This week has felt busy even though I’m not totally sure what all we’ve had going on. I think it’s just a lot of catching up on things that were neglected while I was on the road with Gulley and so I’ve had emails to answer, phone calls to make, laundry to do and groceries to buy.
On Tuesday morning Caroline had her yearly well check and was excited to discover she’s gained ten pounds over the last year. She can’t appreciate that it is a fleeting time in a girl’s life when ten pounds in a year is cause for excitement. It was also a good appointment because I’d prepared her that she was going to have to get two immunizations and it turned out she only needed one.
We celebrated afterwards with IHOP because that is one of her favorite places. I tried to talk her into a Mexican place for breakfast tacos but the siren song of the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity was too strong. IHOP also has a new addition on their menu that involves lemon and blueberry pancakes and I just don’t feel good about that combo.
Yesterday was a little bit different because I had to tape a spot for John Tesh’s show, Intelligence For Your Life. They had contacted my publisher about having me on as an expert and in my publisher’s email to me about the request they assured me they’d find out what my “field of expertise” was considered to be. It turns out it’s motherhood, friendship and marriage which is sad because I’m still figuring all those out on a daily basis with mixed results. However, if they’d been looking for an expert on reality T.V., how to ensure you don’t get a rose on The Bachelor, Friday Night Lights, or music of the 70’s and 80’s, I’m the perfect candidate.
But it was fun because I got to get my hair and makeup done which means I looked significantly better than I have in the last five years. Although I will tell you that my beloved hair stylist told me she thinks perms might be on their way to a comeback. I’m not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I could totally go back to the days that fixing my hair merely required spritzing it with a combination of water and Aussie Sprunch Spray in a spray bottle. On the other hand, I had perms – both of the home and salon variety – for the better part of my early years and I’m not sure that’s a place the heads of America need to revisit.
After my hair was dry and curled, I went to the makeup artist who did an amazing job. Especially when you consider that I’ve had some hormonal acne on my chin that might have its own mailbox. In desperation I resorted to Youtube videos on how to fix it on Monday night and saw one that suggest Vicks Vaporub. Oh yes I did. I have been slathering my chin in Vicks Vaporub and I will say that my blemish was significantly smaller by today. I’m not necessarily sure if it was the Vicks Vaporub or my desperate prayers to God for complete chin restoration that actually worked, but I will say my airways have been very clear for the last forty-eight hours.
Sadly, I didn’t actually get to meet John Tesh as much as I just stood in front of a green screen and answered a bunch of questions, none of which involved my thoughts on lipgloss or the musical stylings of Duran Duran. Gulley met me there for moral support and assured me my answers were normal and appropriate and then we headed home.
Here’s the thing about having your hair and makeup done: It’s lovely and wonderful. Except when it’s 108 degrees outside and you feel like your hair has become a wool scarf around your neck and your makeup is literally melting off your face. I’d wanted to bask in my moment of glamour throughout the evening but I felt like I was being strangled by a badger who was licking my face. You’re welcome for that comparison. Would you believe I just came up with that out of nowhere?
So I wasn’t in the house for five minutes before I pulled all my curled hair on top of my head in a bun, threw on cutoffs and a t-shirt, and used my Clairsonic three times in a row to get all the makeup off my face. I’m still not sure I got it all. You know what’s humbling? When you come face to face with how many layers of makeup it requires to make your skin look semi-flawless at age forty-three. People have built complete homes with less spackle.
And then I took Piper and Mabel to the dog park because they’d been home all day and seemed to have some pent up energy based on the way Mabel almost scaled the fence trying to catch a squirrel. Meanwhile, Caroline spent the entire day in her pajamas on the couch. Although she did ask me at 5:30, “So, what are we going to do today?”
Um. Sister. The day is over.
Now we’re all on the couch in our pajamas getting ready for Sharknado 3. Which reminds me that I may also be an expert on tornadoes made of sharks because I’ve seen Sharknado and Sharknado 2. Or maybe that just makes me an expert on bad T.V. movies.
Especially when you also factor in how many Lifetime movies I’ve watched over a lifetime. Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? They don’t make them like that anymore.