Author: Big Mama

I’d really just like to say “This…is CNN”

Okay, can we discuss a few things before I get to whatever point I’m going to make or not make in this post?

First, do not be afraid of the Fashion Fiesta. It’s supposed to be fun and comical. A light-hearted look at how mamas really dress when they aren’t being featured on Oprah’s makeover shows.

So, show us your yoga pants and t-shirts and we’ll all be united in peace and yoga-pant loving harmony.

And if you think your closet it too boring to share? Here’s a secret.

Me too.

I just don’t let that stop me.

True confession. At this very moment I am wearing some cutoff olive green cargo shorts from Old Navy circa 2002 and a UCLA baseball t-shirt that says PAC-6, when clearly the PAC-6 has been the PAC-10 for many, many years now.

Needless to say it’s a hot look pulled right from the pages of “Hobo Weekly”.

So, no stress on showing us some incredible closet full of coordinated, up-to-the-minute ensembles with perfect accessories. Mine will be more along the lines of a hall of shame.

Secondly, I saw Lara Flynn Boyle in the HEB on Monday.

I wish there were more to the story, like that we talked all about what it was like to date Jack Nicholson and if he ever takes off his sunglasses, but there’s not.

She was headed to the produce department. I was headed to the cereal aisle. I thought she looked familiar and couldn’t place where I knew someone who was 4’11’ and weighed 76 pounds, unless it was someone from Caroline’s Pre-K class.

Then I realized it was Lara Flynn Boyle.

And she had on some cool red shoes and a Mexican-style embroidered top.

It kills me that there isn’t more to the story.

I even had my camera with me. But what was I going to do? Take a picture of her picking out a bunch of grapes?

I totally should have taken a picture of her picking out a bunch of grapes.

Dang.

Okay, so yesterday I drove to the Outlet Mall in San Marcos to meet my friend Vicki. Because although we have talked numerous times on the phone and through email, we’ve never met in person. And since she’s in Austin and I’m in San Antonio, it was a natural choice to meet at the little slice of heaven known as the Outlet Mall.

We met at Johnny Rockets for lunch because there is no firmer foundation for a friendship than cheese fries. Or really any type of cheese product.

We had just ordered our Diet Cokes when her cell phone rang and she excused herself to answer it. She came back to the table, apologized profusely, and explained that she needed to head back to Austin because she had been asked to be on CNN for a segment on The Glenn Beck Show.

Well, sure.

If I had a dime for every time one of my friends has had to leave a lunch date to go be on CNN, then I guess I would now have one dime.

So, I told Vicki to run, run like the wind, and get to Austin because if there is anything more important than cheese fries and shopping, then it’s being on national television.

Oh I kid.

Nothing is more important than shopping.

However, national television appearances are a very close second.

Anyway, she left and I found myself all alone at Johnny Rocket’s staring out the window at a J.Crew outlet store. And since I would have hated to make the drive for no reason, especially with gas prices being what they are, I decided to stay and shop.

Gulley was watching Caroline for me and I had to be back by 2:30, so there was a critical time factor. However, I have been blessed with the gift of fashion discernment. I can scan the interior of a store for 2.7 seconds and intuitively know if there is anything in there worth trying on.

My gift served me well yesterday because I was able to hit about twenty-eight different stores, while wearing wedge heel shoes no less, in about an hour and a half.

And you know what I bought?

A pair of green flip-flops for Gulley.

And while I am so happy that I found some flip-flops for my friend who has been in need of bargain-priced green shoes, I cannot express my disappointment in the overall fashion selection.

I’d like the opportunity to go on CNN and discuss it.

I wonder if Vicki can hook me up?

Or maybe I could ask Lara Flynn Boyle next time I see her at HEB.
The first annual, and perhaps only, Spring Fashion Fiesta

If you’re looking for the Fashion Fiesta, click HERE and it will take you to the post with all the links!!

Okay, like I mentioned in last week’s Fashion Friday, I thought it would be fun to see what y’all have in your closets.

What do you wear on a daily basis? What’s your uniform? What piece of clothing can you not live without?

I want to see it all.

If you are concerned that bearing the contents of your closet will cause the internet to have to lift your fashion sense up in prayer, that’s okay. We are all one in the spirit of fashion and God isn’t afraid of a challenge.

In fact, I had long been envisioning a chocolate brown, wedge-heeled, sling-back shoe in my head. I knew I must have these shoes. The only problem was I hadn’t actually seen them anywhere. They were just an urban shoe legend.

Then, I saw the shoes I had been dreaming of at Steve Madden but, alas, they were $80.00. I spent the next few days in turmoil over whether I could justify such a purchase.

About a week later, I went to DSW Shoe Warehouse on a completely unrelated matter and there were my beloved shoes. On sale for $39.99. God is faithful and just to provide wedge heels in our time of need.

Which leads me to my next point about the Spring Fashion Fiesta.

What are the dreams you have for your closet? What piece of clothing or pair of shoes would you love to own? Is it a certain pair of jeans or an entire outfit?

We want to see it.

We want to see it all.

And, on Friday, I hope you’ll join in and show it to us.

I’ll have a Mr. Linky up at midnight, Friday April 11th. You can enter the direct link to your Fiesta post.

And for an added bonus, I’m going to draw a random number on Monday, the 14th. The winner will receive a free blog header design from Jules (and she has a waiting list, so you may have to wait just a little while).

Also, feel free to go here to get the code for the festive button that Jules designed to spread the word on your blog.

Que’ Divertido!

That means “WHAT FUN”!

Or not.

I really don’t know.

Viva Fiesta!

That means “Long Live the Party” or maybe “Paper Towel Party”.

Either way works.
Free music alert! Free music alert!

If you are a blogger living in the United States with 50 or more unique visitors a month, then today is your lucky day. Head over here for your chance to get Matt Maher’s Empty and Beautiful CD. FREE.

FOR FREE.

But hurry! Supplies are limited. The first 100 people to sign up will receive the CD.

The rest of you will receive my deepest sympathies because you missed out on a chance to own an awesome CD for free.

I’ve been listening to Matt Maher for the last three weeks and I adore his music. I know you will too!

***TIME’S UP!
I’m sure Mr. Prada was a lovely person

We’re sitting on the couch watching a constant rotation of various hunting and fishing shows, when P looks at me and says, “Next week I might get to meet the guy who is basically the person who invented the blah, blah, blah.”

Except he didn’t actually say blah, blah, blah, but that’s what I heard because it had something to do with guns or firepower or ammunition.

So I said, “Oh, cool.”

Which translates to I’m trying to be excited but I have no idea what you’re talking about.

He said, “I don’t think you understand how great that is. It would be like you getting to meet Mr. Prada.”

“Yes, it would. Except that Mr. Prada has been dead for thirty years.”

But thanks for playing.

And I do love him for his attempt to speak my language.
Edition 24: Fashion Friday

Today I’m going to talk about something really controversial.

I believe that Gap installs skinny mirrors in their dressing rooms and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

I cannot explain how many clothing items I have bought at Gap because they performed miracles in the dressing room, only to try them on at home and realize I had been led astray by low lighting and skinny glass.

And don’t think for a minute that Gap wouldn’t resort to those kind of tactics. They are the same corporation that has tried to convince us that there are actually different versions of khaki pants.

On Wednesday, I did a little shopping at Gap. They had finally put this shirt on sale and I’d had my eye on it for awhile. But I knew it would go on sale because who are they kidding with that $49.50 price tag? No one who shops at Gap is going to pay that much for that kind of shirt.

While I was there I found two other things. A pair of white jeans and some dark denim shorts.

I don’t know why I found the white jeans so appealing, but they called out to me. And next thing I knew I was in the dressing room with them even though I knew better. We had no business being together. Any relationship we established would only end in tears and spilled grape juice.

Or worse, a chocolate handprint on my behind.

But they were so flattering and fit so perfectly. I took one look at them and knew if loving them was wrong, I didn’t want to be right.

So, I brought them home and imagined The Summer of The White Jean. They’d be so great with my hot pink t-shirt. They were made for my black tunic top. It was destiny that they be with my green button down.

There was only one problem. The skinny mirror at Gap deceived me. The white jeans were neither flattering nor did they fit well. It was all some sort of optical illusion. A scam. A ruse.

And now they’re back in their Gap bag awaiting their return to the racks at Gap where some other poor women will be deceived by the skinny mirror.

I’ve long suspected that Banana Republic also uses the skinny mirror, but I don’t have any hard evidence other than some camel-colored wool pants that I bought back in 2006. However, I love them so much that I’ll continue to live in denial rather than face the truth.

Fashion. Sometimes it’s all a pack of lies.

On to the questions:

1. Natalie asks: ” This summer I’m attending my cousin’s wedding. Anywho, I’ll be deflecting all the “why aren’t you married … how old are you again?” questions. So I need to look super cute and I’m hoping for some suggestions! The wedding is daytime, casual. I’m 5’0″. I feel like I look better in v-necks or halters than a strapless, and I have a short waist.

Is there really anything better than attending a wedding where everyone in attendance wants to know why you’re still single and then pushes you forward to make sure you catch the bouquet? I mean other than spending a day in jury duty with people who don’t use deodorant?

Yes, you need a cute dress that will assure Great Aunt Millie that just because you aren’t married doesn’t mean that you’ve started bringing home stray cats and dressing them in doll clothes.

So, here’s a couple of things that don’t just say “I’m single and I’m fabulous”, but might also catch the eye of any cute groomsmen who may be in attendance.

I love this jersey floral halter dress. Or you could go for basic black with something like this. Or you could go for something totally different with this green dress.

And if you don’t like any of those, go look at all the dresses at Bluefly right now. They are having a 40% off sale on all Spring dresses and have some darling stuff.

Hope you survive.

2. Elizabeth asks: “My (very new) boyfriend has invited me to his brother’s wedding. I want to get a cute but chic dress for it, but the only ones out there that I like are sleeveless but I was in motorcycle accident a few years ago, and have a scar on my shoulder, and haven’t really worn anything since that would expose the scar to the world. The wedding isn’t supposed to be too formal; I think its on a Sunday afternoon.”

First, let me just say that I bet that scar is a lot more noticeable to you than it is to anyone else. Plus, scars can be cool. I mean look at Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef. She is fabulously beautiful and her scar just adds to her mystique. It makes her seem tough and mysterious. Like she could beat up that entire room full of Top Chef wannabes.

But I understand that if it bothers you that you may not want it to show the first time you meet a whole group of new people. Wedding receptions tend to make people even nosier than usual, so when they quit asking all the single girls when they’re going to get married, they may want to know about your scar.

They’re called BOUNDARIES, people. Don’t be afraid of them.

So, here are a few cute dresses that may work.

I love this Ralph Lauren shirtdress. It’s simple, yet elegant.

This one is pricey, but I adore it. I am a fan of the yellow right now. But I realize that yellow makes some people feel violent.

And since it’s casual, you could always go with this silk wrap dress, which I have been admiring for the last few weeks.

I’ll tell you what I told Natalie. If you don’t like any of these, go check out the dress sale at Bluefly.

No, I’m not being paid by Bluefly. But if they wanted to pay me, I would totally accept.

I accept checks, cash and free clothes.

3. Cassandra asks: “I have let myself become Fashion-less. I have gained weight and use it as an excuse to wait to buy nice clothes, I use not having enough money as an excuse, I use being tired as an excuse to not put on any nice clothes I DO have, and wanting to be comfortable is another major excuse of mine for being Mrs. Frumpy. Truth is, I am in a habit of dressing bad and I am self conscious about accessorizing because I dont want to draw attention to myself cause I truly hate my size (14/16 I weight 195 5’8”). Where does a girl like me go when I need to get back in touch with my fashion side? “

Okay Cassandra. You sent me a picture of your family that I’m not going to post here for obvious reasons, but I just want to say that you are adorable. Do not fall into the trap of feeling bad about yourself.

I think there are many women who put off buying new clothes because they are thinking about the size they would like to be. But don’t put off buying some nice things because you’re waiting to lose weight. I think having a few nice things to put on makes a woman feel good about herself. It’s not about how much money you spend or if you wear a certain size, but if you look as if you care about yourself.

Of course, that being said I’d hate for y’all to see me when I take Caroline to school. I’m about one step away from pajamas most mornings, but most days I’ll come home and eventually make myself a little more presentable.

Here’s where I think you start. Go buy the nicest pair of jeans and the nicest pair of black pants you can afford. It’s not about the money, but it’s about the fit. Sometimes you have to spend a little more to get a good fit. Everyone is having Spring sales right now, so head to Ann Taylor Loft or Banana Republic and see if you can find some nice black pants or maybe a skirt on the sale racks.

Gap would be a great place to look for jeans and maybe even TJ Maxx. You just need to try different brands until you find something that you feel good in.

Once you have those two basic pieces, you can start looking for cute shirts to wear with them. Target is your friend when it comes to inexpensive, yet fashionable tops. Between the jeans, pants and the shirts you will look like you have a lot of clothes, but really you just have a lot of interchangeable pieces.

And for some great jewelry, check out Forever 21. They have great accessories at low prices. The right necklace can transform an ordinary outfit.

I hope that helps!

Okay, so that’s it for the questions today.

Now for BIG FUN.

Since it’s almost Fiesta time here in San Antonio, I decided it would be fun to have a little Fashion Fiesta here on the old blog. Next week, Friday April 11th, I’m going to turn the tables and let y’all share your fashion secrets and faux pas.

Write a post and show us what you would consider your standard uniform on a normal day. Jeans? Yoga pants? Ripped sweatpants that used to say “Adidas” and now just say “did”? Maybe a huge gray t-shirt that says “Duke Baseball” that you stole from your friend Gulley in college and still wear on a daily basis?

Let’s be honest. If you wear dresses and pearls every day, then we want to see it. We probably won’t like you anymore, but we want to know why you do it.

And you don’t have to actually be modeling these clothes, unless you are very brave. You can just lay them out on the bed or couch or what have you and take pictures of them. Do they mean something to you? Is there sentimental value?

Then, if you want, you can tell or show us what your dream outfit would be. If money or time or kids with grape jelly on their hands wasn’t an issue, what would you like to have in your closet?

The point is to have fun with it. Hence the word, FIESTA.

That means Party in Spanish.

I know that because I took four semesters of Spanish in college.

El burro es un animal de Mexico.

I’ll let y’all figure that one out.

So, stay tuned next week. Jules is designing a button for me that y’all can put on your blogs. I’ll have a Mr. Linky over here where you can link to your post.

And, BEST OF ALL, I’m going to make it a real FIESTA (which means party) and turn it into a little contest. On Monday, April 14th, I’ll use the random number generator to pick one of you. The winner will receive a FREE custom blog header design by the wonderful, talented Jules.

Oh, it’s just going to be more fun.

How will we sleep between now and next Friday?

Y’all have a good one.
This could be the Yaz talking

Yesterday, I picked Caroline up from school and we headed to a local ice cream shop because I promised her that if she didn’t get her name written on the board for talking during nap time then we could get a treat after school.

Bribery. It works for me.

We pulled up to the ice cream place and it was closed. Needless to say there was great angst over the ice cream that was not to be, but then she looked across the street and saw a huge sign that pictured chocolate-covered strawberries.

“OH MAMA! CAN I GET CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRIES?”

I agreed and we drove across the street. They were some of the biggest strawberries I’ve ever seen and I told her she could have two. The nice man at the counter rang up our purchase and told me that would be $8.10.

For two strawberries.

$4.05 a piece.

Dipped in chocolate, not gold.

And at that moment it totally paid off that I have just one child because otherwise I would have ended up shelling out $16.20 for four strawberries. See how economical the only child is?

Granted, if I had two kids I probably wouldn’t take them to get chocolate-covered strawberries because anytime they asked me for anything I’d remind them that I gave them a sibling and that should be more than enough.

That’s just one reason I go back and forth on the second child thing, the other is that we’re going to need someone to wash dishes while Caroline mows the lawn.

Oh I kid because judging by the emails and comments y’all have some opinions on the only child vs. multiple children thing.

And I’m serious when I say that I appreciate all your words and thoughts on the whole matter. It’s part of the reason I corner every only child I meet and do a battery of psychological tests to make sure they seem to be reasonably normal and well-adjusted.

The thing is that I’m totally okay with whatever God has planned for our family. And really, it’s kind of funny that I spend so much time on the internal second child debate as if it’s totally up to me, because there’s no guarantee I’d even get pregnant again. If He wants us to have another child we will. It’s not like He’s up in heaven wringing his hands over the fact that I’m on birth control pills. Last I checked He’s more powerful than the hormonal manipulation of the Yaz.

Plus, having one child is so simple. Think of what we’ll save on college education. Not to mention the time we’ll save by only having one adult child to call each week and ask why she never calls or comes home to visit.

And we’ll know with all certainty who we have to bribe with good Christmas gifts to ensure that we’re placed in a quality retirement community.

Truth be told, I always assumed we would have two kids because it’s the thing to do. You get married, get a dog so that you can practice keeping something alive, have your two kids, and then make the dog start sleeping outside.

We’re at a point where we have friends popping out babies like they’re Tic-Tacs and I love to visit them, hold the little bundle of sweetness, then hand them back while thinking “Yeah, good luck with that. If you need me, I’ll be sleeping for eight hours.”

But yet there is a part of me that would love the whole experience of having another child, except with an epidural before I dilate to 10 centimeters. It’s such an amazing thing to watch something that weighs 5 1/2 pounds, has no eyelashes, and bears more than a slight resemblance to a baby frog become a beautiful little girl with pigtails that says things and has opinions.

Would we have a boy? Would it be another girl? Is there a chance it would sleep through the night at two weeks and potty train itself?

Because that would be golden.

I even have some great names picked out that may end up being used on a new puppy instead.

And I’m okay with that because who wouldn’t want a puppy named Isabelle?

Or even Cookie, which is what Caroline would like to name a new baby sister.

The truth is that I adore being a mother. I especially adore being Caroline’s mother because, well, she’s mine and that’s how it should be. And while I know I wouldn’t regret having another one, that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for us.

I can’t have another one just so Caroline will have a sibling, although I might do it for the blog material.

I just know that whatever happens, God is in control. He knows our situation and what is ultimately best for our family. If that’s another baby at some point, great.

And if it’s not, then we’re already more than blessed.