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It is currently 9:01 p.m. on Sunday night. And I have been in my pajamas since 2:15. Mainly because I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lives since last Thursday and right now. By the time DotMOM wrapped on Saturday afternoon I was barely coherent.

I flew to Dallas on Thursday afternoon on the bumpiest flight I’ve ever been on. And I mean that. It was worse than the time I flew from Rome to Newark in 2002 and we hit turbulence and the person next to me started to throw up in their handy paper yuck sack.

Okay, on second thought maybe it wasn’t that bad. But I will tell you the man sitting next to me whispered, “Oh God” about every ten seconds for at least the last eight minutes of the flight. And I’ll be honest, that’s unsettling.

I just kept thinking that if I was going to die on a flight I really wished it would be more glamorous than a flight from San Antonio to Dallas Love Field. Talk about anti-climactic.

But we finally landed and I took a moment to compose myself then got off the plane to wait for Sophie because she was flying in about an hour later and I was going to ride to the hotel with her family. Unfortunately, when we all arrived at the rental car place we were informed they had given our car away since our flight was late. But then they couldn’t give us someone else’s car. Which is ironic considering they’d given someone else our car. It was like a Seinfeld episode. I know you can “take” the reservation, but the key is to “HOLD” the reservation.

They finally found a car for us and Sophie’s husband had to spend about thirty minutes trying to figure out how to fit all our luggage in the trunk because we both have overpacking issues and should have just both packed a footlocker like you used to do when you went to camp for two weeks. Maybe we could have labeled all our underwear with Sharpie markers too.

Once we arrived at the hotel we had a quick sound check and went over some conference details, went out for a lovely dinner, and then returned to the hotel room and visited for a while before we both decided it was time for bed. At which time I was delighted to discover that Embassy Suites not only believes in a proper air-conditioning system that blows cold air, but also the importance of the fitted bottom sheet.

Hallelujah and amen.

I don’t understand why this isn’t a universal hotel feature. And I don’t want to hear anyone tell me it’s because they’re hard to fold. Some things are worth a few sacrifices.

Friday was a blur of meeting some new friends and performing our conference duties and listening to some great messages. I know I keep saying this, but I love the DotMOM Conference. It really is so good.

Here’s a picture of Sophie and I onstage with John Croyle. It should be obvious from that photo that I was doing my best impression of a robot with a facial tic.

And it was even more fun because Gulley flew up to meet me on Friday morning and then Jen drove over to the hotel to spend the night with us and we all got to stay up late laughing and talking just like we’ve done anytime we’ve been together since 1991.

Needless to say, I was dragging a little by Saturday morning. And by a little, I mean that I could have laid down on the floor of the hotel lobby and taken a nap. But there was still a full day ahead and after a gallon or two of coffee I was good as new and talking very loudly at a very rapid rate in an octave about four times above normal.

This may be the reason that I chose to share my “sweaty feet issues” when I wear flats with an entire room full of women while giving a talk on fashion. Note to self: You don’t have to share everything.

When it was all over on Saturday I went straight to the hotel room and could have slept the rest of the night. But my friend Michelle was there and my college roommate, Meredith, was meeting us for dinner and Sophie needed a Mexican food fix before flying back to Alabama. So we powered through and ended up eating fajitas and queso at Uncle Julio’s and it was so worth it. Y’all. They had queso with beef fajita meat in it. If that isn’t the most genius idea ever, then I don’t know what is.

Meredith dropped us off at the hotel and Michelle went home and Sophie went to visit with some other friends, so Gulley and I went back to our room and put on our pjs and got in bed before we began to recap the weekend and all the fun.

At this point I may have been more than a little punchy. Like that kind of tired where everything is beyond hilarious. Gulley and I were laughing until we had tears running down our faces and could barely breathe.

And that’s when it happened.

The front desk at the hotel called our room and said there had been a complaint about the noise coming from our room and could we please quiet down.

That is so shameful.

In all honesty, it’s not the first time this has happened to us in a hotel. But it’s the first time it’s happened since 1993.

So, in closing, it was a really fun weekend.

And if you happened to be in room 501 at the Embassy Suites in Frisco on Saturday night, I deeply apologize.

*****

Here are the numbers drawn by Random.org on the book and earring giveaway.

#17 – Nellie
#45 – Jen
#335 – Melanie (but not me because that would be weird)

Thanks so much, y’all. There will be another giveaway this Friday.

I’m not really speechless.

Nothing is ever that serious.

But I have to tell y’all that my day started off rough yesterday. It wasn’t anything bad, but I didn’t feel great. It was gloomy outside, I had cramps, my head hurt. I was chockfull of some first world complaints.

I met my sister and nephew for lunch and that perked me up a little bit, but then I ran into The Container Store to pick up some small boxes and pretty gift wrap. And I’m here to tell you that nothing will make a perpetually unorganized person feel a sense of deep shame and regret like The Container Store.

It made me want to buy every storage bin and basket they had and maybe some colored file folders in an attempt to get some semblance of order in my life. But I made myself face the harsh reality that all those bins would do at my house is end up sitting on top of my washer and dryer until I eventually donated them to Goodwill.

And so I ran a few more errands, popped some Advil for the aforementioned cramps and headache, and then decided I should start to pack my suitcase for DotMOM since I’m leaving at 1:00 on Thursday and clothes are probably an essential part of the weekend.

About that time, I heard my phone beep to let me know I had a text. It was from my editor at Tyndale and she asked if I was sitting down. I texted back, “No. Should I be?”

She replied, “Yes! Sparkly Green Earrings debuts at #27 on this week’s New York Times Bestseller list.”

Umm. Yes. Sitting down wasn’t really enough. What just happened?

Y’all. You did this. You bought my book and told your friends and supported me and cheered me on and prayed for me. And this? Well, when God says he does more than you can ask or imagine he isn’t kidding around.

I ran outside and screamed for P and he was so relieved I wasn’t announcing I was pregnant. We jumped up and down, our sweet neighbors brought by a bottle of champagne and Mimi and Bops came by so we could have a celebratory toast. It will go down as one of my favorite moments.

I spent the rest of the evening in tears. And even now I’m getting all teary again. There just aren’t words to say how grateful I am to you. There are times in life that bring you to your knees in gratitude and humility and this is one of those times for me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And so to celebrate I’m throwing a huge party at my house next weekend.

Not really. But I wish I could and you all could come. How fun would that be? I mean other than that it would be really crowded and the fact that the floor in my guest bathroom is possibly rotting and about to fall through?

So that’s out.

But I am giving away three signed copies of Sparkly Green Earrings (I’ll sign them anyway you want me to!) along with three pairs of Towne & Reese Reynolds Green earrings from Carol & Company.

All you have to do for a chance to win is leave a comment on this post. I’ll keep comments open until Sunday and then use Random.org to draw three winners.

(I’m not doing Fashion Friday tomorrow because I’ll be at DotMOM and won’t have time. I’m sorry.)

And now I’m going to have another good cry. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and can’t wait to see some of you at DotMOM.

Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

This has nothing to do with anything else I’m about to discuss, but for one brief shining moment yesterday every bit of laundry in my house was clean. And folded. And put away.

And then Caroline got home from school and changed for soccer practice and P came home from work and changed clothes and the moment was over.

But it was a glorious ten minute period of time that was nice while it lasted.

Okay, so since I’m leading with laundry today, it’s safe to assume there isn’t much else going on. However, there are a few things I would like to share.

1. Have you seen this video of the cast of Downton Abbey performing One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful? My friend Robin shared it with me in an attempt to help me assuage my grief over Sunday night’s episode.

2. This weekend is the DotMOM conference in Frisco. There’s still a few spots if you want to sign up! Go visit the conference page for more information.

And since some of you have asked, I’ll be signing books after Friday night’s session from 8:30-9:30.

3. Last night I made Pioneer Woman’s beef with snow peas because she recently made it on her cooking show and it’s a dish that can be made in sixteen minutes. Which SIGN ME UP.

Because while sixteen minutes is still about fifteen and a half minutes longer than I want to spend in the kitchen, it’s so much better than an hour.

The verdict is that it was delicious. Great flavor, very easy. The sad part is that the flank steak I bought from HEB that was billed as “tenderized” was still tough enough that P thought I might have fried up his old boots for dinner.

And before you tell me I still need to tenderize meat that’s labeled tenderized, I will tell you that I did indeed do just that. It was just that tough.

4. Any thoughts on The Bachelor? Were you surprised he didn’t choose Des? Because I was shocked. Even though I think her brother helped kill it. Who wants to deal with that every holiday for the rest of your life?

5. I have no idea what number five was going to be and I assure you I had something to say. But it has left me. And so I have to assume it wasn’t that interesting to begin with.

If it was, I’ll let you know about it tomorrow.

Y’all have a great Wednesday.

Well yesterday was a day I wait for all year long.

What day is that, you may ask?

Rodeo carnival day.

The San Antonio Rodeo is in full-swing right now and so yesterday Gulley, Steph, P and I took the kids out to the carnival portion. I could lie and tell you we did it unselfishly for the children, but the truth is we love ourselves a corn dog and some Texas twisters.

(Texas twisters are those homemade potato chips that I’m sure will be waiting for me on a big platter when we get to heaven someday.)

Originally just the moms were going to go, but P found himself with a day off and decided to join in the fun. Which worked out beautifully because it gave us an even number of people who wanted to actually ride rides. That means the kids and P.

The moms had no desire to ride any rides. My love of carnival rides came to a quick and ugly end about three years ago when I got on something called the Tower of Terror. It took four days for my inner ear to begin to function normally after that.

Here’s our group waiting in line for the first ride. It was the gigantic swings appropriately called Vertigo.

Please note that at this point no one looks like they might want to throw up. That wasn’t the case later on.

Then they headed to the hang glider ride while Steph, Gulley and I sipped Diet Cokes and rejoiced that P had decided to spend the day at the rodeo with us.

We debated making a break to the Wine Garden and turning it into a real party, but felt like we needed to at least cheer P on as he rode all the rides.

Eventually we made it to the Sea Dragon. This used to be my favorite ride every year at the Southeast Texas State Fair. But then I rode it two years ago and spent the entire time feeling like I was going to throw up or go flying out of my seat onto the concrete below. Or both.

But Caroline always loved it so I’d make myself ride it while I tried to pretend I wasn’t terrified. Then last year she rode it with Jackson and Will and decided she didn’t like it anymore either due to the feeling that you’re about to be hurled through the air into oblivion. However, P got her back on it this year with the promise he wouldn’t let her fall out. In fact, it isn’t possible to fall out or you’d hear about it all the time.

Or maybe there’s just a vast conspiracy to cover up Sea Dragon related deaths. Maybe it’s a real thing and we’re being kept in the dark.

So she practically sat on his lap and he held her firmly in place and she hated the entire thing. In typical Caroline fashion she got off that Sea Dragon and it was dead to her forever. She doesn’t even know why someone invented that ride. It’s horrible.

But she recovered quickly and they all rode a few more things before we headed to the real show. The food booths.

Caroline, P and I opted for the corn dog with lemonade. Everyone else went for the sausage on a stick.

And we all decided against the Glazed Donut Bacon Cheeseburger. And the fried butter. And the fried Kool-Aid which, frankly, seems to defy the basic laws of physics.

I can’t imagine why some countries think Americans are gross. Why wouldn’t you want a fried pastry dipped in sugared glaze on a meat patty topped with bacon and cheese? Otherwise known as the meal that killed your cholesterol dead.

After the corn dogs, we were in need of a funnel cake. Especially since I’d been thinking about them ever since I saw that truck on the way to Houston. I didn’t get a picture of it because we ate it too fast and if I had taken a picture of the scene it would have been reminiscent of a pack of hyenas with a fresh kill on one of those nature shows.

But Steph decided to try the fried peanut butter and jelly. And I’m here to tell you, it was the sleeper of the day. DELICIOUS. Warm peanut butter? Check. Perfect ratio of jelly? Check. Crispy, fried coating topped with powdered sugar? CHECK.

It was a culinary triumph.

And also the likely reason I had to use soap and water to get my wedding rings off after I got home. Of course the Texas Twisters may have also played a role.

But totally worth it.

Well, at this moment I am sitting here in my pajamas trying to emotionally prepare myself for the season finale of Downton Abbey. I know enough to know it isn’t going to end well and, frankly, I’m concerned about my mental state after it’s all said and done. Especially since we have big plans to go to the rodeo tomorrow and it will be tragic if I’m too sad to fully enjoy a corn dog with a funnel cake chaser.

Here’s a question, Julian Fellowes. What’s so wrong with the concept of happily ever after?

(I’m not going to say anymore because I really don’t know exactly what is going to happen at this point. And, please, no spoilers in the comments because there are people who live in caves that haven’t seen Downton Abbey yet.)

(However, I will be posting a complete post on my thoughts on the season finale over at The Pioneer Woman’s blog in the Entertainment section so we can share our thoughts there.)

But let’s talk of happier things, specifically funnel cakes. Because guess what Caroline and I saw as we drove to Houston on Friday afternoon?

If hijacking a funnel cake truck is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

However, we resisted because I felt like chances were good there weren’t actually people inside that funnel cake booth frying up hot funnel cakes as they drove down I-10. But my long-held belief that turkey leg booths and cotton candy booths and corn dog booths just magically appear at carnival sites along with people that can smoke cigarettes and fry up a Snickers bar at the same time was forever shattered.

So that’s what we did this weekend.

(I don’t mean we smoked cigarettes and fried up Snickers bars because that’s kind of how I just made it sound. I meant we saw a funnel cake truck.)

Caroline and I left for Houston around noon on Friday. On Thursday night I debated letting her just skip school on Friday so we could get an earlier start, but then decided against it. But then she didn’t feel good all night Thursday night so she ended up missing school anyway and we still didn’t get away until noon on Friday. And this is so much more than you need or want to know.

And so we finally packed up the car and made the drive to Houston which I always contend is one of the most boring drives in the history of all drives. Fortunately there was no shortage of Taylor Swift songs to keep us entertained.

When we finally got to Mimi and Bops’s house, we visited for a while and Caroline tried to catch lizards out on their patio and then we ultimately made our way to Escalante’s for dinner where I ate a lobster enchilada that may have forever changed my views on seafood combined with Mexican food in all the best ways.

The next morning we just relaxed until I realized I should probably shower if I was going to be signing books for people. I don’t know much about all this, but it seems like hygiene is a good first step. I think I read that once in How to Win Friends and Influence People.

We finally got to the bookstore about ten minutes early and it was very glamorous as I watched them vacuum the spot where they would later place a small table with a black tablecloth. And have I mentioned I also get very nervous at these things? Like the kind of nerves I imagine an athlete gets before a big game. Although I wouldn’t know that because the only time I’ve played a sport in the last thirty years was for an intramural softball team in college.

(We came in first place. But only because all the other teams didn’t show up.)

Fortunately there was no podium or microphone like the signing I did earlier in the week. Although that did create a great moment Gulley told me about later. Apparently when I started to read an excerpt from a chapter, someone in the audience said, “Wait, this isn’t a poetry reading?” and packed up her things and left. It made me so happy.

(If only she had known that I have a whole notebook of very dramatic poems I wrote between the years 1985-1994. However, I would only show those to someone if my other choice was to be lit on fire.)

Anyway, my nerves weren’t really helped when this is what greeted me at the front of the store.

That is a lot of books. And a lot of my face on that sign.

But it ended up being so fun to have Caroline, Mimi and Bops with me. And I had a great mix of sweet friends I’ve known forever show up along with some relatives and many of y’all who I felt like I knew even though we’d never met in person before. And I was so grateful because there are so many better ways to spend a Saturday. Like at a poetry reading, for instance.

Caroline thoroughly enjoyed herself. She sat right by my side and we shared what felt like an increasingly small rolling desk chair for close to two hours. She even signed almost everyone’s books. I think she’s a fan of the book signing.

(I also just want to quickly mention that some of y’all have said you’d like to have a signed book. There were books leftover after the signing on Saturday and Caroline and I signed them. So I’m betting you could get Books-A-Million at Katy Mills to send you one of the signed copies if you’re interested.)

After it was over, we had to make the arduous trip back to Mimi and Bops’s house which happens to be near The Galleria area. This might not mean much to you if you’re not familiar with Houston, but here are a few things you need to know:

1. The NBA All-Star event was in Houston this weekend.

2. Most activities apparently centered around The Galleria area.

3. The Galleria area is crowded enough anyway on any given weekend.

4. Bops considers finding ways to avoid traffic a recreational sport. He likes to weave in and out of traffic and take alternative routes and speed up and slow down like it’s a race.

5. I struggle with carsickness issues. Exhibit A: I once threw up on a bus in front of Ann Voskamp.

Fortunately, I have learned to just close my eyes and go to a happy place in my mind. Specifically a place where I’m not in a car but maybe lying in a field. Actually, that’s not true because fields have bugs. So maybe where I’m lying on a bed with a fitted bottom sheet in a really nice hotel.

(You don’t want to know how I feel about the overuse of non-fitted bottom sheets in hotels all over America.)

So while I didn’t actually need a yuck bucket, I did need to take an Aleve and close my eyes for about thirty minutes after we got back home. And then we ventured back out again to meet some friends at an Italian restaurant for dinner. But we took a better route this time because Bops was fully aware of the traffic situation and had plotted an alternative way.

After a couple of pieces of pizza and a glass of wine, I was like a new person. And getting to end the day laughing with friends over good food was perfection.

We also discovered on the news later that night that they’d had to shut The Galleria down because it had reached maximum capacity. If you’ve never been in The Galleria you can’t appreciate what that means so I’ll sum it up by asking you to picture more people in one place than you’ve ever seen in your life and then triple it.

In other words, it would basically be enough to make me never want to shop again.

I’m totally lying.

Nothing could be that bad.