Another day

So yesterday I went to HEB to stock up on an array of healthy foods.

And, yes, I promise I’ll quit talking about this at some point because I’m sure more than several of you are thinking I was a lot more fun when I still ate donuts. That’s because I was a lot more fun when I still ate donuts.

But this is what I’m doing right now and I tend to get a little obsessive (I prefer the term “focused”.) when I get on a kick. Of course I guess I shouldn’t call this a kick because that implies I may not be really committed. So I guess this is how I get when I’m establishing a new healthy habit initiative.

I want you to know I’m making fun of myself even in my own head right now.

Anyway, I went to HEB and I mainly shopped the perimeter of the store because that’s what all the healthy eating folks tell you to do. SHOP THE PERIMETER. It’s where you find all your fresh produce and meats and some other things that taste like a goat’s bottom.

I completely avoided the chip aisle. And the cracker aisle. And the candy aisle.

But it’s never taken me so long to finish a trip to the grocery store because I have never had to concentrate that hard. All those experts give all their advice but no one tells you how to find the goldenberries that Dr. Oz says are good for your heart. Or maybe they’re good for your metabolism. I can’t even remember anymore. And it doesn’t really matter since I never even found the dang goldenberries. I bought blackberries instead and I’m hoping my body won’t know the difference.

After an hour or more wandering the PERIMETER of HEB, I had a cart full of fresh foods and flaxseed oil capsules and Diet Coke. Because I am only human. I can eliminate the powdered Donettes from my diet, but if you try to take away my Diet Coke I will cut you.

I went to check out at the front and that’s when I learned that eating healthy is expensive. All that papaya adds up. As do the fish oil tabs and the coconut water and the triple-washed spinach leaves. Not to mention that I’ll actually have to really cook all that stuff in the next five days or it will go bad. That’s something you don’t have to worry about with Twinkies. I could find a Twinkie from 1984 and it would still be good. (Good might be an overstatement. It would still be edible.)

(On a Twinkie sidenote, I bought a box of them about a year ago because P and I were reminiscing about Twinkies and Zingers and Little Debbie snacks of yore. They were not nearly as delicious as I remembered them being when I was in fourth grade.)

Once I got home I put away all my healthy groceries, save for the pack of Nestle Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough that Caroline requested, and tried to figure out which of my new low-fat, super healthy meals I was going to actually cook for dinner.

I decided on a chicken parmesan recipe that my friend Michelle sent me. And so about five o’clock I got out all my ingredients and dipped the chicken cutlets in egg. (I originally wrote that as “my chicken cutlets” but I’ve watched too many episodes of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders and was worried y’all might think I was talking about those fake things people stuff in their bra.) (I don’t own those. But if I did I wouldn’t dip them in anything.) After I dipped them in egg I rolled them in the whole wheat bread crumbs I bought and some Italian seasoning.

The lucky vegetable side dishes of the evening were zucchini and broccoli. I got those ready until it was time to spoon a little marinara sauce over the chicken and add a LIGHT sprinkling of skim mozzarella cheese. Finally, everything was ready and I fixed three plates and P, Caroline and I sat down at the table to eat.

The following is our conversation:

Me: “How was everybody’s day today?”

Caroline: “It was good.”

Me: “Did Bops come eat lunch with you?”

Caroline: “Yes, we sat out in the sun on the grass.”

P: “What did you do to this chicken?”

Me: Blank stare.

Caroline: “Yeah. What my dad just said. What did you do to this chicken?”

Me: “You mean what did I season it with?”

P: “Well, yes. That. But the chicken. What’s wrong with it?”

Caroline: “Yeah, Mom. What’s wrong with it?”

Me: Gets up from table, packs bags and moves out.

(Not really. But if I did do that let’s also say that I made sure the wheels of the station wagon squealed loudly as I peeled out of the driveway.)

Ultimately it was determined that the issue my people had with the chicken was not as much about the whole wheat bread crumbs as it was about the WHITE MEAT. Because they do not share my belief that dark meat chicken is of the devil. Caroline has inherited her father’s love of the dark meat. (Gag.) And so in the past, on the rare occasion I cook chicken, I have acquiesced and bought them some boneless, skinless thighs or chicken legs (I just threw up in my mouth.) to eat instead of white meat.

But I thought we were all onboard the get healthy train. As it turns out, I think I’m riding the train all by myself.

I explained that I was going to be trying some new recipes and some might be good and others might not be so good, but they just needed to be patient while I figured it out. Caroline said, “Mama, I hope this doesn’t become like the school cafeteria. They got rid of baked potatoes to be more healthy and now all the food is bad and that’s why I bring my lunch every day.”

P chimed in and said, “Well, if that happens here we’ll start packing our own dinner to dinner.”

And then they both died laughing because they are hilarious.

Just wait until tomorrow night when they’re getting an all-veggie frittata made with egg whites for dinner. They’ll wish for that white meat chicken then.

But the hand that rocks the cradle or stirs the spoon or breads white meat chicken with whole wheat bread crumbs rules the world.

I just want to state for the record that I’m not bitter AT ALL that P is sitting here next to me eating a bag of orange chocolate Milano cookies after he already ate the last of the chocolate ice box pudding I made on New Year’s Eve.

Not bitter at all.

And certainly have no inclination to throw the remote control at his head.

After all, it’s not like I haven’t gotten to eat anything tasty and delicious today. I mean, I had a cage-free boiled egg in the protein pack I bought at Starbucks earlier. YUM.

Anyway, I spent all day writing and trying to catch up on a myriad of things that I let slip over Christmas break and so I just want to leave you with a few things you might like and/or might find to be useful information.

1. My friend Shannon linked to this article on her Facebook page yesterday and I have to say that it’s a must read for anyone raising a daughter.

2. I loved this post, What the New Year Needs Most, by Ann Voskamp.

3. Ever since I started my whole healthy eating plan, TWO WHOLE DAYS AGO, I’ve spent a lot of time looking through my friend Alysa’s blog. She has some great recipes and other healthy living advice.

4. I finally broke down about six weeks ago and bought a Clarisonic skincare brush with a gift card I’d gotten from a friend. I actually bought the Mia Sonic because it was less expensive and how many brushes and speeds does one person need?

Anyway, I was giving it some time to make sure I love it as much as I initially thought. But now I will tell you that I LOVE IT. It has made my face so smooth and clean and even eliminated some of the dark, splotchy places I get from the sun thanks to hormones. It’s a little pricey but you only have one face. That’s how I justified it.

If P is reading, I’m just kidding. It was only $15.00.

5. Oh, and several of you mentioned Skinnytaste.com yesterday. It’s another great resource for healthy meals that don’t involve roasted beet soup with garlic.

6. And one more thing. The Passion Conference is going on right now at the Georgia Dome. 44,000 college kids in one place worshiping God. That? Gives me hope for the future. You can listen to some of the sessions online right here.

Y’all have a great day.

I’m going to go kick something to forget about the chocolate orange Milanos.

For reasons I can’t explain I have the song Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden stuck in my head. I wasn’t even sure of the name of the song and certainly couldn’t have told you who sang it until I googled it a few minutes ago. And so it is a complete mystery why I can’t quit humming it.

I don’t even know why I’m telling you about it.

I also think I have some kind of arthritis thing going on with my wrist.

Basically I’m ringing in a new year singing bad music and taking a lot of Advil.

2012 is awesome so far.

We spent New Year’s Eve with Gulley’s family. There were tamales and queso and guacamole and even some jalapeno hummus. And I ate until I could eat no more because it was my last unhealthy meal until I lose my resolve to eat healthier in 2012.

The kids all ran around the backyard, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and topped off the evening by playing with sparklers.

Then they gathered around the T.V. to watch some nutjob named Levi and some other guy attempt to jump 412 feet on a motorcycle and a snowmobile. The adults all felt certain this was going to end in a New Year’s Eve tragedy, but the kids had faith in Levi and his ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound. And they were right. He made it. I have no idea why this was on ESPN on New Year’s Eve but I guess after 834 bowl games it was time to shake it up a little bit.

P, Caroline and I left to go home around 11:00 because we are just that lame. Sure we could have tried to make it one more hour and bring in the new year but we were tired. And have I mentioned my arthritis?

Not to mention that it was time for me to drink my Ensure.

We ended up sleeping in on Sunday morning because it was our last official day of vacation since Caroline goes back to school on Monday. Never mind that banks are closed and mail won’t be delivered, I have to pack a dang ham sandwich at 7:00 a.m. and send my child off to school. And while I’m kind of glad to have some time to get things done and actually be a productive member of society, I’ll miss the lazy mornings on the couch watching Elf. But I guess if we were still doing that in July we might become those neighbors that people talk about.

Anyway, I slept in until about 10:30 (I know. But I’m not even ashamed.) and it was probably around noon when I decided it might be a good day to take down all the Christmas decorations since P had the attic open and was busy cleaning out the back house and storing stuff in the attic so we can forget we own it until we go back up in the attic this time next year and feel so thankful that we own a really nice leather saddle even though we don’t have a horse. Or even have access to a horse. Or even watch T.V. shows about horses.

So I began the arduous process of removing all the lights from our Christmas tree. And let me tell you that undecking the halls isn’t nearly as festive as decking them. No one wants to help take the lights OFF the tree. People want to sit on the couch and watch The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and tell you that you’re in their way as you sneeze and sniffle and unwind lights that some idiot wrapped fastidiously around the trunk of the tree in a fit of Christmas enthusiasm combined with a bad case of OCD.

And when I had finally gotten most of the lights off the tree, this is what it looked like.

A sad, deader than dead tree being mocked by a festive antelope.

Just so you can appreciate how bad it really looked, this is a picture from the day we brought it home.

So P and I threw it out the front door into the front yard where I continued to wrestle with it to get off the remaining strands of lights because all these scratches from pine needles will be totally worth it when I save that $4.00 on lights next year.

Normally P hauls our dead tree to the ranch and throws it in the lake because he says the fish like the structure. And by structure he means they like to live in its branches, not that fish need a good stable routine. Just wanted to clarify.

But he decided to cut off a few branches and throw them into the fireplace to see how dead the tree really was because a few years ago we tried to burn our tree in a firepit in our backyard and all it did was smoke and smolder and cause me to come down with a bad case of allergy-induced bronchitis. It was that episode that made me think the whole thing about Christmas trees going up in flames was a gross exaggeration. But, let me tell you, P threw those branches into the fireplace and those suckers went up in FLAMES. FLAMES. Like Caroline screamed with delight and maybe some fear kind of flames.

The picture doesn’t do it justice. But how is that different from all my pictures? I just thought you might want a visual aid.

And so that was our first day of 2012. I’m happy to report that all of our indoor decorations are down and stored in the attic. Normally I’m always a little sad to see it all go and the house seems bare, but this year it feels good. It feels clean and minimalistic and I’m happy with that.

Although I like the antelope better with the Santa hat.

Oh. And I still have Christmas lights and red bows on my front porch. Because Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I don’t know how that relates here necessarily but it’s late and I have to make ham sandwiches in six hours and so it’s going to have to do.

Happy New Year.

Truly, madly, deeply.

Well, I thought I was going to write a serious, reflective post about saying goodbye to 2011, but Caroline’s best friend spent the night last night and I was too busy ordering pizza from Papa John’s and watching Dolphin Tale and listening to two eight-year-old girls do a karaoke version of Firework.

And in the days before that, my friend Michelle came to visit and we spent a lot of time shopping after-Christmas sales and solving at least 64% of the world’s problems.

But I hated to end 2011 with a post about my ill-gotten Christmas boots because it’s been quite a year.

Listen. We have had some less than stellar years. There was the year of P’s back surgery after I’d left my job and the insurance bills and the dental work and OH MY WORD WE’RE GOING TO END UP LIVING ON THE STREETS. There have been years that have just felt like an exercise in frustration and I wasn’t sad to see them go.

But 2011 has been a great year for our family. We’ve laughed a lot and enjoyed life and spent time with friends and been overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness and provision. And I feel like I need to record that for posterity because sometimes in the midst of a bad year you need to be able to go back and remember the good years.

And this was a good year.

So thanks for the memories, 2011. You were a peach.

But here are some goals (I don’t make resolutions) I’ve set for 2012.

1. Physical fitness.

Y’all. I have been a sloth. At some point I fell off the workout train and I haven’t gotten back onboard. And all of this led to a dark moment in the Nordstrom dressing room when I was able to see a view of myself from all sides.

It’s time to do some lunges. And run. And eat better.

So I’m committing to a healthier lifestyle in 2012. I’m not going to do anything crazy like go on an all-juice diet because that would last one day. I want to make long-term changes that will actually fit into my lifestyle.

2. Clothes shaver

While I was shopping with Gulley and Michelle, I lamented about how all my sweaters get so pilled. Even the nice ones. And Michelle mentioned that she had this clothes shaver thing that gets rid of the pills.

I guess in my head I knew such a thing existed, but I’d never bought one for reasons that I don’t really understand now.

Then yesterday I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and bought an Evercare Clothes Shaver. And came home and obsessively de-pilled about four of my sweaters. I find the whole process oddly therapeutic, kind of like how they have patients in mental institutions make potholders. (I don’t know this firsthand. It’s just something I saw in a movie. Allegedly.)

And so a new obsession is born. I will rid all my sweaters of extraneous fuzz in 2012.

3. Write a book

Yes. This is different than years past when I’d declare “I think I’ll write a book this year.” Now it’s more like “I better finish my book because I’ve signed a legal document promising I will”.

And so, yes, I should probably get on that.

4. Read through the New Testament

Oh sure. Some people read through the entire Bible in a year. I’ve been one of them. And I’ve suffered through Leviticus and been confused in 1 and 2 Chronicles and I’ve lived to tell about it.

But this year I’m going to read through the New Testament. And since I’ve given myself the whole year, I’m going to take my time and really soak it in. It’s not a race, it’s a marathon.

5. Use my iPhone calendar

All the paper calendars were out at Target the other day. But I resisted the urge to pick one up because I’ve decided this is the year I will go completely electronic. So if I no show for a lunch date with you, you’ll know why.

I’ve just decided it’s time to join the 21st century and fully embrace technology. We’ll see how that goes.

And so those are my goals, hopes and dreams for 2012. I realize they are simple things, but I am a simple person with simple ambitions. Plus, that’s about all I can handle.

What about you? Any New Year’s goals?

Happy New Year, y’all! See you in 2012.

There are so many things I could say about this video, but I think I’ll just let you watch it.

Just know that several nativity pieces (or “action figures” as Caroline refers to them) suffered fairly serious casualties. Part of my Christmas celebration will now include firing up the hot glue gun. Because every time a glue gun is hot an angel gets her wings.

And I’m not sure why I had a momentary lapse and agreed that Mary and Joseph came from Jerusalem. It’s Nazareth. I know that. I’ve never been very good at Bible geography.

(As evidenced by the fact that I almost typed Bible geology. Which I guess would be the study of ancient rock formations in the Middle East.)

Merry Christmas, y’all!

Oh.

Hello.

I know I said I may or may not but might possibly write a post or two or six over the next two weeks. And so here I am. Because I had a build up of information I felt like I needed to share. Plus Caroline is currently trying to get past level 189 of Christmas Angry Birds before we go rollerskating with Gulley and her boys later on.

Because nothing says Christmas like an activity that might cause a forty-year-old woman to end up with a broken arm.

And now I’m sitting here trying to remember everything I wanted to share. It seemed like a lot when I woke up at 3:30 this morning thinking about it. Now? I seem to be drawing a blank.

Wait. It’s back.

And it will be in a numerical list formation because that’s so much easier than a narrative.

1. Last night I had my Birthday Club friends over for a little Christmas get together. We keep it very casual and some of us may have even been in our pajamas. Makeup is totally optional. Fun is a given.

In years past we’ve always exchanged a bottle of wine because, well, wine is good. But this year I was inspired by the Nester’s favorite things post and suggested we exchange our favorite things.

And it was so much fun. Really it might have been better than Christmas morning because it was just a bunch of fun little surprises.

Here’s what we each gave. (I think I’m about to create something resembling a real outline. I have no idea what is going on with me. Apparently I’m very organized today.)

A. Cocktail napkins and a cute flower magnet. My napkins say “Low Maintenance is for Rookies.”

Amen.

B. A tube of Moroccan oil for our hair.

Because we all believe in the importance of good hair.

C. A juice box of wine, a People StyleWatch magazine and about six pieces of chocolate.

Forget Midol. That’s the real cure for PMS.

D. A darling turquoise cuff bracelet.

E. Styrofoam cups that read, “Friends are God’s way of making up for our relatives.”

Just in time for the Christmas season and possibly Festivus and the airing of grievances.

I gave everyone pajama pants from Old Navy because I took advantage of the Jingle Jammie sale last weekend.

Anyway, it was so much fun. I highly recommend.

2. Another friend of mine is one of the best cooks I know. And she always makes these sweet roasted tomatoes when we go to her house. And I crave them. They are my kryptonite.

So I emailed her for the recipe so I could make them last night and I thought I’d share it with y’all because it’s so simple and so good.

Sweet Roasted Tomatoes (I’m not sure this is the official name)

2 large cans of whole peeled San Marazano tomatoes (I think they’re 24 oz.?)
1/2-3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 sticks butter
salt and pepper

Put everything in a pot and bring to boil, then turn down to simmer for 30-45 min. Put it in a casserole dish and top with cubes of French bread, drizzle with olive oil. (I just served with toasted French bread instead of doing the cubes.) Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

3. While I had my friends over, P took Caroline to see the Chipmunks new movie. I’ve never loved him more for taking one for the team. I struggle with the Chipmunks.

I’m pretty sure every time they sing a Lady GaGa song in those little squeaky voices, a box of kittens die.

4. My tree is dead. Like so dead that I feel compelled to give it a pep talk every morning and let it know it only needs to make it five more days before it can go on to a better place.

If you consider the curb by the trash can to be a better place.

5. Look at what the Antelope of the Lord started in our living room.

But I think we all know there is only one true Santalope.