Diary

  • Tell me about it, stud

    There is a group of women that fall somewhere in the 30-40 year age range, who at one time in their childhood, were completely in love with the movie Grease. It’s okay to admit it.

    Be proud, ladies. Be proud.

    I know that for me, I dreamed of the day that I could be as cool as the Pink Ladies and hang out with the T-Birds. My friends and I spent whole afternoons re-enacting scenes from the movie and actually dressing up like Sandy. I’ll always remember a girl named Libba Fletcher, who lived down the street, trying to convince us that she looked more like Olivia Newton-John than the rest of us.

    It never failed to start a huge debate because of course all of us wanted to look like Olivia and in reality, since we were about 6 or 7 years old, I don’t think any of us qualified, even though we had teased our hair, cut up our black Danskin leotards and paired them with our mama’s Candies to recreate the final scenes of the movie.

    We would beg our mamas to take us to the theater to see it “just one more time” and we had it so completely memorized that we knew the first notes of Beauty School Dropout, which was a scene we didn’t care for, and we could make a run for more candy or popcorn because NO WAY were we missing Greased Lightning (which is a totally dirty song, but I didn’t figure that out until years later).

    I had the Grease album on LP and 8 track and wore both of them out from listening all the time. I would lipsync in front of my mirror and dream of the day that I could be like Sandy. In fact, I think it was the summer before 4th grade when I had the brilliant idea that maybe I should wear dresses like Sandy to school everyday and on the last day of school, shock everyone by wearing my Jordache Jeans with my black t-shirt with the sparkly iron-on rainbow and my red satin jacket from Weiners, which looked just like the ones the Pink Ladies wore except it was you know…red and from Weiners.

    So, in light of all these embarrassing revelations, imagine my excitement when I heard about the new reality show that starts January 7th called “You’re the One that I Want”. It is a reality show wherein contestants vie for the chance to play Sandy and Danny Zuko in the Broadway production of Grease.

    It’s like a dream come true that combines my love of reality television with one of the greatest movies of all time.

    I will be glued to the television come January 7th. In fact, I’ve got chills, they’re multiplying and I’m losing control.

  • Wasting away again in margaritaville with Paula Deen, poopy pants and sugar cookies

    Tuesday night I went out with my girlfriends for what we call Birthday Club. We always go to the same Mexican restaurant, drink margaritas and laugh until we cry. We all brought a bottle of wine to exchange, which I have to say was a great idea. I find this time of year you can’t have enough wine in the house or maybe it’s just because I have a three year old.

    Anyway, last night we had a discussion about bad Christmas presents we have received in years past. Gulley won hands down with the jar of mayonnaise that she got from her mother-in-law one year. Expired mayonnaise. Seriously. A jar of expired mayonnaise.

    Nothing says welcome to our family like expired dairy products.

    Of course in all fairness, that was also the year her mother-in-law bought her own son a Polo shirt from the Ralph Lauren outlet and the sleeves were too short. When he told his mom the sleeves weren’t long enough, her response was that he should just keep his hands down by his side because then they might work.

    I can’t make this stuff up.

    We also covered a variety of other topics, including the Paula Deen episode where Paula is making iced gingerbread men cookies. Have y’all seen it?

    Paula is decorating these gingerbread men and decides to decorate one like her husband Michael. She says, “Y’all I’m going to make this one real hairy like Michael and he’s going to be wearing white shorts because Michael loves to wear his white shorts. He’s so sweet I’m just going to bite his head off” and then she cackles that cackle that only Paula can do.

    P walked in last year while I was watching it (because yes, I’ve watched it more than once…it’s oddly compelling) and said, “She is a nut.” And yes, she is. But she’s a rich nut that cooks great food.

    Then yesterday morning, Caroline and I went to run errands. We had an important list of things to do such as buy stamps so that I can mail Christmas cards that don’t even exist at this point. I’m not sure how I dropped the ball on this (really I blame the bank for making me travel the first week of December), but I realized late last week that I had neglected to order cards. When I finally started the process, I had two separate online stationery companies tell me they could guarantee delivery for December 28th, which would be okay if we celebrated Kwanzaa. Anyway, the third try was a charm and I should have some Christmas cards to mail out sometime before the new year. At least my stamps are ready to go. That’s what’s really important.

    We also had to run in Whole Earth to search for something containing acidophilous. To put it mildly and to help y’all keep your breakfast down, let’s just say that Caroline has had some intestinal distress over the last week. The pediatrician recommended sprinkling acidophilous powder on her food to help regulate her digestive system. And for the record, being regular isn’t necessarily the problem. But anyway, here’s hoping it works. I’ve actually thrown away four pairs of underwear in the last week.

    It was really the only option.

    In the afternoon, we went over to play with Gulley and her boys. I am beyond happy to report that the sugar cookie baking has officially started. Her countertop was covered in snowmen, christmas trees, and candy canes all just waiting to be glazed and sugared. The first bite of sugar cookie will be one of the highlights of my year.

    And I guess this is what motherhood does to you…in one post I went from drinking margaritas with my girlfriends to throwing away soiled underwear and eating sugar cookies.

    But not at the same time.

  • Not so fresh

    I am currently at a rare loss of words for no reason at all, other than the fact that I’ve had to take 168 tests for work over the last 72 hours. I could write about what I’ve been studying, but honestly, I am trying to entertain, not send y’all into a fetal position while you beg me to make the boring stop.

    So, first let me say that I love the comments y’all leave because where else could I discover that my love of Church’s Fried Chicken and Long John’s Silvers are shared by so many. I didn’t even mention the malt vinegar sauce in my post for fear of being ostracized, but y’all were so open that I can’t help but admit that yes, it is all about the crispies drowned in the malt vinegar sauce.

    And now, I’ll leave you with this.

    The other night, P was scrolling through all of our recorded programs on the DVR when he noticed that there were more than a few episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air recorded.

    He asked me, “Have you been recording the Fresh Prince?”

    I explained that I’ve been recording episodes of Designing Women on Nick at Nite, but because the timer is off, I miss the last few minutes of each episode. So, I have to record Fresh Prince to catch the end of Designing Women.

    P said, “Well thank God, I thought you had undergone a lobotomy and were actually making an effort to watch repeat episodes of Fresh Prince.”

  • It’s the Thanksgiving Miracle of 2006


    I realize the game ended three hours ago, but I have just this moment gained enough composure to actually post. Also, I watched the game at Gulley’s house and we have spent the afternoon saying “We won, we actually won.”

    It’s like when Sally Field won the Oscar for Best Actress. Complete disbelief and awe.

    So, with apologies to my Longhorn readers (Phyllis and Carol)…

    The Aggies beat the hell outta t.u.!!!! WHOOP!!

    My only regret is that I wasn’t there to see it. There are few things in life as sweet as beating t.u. on their home field and watching to see how fast they’ll turn off the scoreboard, as if that could take away what just happened.

    Last year was one of the worst years of college football I have ever experienced. As if it wasn’t bad enough that the Aggies were terrible, the horns won the National Championship. It was like salt in a wound.

    Today made me feel just a little bit better.

    And did y’all see that Coach Fran actually cried after the game? He’s probably so relieved that he won’t be putting his brand new house on the market after all. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but we’ll see where we go from here.

    Gig ’em!

  • The brightest star

    By now, y’all know me well enough to know that I have a serious addiction to Dancing With the Stars. 6 hours and 38 minutes left until go time for Emmitt.

    Y’all know he’s going to bring it on.

    If Mario Lopez wins, it will be the final straw in completely destroying my faith in the American public.

    And if you’re wondering if I am maybe a little over the top in my reality T.V. viewing habits…well yes, yes I am.

  • A faux prince and fantasy dates

    Oh happy day, The Bachelor was back on last night! I am sad to admit how excited I was at the prospect of a Monday evening filled with chocolate chip cookie dough and quality television programming.

    After watching, I just have a few thoughts and obviously nothing else interesting to write about.

    The night starts off with Lorenzo’s fantasy date with Jen. He really wants her to “open up” to him and share her emotions, so naturally they are headed to the amusement park. I don’t know about y’all, but some of the most meaningful, intimate conversations of my life have been had while riding in a bumper car or going down a 90 foot drop on a roller coaster.

    And that Lorenzo is astute. Did y’all hear him ask the bartender in that ice bar if she was cold? I mean that is someone with razor sharp skills of perception.

    So after Jen really opens up, Lorenzo is off to one of the lesser known European cities of love and romance, Budapest, to meet Lisa.

    Oh Lisa.

    Let me say that I am blessed to have several close girlfriends and not a one of them would ever sell me out on national T.V. by showing up at my house with a wedding gown and telling a potential fiance about my timeline to the altar. I realize this happened two weeks ago on the show, but I must have been in some kind of fog to not comment on the seriousness of this offense. I would like to ask Lisa what she did to her “best friend” to make her hate her so much.

    Then again, in defense of Lisa’s best friend, I will say that no one forced Lisa to actually put the dress ON.

    Lisa goes on and on tonight about how great her hometown visit went and I just wanted to shake her and say, “Girlfriend, take off that wedding dress and hide those Brides magazines. Put them under your couch like the rest of us used to do. No guy wants to walk into your apartment and see bridal magazines fanned out on your coffee table. It will make him start to itch and ultimately, to run far, far away”.

    The word “intense” was used about 1398 times to describe their fantasy date, which to me was code for Lisa will be voted off Bachelor Island and I was right, which just goes to show that no good can come from putting your china pattern before the horse.

    As for sweet Sadie, I have to say that I like her. I’m not sure why she’s on The Bachelor and I’m fairly sure she may be too good for Prince LoBo, a fact that was made clear in the previews for next week where we see LoBo shed one dramatic tear (Boomama, you know I noticed) as he faces the decision of his life.

    And y’all know I’ll be watching. It will be the MOST DRAMATIC rose ceremony in Bachelor history.