Another day

When my plane finally touched down late this afternoon, I had never been so glad to be home. I love my people and I don’t like being away from them, no matter how fun it may be to sit in a small, windowless room in a hotel for three days.

I was waiting by the curb for P to pick me up and when I saw his truck come around the corner, my heart flipped just a little bit. I jumped in and there was Caroline sitting there holding a beautiful pot filled with snapdragons saying, “Here’s your treat, Mama. We missed you so much. Did you bring me some dubble bum (bubble gum)?” And at that moment my heart was so full that I’d have given her a 1,000 packs of Bubblicious if I’d had it. There is no place like home. There are no people like the people you love.

If y’all heard a huge sigh of relief about an hour and a half ago, it was the sound of me not only getting my laptop back but being able to connect to the wireless connection at the hotel. Y’all can’t imagine what I have been through.

I arrived in the Dallas area yesterday at 4:00 pm and was told to turn my laptop in at the door on my way in so that they could add system “upgrades”. Umm, I’m sorry, did you say hand over my laptop?

Yes, yes they did.

So I sat laptopless (I just made that up) in my hotel room for 3 hours until finally Hite came and rescued me. We met our friend Jen at a great Mexican restaurant and were able to really catch up and laugh for a few hours. It is safe to say that was the highlight of this trip.

I get back to my hotel room around 10:00 last night and that’s when I discovered the TV Internet. It is hands down the most inefficient way to be online that has ever existed, but I was desperate. After holding one arm out at a ninety degree angle to balance a keyboard on a chair with a pillow on it to hold the keyboard at the perfect range to actually work, I managed to type out my two previous posts as my cry for help. I wish I were kidding when I say it took me about 20 minutes to get each one written. It seems like you should get some sort of better quality for something that takes that much time.

This morning I was reunited with my laptop for what could be the most mind numbing bit of computer system training in the history of the free world. They tried to spice it up with little games and riddles, but really? Really? Can you make sitting in a windowless room in the basement of a hotel for 8 1/2 hours fun? Because if you can, I’d like to meet you.

We finally finished our long day and had to go straight to a mandatory dinner. I’m telling y’all these people have no sense of anything that is important. As if confiscating my laptop wasn’t enough, they caused me to miss the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy. I can’t say any more about that or I may cry.

Oh I know I’ll watch it tomorrow on my DVR but it’s not the same. If I had been home I could’ve opened up a bag of Sour Patch Kids and spent a little time with McDreamy, McVet, and the gang. It was truly painful to look at the time and know that there was no way I was going to be back to the hotel in time to watch and I KNOW pain because I currently have braces on my teeth.

The only consolation is that when I finally got back to my room at 8:51 (oh cruel fate), I was able to get a wireless connection for the bargain basement price of $9.95 (I don’t even want to think about what I’d have been willing to pay) and here I am. The problem with corporate America is that they don’t always appreciate what is really important…like that I have a blog that maybe six people are waiting to read and Grey’s Anatomy.

I am in day 2 of being under seige with no laptop. So here I am using the TV internet which requires me to hold the keyboard right in front of the TV while typing.

Did I mention it’s worse than dial up?

Hard to believe, but it is y’all, it is.

Did y’all know that you can get internet access on your T.V. in hotel rooms? Neither did I until desperation drove me to find a way to get online.

I’m out of town for ironically, some computer training and the first thing they did when I arrived was take my laptop from me. I immediately began to experience symptoms of withdrawal. Then I noticed that TV internet was listed under menu options and a chorus of angels began to sing.

The COMPUTER on T.V.? That should be high tech, but sadly it may be worse than dial up. So with that sad realization, I’ll say Goodnight.

P and I have an accountant do our taxes every year because he’s too busy to do them and frankly, I’m not smart enough. Numbers tend to make me think in circles, and not logical ones. If I look at a row of numbers long enough, my head might literally explode. So, we gladly pay someone else to take care of keeping us above board with the federal government.

This year, our accountant filed an extension and we didn’t even send in our return until the end of July. Then, we got a letter from the IRS explaining that our refund wouldn’t be returned in full because we forgot to put in some information. I’m so glad that we paid an accountant. I’m fully capable of this kind of inefficiency on my own, I don’t need to hire someone to do it for me.

So yesterday I got to spend a large chunk of time on the phone with the Internal Revenue Service. I had all my information ready and when the friendly, automated voice answered the phone, I gladly typed in 1 since I preferred to hear the voice in English. Then, I punched in P’s social security number, then I punched in how we filed, then I punched in the reference number on the letter they sent and then I punched in P’s social security number again. Long pause. Please punch in the social security number again.

Automated voice repeated the number back to me and then “Push 1 if this is correct”. I pushed 1. Please enter the social security number again. Now hold for the next available representative. I held so long that I began to think it might be convenient because I could discuss next year’s return also. Finally, a live voice came on the phone.

And asked for P’s social security number.

Because apparently the eighteen times I had punched it in previously meant nothing.

The IRS worker told me to hold while he looked up our file. I held and looked out the window where Caroline was playing with a worm. I made a goofy face at her through the window and in a gut wrenching move, accidentally HUNG UP THE PHONE. Oh the humanity.

So I repeat the entire incredibly efficient process.

I know people joke about being scared of the IRS (anyone else remember the episode of Designing Women with Ray Don the IRS agent?) but there is something intimidating about calling them on the phone to tell them you want your full refund and can supply them with the proper information. I’ve never said yes ma’am or no ma’am so many times in my life. It’s like I didn’t want to awaken the beast. I was afraid if I got short tempered they would put a big yellow flag across my social security number saying “AUDIT, AUDIT, AUDIT” and I would end up shuffling down the street homeless, wearing a bathrobe. So in spite of all my frustrations and the fact that the numbers on our phone comprising P’s social security number are now faded from use, I was my most polite, patient self.

The good news is we’re getting our full refund. The bad news is that calling the IRS was the most exciting thing that happened yesterday.