Another day

I normally don’t post on the weekends, but I felt like there were a few crucial pieces of information I needed to share.

First of all, look who changed her mind about the madras plaid shorts. I could eat her up.

Secondly, I ran by Gap to see if they had put a shirt on sale that I’ve had my eye on. Sadly, it’s still full price. However, they are having a 3-day sale on shorts. All shorts are $25.00 through May 25.

I felt like I wouldn’t be a true friend if I didn’t share this information.

Lastly, I am saddened for all of you who have never experienced peanut butter Rice Krispie treats and feel that needs to be remedied toot suite so here is the recipe.

(I thought about making some so I could include pictures but then I lost my motivation. Not to mention that it’s about as foolproof as boiling water.)

Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Treats

Pour into buttered 9 x13 pan and press down with buttered spatula.

Eat them until entire pan is gone which will probably be about six minutes later.

Yesterday morning Gulley and I met for our last peaceful Starbucks morning of the school year because her youngest son is done with preschool this Thursday and something tells me that he has no interest in sitting quietly drinking a grande non-fat latte while we all discuss “The Bachelorette” and whether or not I should get bangs the next time I get my hair cut.

(Seriously, should I get bangs? I’m leaning towards yes even though some vague part of my memory is telling me that I always regret that decision. However, I’m on the precipice of needing either bangs or Botox)

Anyway, we sat outside to enjoy the unseasonably cool morning, solved at least 1/3 of all the world’s problems, and then decided to go to Old Navy to shop for shorts. I know I said I was over shorts and declared it the summer of the skirt and cotton dresses, but I have since discovered that I’m going to need some shorts to round out my summer wardrobe.

We looked through the racks and found a few different things to try on and to my amazement I found these really cute shorts for only $24.50. The only problem is that now I feel like I need some new shirts to go with them. Why does life have to be so complicated?

After I found the shorts, I decided to look through the girls’ section. A few mornings ago, I laid out Caroline’s four wardrobe choices for the day. It was a darling array of pink plaid shorts, a bright orange skirt, a striped cotton sundress and a floral dress. She gave it all the once over, looked at me and asked, “Do I have any plain khaki shorts?”

“No, you don’t have any plain khaki shorts because you have all these other beautiful things.”

“I just wish I had some plain, khaki shorts.”

Well of course you do. What little girl doesn’t want to dress like Jack Hanna?

I decided to fulfill her days old dream of owning her very own khaki shorts so I began to search through the racks at Old Navy until I found a pair that came complete with a hot pink canvas belt reminiscent of my entire fifth grade belt collection.

(Not that I had a collection of belts in fifth grade because that would just be odd)

(Although I’m sure if you ever had a belt collection it was perfectly lovely)

I also found the most precious pair of madras plaid shorts for her, complete with a bright fuschia polo. My only regret was that the shorts didn’t come in my size, even though I could maybe squeeze into a girls’ size 14 in my imagination.

When Caroline got home from school, I began to pull out the new things I’d bought for her. She immediately embraced the khaki shorts as if they were the culmination of every fashion dream she’s ever had for herself and then gave the precious madras plaid shorts the stinkeye and said, “I don’t like those at all.”

I really blame myself because I think I pulled them out of the bag with a little too much hope and desperation showing in my eyes. She smelled my fashion weakness.

Later on I was on the phone with Gulley and informed her that the plaid shorts were a total bust and then, because I sensed Caroline was eavesdropping on my conversation, I said, “I can’t believe she didn’t like them. Doesn’t Jackson LOVE his plaid shorts? Doesn’t he have plaid shorts EXACTLY like the ones I bought Caroline?”

Caroline walked over to the desk where I was talking on the phone, looked me right in the eye and said, “Jackson also has KHAKI SHORTS.”

My attempt at fashion peer pressure was a total failure.

Of course the irony in all this is that the shorts I bought myself yesterday happen to be khaki shorts, but only because I have too much dignity to attempt to fit into a girls’ size 14 madras plaid ones.

And, also because they didn’t have any left in that size.

Ultimately it all comes back around to the question of whether or not I should cut my bangs?

It really doesn’t come back to that at all but I didn’t want you to forget the question since it’s been at least two boring minutes since you read it.

**Apparently there was some kind of glitch with my blog and I couldn’t access my dashboard for the last twenty-four hours. It was probably God’s way of trying to save me from posting the most boring post in the history of blogging, but since it’s already written, I’m going to post it anyway because it’s either that or I can tell you what I had for breakfast.**

(Yogurt with granola and berries)

I’ve been sitting here for an hour trying to think of a clever way to start this post which is basically a recap of our uneventful weekend, but it’s hard for me to concentrate because P is sitting next to me in bed eating a huge bowl of ice cream and watching “CSI: Miami”. To be honest, I don’t know what makes me angrier, the fact that he’s eating a huge bowl of ice cream without a care in the world about how he’ll look in a swimsuit or Horatio and his overly dramatic line delivery.

Actually, it’s the ice cream that makes me angry. Although those three blueberries I had for dessert were delicious and totally satisfying.

So I won’t keep you in suspense any longer, here’s what we did this weekend.

On Friday night, Caroline spent the night with Mimi and Bops. They picked her up about 4:30 and I decided to celebrate my freedom by going to get a pedicure. We had a wedding to attend on Saturday night (more on that in a minute) so I wanted my toes to look nice since all of a sudden my face thinks it’s going through puberty and is breaking out. My hope was that a lovely shade of Cha-Ching Cherry on my toes would serve as a distraction from my walking ad for the tragic consequences of late 30’s hormonal shifts.

The pedicure would have been completely divine except they had the channel tuned to some show on Animal Planet about a dog with mange. I tried not to look but the pedicurist (I think I just made that word up) kept giving me graphic descriptions of the dog’s condition and maybe it’s just me but I don’t want to hear the word “scab” while I’m trying to relax.

After the pedicure, I picked up Mexican food for P and me. Sadly, the restaurant was out of queso which I don’t really understand since cheese is the building block of Mexican cuisine.

P’s back has really been bothering him lately and since I can’t convince him to go back to the acupuncturist, he spent a lot of the weekend in bed with his feet propped up trying to relieve the pressure. I keep telling him he should try acupuncture again, but he knows me well enough to know I may just be looking for new blog material.

Anyway, he spent Friday night in the bedroom watching various shows about weaponry and “The Bourne Supremacy” while I sat on the couch, admired my toes, and watched Season 1 of “Mad Men”.

Dear Mad Men Wardrobe Department:

Adoringly,
Melanie

On Saturday night we were supposed to attend a friend’s wedding, but P’s back was really bothering him and we decided it was going to be too much. I thought about doping him up on painkillers but decided to save them for the new season of “The Bachelorette” because you know I’m going to need them.

(Side note to Jules who is on her honeymoon and probably not reading this: We love you and I know you were a beautiful bride.)

Anyway, I fixed my hair before we decided we shouldn’t go, so I told P I needed to run to HEB to pick up dog food because I hated to waste good hair and decided it should at least get out of the house for a few minutes. The cashiers didn’t seem to notice at all which is disappointing considering I used over sixteen bobby pins to achieve the perfect messy twist. I came back home so my hair and I could spend the rest of the evening eating pizza and watching Nascar with P.

Sometimes I think marriage is just all glitz and glamour.

On Sunday morning, I skipped church because the rain blew in pollen from every corner of the western United States and it was waging war on my sinuses. I don’t like to be overly dramatic but I think the only thing that kept me from death was a Zyrtec-D and three Diet Cokes.

Caroline spent most of the afternoon begging to go swim at the neighborhood pool while I kept telling her it was way too cold after all the rain. I finally gave in and told her we could go but she needed to know that I was not getting in the water for any reason barring global thermonuclear attack. It took us thirty minutes to get ready to go to the pool and three minutes for her to decide I was right. She tried to deny it but the blue lips gave her away.

In retrospect, if this weekend had a theme it would be getting ready for various events only to sit at home and do absolutely nothing.

Who knew it took this much work to be a hermit?

Okay, I’ll just go ahead and admit that I didn’t do The Shred at all over the weekend. I really wanted to, but then I remembered that verse in the Bible that says, “Man cannot live by shred alone” and decided to take those words to heart. Not to mention that I think I did something wrong during the ab workout on Friday and, as my MeMa used to say, I was down in my back.

The good news is I’ll be back on the shred train or wagon or whatever by 9 a.m. this morning. The bad news is I think if I’m honest with myself I have to move up to Level 2. I’m not looking forward to this new adventure in torture, but I completed Level 1 pretty easily on Friday and wasn’t even sore, except for the aforementioned back issue which was really just due to user error.

Yesterday I stayed home from church because I had a headache and just didn’t feel that great. Part of me thought that maybe it was the swine flu, but then I remembered that our entire yard is covered in yellow pollen which is my personal kryptonite. Seasonal oak allergies aren’t really newsworthy and certainly don’t get you any sympathy, although P did come home from church and cooked me a delicious breakfast taco using leftover tater tots from Saturday night’s dinner.

We are a people with a very sophisticated food palate.

And we ate tots while watching the Nascar race on Saturday night.

Then we bought four new tires for our house.

Anyway, later in the day I started feeling better and had the insane notion that it would be a good time to clean out my closet. I faithfully reorganize my closet twice a year and get rid of all the things I haven’t worn from the previous season, but I have been woefully late in taking care of that chore because I have been very busy figuring out who should play the lead role in the remake of “Footloose” now that Zac Efron has dropped out.

When I walked into the closet, I realized it was in need of a major overhaul. The whole thing just felt dusty so I decided to completely empty it of every piece of clothing I own. Here is our bathroom after I completed that process.

I swept it all out, dusted the shelves and then sat down and cried when I realized I’d have to put all that stuff back in there. And did I mention I also decided to clean out all my dresser drawers? And that I had a helper?

A helper who discovered a purple wig, mask and feather boa that I wore to a Mardi Gras party back in the days when we used to do more on a Saturday night than eat tots and watch Nascar.

After it was all said and done, I have three huge bags of clothing and shoes to give away. It’s the last vestiges of my corporate America wardrobe, some poor attempts at finding a denim skirt, some gauchos that I really can’t even discuss because I’m ashamed, and eight dozen t-shirts that seem unnecessary since I wear the same four t-shirts all the time.

Oh, and I had to throw out my favorite pair of pajamas EVER because they have a giant hole in the bottom. I tried to keep wearing them anyway, but P shamed me into letting them go. He has no appreciation for festive Hula girl prints.

I guess they weren’t classy enough for Nascar and tater tots.

As I packed up all the bags, I kept feeling like some things were missing that I’d just put in the pile. What the heck? Where are those leopard-print ballet flats that no longer have any fur on them? Where are those black ropers that I’ve worn exactly none times in the last twelve years?

Oh, here they are.

Apparently there was a mass exodus to the playroom via a five-year-old in the market for some new dress up clothes.

Now she and her friends can dress up as Sleeping Beauty or as Pharmaceutical Rep.

Many hours and chocolate chip cookies later, I had a completely organized closet.

And even more hours and cookies later, the playroom was clean and semi-organized if you don’t count the fact that I just threw random Polly Pocket shoes, Barbie accessories, and dried out playdough all into one bin.

And if you count that, I’m not sure we can be friends.

Unless, of course, you’re a fan of Nascar and tots.

So here’s what I did over the weekend:

1. Worried about contracting the swine flu.

2. Went to a wedding and ate the most delicious queso. In fact, when they ran out of chips, I seriously contemplated pouring queso over the sliced cantaloupe from the fruit table until I remembered that I don’t really like cantaloupe.

I decided it would probably be considered bad etiquette to just lick the queso off the fruit. My instincts tell me I made a good decision.

3. Went to a t-ball game where I had to cheer extra loud because Caroline’s usual fan club wasn’t in attendance and I felt the need to overcompensate.

4. Felt like maybe I was coming down with the swine flu.

5. Listened to Caroline speak approximately 4,746,982 words on Sunday alone. I don’t think she ever took a breath all day long, not even when I went back to my room and told her mama needed ten minutes of quiet. She followed me back there, stood at my bedside and counted down the minutes on the clock.

I had to take three Advils and some Evening Primrose Oil to find some inner serenity.

6. Went to eat dinner with our friends Kristie and George. Kristie is having triplets in one week and is on total bed rest. I’ve never seen someone who looks so completely uncomfortable in my life, but she is a trooper because she fixed her hair and was even wearing makeup.

If it were me I’d have transformed into Jabba the Hut, except not as charming and friendly.

7. Is my throat sore? Is that a symptom of the swine flu?

8. Caroline spent the night with Gulley and her boys on Friday night while we were at the wedding. I was worried she might get homesick, but as it turns out she’s decided she’d like to work it into her weekly schedule.

9. P and I stayed up late last night watching “The Notebook”. One of my life’s greatest pleasures is when he gets sucked into watching a chick movie and actually likes it.

Plus, I can ask him questions like “Will you come and read to me when I’m old and in a nursing home?” and he can reply, “Yes, as long as it has a pond where I can do some fishing while I’m there”.

He’s all mine, ladies.

10. Seriously, do I have really bad allergies or is this the swine flu?

And that pretty much sums it up.

On one final note, this post by Pete about the first day in India is heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time.