Author: Big Mama

  • If only I could think of 6 more things

    I have so many things running through my head today and rather than trying to make them all flow together, I’m taking the easy (lazy) way out and just throwing them at y’all.

    1. Y’all, Emmitt Smith can dance. He might dance as well as he plays football. If y’all aren’t watching Dancing with the Stars, it is worth it just to watch Emmitt. I may have a small crush on him.

    2. I ran to the grocery store yesterday to pick up a few necessities and this is what I found when I was unpacking my bags.


    Can you say PMS? Is there even a food group represented here?

    3. Reason #8456 that I love my friends. I got this in the mail from my friend Hite yesterday.

    If y’all can’t see what it is, it’s instructions for a Brother brand label maker. In college, our friend Jen had a Brother word processor that we thought was the greatest technological invention ever for writing papers since apparently we were all too lazy to get to the computer lab and learn how to use this new technology called a COMPUTER. We were always calling Jen asking if she could bring her Brother over. “Hey Jen, what’s your Brother doing tonight?” I don’t know what makes this funnier, the fact that Hite remembers the days of the Brother or that he bought a label maker. Either way, I love him for taking the time to put this in the mail.

    4. Last night I asked Caroline is she needed to tee-tee and she said she already had. Only problem was that I hadn’t seen her go in the bathroom. I asked if she tee-teed in her pants and she said yes. I asked “Did you really?” And she looked right at me like I might be a little slow and said “I really, really did.”

    5. This morning I put a load of P’s laundry in the dryer and it was clanking around so loud. I kept thinking man his laundry is loud but never considered there might be something else in there. Later I discovered that I had dried a huge piece of plastic that broke off of the inside of our new washing machine. How do you not investigate a sound that is as loud as a huge piece of plastic banging around in your dryer? I honestly don’t have the answer.

    6. What makes the fashion designers at Baby Gap think that moms of toddlers are looking for that perfect blazer or sweater vest for their little one to wear to a playdate? Do they sit and look at their sketch pads and imagine little mini-executives on the playground exchanging business cards and entering information into mini Blackberrys that they whip out of their blazer pockets?

    7. Last night during dinner which was Mexican takeout and eaten in front of the T.V., P and I actually watched a documentary on the making of various shovels. You would think I’d be embarrassed that we reached that level of boredom and we actually chose to watch it instead of having you know, meaningful conversation. Apparently not.

    I seriously considered coming up with 6 more things to turn this into a Thursday 13, but just didn’t have it in me. So, here it is…my Thursday 7. I’ve reached a whole new level of below average.

  • Faith lifts

    A Group Blog for Christian Moms
    Sweet Barb over at A Chelsea Morning read a post I wrote last week and asked if she could submit it to a new site called Faith Lifts. Barb and several other women including Sarah at In the Midst of It are regular contributors, so I am truly honored to have something I’ve written posted along with the writings of some pretty incredible women.

    My post is up today. Go on over and check it out.

  • You know it’s a good day when you’re calling the IRS

    P and I have an accountant do our taxes every year because he’s too busy to do them and frankly, I’m not smart enough. Numbers tend to make me think in circles, and not logical ones. If I look at a row of numbers long enough, my head might literally explode. So, we gladly pay someone else to take care of keeping us above board with the federal government.

    This year, our accountant filed an extension and we didn’t even send in our return until the end of July. Then, we got a letter from the IRS explaining that our refund wouldn’t be returned in full because we forgot to put in some information. I’m so glad that we paid an accountant. I’m fully capable of this kind of inefficiency on my own, I don’t need to hire someone to do it for me.

    So yesterday I got to spend a large chunk of time on the phone with the Internal Revenue Service. I had all my information ready and when the friendly, automated voice answered the phone, I gladly typed in 1 since I preferred to hear the voice in English. Then, I punched in P’s social security number, then I punched in how we filed, then I punched in the reference number on the letter they sent and then I punched in P’s social security number again. Long pause. Please punch in the social security number again.

    Automated voice repeated the number back to me and then “Push 1 if this is correct”. I pushed 1. Please enter the social security number again. Now hold for the next available representative. I held so long that I began to think it might be convenient because I could discuss next year’s return also. Finally, a live voice came on the phone.

    And asked for P’s social security number.

    Because apparently the eighteen times I had punched it in previously meant nothing.

    The IRS worker told me to hold while he looked up our file. I held and looked out the window where Caroline was playing with a worm. I made a goofy face at her through the window and in a gut wrenching move, accidentally HUNG UP THE PHONE. Oh the humanity.

    So I repeat the entire incredibly efficient process.

    I know people joke about being scared of the IRS (anyone else remember the episode of Designing Women with Ray Don the IRS agent?) but there is something intimidating about calling them on the phone to tell them you want your full refund and can supply them with the proper information. I’ve never said yes ma’am or no ma’am so many times in my life. It’s like I didn’t want to awaken the beast. I was afraid if I got short tempered they would put a big yellow flag across my social security number saying “AUDIT, AUDIT, AUDIT” and I would end up shuffling down the street homeless, wearing a bathrobe. So in spite of all my frustrations and the fact that the numbers on our phone comprising P’s social security number are now faded from use, I was my most polite, patient self.

    The good news is we’re getting our full refund. The bad news is that calling the IRS was the most exciting thing that happened yesterday.

  • A good, heaping dose of mama guilt

    About a month ago, I told y’all about how we got rid of Caroline’s pacifiers. You can read the story of her addiction here.

    Well, the other day we were out in the backyard and the garbage men drove by. She loves to watch their big truck so I said, “Look Caroline, it’s the garbage men!” and she got so excited and said, “Oh Mama, maybe they’re bringing my pacis back!”

    The word of the day is guilt.

  • Five years later


    Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer is asking everyone to remember 9/11 by talking about where we were on that day 5 years ago.

    The morning of September 11, 2001, started pretty much like all of my pre-child mornings started. I woke up probably a little after 8:00 (oh those were the days), started reading the newspaper, and had a little caffeine in the form of a Coke. Pre-child, I was never one to turn on the T.V. first thing in the morning because honestly, I don’t like to deal with all the cheerful people quite that early.

    A little after 9:00, I flipped on the T.V. to see what Kelly and Regis were up to and I suddenly became aware that the whole world had changed in an instant. I saw smoke and plane crashes and panic and incredible devastation. No one was cheery on this morning, everyone was stunned.

    P and I both work from home, so he was in the office. I called him in and said, “Have you seen this?”. We spent the next hours glued to the T.V. and when the towers fell, it literally took my breath away. Shocked, outraged, stunned. We immediately thought about one of P’s best friends from childhood who worked in the World Trade Center. As it turns out, he hadn’t gone to work that day but we didn’t know that until much later.

    P called one of his friends who had served in Special Forces and asked him his thoughts. Who did this? Will there be more? And the friend told us we might want to think about stocking up on some things like drinking water, canned goods, etc. because who knew what else would happen over the next few days. It was the first time we felt vulnerable living in the United States.

    I remember that Gulley was about 5 months pregnant at the time and was supposed to catch a flight to Illinois that morning, but realized that no one was going to be flying anywhere. All of sudden the thought of bringing a new baby into the world began to look a little different. What kind of a world are we living in now? Are we safe?

    Five years later the events of that day are still surreal. The United States of America was under attack on our own soil. We never saw it coming.

    The days that followed were so sad, but yet hopeful. There was a unity among Americans, a return to patriotism. It was like for a moment the nation turned its eyes back to God and the original ideals of our founding fathers, but sadly it was short lived.

    We find ourselves today as a nation divided. I think somewhere along the way, people forgot what the fight is for. President Bush said from the beginning that this would be a long battle because it’s a different kind of enemy. Terrorists aren’t contained in one country, look what happened in London a few weeks ago. They walk among us.

    Anyone who thinks this is an enemy that can be reasoned with or bargained with is a fool. These people want to destroy us for no other reason than we’re American. And make no mistake, if they had the capability, they would destroy us. Human life is of no value to them, not even their own life is of value. I think as Americans we can’t fully comprehend this level of evil.

    Are there things we could have done better? Sure, our leaders aren’t infallible. But 5 years later, they have kept us safe. They have foiled terrorist plots that we’ve heard about and probably others that never made the news. We must press on because this enemy isn’t going away.

    So to our soldiers fighting this war, our policemen and firemen and everyone else who stands in the gap for us I say thank you and yes, I remember. May God bless America.