Caroline just walked into the living room a few minutes ago, long after she should have been asleep, and said, “Mama? I need some advice. I’m trying to go to sleep and I just can’t.”
“Have you closed your eyes?”
“Then that’s my advice. Close your eyes.”
Because what I wanted to tell her was that someday she will be forty years old and her hormones will take over and she won’t be able to sleep for reasons she can’t understand but certainly have nothing to do with not being tired. And then she’ll have to go to Whole Foods to buy some kind of ALL NATURAL sleep supplement that she heard about from a friend. Then while she’s there she might buy a big tub of pimento cheese because another friend told her that Whole Foods has delicious pimento cheese.
And that friend was RIGHT. The pimento cheese at Whole Foods is delicious.
The verdict is still out on the ALL NATURAL sleep supplement. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
So I spent my day yesterday playing catch up from being out of town. I volunteered at Caroline’s school which is a nice way of saying that I wrestled with the Xerox machine until I might have kicked it. I struggle with turning two pieces of paper into one two-sided piece of paper. Apparently a college education can teach you how to live on a steady diet of powdered Donettes and Dr. Pepper, but is totally useless when it comes to learning the ways of the copy machine.
After I left the school I had to run to CVS to get a passport photo taken because my passport expires in January. The guy at CVS led me to the middle of an aisle, pulled down a white screen from out of nowhere and then told me to stand in front of it while he took the photo. I regret to tell you that he took the picture right as I was asking, “WHERE?” Of course it seems fitting that my new passport photo will be every bit as horrid as my old passport photo. I’m comforting myself with the theory that there’s no reason that the Customs Department in any country needs to think I’m even remotely intelligent.
Then I had to drop something off at Fed Ex. And the UPS store. Finally, I had to go the U.S. Post Office. I never visit the post office that I don’t think “Man, this place is really efficient! I’d like for these government folks to be in charge of my health care!”
Basically I spent my day mailing things and shipping things and going to Whole Foods for pimento cheese. And also some chicken salad. And some Texas caviar because it all looked so good.
I realize this is fascinating.
After I picked Caroline up from school we came home and relaxed for a while. Apparently it was some kind of official Family Night so she didn’t have any homework. Which meant I didn’t have to drink any wine.
We met Mimi and Bops for some truly average Chinese food. I really don’t like Chinese food under the best of circumstances and I assure you this was not the best of circumstances. As evidenced by the fact that we had to order at the counter from a big light up menu. But they wanted to try something new and the company was good even if the food made me renew my vows to stay away from all things Kung Pao.
After I got Caroline in bed, but before she came out to ask for advice, I attempted to read the book I bought in the Houston airport. It’s called Cleopatra. I bought it because I read the rave reviews on the back and thought I might enjoy a book about ancient Egypt, if for no other reason than to learn just enough trivial information to throw out at all the cocktail parties I never go to. What I failed to notice was the large print on the back that read “BIOGRAPHY”. Which explains why I read the first thirty-five pages thinking it was the driest novel I’ve ever read and who cares that much about the Nile River?
You know who cares? People who read biographies.
And now I’m going to take my own advice and go get in bed and close my eyes.
Right after I take my new ALL NATURAL sleep supplement.