Another day

Except it’s not really the day after right now. It’s the night of.

And you know what we’re not watching? Election results. Because the whole thing drives me crazy and I start to stress eat and just wake me up when the whole thing is over and we know who won.

Which we may know by the time you’re reading this. Or maybe we won’t know for two more weeks.

I have no idea.

Because we’re watching the movie remake of 21 Jump Street. Frankly, I vote for Johnny Depp. 21 Jump Street isn’t the same without him.

Anyway, since I can’t even pretend to keep any kind of normal train of thought, here’s a quick list.

1. Many of you have inquired about the oranges. The verdict is still out but it does appear that the apple in the bag experiment is working. They are definitely a little more ripe than they were a few days ago.

On a related note, I’m totally buying new ripe oranges at the grocery store and putting them in the bag if I have to resort to that. It’s the fruit equivalent of replacing a goldfish.

Not that I’ve ever done that.

2. I’m a little obsessed with these chevron knit throws.

I just thought you should know.

3. I’m also more than a little bit in love with this kitchen island. And those lights.

 

Does anyone know where I can find some reclaimed wood? Because P says he can make that countertop for me if he can find some reclaimed wood and I’m going to take him up on it.

So if you have an old barn you’re not using, please let me know.

4. I still have fake spider webs in my yard and decaying jack-o-lanterns on my front steps. Meanwhile, my neighbors put their Christmas lights up this past weekend.

Is it wrong that this makes me dislike them? I don’t need the pressure of holiday over-achievers living right by me.

5. That’s really all I have for today. Or tonight. I know that’s kind of lame, but it’s the best I could do under the stress of not watching the election returns.

Y’all have a good day.

I’m sure y’all will be relieved to know my neck seems to be much better today. I don’t know if it was the Advil or the proper positioning of my head on my pillow, but I can actually almost move like a normal person. But I’m so intrigued by the thought of trying one of those My Pillows because I am always in the market for ways to improve my sleep.

And, truth be told, I can’t remember the last time I bought a new pillow.

But today isn’t really about pillows. Or my neck. I have a story for you.

I believe I’ve mentioned that Mimi and Bops have a vacation house in Houston. Because doesn’t everyone want to vacation in Houston, Texas?

And they usually spend about one week a month there, going to their favorite restaurants and running at Memorial Park and various other things. So they drove to Houston last Wednesday and brought their two dogs, Bella and Daisy, with them. Because Bella and Daisy also like to vacation in Houston.

Their Houston house is kind of like a garden home. It doesn’t have a real yard, just a small courtyard with a wrought iron fence around it. And they have a doggie door around back so Bella and Daisy can go in and out of the house as they please.

On Wednesday night Mimi and Bops went out to eat dinner. And when they came home and walked into their house, there were not two, but THREE dogs in the house wagging their tails and excitedly barking at them.

At some point during their night out, unbeknownst to them, Mimi and Bops had acquired a third dog. And I’m sure they each had a moment of wondering how many glasses of wine they’d had with dinner when they saw an additional dog. IN THEIR HOUSE.

It was a Jack Russell terrier. Apparently, she had managed to squeeze through the bars of the wrought iron fence, made friends with Bella and Daisy, and just joined them as they walked through the doggie door into the house.

My dad checked the newcomer’s collar to see if there was an address or phone number he could call. And that’s when he discovered that the dog’s name was PJ and the address on the collar was their address.

Well. He was not expecting that.

He and Mimi called the phone number on the collar and left a message. Then they called us to tell us the story and Caroline was very excited at the prospect that they might have a new dog because she thinks there is nothing better than a new dog. In fact, she wants a puppy for Christmas. Which I might consider if she had remembered to feed her fish OR her hermit crabs at any point during the last month. Her bedroom is like a seafood slaughter house.

Anyway, my dad called again after about half an hour and a man answered. Dad asked if they were missing a dog and the man said he’d just realized it had been several hours since they’d seen their pet. My dad questioned him about the address and they found out he was the former owner of Mimi and Bop’s house.

They’d moved almost two years ago. But I guess PJ wanted to go home.

And so he made his way, almost five miles, down extremely busy roads and several shopping centers to his old house. Then he let himself in, kicked his paws up and made a sandwich.

Not really. But that would have been cool.

Instead he made friends with the new dog occupants, lounged around with them for an hour or so and greeted their people with enthusiasm when they returned from dinner.

All good things have to come to an end. And so his owners picked him up and he seemed happy to be reunited with them.

But Bella and Daisy were sad to see him go.

And Caroline was sad for the new dog that wasn’t meant to be. Even though it definitely worked out better for him than it has for the hermit crabs.

But my guess is PJ would say Thomas Wolfe lied when he said you can’t go home again. Because you totally can.

Provided you can find your way and dodge all the traffic getting there.

Here’s the first thing you need to know about this weekend. Not because it will add or detract from your life even one bit, but I just want to share. On Friday night I slept wrong or something and I’ve spent all weekend with a sore neck. Like sore from my neck down through my left shoulder. Which has caused me to move like Joan Cusack in Sixteen Candles for the last forty-eight hours.

Needless to say, I am singlehandedly bringing sexy back.

The other thing you need to know is that I have no idea what time it is right now. That’s what happens when you just randomly reset clocks in your house. When I walk in the kitchen I feel stressed that it’s so late and then I check my phone and life is good again because at least it’s smart enough to change itself.

And so that’s what’s going on here.

Given that those are my first two subjects, it’s a safe bet that there wasn’t a whole lot of excitement around here.

On Friday night we just stayed home.

The end.

Actually, on Friday afternoon I got a coat in the mail that I’d ordered from Eddie Bauer. It’s a dark gray down coat with a fur-trimmed hood. And when I tried it on to get Caroline’s opinion on it she said, “Mom, that coat makes you look like a lion that something bad has happened to.”

And so I’ll be mailing that coat back. Because I have no desire to look like a lion with a case of mange.

Saturday morning Caroline had a soccer game. And then we went straight from the soccer game to watch the Aggies play Mississippi State at Gulley’s house. I mean, the game wasn’t in her backyard because that’s how I just made it sound. It was in Starkville. We just watched it on Gulley’s T.V.

A few of you were worried about Sophie and me since our teams were playing each other. But you’ll be glad to know that we spent several minutes on Saturday morning exchanging friendly texts complimenting the other teams’ uniforms and didn’t talk one ounce of trash because we both knew there was no telling which way that game would go since historically both teams like to find a way to lose at times.

When the game was over I helped Gulley clean out Will’s room and pack a few boxes because they’re moving to a new house in a few weeks.

(Just a few houses away from where they are now. No need to panic.)

(Not that you would be panicking. But I would.)

And I reaffirmed my love for a good clean out and throw away session. Even when it’s not my own house, I find the whole experience cathartic. It helped that Will wasn’t home while we were cleaning and so if he notices anything missing she can just claim it’s “packed”. He doesn’t need to know that might be code for “It’s at Goodwill”.

Honey and Big ended up coming to town Saturday night and we went to go eat with them. And then we went back to Gulley’s house to hang out for a little while. Caroline and I got there before them and killed time in the car listening to Taylor Swift LOUDLY, specifically the song “Trouble” because it’s her favorite. She looked so cute that I tried to snap a picture of her with my phone. But it was dark in the car so I turned on the flash.

That’s why this is the first pic I got.

What you can’t hear is her screaming, “MY EYES! MY EYES!”

But then I was able to get this one.

And wondered when she quit looking like a baby. It takes my breath away.

Anyway, we watched the LSU/Alabama game which almost gave me a heart attack even though I really didn’t care who won. It was one of those games that makes me love college football even more.

Sunday morning we enjoyed our extra hour of sleep. Well, I did. Caroline didn’t really care because she thinks sleep is just something you have to do to get to the next day.

And so it was a lazy Sunday. P was at the ranch so it was just the two of us. We went to Target and bought dog food and Advil (Mamaw needed it for her neck). Then I dropped Caroline off at a little Bible study she’s doing with a few other girls her age and after that we went to go see Wreck It, Ralph. Which I have to admit was better than I expected.

Of course, it helped that I had close to zero expectations.

Because if you set the bar low, you won’t be disappointed.

Someone should put that on an inspirational poster.

And that was our weekend. Now I’m off to find the heating pad.

I hope you all had a lovely Halloween. And I just have to say that I appreciate y’all so much for understanding my feelings on the Great Orange Incident of 2012. And also for singlehandedly bringing the term “jackwagon” back into my vocabulary.

And now, in lieu of words, a few pictures from our Halloween.

We carved pumpkins just in the nick of time. And with temps in the 80s I’m sure they’ll be melted on our front porch by tomorrow morning.

Caroline decided to be a ninja this year. But then opted to not wear her ninja mask. And, thus, became a spy instead. Except sometimes she was still a ninja, but without a mask.

And at school everyone apparently thought she was Katniss from The Hunger Games, which thrilled her to no end even though she hasn’t read or seen The Hunger Games. She just knows it’s cool.

Me and my spy/ninja/Katniss

A werewolf, a ninja and the Hulk walk into a bar…

And this one just because I needed y’all to see Will howl. He took the whole thing very seriously and was very concerned about his chest hair.

Caroline practicing her ninja skills on Bops. He never saw it coming.

Hope y’alls was fun and full of the good candy and not those fake Smarties.

You know the problem with waiting until Tuesday to tell you what we did over the weekend? It’s that I have a hard time remembering what we did.

It also doesn’t help that there wasn’t anything that exciting. Well, other than Caroline shooting her first deer of the season. But I believe we covered that yesterday.

On Friday morning I had a meeting scheduled with my pastor’s wife to talk about the upcoming Christmas celebration. And I was excited because the cold front had started to blow through and I put on a sweater and my leather boots since it was finally cool enough to guarantee I wouldn’t be a pool of sweat by noon. However, the weather forecasters were lying liars when the predicted only a 30% chance of rain and thunderstorms.

Because as soon as I got in my car and began to drive to my meeting, there came a monsoon. Like it-hailed- on-my-car type storm. And all I could think about was my leather boots. Here I’d just resolved to take better care of them by keeping bottles of wine in them and now they were about to get soaked. I debated the political incorrectness of running into Starbucks in just my socks.

Fortunately, I remembered that I’d left an umbrella in the back of my car so I climbed back there to get it. Then I waited for the rain to let up to something less than torrential and made a run for it. And my boots got wet. However, they seem to have recovered beautifully after being carefully hand-dried while I sang them a lullaby.

Anyway, I’d planned to run a bunch more errands and be super productive but, alas, I just went straight home and listened to the rain pour down the rest of the afternoon. And I also grieved that I’d missed a perfectly good opportunity to wear my rainboots that I’m always looking for an excuse to wear. This is what we call a first world fashion problem.

Friday night we went to go eat Mexican food with Mimi and Bops and my sister and her family. My nephew, Luke, is almost three and he’d called me earlier in the day to practice his heavy-breathing skills. He’d made her believe he actually wanted to have a conversation with me, but I think he froze once he heard me on the phone and so I just listened to him breathe his cute three-year-old breath until my sister prompted him to say, “I love you, Aunt Mel. Bye.”

Listen. I’ll take what I can get.

Saturday morning was proof that God loves me because our soccer game had originally been scheduled for 8 a.m. but had been changed to 9:15 a.m. at the last minute which caused me to weep with joy. And I reveled in my joy and happiness until 8:45 a.m. Saturday morning when P’s mom called my cell phone to find out where we were because she’d been at the soccer fields since 8 a.m. and we weren’t there.

Dang.

Note to self: Always call your mother-in-law with scheduling changes. Especially ones that involve 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

But she made it to the 9:15 game along with Mimi and Bops. Caroline’s team lost, but she had a good game and we got out of there without frostbite so that felt like a win.

(Caroline told me after soccer practice tonight that she doesn’t feel like her team takes it as seriously as she does. And she needs them to take it seriously because “my whole soccer career replies on it”.)

(I think we all know she meant “relies”.)

(Also, she told her teacher last week that she didn’t need to work that hard in school because she is going to play soccer when she grows up. However, I think she still needs to “reply” on her academics in case she needs a Plan B.)

After the game was over, she and P headed to the ranch and Gulley and I took advantage of the free time to do a little shopping. I am currently on a self-imposed spending lockdown where clothing is concerned, but we found Gulley a few new pairs of jeans and some other stuff she needed. And I did find a gorgeous, long black wool coat marked down drastically at Nordstrom Rack that I’m still thinking about.

And then Saturday night I watched the Aggies beat Auburn. While it was nice to watch a game in a relaxed manner that didn’t require me to take a sedative after it was over, I have to admit it was a little boring after all the excitement of the last few weeks. But something tells me I’ll be back to needing a Xanax when we play Mississippi State this Saturday. I have a feeling it’s going to be a close one.

Sunday morning we slept in because Caroline and P didn’t get home until around midnight. That afternoon we went to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin so we could make a literary pumpkin for school. This isn’t a required assignment and I was desperately hoping we could skip it, but she wanted to do it. And so we made a pumpkin that started out as a character named Misty Gordon and has now become Junie B. Jones instead. I’m not sure how that happened, but whatever. I’m not going to look a gift pumpkin in the mouth.

I don’t even know what that means.

And that was our weekend.

Thoughts and prayers going out to any of you who are in the path of Sandy. Be safe.

Y’all.

I feel that this week it has become abundantly clear that there isn’t much going on here right now. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with that. It just makes for zero blog material that serves any purpose other than being a sleeping aid.

So I apologize for that.

Unless you’re over forty and prone to bouts of insomnia like I am. In which case, you’re welcome.

Part of the problem is I’ve just been so tired. I’ve been going to bed earlier than usual and I still wake up tired. Perhaps I should get my iron levels checked. Or maybe I have the West Nile.

Although when I suggested the West Nile theory to P the other day he totally blew me off because I may also have a touch of the hypochondriac.

Whatever.

Speaking of, this week is Red Ribbon Week at Caroline’s school.

(I’m pretty sure Red Ribbon Week is about saying no to drugs. I could tell you for sure if I’d paid attention to the flyer that came home. Also anything about saying no to drugs always reminds me of that episode of Diff’rent Strokes when Nancy Reagan guest starred and Arnold said, “Whatchu talkin”bout Mrs. Reagan?”)

And so every day is a different dress up day. On Monday the kids wore different colors in support of various causes. Tuesday was pajama day and I had no idea until Tuesday morning how many different variations on pajamas Caroline could concoct. It seemed to be directly proportional to how late she was about to be to school.

Wednesday, the kids wore their favorite team jersey and I’m proud to say Caroline not only wore her Aggie 12th Man jersey but also had me paint her face with an ATM. I feel that this little step of going the extra fan mile means there’s a better than 75% chance that she might eventually end up wearing a fake afro wig in team colors to a football game someday.

As we looked over the week’s dress-up days, I noticed that Thursday was designated as a day to dress up as what you want to be when you grow up. For the last few months, Caroline has mentioned several times that she wants to be an author and write books. So I asked, “Do you want to dress like someone who writes books?” while trying to figure out exactly what that would look like. Maybe a jacket with elbow patches? A pipe?

When P piped up, “They’ve already had pajama day.”

Well played, P. Well played.

Whatever the case, she’s decided she wants to be a professional soccer player this week. And so she’s going to wear her soccer uniform and I am eternally grateful because that’s easy. Especially since my version of an author outfit involved channeling C.S. Lewis.

In other non-interesting news, Caroline had a dentist appointment and didn’t have any cavities. The dentist mentioned she’s doing a good job of brushing her teeth which is good because I wasn’t sure if the twenty minutes she spends in the bathroom every night were actually spent brushing her teeth or just practicing all her different faces in the mirror while she dodges going to bed.

And then we left the dentist and I let her go with me to vote. I explained that voting was a privilege, that people have died for our freedom to choose our leaders, and that this is one of the most important elections I can remember. She said, “AND I get to miss the end of Music class”.

Yes, that too.

God bless America.