Author: Big Mama

  • Random with all the randomness

    I think it’s finally happened, I have nothing to say.

    Well, except this.

    1. Many of y’all asked the color of my Victoria’s Secret robe. Mine is the aqua blue with the white heart on the back. I chose it by a very deliberate process I like to call THE ONLY ONE LEFT.

    However, given the relationship my robe and I share, it is very appropriate that it has a heart on it.

    Because I heart my robe.

    Although, I would love to have another one in the hot pink with white polka-dots because SASSY.

    2. Yesterday afternoon we were decorating the Christmas tree which, by the way, has a mass of ornaments in the section reserved for decorators that are under 3 1/2 feet tall.

    Caroline was singing a song quietly to herself so I listened carefully and this is what she was singing, “Simon at night, Simon at night, all is calm, all is bright…”

    So either she’s trying to sing Silent Night or just about some boy named Simon. Either way, FESTIVE.

    3. Gulley has officially opened season on The Sugar Cookie. I ate 456 of them over the weekend.

    And I don’t regret that decision AT ALL.

    In fact, I would eat another plate of them if you put them in front of me right now.

    4. Here’s a question for you. Nutcrackers? Fan or not a fan?

    I personally find them a little creepy, however, Caroline loves them. I do not want my Nutcracker issues to spill over into my daughter’s life, so we have two of them in our Christmas decor.

    5. I don’t know. I just hated to end with 4.

    Maybe I’ll be back tomorrow with some coherent thoughts.

  • We came, we shopped, we wrapped and we conquered

    This weekend Gulley and I had our 17th annual Christmas shopping and wrapping party extravaganza. It was everything it is billed to be and more.

    We got a late start this year because Gulley wasn’t free until Friday afternoon. She showed up at my house and unloaded her stuff, including her body pillow. This is just one of many reasons we are best friends, we travel with sleeping comfort in mind. I know some people may not understand it. In fact, last weekend when P, Caroline and I went to AJ’s ranch, I got my body pillow out of the car and my friend Jen said, “That’s just embarrassing. You should’ve waited until it was dark to unload your body pillow.”

    But y’all know what? I don’t care. I’m a high-maintenance sleeper and I’m proud. Gulley and I have discovered one of life’s profound truths, which is once you’ve discovered the body pillow you will never again want to spend even one night away from it. Especially not on a weekend that involves no kids and, therefore, uninterrupted sleep.

    I noticed as Gulley was unloading stuff that she had brought none of her presents with her. The gift wrapping portion of the weekend is a crucial time and I asked where her presents were. She informed me she hadn’t bought any presents yet. And at that moment I knew this weekend was going to involve shopping that would defy the laws of logic and the time-space continuum. Gulley threw down a no-present-purchased gauntlet that was UNPRECEDENTED. We were starting from scratch.

    May God have mercy on our souls.

    And our feet.

    So, we headed straight for the bowels of hell, also known as Toys R’ Us. We loaded that shopping cart until it was begging for mercy, or perhaps that was the woman whose foot I ran over right before I knocked over an entire display of wrapping paper.

    For the record, it is not easy to maneuver a cart that is heavy-laden with My Little Ponies, Polly Pockets and my dreams of creating the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

    I’m not sure what time it was when we finally left Toys R’ Us, but it was dark outside. However, we pressed on towards Hobby Lobby to take advantage of 50% off on multiple things that we didn’t need, but LOOK! IT’S 50% OFF! That means it’s only $5.00!

    “What would you do with it?”

    “I don’t know, but IT’S ONLY $5.00!”

    Hobby Lobby sucked out whatever life Toys R’ Us had left in us. So we decided it was time to go home, unload our purchases and eat. Chips and queso have never tasted so good. Well, except for the last time I ate them.

    Saturday morning we woke up refreshed and ready to go. We started the day with some Starbucks (huge shout out to the Venti Peppermint Mocha that sustained me throughout the day) and headed to Target. I’ll sum that entire experience up by saying how do you even begin to decide between the My Little Pony Teapot Palace and the Littlest Pet Shop Rescue Center? It’s like here take my arm…no wait, take my leg…no, my arm. After much debate and deliberation I decided on the Polly Pockets Race to the Mall because I identified with it deep in my soul.

    Except I am not wee like the Polly Pockets.

    Our day included stops at every store in the entire state of Texas, including Bass Pro Shops. If any of y’all are like me and have never been in a Bass Pro Shops, then let me give you a tip, this whole hunting/fishing thing is apparently BIG business. I mean we are talking MASSIVE amounts of square footage devoted to merchandise that is fashion-free.

    Not to mention a Santa Claus complete with a team of eight dead, stuffed reindeer pulling his sleigh.

    The best part was the customer survey questionnaire they hand you as you walk out the door with a question that asks how you arrived at Bass Pro Shops. The choices are AUTOMOBILE, PLANE, MOTORCOACH or RV. Which is so weird because those are exactly the same choices on the questionnaire at Neiman’s.

    After a day of various parking lot situations that almost caused me to lose my joy and allowing my blood sugar to drop dangerously low due to lack of taking the proper sugar cookie breaks, we finally arrived at a few stores a little closer to home. Gulley had a few more presents to buy and I suggested we go look in Victoria’s Secret because I thought they were having a sale on what I believe to be the greatest robe ever made.

    Unfortunately, the robe wasn’t on sale. However, seeing the row of robes folded neatly caused me to wax nostalgic about the night I purchased my robe for 75% off at an after Christmas sale last year. I touched the folded robes and actually said to Gulley, “I’ll never forget the night I bought my robe. It was rainy and cold outside…” I had a faraway look in my eye and a single tear streamed down my face at the sweetness of the memory.

    I looked up and realized Gulley was looking at me like I had lost my mind, and so I never even got to the part in my story where my new robe and I went to pick up some Church’s spicy chicken tenders, mashed potatoes and a Diet Coke and then curled up together on the couch to watch “Sweet Home Alabama”.

    Instead we started laughing so hard that Gulley had to find a bathroom and I literally had to sit down on the floor in Victoria’s Secret because I could barely breathe for all the laughing.

    We realized at that point we were no longer mentally fit to be in public so we headed to the house with our wrapping paper, packages and some cheese. Because we enjoy eating massive amounts of dairy when we’re together.

    AJ came over and assisted us in our wrapping efforts and, four hours later, we were done. Everything is wrapped, everything is festive.

    Now I just need to decorate the tree. And the house. And the yard.

    Other than that, I’m ready for Christmas.

    And to snuggle up with my robe. After all, it’s almost our one year anniversary.

    **Edited to add that I fixed the link to the robe.

  • Tiny Fashionista

    A girl is never fully dressed without a smile.

    And a leopard print scarf.

    I have taught you well, grasshopper.

  • Episode 7: Big Boo Cast

    Oh yes my friends, your eyes do not deceive you. This is the post that heralds the long awaited (by at least three people) return of the Big Boo Cast.

    I’m sure y’all are thinking this episode will be full of all kinds of interesting things since it’s been over a month since the last one, however, you would be wrong. In all honesty, I’m not even sure what we talked about, but it would probably be a safe bet that the subject of our hair comes up and also, food.

    Happy listening.

    And as always, leave your questions in the comments. We are obviously in need of some material.

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    Click here to listen on the web.

    Subscribe via iTunes here.

    Subscribe via RSS feed here.

  • Edition 9: Fashion Friday

    I did more laundry yesterday than I have ever done at one time in my life. I finally looked at the massive piles of brights, whites, sheets and towels and realized the time had come to let go of my denial. I looked at those piles and declared, “You are my Everest”.

    I don’t know how the dirty clothes got so piled up, but it’s just another sign that I’ve been off my A game this week. Not that my A game is all that great. It’s probably closer to other people’s B game.

    I’ve just had a lot on my mind, what with hearing that Mary and Byron, one of two happy couples from The Bachelor, had a little domestic squabble over the weekend. I’m sure their relationship tensions weren’t helped by Chris Harrison getting all in their business about when they were actually going to get married. That kind of conversation is always so enjoyable in any dating relationship.

    Especially when the people in the relationship are 85 years old and time, she is a-wastin’.

    I’ve just been so disillusioned by it all. I mean if you can’t find lasting, true love on a six week reality show that involves fantasy dates to the circus, what hope do the rest of us have?

    Not to mention that I’ve been worried about Britney Spears and her alleged new pregnancy. Oh Brit. It would appear they didn’t teach proper birth control methods in the Mickey Mouse Club.

    In spite of all these distractions, I did manage to actually make HOMEMADE Rice Krispie Treats for Caroline to take for snack at school. Not only were they HOMEMADE, but I made one version with peanut butter and one version with the traditional jet-puffed marshmallows. I was so proud of myself as I packed them in the snack basket.

    And since I was being so domestic, I looked to see if I might have any cute napkins to send with them. I found some old giraffe napkins leftover from Caroline’s second birthday, but I only had eight of them. Then I spied some hot pink ones at the back of my drawer and thought they would be perfect until I realized they had a picture of a woman saying, “Once again, he’s 30 minutes late. I have half a mind to go home to my sick husband”.

    Probably not appropriate humor for the preschool set and their HOMEMADE Rice Krispie Treats.

    Anyway, yesterday I conquered the laundry. Today, I will conquer Fashion Friday. Although I am slightly intimidated knowing that Nena (Nena Marcus as some of y’all named her in the comments) is more fashion forward than I’ll ever be.

    I never would have bought that jacket. Not even for $5.00.

    I have shamed myself.

    On to the questions.

    1. Marcie asks: “I need to know how to buy a good white button up shirt. The dilema? B**bs. Medium size shirts fit in the torso, and pull across the chest, large sizes fit in the bust and hang at the torso.”

    I feel your pain. And I’m not just saying that in a Bill Clinton way.

    I have wrestled with button up shirts for many, many years. There is nothing more frustrating than trying on a button up and realizing that I am, yet again, in between sizes.

    However, Banana Republic has heard our cry. They are now offering button up shirts in a tailored cut for larger bust sizes.

    Here is an example.

    I have tried these shirts on and they are everything you would hope them to be. Now, if they just came with some sort of Scotchguard built in for easy stain removal, I’d go buy myself a crisp, white button up shirt.

    A girl can dream.

    Which may explain why Mary from The Bachelor stayed with Byron for so long.

    2. Anna asks: “I live in Hawaii, where it never gets cold, but I still want to look cute and fall-ish. Somedays are cool, like rainy days, and I can wear thin long-sleeved shirts, but for other times, what do I do?”

    Have I mentioned I live in South Texas and there are days in January where the temperatures are in the 80’s. That’s just sick and wrong. However, you are hitting me where I live with this question. I am always searching for something that’s seasonal yet won’t leave me writhing in misery as I suffer from heatstroke by mid-afternoon.

    You can always go with the button up mentioned in the first question. Maybe look for one in a fall color.

    And here are some other cute options.

    This shirt from Banana Republic comes in some great fall colors and looks really good with some dark-rinse jeans.

    Or this from Old Navy.

    You could dress it up with some nice pants or just wear it with denim. Either way, it’s fab.

    And here is another great shirt in a fall color from Old Navy.

    These shirts almost make me glad that there are days in February where it’s 97 degrees outside. ALMOST.

    3. Quirky asks: “I have a question about belts. I can never figure out when to wear big chunky belt, and when to wear a little skinny belt. And what about scarf belts, or decorative chain-type belts? In or out? Is there any rule of thumb that you can bestow on us fashion-challenged so that I can pick a belt with confidence?”

    Quirky you have asked a question that deals with my fashion arch-nemesis, the belt. For many a year I wore my Brighton belts with great pride and then, one day, the belt became passe. Belts were out.

    And y’all know what? I found I didn’t miss them. AT ALL.

    Oh, but now some moron has decided to bring back the belt. Why don’t they just go ahead and bring back velour? Oh wait, they did.

    As much as I would love to give y’all some catchy phrase such as “When it doubt, leave it out”, I have no rule of thumb because I find this to be a tricky accessory. The last time I wore belts it was about tucking in your shirt and wearing a belt in the belt loops of jeans that hit at your true waist.

    Which was really just an unfortunate look.

    Today’s belts look like this.

    And this.

    They are both very reminiscent of medieval torture devices.

    The only belt I ever wear these days is an old western-style belt that belonged to P’s daddy. When he was a teenager. I’m not sure y’all want belt fashion advice from someone who wears a 50 year old belt.

    4. Dcrmom asks: “Little Black Dress. Holiday company party. Not sure yet about the shoes. Nude hose or black hose?”

    I’d have to go with sheer nude hose with black shoes. I think black hose are like black jeans. When you see someone wearing them you never know if they are incredibly fashion forward or if they haven’t updated their wardrobe since Joan Collins and Linda Evans were on primetime television.

    Speaking of primetime television, I’m going to wrap this up. After all, my DVRed showing of Project Runway won’t wait forever.

    And, apparently, neither will Mary from The Bachelor.

    Y’all have a great weekend.

  • Silver belle

    On Tuesday, Caroline and I met Mimi and Bops at Luby’s for lunch. We always meet at Luby’s because Bops is a big fan of the cafeteria in spite of that fact that he isn’t 85 and has all his teeth. Caroline loves Luby’s because she can get Jello which for her is one of the major food groups.

    York Peppermint Patties for breakfast and Jello for lunch. We are an organic household.

    Except I will tell y’all that the other day, when we were at HEB, I asked her if she wanted to get a donut and she said, “No thank you, I’d rather have a carrot.” So we’re having her DNA tested later in the week.

    While we were at Luby’s, Mimi pulls something out of her purse and hands it to me. It’s a page from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. And look what it features.

    Is it just me or does that look a whole lot like this?

    That’s what I thought.

    And this isn’t just any jacket being sold at Neimans. It is a Juicy Couture jacket designed exclusively for Neimans and is featured as one of their HOT 100 GIFTS in this year’s book.

    It retails for $400.00.

    SHUT UP.

    The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is like hallowed retail ground. It actually featured his and her jets one year. And between you and me, P and I weren’t that impressed with them after they were delivered.

    So, of course I had to call Nena and let her know. I called her around 1:00 p.m. yesterday because if I called any earlier than that there’s a high probability that Granddaddy would have answered the phone saying “SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES!” and then hung up on me when he realized it wasn’t someone from the local news station calling as part of their daily contest to see who just watched the weather report.

    When she picked up the phone we exchanged the normal pleasantries and then I said, “Nena, I got the Neiman’s Christmas Book in the mail today.”

    “OOOH HONEY, YOU DID? GOOD FOR YOU!” (Do y’all see why a version of her jacket being in THE BOOK is going to blow her mind? She was just thrilled I got THE BOOK in the mail.)

    “Yes, I got it and you won’t believe this but they have a silver sequined jacket that looks almost just like the one you showed me. It’s one of their HOT 100 items and it costs $400.00.”

    “FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? HONEY, LISTEN, I paid $5.00 for mine. I can’t believe it’s in the Neiman’s Book. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT! OOOH you have MADE MY DAY!”

    “I know. You could probably sell yours and make some money.

    “OH HONEY, LISTEN, I am not going to sell my jacket. I’m going to wear it shopping! So most importantly, what is the model in the picture wearing with her jacket? I just need to know what to wear with it.”

    “She has on black jeans.”

    “BLACK JEANS? Well HONEY, LISTEN, I don’t know about BLACK JEANS.”

    Which I actually think is a good call by Nena. BLACK JEANS are precarious fashion territory.

    Neiman’s might want to listen to her because she is obviously ahead of the fashion curve.

    Not to mention she saved $395.00 by finding that jacket in the back of her closet.