Author: Big Mama

What do you do with a scurvy pirate?

Caroline decided around July that she wanted to be a pirate for Halloween. It was about the same time that she discovered Peter Pan and Captain Hook. Tinkerbell might be fine for some little girls, but my girl wanted to be a pirate.

There is an episode of the Backyardigans that is about pirates and they sing a song that goes “What do you do with scurvy pirate? Make him walk the plank.” In this case, the meaning of scurvy is mean or mad, not someone afflicted with diarrhea like Gulley’s husband thought.

Of course, it might not be a bad move to make either kind of scurvy pirate walk the plank just to get them off your ship.

Also, truth be told this morning my little pirate was a little of both kinds of scurvy due to the combination of getting up at 5:15 a.m. and the chorizo and egg breakfast taco that her daddy let her eat.

But I digress. I searched high and low for a good pirate costume. I have mentioned my tendency to be a little OCD and halloween costumes are no exception. The year she turned one, I made her this duck costume and she won first prize at the neighborhood shopping center contest. It’s like in that moment the bar was raised for all future costumes.

Last year, she was a queen, not a princess, a queen. She was very clear about not being just an average princess, but a true ruler of a monarchy. Sadly, there was no contest so we didn’t get to have a back to back championship repeat. But oh, this year the contest was back. So, on Saturday we attended the festivities and Caroline won first prize for her little pirate costume. Here she is in all her piratey cuteness.

Other than the fact that part of her prize package was a medium size bag of caramel corn, the pirate couldn’t have cared less about her win. My dad was thrilled with the victory and I think may have actually uttered the phrase “she totally smoked those other kids.” It’s all about a grandparent’s love.

I am not quite the Texas cheerleading mom of Halloween festivals, but now it’s like I’ve set a standard that all future costumes must meet. I mean who can resist a prize package that includes a free kids’ meal at EZ’s, a scoop of Baskin Robbins ice cream and a pound of fudge?

Not me, my friends, not me.

Happy Halloween!
Oh, how times have changed

This is me 15 years ago when daylight savings time ended.

Everything is all bleary eyed and hazy as I yell, “WHOO HOO! Everything is open a whole hour later. Let’s go charge some more beer on my dad’s Chevron card and party! Whoever thought up daylight savings time is awesome!”

This is me 15 years later, as in this morning.

Everything is all bleary eyed and hazy as I barely whisper, “Lord have mercy, does that clock say 5:15? What are we going to do with a day that starts at 5:15? Whoever thought up daylight savings time is some kind of fool who has never had a toddler.”
Television prognosticator I am not

I read something yesterday that just cinches the fact that if you have a new T.V. show on a network, you don’t want me to be a fan because it will signal its immediate cancellation. The latest victim of my adoration is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Apparently, it is being cancelled very soon.

Each fall I pick out a few shows and decide to give them a whirl. This season’s lucky recipients of Big Mama’s viewing time were Studio 60, Ugly Betty, Vanished, and technically Brothers and Sisters, even though I have yet to watch an actual episode I do have them all recorded on DVR, you know for the next time I have 6 free hours to catch up on one show.

So far, Studio 60 is the first to go and I am shocked. I thought for sure that I had it right with this show…it’s smart, it’s funny, and it’s being cancelled. I’m not sure what has happened to Vanished because I lost interest after the second episode which is saying something because I watched every episode of Reunion last year until it got cancelled, and now I’ll never know who murdered what’s her name with the curly hair.

And at this point y’all are wondering what Reunion was? Yes, that’s my point. For information sake, let me tell you that it was one of the most poorly acted and written “dramas” ever on T.V. and I am saying this as someone who was a fan of Beverly Hills 90210.

My gift is definitely not predicting what will be successful. I didn’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, Alias, or 24 until the second seasons after every one else in the free world was raving about how great they were. I was too busy watching Reunion or Related, which was another show that couldn’t withstand my viewership.

I’m not sure what my point is, other than letting y’all know that I know how to pick bad T.V. I mean obviously I watch The Bachelor and America’s Next Top Model but those are good because of their inherent badness. What I’m talking about is non-reality programming. It’s too late for Studio 60, I just hope that Ugly Betty can handle the pressure.

I’d hate to think that I’d end this season 0 for 4.
I will not forget you

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about trusting the “horses and chariots” in my life instead of looking to God and His wisdom. At the time I was in the middle of huge changes at work and was completely stressed out. I managed to convince myself in a matter of 24 hours that I was going to be without a job.

I’ve mentioned that I work at a “bank”. The “bank” is undergoing huge structural changes and there had been much talk of reassignments, which basically is their way of saying “Yes you still have a job, we have a nice place for you in South Dakota”. Um, yeah we aren’t moving to South Dakota, therefore I would be jobless. (Not that there’s anything wrong with South Dakota, I’m sure it’s a perfectly lovely place)

So I was already stressed about the whole situation when my supervisor contacted me to let me know that we would be spending the next few days together. Needless to say, in my mind I began packing my bags for South Dakota. I stressed, I cried, I ate lots of chocolate and strategized how I was going to handle everything, and then I felt extremely convicted and wrote the post about trusting God. More importantly, I didn’t just write a post about it, but I truly trusted God with the matter.

I won’t bore y’all with all the boring details, but needless to say like most things in our lives, I had blown this way out of proportion. Everything not only was fine, but I have ended up with a new assignment that is better than anything I could have dreamed. So, imagine that. God was actually faithful. In fact, He was more than faithful. True to His word, He did “more than I could ask or imagine”.

I’m not sure why I was so surprised by the outcome since God has always been so faithful to provide for me. I think somewhere along the way, I lost sight of who He really is and what He has done for me. And for that I am truly sorry.

“When you have eaten and are satisfied,

praise the Lord your God

for the good land he has given you.

Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God”

Deuteronomy 8:10-11
Finding Neverland

Let me start by saying that I never pretend to be all that current. Since having Caroline 3 years ago, I rarely am the first person to see any new movie unless it is something of cinematical greatness and importance such as Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby or The Devil Wears Prada.

In the same way that I don’t know any songs currently on the top 10 list, y’all can also make a safe bet that I haven’t seen the majority of Oscar nominated movies over the last 3 years.

Last week, thanks to my new fancy AT&T Dish Network service, I was able to record Finding Neverland. Tonight, I actually watched it and let me say that I loved this movie.

We watch a lot of Peter Pan in this house because it is Caroline’s all time favorite Disney movie. Who needs Cinderella and Princess Jasmine when you can have Captain Hook, a crocodile, Indians, and Tinkerbell?

Maybe that’s why I loved Finding Neverland so much, because the story of Peter Pan is so fresh in my mind having watched it 187 times in the last month. All I know is I loved the line when Johnny Depp as J.M. Barrie said, “Little boys should never be put to bed because they’ll wake up in the morning a whole day older”. It reminded me that even days like yesterday go by so fast and she’ll be grown before I blink.
Calgon, take me away

Oh my word have we had a week around here. The whining, the crying, the fit throwing have been legendary and Caroline has been even worse.

Nothing like combining a long weekend road trip with a sinus infection and lack of sleep to come up with one bad cocktail. Speaking of which, I could really use one.

Our day started this morning at the most ungodly hour of 5:20 a.m. and I am not kidding when I say that I started crying. Caroline has been such a bear this week that I was hoping for a reprieve until at least 6:30, but no such luck.

So at 5:30, I put her in my bed and spent the next hour listening to her say that she’s thirsty, she needs Ernie, she needs her blanket. These are all things that she would have had access to had she been in her own bed by the way. Finally at 6:30, I turned on Higglytown Heroes and prayed those little Weeble Wobble wannabes would buy me at least another 30 minutes of sleep. Apparently, I was being a huge optimist.

I had agreed to keep Gulley’s boys this morning because she had to take her husband to a doctor’s appointment. Of course I had agreed to this last week when my own child was still a delight to be around the majority of the time and I didn’t have a lingering cold. But that Gulley, she is dependable and showed up bearing donuts, homemade chocolate chip cookies and a gift certificate for a pedicure. For that, I would’ve kept her boys for the whole week or well you know, the day.

Jacks and Will were perfectly pleasant. Will even let me hold him and kiss his little baby fat cheeks which isn’t common for him and just thrilled me.

About mid-morning, Caroline was in full meltdown mode. I sent her to timeout which then caused Will to start crying and then I looked at Jacks and his lip started to tremble as he said, “I just want to go to my house”. And I wanted to say “Yes, please let’s go to your house and leave this crazed, sleep deprived 3 year old here”.

But I didn’t because that would be wrong.

Instead I calmed everybody down and gave them each one of my precious homemade chocolate chip cookies that Gulley brought this morning. I even managed to hold in my rage when I noticed later that one of those cookies had been dropped on the floor with just one bite taken out of it by an unknown perpetrator.

Hopefully we will all get some much needed rest this weekend and life will return to some semblance of normal. I’m hoping this is just the result of Caroline being a tired, sick little girl and not some new personality that is here to stay. She even told me at one point yesterday, “I don’t want God to live in my heart”. I looked at P and said, “Well, congratulations. We’ve raised a 3 year old blasphemer”.