Another day

I can’t believe I forgot to mention the passing of JR Ewing. When I first saw it on Twitter late Saturday night, I hoped it was just a false rumor. Like the time I said Ed McMahon had died and he hadn’t. Or the time people said Donny and Marie weren’t the greatest singing duo ever.

But, sadly, it’s true. JR Ewing is no longer with us and I feel like a piece of my childhood has died. Granted, it’s a piece filled with adultery and backstabbing and all manner of inappropriate content, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t hear the opening music to Dallas without immediately thinking about Friday nights at my Me-Ma and Pa-Pa’s house. They did love a good soap opera.

JR Ewing? You will always be my favorite villain.

And I think it’s safe to say that new Dallas will fail without him. Jesse Metcalf and his eyebrows will never fill the void left by JR.

This also seems like a good time to share my Christmas decorating situation. Which is to say that there isn’t one because I haven’t even begun to decorate. I haven’t even gone through the motions of getting P to drag down our boxes from the attic.

But here’s why.

We still have holes in our walls.

I know. We are living like savages.

There are so many reasons why our walls still haven’t been fixed and painted and I’d share them all with you but you would wake up four hours later with hair matted to your face where you wept tears of boredom before you finally fell asleep.

The short version is that the walls are being repaired and painted next week. And we’re also getting built-ins installed so our T.V. will finally have a home that isn’t my antique church pew. So until all that happens I can’t even think about putting up a Christmas tree.

And here’s the thing. I resent being made to feel like a slacker because it’s November 27th and I still have pumpkins on my porch and my dining room table. What if I just like to savor Thanksgiving? What if I just want to live in the now?

What if the fact that it’s still 80 degrees every other day makes it feel absurd to hear Let It Snow on the radio constantly?

Of course no one is really making me feel like a slacker except myself. Well, me and the neighbors who have their yard lit up like a game on The Price is Right. And all those people who keep posting pictures of their Elf on a Shelf taking a bath in mini-marshmallows or being tied up by Lego people.

I would have never brought that Elf into our home had I known it was going to have to perform at that level. I thought it was what the box said, AN ELF. ON A SHELF.

Not in a tub. Not on a boat. Not with a goat.

So here’s where I ask a few questions. Have you already decorated for Christmas? Did you buy a real tree? Are you worried it’s going to be deader than new Dallas by Christmas? Is deader a word?

Also, do you know where I can find some cute Christmas stockings? If I ever get around to decorating, we could really use some new ones.

And on a different note, I wanted to mention the Ladies Christmas Celebration this Monday, December 3rd at River City Community Church. I’m going to be speaking and, even better, there’s going to be music and shopping and just fun in general. It’s only $5 to attend and you can find out more on their information page if you’re interested.

When we last spoke I wished you all a very happy Thanksgiving and said I would be spending the next few days staying up too late and watching movies and laughing with my people. And that’s exactly what I did. I also learned a couple of things:

1. I don’t think I digest carbs as easily as I once did. I swear I still have some sweet potato casserole sitting somewhere in my stomach. It’s a good thing we don’t serve noodles at our Thanksgiving lunch because one more carb would have put me permanently over the edge.

2. It is possible for the human heart to stop beating for a good three minutes due to anxiety. I know this to be true because it’s what happened to me when Johnny Manziel went down holding his knee on Saturday night during the A&M game.

3. When I have the luxury of no schedule I immediately go back to my preferred system of staying up until two in the morning and sleeping until ten. Or maybe ten-thirty. Don’t judge me. Night owls are people too. We’re the ones with bags under our eyes while we try to function in “normal” society. Monday morning is going to hit hard.

(It isn’t going to help that I have to get Caroline’s lunchbox that she left at school over the Thanksgiving break. It has chicken salad in it.)

(If you hear a gagging sound, it’s probably me.)

Anyway, we had a great Thanksgiving. On Wednesday I took Caroline and Gulley’s boys to see Rise of The Guardians which was actually pretty good. Turns out I’m a fan of a Russian Santa Claus and an Australian Easter Bunny. I had no idea.

And then Thanksgiving morning, look who got to make fresh-squeezed orange juice.

That’s right. The paper bag trick with the apples worked. The oranges ripened and she was thrilled. I didn’t even have to replace them with store bought oranges which was totally my back up plan because there was going to be much weeping and gnashing of teeth if those oranges didn’t get ripe.

We watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and then headed to Mimi and Bops’s house for Thanksgiving lunch. Gulley and her family joined us this year and we had a great time. It seems like it would have been a great idea to document Thanksgiving with pictures of some sort but apparently I was too busy shoveling in the broccoli rice casserole to take the time to capture any precious memories.

Later that afternoon we went back home in a carbohydrate induced stupor. And I vowed I would never eat again. And I absolutely DID NOT until about four hours later when I thought it seemed like a good idea to heat up some leftovers. No turkey, just straight carbs.

On Friday morning P decided to take Caroline, Will and Jackson to Cabela’s. I cautioned him briefly about Black Friday shopping, but then I decided he’s a grown man and could make his own decision to brave the crowds and traffic. Plus, Gulley and I really wanted to go get pedicures. Because, while I was thankful for many things this Thanksgiving, the state of my toes didn’t make the list. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem this time of year but the temperatures have refused to drop and I still wear flip-flops at least three times a week.

So P loaded up the kids for a little shopping and Gulley and I went to eat lunch and then get pedicures. As we were leaving the pedicure place, we decided to run by Gap just to check out their sale items. But I mentioned that I’d really like to stop and get a peppermint mocha first. And that’s when we experienced an unfortunate turn of events.

I was trying to pull my car into a spot right in front of Starbucks. And I misjudged the amount of room I had. And the front bumper of my car hit the back bumper of the parked car in the next spot.

Well. Great.

To make it worse, I got out of my car and realized I’d hit a Prius. I felt like there was a chance the Prius owner takes their car ownership much more seriously than I do based on their environmentally-friendly choice. I also wished I didn’t have the “Drill Here, Drill Now” bumper sticker on my car.

(I don’t really have that bumper sticker on my car, but it would have made the story so much better if I did.)

But since I was still craving what had now turned into possibly the most expensive peppermint mocha ever, I ran in Starbucks while Gulley waited outside in case the Prius owner came back to their car. Probably carrying recyclable bags from Whole Earth Provisions.

And, sure enough, I looked out and saw Gulley talking to someone who appeared to be the owner. So I got out of line and went outside. The Prius owner was one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. She told me not to worry about it and assured me that she hits her car on her friend’s carport all the time. And then she started bumping it with her hip to show me how everything just pops right back into place.

I apologized profusely and gave her my name and number just in case. And then I just dreaded the moment I had to go home and confess to P that I hit a Prius. That was parked.

He actually took the news really well even though he did make sure to let me know it was possibly the dumbest wreck he’d ever heard of. He asked if Gulley and I were busy talking when it happened and I said no. And he totally busted me because he said that would be the first time EVER we weren’t talking when in the same vicinity.

Truth.

So maybe we were talking. But I was still totally paying attention. My parking physics were just off.

And so we’ll see what happens.

The rest of the weekend was spent just relaxing. On Friday night P went to bed early and Caroline and I curled up on the couch together while we both read books and I don’t know that life gets much better than that.

Then the Aggies won and Johnny Manziel’s knee appears to be fine and if he doesn’t win the Heisman Trophy then they need to quit giving it out.

That’s just my opinion.

And to make up for my lack of actual Thanksgiving photos, here’s a pic I took of the kids while we watched the Aggies. There is no such thing as personal space.

All around, it was a great holiday. In fact, Thanksgiving is my new favorite.

Okay.

So here’s the thing.

The staff here at Big Mama, Inc. are currently upgrading to a new system. By which I mean that I broke down and bought a new computer yesterday. It was something that has needed to happen for a long time and I could no longer ignore the random pieces of plastic that would go flying across the room every time I opened my Macbook up or the fact that my “B” key made the decision to retire about a week ago.

I gave him a gold watch for his years of faithful service.

And so I walked in the Apple store expecting to walk out with a new computer. But that didn’t happen because I needed them to transfer important data from my old computer to my new computer. Specifically, Taylor Swift’s new album.

Apparently the data transfer took the better part of the afternoon and, by the time they called to tell me it was ready, it was already dark (CURSE YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME) and I felt it probably wouldn’t be the safest move to go to the mall by myself after dark because I am now eighty-five years old and worried someone might try to mug me and run off with my genuine leather handbag before I could make it safely to my Cadillac with a box of Kleenex in the back window.

And since I have no laptop as of this moment, I’m typing this post on our desktop computer which is fine and lovely. However, it is not in front of my T.V. and doesn’t allow me the luxury of sitting on my couch while I write a post. And, frankly, those two components are the only reason I’ve managed to blog for the last six and a half years. Otherwise, I’d have called it a day back in 2007.

But I’ll get my new computer complete with transferred data in the morning. And then I can write a Fashion Friday post that will be complete with a giveaway. So HOORAY FOR THAT.

In the meantime, there is a group of Compassion Bloggers in Peru right now. You absolutely need to go read Love Moves by Angie Smith. And I know Angie would appreciate our prayers for her nine-year-old twin girls that are with her on this trip.

I also liked this post by Kevin and Layla at The Lettered Cottage.

See y’all tomorrow.

I know.

I didn’t post anything yesterday. The reasons were three-fold.

1. It seemed right for the Aggie post to get two full days.

2. A cold front blew in late Sunday night and I was up all night because the wind blew all of the pecans off our TWO pecan trees and it sounded like a reenactment of D-Day on our roof.

I may have PTSD.

3. I went to bed at 9:30 last night because apparently I have a touch of the narcolepsy.

Other than that, there just isn’t much going on here. I spent most of Sunday and Monday reading message boards and watching highlight videos and just generally enjoying the Aggies big win.

On Monday morning, Caroline’s school had a Veterans’ Day Program that started right at 8:00 a.m. so I had to be up and at least appear to be a functioning member of society bright and early. It’s always a sweet little program complete with “God Bless the USA” and this year they even took it up a notch with “You Raise Me Up” complete with sign language. Well played, music teachers. Well played.

And then Monday was also the special Thanksgiving lunch at school. Which meant that P and I got to enjoy a delicious lunch of instant mashed potatoes, some questionable turkey and some cranberry sauce that wasn’t really an appetizing color.

I’m not sure why the Thanksgiving lunch was a full week and a half before Thanksgiving, but I’m sure there was a good reason. Frankly, it seems that Thanksgiving is really early this year. I mean, I guess in reality it’s only about five days earlier than usual, but it’s throwing me off. I feel like Halloween just ended.

But, on the plus side, maybe it will make the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas not go by so quickly.

Or maybe I’ve just put way too much thought into the whole thing.

And since I have nothing else to talk about, although I’m sure you’ve found my discussion of the date of Thanksgiving completely fascinating, I need to discuss a wardrobe situation.

Specifically, Caroline’s wardrobe situation.

(Insert weeping here.)

She has practically no clothes that are appropriate for cold weather. We did a huge closet clean out at the end of summer and discovered that she’d basically outgrown everything she owns. Which, fine. Kids do that.

The problem is that she needs winter clothes and doesn’t like anything. Yesterday she wore a shirt with sleeves so short that they almost hit her mid-forearm. It was the high water version of a shirt. And I’ve tried to buy her a few long sleeve shirts when she’s not with me, but she doesn’t like anything I pick out and I end up having to take it all back.

And, honestly, I would be happy with anything at this point that will do these three things:

1. Keep her warm.

2. Not make her look like a hobo.

3. Not make her look like a mini-version of Britney Spears circa 1999.

Okay, so I’d settle for her looking like a hobo.

My question for those of you not necessarily older (but hopefully wiser) is where do you shop for girls that aren’t teenagers after they decide they’re over Gap and Old Navy? Is there some secret place I don’t know about?

Help me.

P came in yesterday morning wearing olive colored cargo shorts, a navy shirt and gray socks that hit about mid-calf with running shoes and asked, “Does this look okay?”

I responded, “Where are you going?”

He told me it shouldn’t matter where he was going. What he had on was either okay to wear in public or not. There was no in between.

However, I disagree. Are you going to meet with a potential client? Or are you going to Walmart? Because nobody is going to bat at eye at those mid-calf socks at Walmart. In fact, they may wonder why he’s so dressed up.

But it ended up not mattering because he went and changed based on the fact I didn’t say it looked ok and instead asked where he was going. He took that as a sign that it wasn’t his best look. Which was probably a good call.

On a brighter fashion note, a few of you asked about the blog that documents what Kate Middleton wears. It’s called What Kate Wore and you’re life is about to be significantly better. It not only shows the outfits and accessories but usually tells you where they’re from in case you’re in the market for a $7000 evening gown.

Because you never know when you might get invited to a Regatta Gala.

Here are a few more practical things I’ve found this week:

1. plaid flannel shirtdress

I saw this in Gap the other day and really liked it. And I almost tried it on but I knew if I tried it on and it looked cute then it would take all the willpower I possessed to not purchase it.

So I didn’t try it on.

However, I am still thinking about it. I can see it with a pair of leggings and tall boots. It’s calling to me.

2. spearmint sequined collar top

This would be fun for the holidays. All green and sparkly.

3. twill parka

This was in Gap too and I really like it. The fur hood comes off in case you don’t want to look like a lion something bad has happened to. However, I think this particular fur hood works.

And this comes in some great colors.

4. harvest necklace

Speaking of great colors, I love this blue necklace. But it comes in some other great colors too.

5. antonia dress

This is so great. I love the color. I love the collar. I love that it could be dressed up with black skinnies and heels. Or dressed down with leggings and boots. Maybe with a denim or black leather jacket over it? Perfection.

6. riveted plaid jacket

Well. This is just darling. I am such a fan of plaid.

7. blanket stripe cowl neck poncho

I’ve been eyeing ponchos. There’s just something about them that draws me to them. Maybe it’s because I’m a child of the 70s and a time when ponchos were aplenty and people had rakes so they could make their shag carpet really stand up.

Ann Taylor Loft is offering 40% off everything right now so, even if you aren’t a poncho fan or a shag carpet fan, you should still go see if they have something you like.

8. zigzagged bracelet

I went back and forth on this. But, ultimately, I think cute. And it’s on sale.

9. eliza j v-neck sequin fit and flare dress

Lace is so big right now. This would be a great little dress if you have some sort of fancy holiday soiree.

I don’t. I just have a lot of plans to watch Christmas movies and eat sugar cookies.

10. color block peacoat

I love the stripes on this coat. And Old Navy is having an outwear sale right now so it’s a great time to get a new coat if you need one.

And that’s it for today.

Y’all have a good Friday.

Frankly, I’m glad the election is over. Now I can fully concentrate on the real issue at hand, which is obsessing over A&M’s game against Alabama this weekend. More importantly, can we beat them?

I’m going to go with a big yes. It’s totally possible. Any given Saturday and all that business.

I know. I know. Roll tide and blah, blah, blah and they have the Father, the Son, and the Ghost of Bear Bryant on their side, but I still am believing we’ll get the upset.

Because there is no harm in hoping for the best.

So there’s that.

I’ve also been spending a lot of time at Starbucks in an attempt to get some writing finished. I try to sit in the same chair every day because I am a creature of habit and also because it has an electrical outlet in close proximity. And since I sit in the same spot every day, I’ve made friends with the retired gentleman who sits right next to me every single morning in his sweatpants and baseball cap and reads every newspaper that’s ever been printed.

We always engage in a little small talk and Tuesday morning was no different. We discussed our thoughts on the election and then somehow this segued into a conversation about how neither Jenna Bush nor Chelsea Clinton are pregnant yet. I’m not sure why he’s so concerned about this because I can honestly say it falls in the category of things that have never crossed my mind. But apparently he’s thought about it quite a bit. It concerns him. He isn’t sure what it all means.

I tried to reassure him that some women just like to be married for a while. Case in point, ME. I shared that I was married six years before I had Caroline at age thirty-two. He told me I was the exception.

Then he brought up Kate Middleton.

And here’s what you need to know. I consider myself to be practically an expert on Kate Middleton. I read blogs solely devoted to what she wears. I have studied her hair like it’s a science project. And the highlight of the entire Olympic Ceremonies for me was any time they showed her on camera.

My point is that I don’t think my Starbucks friend was prepared for the level of knowledge and insight I was about to bring to this topic. I mean, judge me if you want, but I have put some thought into when Kate Middleton is going to have babies.

(I just want you to know that P is rolling his eyes at me right now as he reads this.)

(Whatever. Some of us are obviously more into cutting edge news.)

So I filled this man in on my whole theory that the powers that be over in the UK have given Kate two years of marriage before she has to give them an heir. Mainly because they figured she needed to look her best during the Queen’s Jubilee year and the Olympics. But I think it’s now just a matter of time before she has a royal bun in the royal oven.

He disagreed with me. I’m not sure what his reasoning is or why he didn’t trust my full analysis of the situation (possibly complete with a diagram drawn on a napkin) but he thinks it will still be a few years. And, ultimately, we ended up betting a cup of coffee on whether or not Kate will be pregnant by April.

(Kate, if you’re reading this, no pressure but I’d like to win this bet.)

After a few hours I came home and P asked how the writing went. And I told him all about my bet, mainly because I wanted him to tell me that I was right. Instead he said, “So it’s a crucial Election Day and you spent all this time talking to some stranger about when some princess is going to have a baby?”

Listen. You don’t know my life.

First, he’s not a stranger. I see him at least three times a week. He wears sweatpants and house shoes that look like moccasins.

Second, I am 78% certain I’m going to get a free cup of coffee out of this deal and who’ll be laughing then?

In other news, I’m no botanist but I think something is wrong with our pumpkin.

Where’s a fruit thief when you really need one?