Author: Big Mama

Bluebonnets and sunglasses? It must be spring

So, I have two pieces of exciting news this morning. One, is that Carol over at She Lives awarded me with these lovely bluebonnets for my post on Tillie. Now, y’all know a Texas girl like me likes nothing more than seeing some bluebonnets in my sidebar.

Thanks Carol! It’s making me look at all my neighbors a little more closely to see if I can get some blog material out of them.

Doesn’t that make y’all wish you lived next door to me?

My other exciting news is that after the comments about sunglasses yesterday, I was planning on going to Dollar Tree and stocking up on some sweet shades. However, I found myself at the mall yesterday and saw a beautiful pair of aviators staring out at me from a kiosk in the middle of the walkway.

I went over, tried them on and had immediate flashbacks to my senior year in high school and listening to Milli Vanilli. Don’t judge me, you know you listened to them too.

Blame it on the rain.

Anyway, I asked the salesgirl how much and she said, “$14.00, but if you buy two pairs, it’s $22.00 for both.”

Oh, I’m sorry, do I spy a bargain? Then sign me up for TWO new pairs of sunglasses.

I am now the proud owner of Top Gun aviators and some goggles. It’s an abundance of optical riches that can be interchangeable depending on my mood.

I am blessed.
Hair’s the problem

Many of y’all were wondering after yesterday’s post if I am going to take Caroline to get her hair cut, since obviously this issue is keeping her up at night. The answer is no, we are not getting her hair cut, and my reasons are two fold.

1. In all honesty, she couldn’t care less about her hair. The reason she wants to get it cut is because she knows when we visit the upscale salon called Great Clips, they give her a dum dum after they cut her hair.

2. I have spent way too many hours of my life coaxing that baby fine hair up into pigtails and other assorted up-dos while it was growing out to abandon my efforts so that she can have a free lollipop.

So, the hair? I have a drawerful of Goody elastics and big bows that say it is staying long. She can find free candy somewhere else besides Great Clips.

In other news, it was 79 degrees here yesterday. 79 degrees y’all. It’s the middle of February and I would be afraid it’s due to global warming, but since I’ve lived in Texas my whole life, I know it’s really due to the fact that I live in you know, Texas.

Anyway, this spring-like weather has me contemplating and pondering two very serious issues. Y’all know that old saying that says something like in spring a young man’s fancy turns to love?

Well for me, my fancy turns to thoughts of the imminent need for hair removal and new sunglasses.

Not necessarily in that order.

And I realize that some of y’all may now be concerned with all this talk of hair removal, wondering to yourself what kind of hairy beast is this one we call Big Mama? It does my heart good to know that some of y’all are picturing some kind of Cousin It with orthodontia.

Really it does.

But just so y’all know, what I am talking about here is shaving my legs. It’s the constant battle, and for someone who is as OCD as I am, I must have smooth legs when the weather is warm. I can’t do the every other day shave, the stubble will drive me to the brink of insanity and trust me, that’s a short trip. I have to do the every day leg shave. Just thinking about the stubble makes me want to itch.

When the weather turns warm, I have this sudden desire to get a second mortgage on our home and go to the nearest laser hair removal center and ask for a package called “The Works”. Let’s just take care of this, once and for all. And really, if I had saved the money and earned interest on what I’ve been spending, lo these past 24 years, on razors and shaving cream, I could head to Smooth Solutions and get it done.

But oh no, I have never been one to be that far sighted.

So, this summer I am pinning all my hopes on this fabulous product by Aveeno. I’m not saying it’s the answer to world peace, but I will say I have been using it all winter and it does seem to significantly slow down hair growth. Of course, the fact that I’ve been using it all winter means I’ve actually used it about 5 times since I don’t shave that often when the weather is cold. That’s what long pants and boots are for ladies.

Anyway, if you’re not ready to spend your life savings on laser hair removal, then y’all might want to give it a try. And no, this is not a paid advertisement, just a friendly suggestion from a fellow warrior in the ongoing battle against unsightly stubble.

My second issue and honestly, I have a multitude of issues, but I’m only addressing two today, is the search for a new pair of sunglasses. I seem to have misplaced my sunglasses, which means that is $12.00 spent at Steinmart that I’ll never get back.

Really, it’s just as well, because truth be told, one of the lenses had started falling out of the frame on a fairly regular basis, which just goes to show that the people in Taiwan aren’t manufacturing the same quality of product they used to provide. The only reason I’m sad about losing the glasses is they held some sentimental value because when I bought them two summers ago, I felt oh so cool in my oversized Nicole Richie type shades and one day as I was leaving Gulley’s house, I put them on and her son Jackson said “OH!! Can I please wear your goggles?”

I would feel bad, but y’all know that DJ AM probably said the same thing to Nicole at some point.

Anyway, I am in the midst of a sunglass style quandry. Do I purchase another pair of the goggle-like oversize sunglasses or do I go with a new look?

I am leaning towards the retro Ray-ban aviator style, circa Tom Cruise before he jumped on Oprah’s couch and became an idiot. I had a pair of aviators when I was in college that an ex-boyfriend bought me for Christmas, but I lost them after about six months. The relationship didn’t last much longer than the glasses because really, if he had known me at all, he would’ve known not to spend more than $10.00 on a pair of sunglasses for me, since I tend to abuse them like a rented circus monkey.

So, these are the deep and pressing issues that have been occupying my mind for about the last 24 hours. It’s a good thing I don’t have to worry about global warming, it would just be too much.
Going for gold

So last week I mentioned that there had been some things going on at work, and I had to fly to Dallas to take care of, well…business. Here’s the story.

Two weeks ago, I received a call from my manager letting me know she received a call from our Human Resources department to inform her they had some questions about things related to my work performance and needed both of us to fly to Dallas so they could question and/or fire me in person.

And no, I couldn’t be more vague…but discretion is the only way to tell this story or else I might find myself in the HR department again.

The things in question were completely false and were completely due to computer error. I knew this, my manager knew this, but my fear was that this lady in HR, who doesn’t know me from Adam, wouldn’t know this and there wasn’t necessarily any way for me to prove anything.

The best part was they scheduled this career deciding meeting a full week and a half from the initial phone call, which really allowed an abundance of time for me to do what I do best, completely stress and freak out.

I got off that phone call with my manager and in 2.8 seconds had P and I living on the streets with no health insurance. I am, by the way, an insurers’ dream come true because the thought of no insurance COMPLETELY freaks me out and I will sign up for any policy within a five hundred mile radius.

I am obviously a risk taker by nature.

So, I hang up the phone and walk out to tell P about the phone call. Seeing that all the blood has completely drained from my face and that I’m hyperventilating, he intuitively knew that something very bad had happened, such as losing my job or overplucking my eyebrows again.

The news of our imminent homelessness came pouring out of my mouth, as he sat and listened to me talk. When I was finally drained and quiet, he looked at me and said, “It will be okay. God’s in control”.

Umm, yeah…I knew that.

And the thing is I do know that, but in that moment and throughout the following week and a half, I had times that I completely forgot. I let fear completely grip me, instead of letting God’s peace envelop me.

In short, I was the Bode Miller of Christian faith. Remember Bode Miller? The skier in the Winter Olympics last year that was supposed to win all the medals? He was the best, he had tons of experience, he was the media favorite, and when it came time for the biggest event of his career…he choked. He didn’t win one medal.

That’s me. I have experience. I’ve walked with Christ for fifteen years. He’s blessed me with a great husband, beautiful daughter, wonderful friends and a happy home. He’s carried me through the lonely days of being a new college graduate in a town where I knew no one, bad job situations, deaths of people I love, and a heartbreaking miscarriage. I know Him. I have tested Him and He has always proved faithful. Always.

In turn, I am so quick to prove faithless. In the Olympics of Christianity, I wouldn’t even get a bronze medal based on my reaction to what was going on in my life.

The day for the meeting finally came and I knew that I was covered in prayer. I was able to walk into that meeting knowing and believing that God was in control. As we sat down in this ominous conference room and the HR lady opened her file, I felt a sense of calm wash over me.

She presented me with the first piece of evidence that showed potential wrongdoing on my part and I was able to reasonably explain what had happened. It was good, but still put me in a situation of my word against someone else’s. Then, she showed me the next piece of evidence and as I was trying to figure out what could have happened, my manager was looking at her calendar and realized that she had been with me at the precise time and date this had occurred and there was a written report from months earlier that documented what she said was true.

I realize this is all a little vague, but the bottom line is that this is not a coincidence. I see my manager about once every two months, so for her to be with me at this specific time can only be described by saying God totally had the situation covered.

He was in control.

Imagine that.

At a time where He knew my heart and saw all of my fear, He totally took care of me beyond anything I could have imagined. And most importantly, this whole turn of events has served as a catalyst for me to think bigger than myself, to quit looking at what I can tangibly see and to take the leap to see my life and potential through God’s eyes.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Peserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete

not lacking anything.”

James 1: 2-4

That’s the kind of faith I want…mature and complete, not lacking anything. So that the next time a test comes, and it’s just a matter of time, I will let go of my fear and take hold of Christ. And know, that even if there is no comprehensive health insurance, He’s got it under control.
It was a bad hair night

Caroline woke up in the middle of the night the other night and when I went in her room to see what was wrong, she was sitting up in bed, crying.

I picked her up and asked, “Sweetie, what’s wrong, why are you crying?”

She said, “Mama, I’m sad. I’m just so sad.”

“Why baby? Why are you sad?”

“Because I don’t like my hair long. I want to go to the beauty shop and get it cut.”

I’d like to say that I have never, myself, cried over my hair in the darkest hours of the night, but that would be a lie.

As I crawled back in bed, P woke up and asked what Caroline was crying about, when I told him, he just shook his head, rolled over and said, “And so it begins.”
We prefer to use the term cooked sushi

I realize that some of y’all may be concerned that we are so busy teaching Caroline how to hunt wild animals, that we may be overlooking some of the more important aspects of grace and decorum.

So, just to ease your mind, here is a picture of her eating her dinner with chopsticks.

And by the way, those are fish sticks she’s eating.

We are nothing if not sophisticated here at the house of Big Mama.
A tale of two airports and four new friends

Yesterday, I had to go to Dallas for some reasons related to my job at “the bank”. I’ll go into more detail on that another time, because it is an incredible story of God’s providence, but it will require some actual thought and I’m still trying to process all of it. Plus, I need to tell it in a way that won’t jeopardize my “banking” future, should anyone from the bank happen to stumble upon Big Mama.

I am nothing if not completely and totally paranoid.

Also, it just took me twenty minutes to figure out how to properly spell “jeopardize”, so obviously I’m working at full capacity.

Anyway, I booked my flight for Dallas a few days ago and had been told by my manager that the best airport to fly in to was D/FW. Since I know as much about Dallas geography as say, nuclear physics, I booked my flights according to her directions or so I thought.

I drove to the airport yesterday morning, got on my flight and everything went really well in spite of the fact that I was flying in one of those little death tube airplanes. Y’all know what I’m talking about; those planes that look like a good windstorm could blow them down, so you just take comfort in the fact that at least you probably won’t be a terrorist target because really, what kind of statement would it make to kill eight people who didn’t even get honey roasted peanuts or beverage service?

The tube ‘o death arrived safely at the airport and I got off the plane. Because I am so perceptive or maybe because of the enormous sign that said “Welcome to Love Field”, I realized immediately that I was not, in fact, at the D/FW Airport. And since I didn’t know anything about where I was going, this caused me to have a mild anxiety attack.

Or perhaps a full blown one.

I walked outside, found a cab, and showed the cabbie my sad, little post it note with the address of the “bank” home office and basically said, “Do you know where this is?”, which in cab language means “Will I have enough money left after this cab ride to buy a diet coke?”

He assured me that he knew where we were going and it wasn’t a big deal that I had flown into Love Field instead of D/FW. At least, I think that’s what he said because honestly, I couldn’t understand a word he said. To say that English was not his first language is an understatement along the lines of me saying I kind of like chocolate.

Nevertheless, he didn’t let the language barrier stop our conversation and he proceeded to talk throughout the entire trip. I have never been in such a huge need for subtitles in my life, but I just smiled, nodded and agreed with everything he said which could have been, “I’m going to drive you to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead. Is that okay?”

Smiling, nodding. Yes, sure, that would be great.

“I’m going to charge you $150 for this cab ride and drive you all over Dallas.”

Smiling, nodding. Oh really? That’s nice.

It all worked out and I arrived at my destination, had my meeting, and then found myself in yet another cab, this time headed to the D/FW airport. Apparently, the agency that booked my ticket found nothing wrong with flying me in to one airport and having me leave from the other.

In fact, I feel fairly certain that they did it because they were bored and liked the idea of making my brain short circuit.

“Hey Martha, watch this, I’m going to have this poor girl fly in to Love Field and leave out of D/FW.”

“Can we do that? Isn’t that kind of mean? Couldn’t that cause her some stress?”

“Well, yes. That’s the whole point.”

Anyway, I ended up having a change of plans on the way to the airport because I stopped off to meet Sarah from In the Midst of It and her kids, Caiden, Grayson and Addison at a coffee shop. We had exchanged emails the day before and decided that we would try to meet if time allowed.

Time, indeed, allowed. And I am so thankful.

If y’all are thinking you’re jealous that I got to meet Sarah, then let me tell you that you should be. She is cute, funny and sweet and I loved her instantly. I even got to hold Addison and let me tell y’all that she is a little bundle of pink heaven.

And I don’t mean to brag, but by the end of our two hour visit, both Grayson and Addison felt comfortable enough around me to have blowouts in their diapers…or maybe they just couldn’t hold it any longer. But still, it was a special moment and I like to think it was their way of saying they really liked me.

So after we talked and talked, Sarah sealed her place in my heart forever by sparing me yet another harrowing cab ride and driving me to D/FW to catch my flight. Let me tell y’all that the visit made a day that I had been dreading, totally worth it.

And if y’all could see the plane I flew home on, that is saying something.