmed in Hobby Lobby and before I know what has happened I have a cart full of glittery pumpkins and a pewter ghost and I’m not even sure I like glittery pumpkins and pewter ghosts.

Not to mention that all the Christmas decorations totally threw me off.

In summary, I really have no business in any type of craft-oriented store.

5. Caroline has been obsessed with looking through catalogs looking for the right Halloween costume since my suggestion of a black cat with a tutu is TOTALLY LAME. The other day she excitedly pointed out a costume and said, “LOOK! I CAN GO AS SAINT LUKE!”

Speaking of lame.

But then she showed me the photo she was looking at in the Chasing Fireflies catalog.

Ultimately I think she’s decided to be a purple butterfly as opposed to a beloved symbol of America or the patron saint of physicians.

6. I need to go to bed because it’s school picture day tomorrow which means we’ll have more wardrobe changes before 7:30 a.m. than J. Lo will have in her entire first season as a new judge on American Idol.

7. There is a new Kellogg’s post up on my giveaway page. Click on over for a chance to win $100 gift card.
My colors are brown and dark brown

I went to bed Monday night at an unprecedented unless I am dying of the flu NINE O’ CLOCK. And I woke up yesterday morning feeling like I’d been run over by a truck. A large truck. A large truck full of people wielding baseball bats that they beat me with as they drove by.

So it’s a good thing that I am in love with the new color of my kitchen because I am never painting it again.

And I can’t tell you how much it delighted me that so many of y’all completely underestimate the extent of my OCD and actually believed that I’d leave the piece of the wall under the desk painted turquoise. If you could have seen the way I used a q-tip to meticulously get brown paint into every corner of the crown moulding, then you would have only been left wondering why I didn’t immediately paint that spot under the desk when I discovered it at 8:45 p.m. on Monday night. The answer is that P would have declared me insane.

But you’ll be glad to know that it was fully painted by 9:00 a.m. yesterday morning. When I may have also gotten out a few more q-tips to touch up some miniscule edges that no one will ever see.

I have a sickness.

You may have noticed that there’s a white bag sitting on one of the barstools. Or you may not have noticed because you’re like me and oblivious to your surroundings. Anyway, the bag is from Steinmart. I stopped by there yesterday because sometimes a lady who has just painted her kitchen needs nice things and found the best BCBG sweater with dolman sleeves for $29.99. According the price tag, it normally retails for $149, but I always suspect that they just arbitrarily make up those numbers to make you feel good. It kind of looks like this.

Except the sleeves are long. And it doesn’t have pockets. And it has a cowl neck. So basically the only thing it has in common with the sweater featured above is that they are both black.

I did the best I could. It’s not my fault that Steinmart doesn’t really feature anything on their website.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know in case you’re in the market for a great sweater with dolman sleeves.

But back to the kitchen.

I really do love the color. It goes so well with the rest of the house and it feels like a neutral palette that can be accented with other colors according to the seasons. It’s a perfect example of why I love working with Holly Mathis. Because even though she’s never stepped foot in my home (much to my sadness and dismay), she was able to look at a few pictures that I emailed her and know that all my kitchen ambitions could be fulfilled with the right shade of chocolate brown paint.

Then when I decided I was set on Plantation Brown by Sherwin Williams, she suggested that I might like Chocolate Truffle by Martha Stewart better and she was right. It was just a little bit softer or had more cool undertones or I have no idea what I’m talking about but it just seemed like the right choice. And it totally was.

I still have dreams of finding large whitish-creamish pottery pieces to put on top of the cabinets. Holly suggested that I can just go to Goodwill, find cheap pieces and spray paint them if they aren’t the right color since they’ll just be decorative. See? BRILLIANT.

I also sent her a picture of this fabric because I want to make an inexpensive window treatment and maybe some cushions for the barstools and the desk chair.

And then she suggested several other fabrics, but these two were my favorites. She said this first one was so me and she’s right. It is so me.

And then I love this one because I clearly feel some need to incorporate birds into my kitchen decor.

Which is ironic considering how I feel about having to deal with poultry in an eating situation.

(Did I just type “in an eating situation”? As opposed to what? A social situation?)

(I just hate cooking chickens, but they are delightful when you have them over for afternoon tea.)

(As if I drink afternoon tea.)

Anyway, I’ll keep you updated on the kitchen situation. And I’ll also let you know if I find any more cute sweaters at Steinmart.

Heaven forbid I stick to one topic per post.
This is what I get for not looking down

So I started the day yesterday with a kitchen that looked like this.

And then it basically looked like some version of this all day long.

Finally, after eight excruciating hours that took years off my spine, it was finished.

And it was perfection.

Until I saw this.

I forgot to paint under the desk.

And then I cried.

What I possess in enthusiasm, I lack in attention to detail.

The end.