Seriously

  • In my shoes


    Every morning as I get dressed for the day, Caroline is right by my side taking in the whole thing. She goes in my closet and tries on my shoes, my shirts, carries my purses…anything she can get her hands on. When I put on my makeup she has to have some too. So I let her use my makeup brushes and we put on lots of clear lipgloss. If I have freshly painted toes, she wants polish on her toes too, “just like you Mama”.

    When I overhear her in her playroom, it’s like hearing a recording of myself as she talks to her baby dolls. I watch her tuck them in, kiss them, and say “Night night sweet girl, I love you so much. Go to sleep.”

    She got a doctor kit for her birthday and she loves for me to pretend to be sick. She’ll put her little hand on my forehead and say “Mama, do you have a fever?” And she’ll tend to me and pretend to cook me something and pour me a cup of tea.

    Right now she thinks I am the greatest. “Mama, you look beautiful”, “Mama, I want my hair to be shiny like yours”, “Mama, you’re my favorite mama”. It’s an overwhelming thought to think that I am the one who will show her, teach her and guide her along her journey to being a woman.

    It’s an incredible responsibility and one that I am completely ill equipped for in and of myself. I can be impatient, I tend to get stressed out, and I don’t always know when to keep my mouth shut. I am flawed…really flawed. So as I pray for wisdom as I guide my daughter through her life and all that will hold, I realize that the best thing I can do is look at my Heavenly Father and make as much effort to imitate Him as she does to imitate me.

    “Be imitators of God therefore,
    as dearly loved children
    and live a life of love,
    just as Christ loved us
    and gave Himself up for us
    as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
    Ephesians 5:1

  • God’s People

    As a Christian seeing all the turmoil in the Middle East right now isn’t really much of a surprise. #1 It’s been going on from the beginning of time and #2 God said in Genesis that this would always be the case. The interesting thing to me is thinking about something I read one time that talked about how amazing it is that Israel is basically a country the size of Rhode Island yet is always at the forefront of the global political arena. That’s not by sheer chance. I’m sure there are a lot of countries even bigger than Rhode Island that I’ve never even heard of (I’ll never claim to be a geography scholar), so it’s pretty incredible when you realize the visibility and power of Israel on a global scale.

    It’s just something for me, especially in light of all the unrest, that helps me remember how big God is and how He holds the key to everything in His hands. I sing in church about His love, His power, His grace but seeing the way He works always amazes me.

  • Looking Ahead

    Ever since I became a mother (and probably even before then) I have tried to picture myself at various stages of life. I wonder what I’ll be like, if I’ll feel the same way I do now and if everything I’m doing as a mother will be the best thing for my doodle. I look back on all the mistakes I made as a teenager and I want better for her. She is so strongwilled and I am constantly worrying if I am disciplining her in the right way for the right things.

    We had a major showdown last night. I realized she has slowly been gaining control of things by dawdling, trying to manipulate, etc. I had enough and put my foot down. Yesterday was a new beginning of making sure she knows the Mama and Daddy are the boss. We are benevolent, but she has to listen to us. As I was rocking her last night she said “I love you Mama” and I said “I love you too”. She said “then you shouldn’t tell me no”. How does she know to do that? I told her that I tell her no because I love her and my goal is to help her be a better person. I’m not sure she comprehends any of that but it’s true and hopefully it will sink in at some point.

    As a wise woman once told me “if they get to be thirteen and don’t know you’re in control…you’re sunk”. I pray that God will give me the wisdom to guide her in the way that’s best for her. She may not like me, but I know she’ll always love me.