Author: Big Mama

  • I know what I’ll be doing this summer

    So, about a month or so ago, I received a very lovely email from a woman named Lysa Terkeurst who is the President of Proverbs 31 Ministries, a speaker, and an author. She asked if there was a time we could speak on the phone and after I verified that she didn’t think she was emailing someone else, we arranged a conference call. She also invited Sophie from Boomama and Shannon from Rocks in My Dryer.

    Before the call I was very nervous because Proverbs 31 Ministries implied that I might need to wake before dawn and weave purple linen. In the interest of being completely honest, I usually refrain from doing either of those things. And if given the choice, I would probably prefer to weave purple linen as opposed to rising before the break of day.

    Also, while I pray that Caroline will one day rise up and call me blessed, just this afternoon after I had finished peeling an orange she told me to please get my stinky hands away from her because she felt like she might explode. As far as I know there is no reference to causing your children to explode in Proverbs 31.

    Anyway, the reason Lysa was calling was because she had been reading our blogs for the last few months and Proverbs 31 was considering adding a few sessions about blogging to their annual She Speaks Conference. She asked if Shannon, Sophie and I would be interested in leading these sessions.

    Okay. Wow.

    Sophie, Shannon and Lysa had a very articulate conversation about what these sessions would look like, while I made clever conversation about how I thought email would never take off. Fortunately, Lysa wanted me anyway. And I am so excited.

    I feel that I am totally equipped to instruct women how to get ON THE COMPUTER and start a WEBLOG, otherwise known among the hip and trendy set as a BLOG. Seriously, it makes you want to sign up right now, doesn’t it?

    I also may throw in some of my thoughts on male figure skating, eighties fashion, and reality television. It will be a wealth of information.

    Seriously, Sophie, Shannon and I are so excited for this opportunity. Not only will we get to talk about our obsession with blogging and the blog world, but we’ll get to meet some people face to face. It’s going to be so much fun.

    And here’s something cool, if you’re interested in attending then you have a chance to win a scholarship. Lysa TerKeurst is conducting a scholarship contest for the 2008 She Speaks conference on her blog this week. To get all the details and enter this contest, visit Lysa’s blog by clicking here.

    To find out more about registering for the 2008 She Speaks conference visit the conference website by clicking here.

    If you’ve ever wanted the opportunity to become better equipped for ministry and to have a great time, this is the place to be on
    June 20-22.

    I know I’m not going to miss it for the world. Even if I have to rise before dawn to get there.

  • And so I’ve been reduced to this

    Well since I already admitted to watching Beverly Hills 90210 on Saturday morning, I’d say it’s a safe bet that our weekend didn’t really involve anything that would qualify as exciting.

    Basically it was a whole lot of nothing. But I’m not complaining because other than having nothing to write about, non-eventful weekends aren’t a bad thing.

    I know y’all will be relieved to know that P was able to save his cellular phone. It’s not quite the phone it used to be, but it’s functional and that’s all that matters. I find it fascinating that his phone was fully submerged in a bucket of water and survived, while I once had a phone that was ruined because I let Caroline teethe on it when she was a baby. Maybe it was the mixture of drool and Gerber teething biscuits that did it in.

    It also warmed my heart to know there are many fellow 90210 fans out there. I feel an extra bond knowing we all share a love of a show with some of the best acting and writing in the history of television. I mean when Brenda found out about Dylan and Kelly, I felt her pain even as I sat and ate Double Chocolate Milanos in my dorm room.

    And when Donna and David finally got married? I wept real tears. Even though I was twenty-six years old and should have known better.

    Speaking of bad T.V., I have another confession to make. But before I do, let me just say that I blame the writers for being on strike. Actually that’s not true, I don’t blame the writers. I blame the hotshots who won’t give in to their demands. GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. WE NEED TELEVISION. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AT DUNDER-MIFFLIN. HOW IS THE BEET FARM? HOW IS MOSE?

    I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m desperate. How desperate you may ask? (and even if you don’t care, I’m about to tell you)

    Desperate enough that I found myself watching the U.S. MEN’S Figure Skating Championships last night.

    (Hangs head in shame and humiliation)

    I wasn’t going to watch. I vowed the first time I flipped by it on the T.V. that I wouldn’t watch. Then I made a crucial error. I stopped on NBC while I folded some laundry and it sucked me into the vortex that is male figure skating.

    Actually, Bob Costas sucked me in. He was discussing the huge rivalry between boy skater #1 and boy skater #2. Apparently there is a lot of trash talking that goes on and from that moment on all I could do was continue folding Caroline’s shirts while pondering what figure skating trash talk sounds like between two men.

    “Dude, my mama does a better triple toe loop than you.”

    “Nice sequined rose on your costume. Did you get it from your sister?”

    And that’s about all I could imagine. Really I imagined more but I’ll spare you the details. Maybe I’m just holding on to some lingering issues with the male figure skating “sport” because we tried to get P on the circuit for years and he never made it.

    Oh I kid. P only tried to get on the male figure skating circuit for one year and then gave it up for his love of hunting and watching Ultimate Fighting.

    Anyway, the competition last night was very intense. It seems that boy skater #2 beat boy skater #1 last year to become the new champion. There was much on the line according to Bob Costas and y’all know he is never one to overdramatize anything.

    It came down to the final skate. Boy #2 was in the lead and it was time for Boy #1. He was amazing and he even did the quadruple whatever, which he’d never done in competition. I was on the edge of the couch and even stopped folding shirts for a half-millisecond.

    Then, it was time for the judges to release their scores. THEY ENDED UP WITH THE EXACT SAME SCORE DOWN TO A TENTH OF A POINT. However, boy #2 won because he had a higher score in the free skate competition and I guess that’s written in some rule book somewhere.

    The tying scores were UNPRECEDENTED. Scott Hamilton and Bob Costas were in shock and awe and made pointless analogies about the odds of this happening. According to them, people will be talking about this FOR YEARS.

    Who are these people? I don’t believe I know them.

    You know who I know? Michael Scott, Jim, Pam, Dwight Schrute. Please WRITERS and EXECUTIVES, let’s all make nice and get some better T.V. going and SOON.

    Between 90210 and men’s ice skating, I’ve forgotten what well-written drama looks like.

    Well, except for the ongoing all new episodes of Friday Night Lights. But that’s a whole other subject.

  • Can you hear me now, Jim Walsh?

    This morning I was engaged in my typical Saturday morning of intellectual pursuits such as watching old episodes of Beverly Hills 90210.

    I was doubly blessed this morning because not only did I get to see the episode where the entire gang from West Beverly High marches while demanding “Donna Martin graduates, Donna Martin graduates…” (I believe you know the rest), but I was able to hear Jim Walsh say, “Dylan just called on his CELLULAR PHONE and he’s on his way over. It must be nice to be young and have money to burn.”

    Oh 1993. What an innocent time.

    **Edited to add that P just walked in from work a little while ago and his CELLULAR phone fell in a bucket of water and is understandably now toast.

    See? That’s a whole issue that no one had to worry about in 1993.

    No way those big phones would have fit in a bucket.

  • Edition 14: Fashion Friday

    Is it Friday already? I’ve been so busy scanning pictures of my former hairstyles that time has gotten away from me.

    I’m also not sure if any of y’all still want to read anything I have to say about fashion after seeing the Laura Ashley sailor dress and the white hose.

    Not to mention that from my junior year in high school through my junior year in college, I probably owned no fewer than fifteen Leslie Lucks dresses. There are a lot of foam shoulder pads sitting in a landfill somewhere, contributing to global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps, due to my need to wear dresses with huge bows, big collars and puffed sleeves.

    But oh they looked fancy with white hose and matching shoes.

    Although I do feel bad for the polar bears who are watching their ice caps melt away.

    The other day Caroline and I had to attend a Kindergarten preview, which is so weird because she was only born three months ago and there’s no way she is starting Kindergarten in the fall.

    Anyway, I decided to follow the advice I received from some of the lovely internet people (that’s y’all) and started laying outfits on her bed that she could choose from in hopes of eliminating Wardrobe Crisis ’08.

    I put two outfits on her bed while she watched me and then I went back into her closet while I said, “Okay, I’ll give you one more to choose from…”

    She interrupted and said, “Well, I hope it’s better than either one of these.”

    I think maybe she was hoping for a Leslie Lucks dress.

    Now for the questions.

    1. Erin asks: “I just found out that I am pregnant for the 4th time!!! This is good news, but the downside is that ever since my second pregnancy I have struggled with varicose veins – while I am pregnant. I have worn support hose throughout my last two pregnancies for comfort – the ability to stand and hold and take care of my other children, etc. So, Big Mama, what do I wear this summer? How can I hide these awful hose while everyone else is wearing sandals and flip flops??? And, what can I wear to church and on dates with my husband?

    Oh sweet Erin. Is there a possibility that you could join the polar bears on the melting ice caps for the summer? Because otherwise I am not sure how you are going to survive the heat while wearing support hose all summer.

    Air-conditioning. Lots of air-conditioning.

    Since I have an August baby, I do understand the summer pregnancy. I spent a lot of mine doing my best imitation of a beached whale in a maternity swimsuit. Which doesn’t really work if you’re wearing support hose.

    I don’t know how orthopedic your hose need to be, but my first thought is to suggest footless maternity hose by Spanx. They could give you the support you need, but still allow you to wear capri pants, skirts, and, most importantly, flip-flops.

    If you need more support than the Spanx can offer, I wonder if you could make your own version of footless tights with a pair of scissors?

    The good news is maternity wear has never been better. I’d get yourself a pair of denim capris like these with some cute shirts like this. Finish it off with some cute sandals and great jewelry.

    Oh, and how much do I love this maternity wrap dress from Target? It would be perfect for date night or church.

    I hope that helps, Erin. If anyone has some better advice or personal maternity support hose testimony they’d like to share, please leave it in the comments.

    Because you know, when a girl is pregnant she needs all the support she can get, fashion or otherwise.

    2. Holly asks: “I have a problem that I hope you’ll address at some point on a Fashion Friday. This is something that has frustrated me for years… I can’t seem to find underwear that I like the fit or feel of. Th*ngs are not even a consideration. I don’t want to resort to “granny panties”, so what is out there that is comfortable yet stylish and a little sexy? What do you recommend?”

    Well, I realize I have just shown the entire internet some horrific pictures from my high school years, but some things are sacred including what kind of underwear I prefer. Plus, like choosing the right breakfast cereal, it’s all about personal preference.

    I would recommend that you buy a pair of a few different brands until you find something you like. I know I have had times where I’ll buy five pairs of something, then realize later they are unbearably uncomfortable and it’s not like you can return them.

    Thank goodness.

    Maybe check out Target, Victoria’s Secret and a local department store to find a few options that appeal to you. Also, don’t ever underestimate the power of body-shaping undergarments to wear under certain outfits. They are often a good option that not only will make you look slimmer, but eliminate those unsightly pantylines without having to resort to a th*ng.

    By the way, I just checked out the Victoria’s Secret site and they are having a panty clearance. Which just sounds wrong.

    3. Barbara asks: “I like really feminine, floral, flowing things, but as I am getting…older….I am concerned that some of those things will look little girlish or look like I am trying to make myself look younger. Do you have any thoughts for those of us in the middle of middle age?”

    I think just the fact you’re aware some things may not work as you get a little older means you aren’t going to make a huge fashion faux pas. If you like feminine, flowy things then I think there is no reason why you should stop wearing things like that. The good news is flowy tops and tunics are really in style right now.

    Be careful to choose skirts that are not too short, but at the same time you don’t want to wear a dress or skirt that’s too long. For a modern look, choose things that hit right at or slightly above the knee. Don’t wear things that are too tight, but be careful not to wear things too loose or it won’t do your figure any favors.

    Remember, too much of any print isn’t a good thing. Limit the pattern to just a shirt or just a skirt instead of an entire coordinating, matchy-matchy look. And if you’re wearing a flowy top, balance it out with some simple pants or jeans.

    I love this feminine tunic and it would look great with either pants or jeans.

    The most important thing is to wear what you love and what makes you feel attractive. It doesn’t matter if it’s the height of fashion if you don’t feel comfortable in it.

    4. Kathryn asks: “Here is a question for your readers, at what age is long hair no longer appropriate? How long is too long? I just turned 37 and still get carded more than 50% of the time.”

    Let’s talk about what’s really important here. What kind of moisturizer do you use and where can I get some?

    Seriously.

    I think if long hair looks good on you then you can wear it long indefinitely. I think the days of getting your hair all chopped off at forty and getting it set by your hairdresser once a week have gone the way of our grandmothers. My advice is to re-evaluate every year and see if your current style is still flattering.

    And if we’ve learned nothing else from this past week, don’t be afraid of change. If not for change, I’d still be carrying a teasing comb and a can of Aquanet everywhere I go.

    If y’all have any thoughts on the long hair issue, I’d love for you to share with the group.

    5. This isn’t a question, but I have to share. Groovyoldlady sent me this link.

    And here I thought a man wearing a sweater vest was as bad as it gets.

    Of course, I’m not sure it’s really any worse than some of the Leslie Lucks dresses I once owned.

    Y’all have a good Friday.

    Next week’s Fashion Friday is going to be a special edition about kid’s clothes. If you have any questions, send me an email.

  • Some terribly exciting podcast developments

    Since Boomama and I are officially back in the podcast business after a six week or so hiatus, we were looking for something new, fresh and interesting to cast on the pod.

    I know it’s hard for y’all to wrap your mind around what could be more entertaining than the two of us talking about our hair, our love for chips and queso, and what’s on sale at Old Navy at great length.

    But here’s the answer.

    Travis Cottrell has agreed to be a special guest star on the podcast, which means we’ll actually have a star on the podcast as opposed to two mamas who talk about their hair, our love for chips and queso and what’s on sale at Old Navy.

    I, for one, really believe this could be the beginning of big things for Travis.

    Rumor has it he may even become a semi-regular correspondent to discuss American Idol.

    Anyway, what we want to do is give y’all the opportunity to ask him any question that may be keeping you up at night. Send it to Boomama or me by email because we don’t want him to see the questions ahead of time.

    We’ll do the podcast some time next week. We’re trying to figure out my schedule because I am very busy recording new music in the studio.

    Oh wait, maybe it’s Travis that’s very busy recording in the studio. Either way, VERY BUSY.

    But it will happen. SOON.

    So send us your questions.

  • Note to self: she remembers everything

    Gulley and I both watch Beth Moore on “Life Today” every Wednesday. And this is where I have the desire to be like Nena and tell y’all, “It’s on channel 181. Turn the television to channel 181.”

    Anyway, about a month or so ago Beth talked about the power of words and how potent they can be. She made the comment that if someone says something to you that doesn’t line up with who you are or what God says, then you can just reject it. You can just say “I reject that”.

    Anyway, a few days later, Gulley and I were discussing it while the kids played outside. Gulley said she wished she had learned at an earlier age to just say “I reject that” and how it could have helped her. I agreed and we got into a long discussion about the power of words and various other things.

    A few minutes later Caroline came in from the backyard and told Gulley that Will had told her she couldn’t play with any of his toys ever again. (Will is two so he is pretty much required by law to say things like that) Gulley laughed and said, “You just go outside and tell Will, ‘I reject that!'” and she threw her hand up in the air for emphasis.

    The other day, after I picked Caroline up from school, we came home and talked about her day.

    “How was your day, sweets?”

    “It was good.”

    “That’s good.”

    “Well, except Emily wasn’t nice to me in chapel. She made a face at me and turned her back.”

    “Did you tell her that wasn’t very nice?”

    “No, I told her I REJECT THAT!” (complete with the raised hand in the air)