Looking Ahead

Ever since I became a mother (and probably even before then) I have tried to picture myself at various stages of life. I wonder what I’ll be like, if I’ll feel the same way I do now and if everything I’m doing as a mother will be the best thing for my doodle. I look back on all the mistakes I made as a teenager and I want better for her. She is so strongwilled and I am constantly worrying if I am disciplining her in the right way for the right things.

We had a major showdown last night. I realized she has slowly been gaining control of things by dawdling, trying to manipulate, etc. I had enough and put my foot down. Yesterday was a new beginning of making sure she knows the Mama and Daddy are the boss. We are benevolent, but she has to listen to us. As I was rocking her last night she said “I love you Mama” and I said “I love you too”. She said “then you shouldn’t tell me no”. How does she know to do that? I told her that I tell her no because I love her and my goal is to help her be a better person. I’m not sure she comprehends any of that but it’s true and hopefully it will sink in at some point.

As a wise woman once told me “if they get to be thirteen and don’t know you’re in control…you’re sunk”. I pray that God will give me the wisdom to guide her in the way that’s best for her. She may not like me, but I know she’ll always love me.