Another day

I know that I have previously documented my problems with Siri. And, honestly, our relationship has pretty much come to a complete halt. I don’t feel that she is reliable and sometimes she’s even a little condescending about my Texas accent.

I can just tell that she thinks she’s better than me.

But even though I don’t ask her to perform any routine tasks anymore after being mocked too many times by her insistence that I pronounce my sister Amy’s name like Jaime’, I have still found comfort and solace in her GPS capabilities. Siri might not recognize the word “y’all” but she has always known how to get me someplace.

So before I left for Waco late Tuesday afternoon, I went to the maps function on my phone and began to type in the address of the hotel where I was staying that night. And to my shock and surprise, it filled in the address for me because it automatically recognized it from the confirmation email I’d received from the MOPs leader.

I found this to be an exciting new development and attributed it to the new upgrade. Frankly, this was really the first pleasant discovery of that whole thing and almost made up for the fact that my phone interface now feels more like a Candyland board. I really can’t even talk about the changes to the Calendar app. Sufficed to say, there’s a good chance I may miss all remaining appointments for 2013. It’s enough to make me think about going back to my paper calendar system of ye olden days.

Anyway, Siri seemed to have a good grasp of my Waco hotel location and I felt like she was trustworthy. I made it down I-35, took the game-changing toll road around Austin and then hit I-35 again. Easy breezy.

But it was when I had to exit Highway 6 that the first problem arose. Siri failed to specify which way I needed to go, north or south. I picked south and that was the wrong decision. I realized it almost immediately because I knew I should be heading toward Lake Waco.

So I made a u-turn and began to follow the rest of Siri’s directions. And she led me down Highway 6 past Lake Waco. Here is where I need to confess that I had no idea that Lake Waco was actually a lake. I mean I’ve heard people reference Lake Waco, but it never occurred to me that it was a real lake. I’m not sure what else I thought it would be, but I need you to know I was stunned by the massive body of water I crossed.

As I kept driving I began to question Siri because I have never been so out in the middle of nowhere. Eventually she told me to exit Lake Waco/Speegleville Road. So I did. Then made the turn around like she suggested and found myself at the edge of nowhere. As I sat there in my car looking at nothing but trees and desolation I became convinced that this is how it was all going to end. I’d been lured under false pretenses to Waco by a serial killer who had given me directions to a fictional hotel as part of a scheme. I concocted an entire plot to a horror movie as I sat and tried to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

I looked up the address of the hotel again and when I went to double-check my GPS I realized that Siri had taken it upon herself to delete the street address portion of my directions and had just given me directions to get to Woodway, Texas. I can tell you that it is almost as remote of a destination as Fantasy Island.

So I typed the hotel address back into the GPS only to have Siri tell me that she couldn’t help me because she couldn’t find me.

I don’t even understand.

How can you not find me? I’m right here. Holding you in my hand. There is nothing about me that is playing hard to get.

But she insisted I was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t tell me how to get where I was going because she didn’t know where I was in the first place.

Dear Siri, I hate you.

After a few minutes of being astounded and confused, common sense finally prevailed and I called the hotel to ask for directions. Just like the Ingalls family did when they crossed the Minnesota prairie. It was all so low-tech and 1985. And the nice lady on the phone gave me clear, concise directions that included normal phrases like “turn right past the 7-11”. She never once told me that she couldn’t help me because she couldn’t find me.

And confirmed once and for all that sometimes smart phones aren’t very smart at all.

I’m in Waco right now.

I’m speaking to a MOPs group in the morning but I drove in to spend the night because otherwise I would have had to leave my house at 5:30 a.m. to make it here in time. And I really try to avoid 5:30 a.m. when at all possible. It’s really the best for everyone.

So I’m sitting here in my hotel room and just finished watching The Book Of Manning on ESPN. I can’t recommend it enough. Even if you’re not a football fan, I think you’ll like it.

And on that note, here are a few other things I recommend:

1. Audrey Bunny

Trust me on this. Go buy this new children’s book by Angie Smith for your kids. Or for yourself. It is absolutely precious and the illustrations by Breezy Brookshire are amazing.

2. Million Little Ways, A: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live

I love the way Emily Freeman writes. In this new book she encourages us to turn down the volume on our inner critic and uncover the unique person that God made each of us to be.

I’m only a few chapters in, but I am loving it.

3. This post on eggs by Sophie.

I have laughed all day about this post. It explains so much about why Sophie and I are friends.

Here’s my personal egg confession: Several months ago I switched to brown organic eggs. You want to know why?
BECAUSE THEY’RE PRETTIER.

4. Sunny days sweeping the clouds away

Hope you have a great day!

Listen.

My house is a wreck. Like plastic and wet paint and stuff everywhere kind of wreck. Not to mention that I think the paint fumes have made me slightly high.

And have I mentioned that Caroline and I leave for New York at 6:55 tomorrow morning? Which is actually this morning by the time you read this but it’s 3:30 p.m. while I’m writing this. And I’m high. Don’t mess with me. Mimi and Bops are taking us for an early Christmas present/Mimi’s birthday. The excitement level is way high here.

But I haven’t packed our suitcases. I can’t even get into her room right now to access her closet. And, worst of all, I can’t even watch T.V. because it’s all disconnected.

In summary, my life involves a myriad of first world problems.

But I figured this was a good time to put together a little gift guide in case you need a few ideas for Christmas gifts. Or in case you just want to treat yourself to something as a reward for all the Christmas shopping you’ve done.

1. chevron throw

I’ve really been wanting a chevron throw for my living room. This one is a really soft microplush material and comes in some really cute colors at a great price.

2. little women

Possibly my favorite book ever. And every time I see this cover of it in Target, I swoon a little.

3. lodge moccasins

Who doesn’t need something cute to keep their feet warm?

4. wired tech hat

This is so clever. It’s a knit cap that you can fit your earbuds in. Music and warmth while running or whatever.

5. hummingbird farms lavender lotion

This is my favorite, can’t live without lotion. Seriously addictive and smells like heaven.

6. atom art bowl

A few years ago one of my friends gave us one of these cute bowls filled with sweet and spicy pecans and wrapped in cellophane with a bow. The pecans are long gone, may they rest in peace. But we still use the bowl all the time.

7. gameday boot socks

I want these so bad. But they have them for other schools in case you don’t share my love of Texas A&M.

8. wimberly charm monogram necklace

I love these. They come in a bunch of cute colors and would be a perfect gift.

9. nahuala rectangle trays

These trays are darling. I’m always looking for something to put things in.

10. o holy night sign

I’m a little obsessed with this. And wish I would have ordered one sooner. Now I’m thinking I’ll wait until next year, but LOVE. And they also make great signs with any quote you may want.

I’m sorry I didn’t include pictures, but did I mention my house is a wreck and I’m not packed for New York and I still need to wash my hair?

Because you can’t go to New York with dirty hair. Or maybe you can. I just can’t.

Happy shopping.

Well, other than celebrating the Heisman trophy making its way to Aggieland, this weekend was fun-filled.

Why, you might ask.

Or probably not because you have other things to worry about like where to hide your dadgum Elf on a Shelf.

But I’ll tell you anyway.

It was the 21st annual Gulley and Mel Christmas shopping weekend extravaganza.

At least we think it was the 21st annual. We can’t really remember. Probably because we’re in our forties and memory isn’t our friend. But, sufficed to say, we’re over the twenty year mark.

And in case you’re new, this is our tradition. The husbands take care of the kids and we spend our entire weekend, from Friday morning until Sunday, shopping for Christmas presents and drinking wine and wrapping all our presents and solving at least 3/4 of the world’s problems.

It is a tradition I highly recommend. Granted, we started it long before we had kids. Or husbands. But it’s the one thing we put on the calendar for the following year as soon as the weekend is over. It’s non-negotiable and we’ve been known to turn down several other exciting options in lieu of the shopping weekend.

For example, I rescheduled a dental appointment.

And this year we must have been feeling nostalgic because we reminisced over Christmas shopping weekend times of old. Mainly because this was the hottest shopping weekend we can ever remember. Except for the Christmas that Gulley was eight and a half months pregnant with Jackson. The temperature was in the thirties and she wore a short-sleeved black shirt the entire weekend and complained about how hot she was. And every time I suggested we sit and take a break, she’d tell me she was getting bigger by the minute and we had to keep going.

Meanwhile, I was wearing a wool hat. And mittens. And still freezing.

Sadly, I think we’ll repeat this experience sometime in the next decade except it will be hot flashes instead of pregnancy. Hormones are fun.

Anyway, Gulley and I left my house at 9:15 Friday morning. Our first stop was Starbucks where you will be glad to know that I was greeted by my Starbucks friend who immediately handed me his credit card and told me my coffee was on him since Kate is pregnant. (I nearly said Knocked up, but she is a princess. Seems wrong.)

I told him thank you and joked that maybe I’d get a breakfast sandwich too. He kind of laughed, but Gulley assured me it was a courtesy laugh and he looked a little nervous. So I made sure that he saw that I only bought a peppermint mocha.

And then we made our way out to La Cantera where we spent the rest of the day. Sadly, I didn’t find the majority of things I actually needed to buy, but found a few other things that just called out to me. Specifically, I was trying to find a pair of camo leggings for Caroline and had seen them online at Zara, but they didn’t have them in the store and I had to order online. Hooray for free shipping.

We also went to Homegoods and didn’t buy anything. Then we stopped at LifeWay and bought Caroline and Jackson each a new Bible. Will had informed us that he was really too young to “enjoy” a Bible right now. But then we stopped in Michael’s and I got new garland for my mantle marked down to 60% off. Which was a steal except for the fact that the lines at Michael’s always make me want to gouge out my eyes and put on sackcloth.

After that we came back by my house because the painters had left for the day and it was getting dark and we needed to turn on some lights. Then we ventured back out to Old Navy and Learning Express before finally deciding to drive around and look at Christmas lights before going to eat a healthy dinner of artichoke dip and wine.

On Saturday we did the same thing. Except we started our day with Mexican food because OF COURSE. And then we went to Academy right before we made an unfortunate trip to Lids inside the mall. After that I felt like I needed a bleach shower because there’s something about a salesman with a hat that says DOPE who is in dire need of a belt that just feels sketchy. Not to mention that the mall in general seemed like a giant petri dish of flu bacteria.

So we made a few more stops to some local stores. And then one last obligatory stop at Target to get all the things we forgot to get at Target the day before. And then our alarm went off notifying us we had one and a half hours until the Heisman ceremony. So we MADE HASTE (much like the shepherds) and picked out wrapping paper at Container Store, stopped by Central Market for cheese and crackers and a delicious peppered salami and got home in time to watch ESPN drag out an hour of television that could have been summed up in three minutes tops.

But when they finally called Johnny Manziel’s name, Gulley and I jumped up and down screaming like we were his mother. And then we vowed that if the Aggies play in the national championship game in the next few years that we’re going no matter what.

Which I told P when he got home on Sunday evening. And he said something about it being expensive.

Whatever. Those tickets are only $15.

Which, coincidentally, is the same amount of money I spent Christmas shopping this weekend.

So I believe I’ve mentioned that we have holes in our walls. And that we’re getting some built-ins installed at some point.

And while these two things were going to take place many months ago (in my mind at least) it didn’t really turn out that way for various and sundry reasons. Scheduling, the orbit of Jupiter, etc.

We have been living in a fair share of disarray over the last several months because of all the non-construction going on. Our T.V. is on a church pew. We still have the armoire that used to house our old T.V. in a corner of the living room, and the playroom could be declared a natural disaster. The only good thing about that is we wouldn’t have to worry that FEMA would actually show up.

And I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but we have holes in our walls.

But all these things are going to be fixed in the next week or so. And, thus, I dedicated all of yesterday to cleaning out the playroom and organizing Caroline’s room and emptying the armoire of all manner of antiquated technology.

Needless to say, I am bone tired.

However, I just want to say that if the premise of the Toy Story movie franchise has any truth in it, then I am deeply concerned about things that are happening under my roof.

First, there was this.

Okay. Fine. It’s a pom-pom in the bottom of a bird cage. I’m sure there’s an explanation.

But then I discovered this.

What does it all mean? Is it a mummy? Is it a prisoner? Is it Mad Eye Moody locked in the trunk at Hogwarts? I don’t understand.

Then I encountered the most disturbing thing of all.

I just can’t even.

For the love, Ken, have some decency.

After I moved on from that shady scene, I began to clean out the armoire. And that’s when I discovered it was housing a long forgotten dinosaur.

That’s right, baby. The Sony SIX DISC CHANGER stereo system complete with CASSETTE PLAYER and MEGA BASS. Not just your usual bass. MEGA BASS.

Let me tell you that my college roommates and I put that MEGA bass to good use from 1991-1994. That six disc changer has seen its share of Bel Biv Devoe and Digital Underground.

But wait. There’s more. As if the MEGA bass and six disc changer weren’t enough.

The speakers had the option of attaching to the side thereby making the whole thing extremely portable with its giant handle and eight foot antennae.

Who needs an iPod when you have that? It even came with a remote control to make life that much easier.

The nineties were awesome.

And on a sweet, sentimental note, I found this picture from a few years ago in one of Caroline’s old sketchpads.

Needless to say, it will enjoy a kinder fate than the Sony stereo system because MELT MY HEART. Even though I’m not sure why P is so small. And I’m afraid my hair needed a little help.

See y’all tomorrow for Fashion Friday. Heads up that it will be a HUGE giveaway. Don’t miss it.