We’ve spent the weekend getting ready for the first day of school and here’s what you need to know. I have peaked for the 2015-2016 school year on August 23. The house is clean, my refrigerator is full of groceries, the school supplies are organized, the laundry is finished, Caroline’s first day of school outfit is laid out on her bed, and I cooked a roast in the oven all day so we could have a home cooked meal.
I feel it’s important to document this occasion because it’s all downhill from here. And somewhere around October 7 when Caroline has lost her third school agenda and I pack an overripe banana and a SlimFast bar in her lunchbox and I’m on my second glass of wine at 5 p.m. due to math homework and I’m calling Papa John’s to deliver dinner, I’d like to look back on this day in history, smile to myself and know that I was great once.
So let’s talk about Piper and Mabel.
Many of you have asked for an update. We ended up boarding them at the vet while we were at the beach. It wasn’t my first choice, but when you’re a canine delinquent your options are limited. They were kicked out of the first two doggy day camps we tried (presumably for trying to sneak in cigarettes and sharing them with the other dogs) and then we briefly visited a third option but I left before I even attempted to leave them there because the whole place felt too much like a maximum security prison. Ironically, this probably would have been the place that actually worked. And I do have one more place I’d like to try for future trips, but they were already booked the week we were going to be gone.
The good news is we knew they were safe at the vet and it is familiar to them. I know a lot of you suggested having someone come stay at our house, but it takes the girls a long time to warm up to people they don’t know and they can be so wild that it’s not a task for the weak. So basically we need to make a strong, new friend who can come to our house on a regular basis and feed Piper and Mabel loads of treats. Or maybe just invest in a case of doggy Valium.
I’d like to tell you how they came home from the vet after our beach trip and noticed Scout was no longer with us. A story about how they cried actual doggy tears and moped around for days. But that would be lie. If they’ve noticed he’s gone, they have shown no sign of grief. Which I knew Mabel wouldn’t, but Piper seemed to enjoy having grandpa around on the rare occasion that he wasn’t sleeping and so I was surprised she never looked for him at all.
Although Mabel did write several haikus after our vacation and her stay at the vet:
All day in this place
they want me be to be their friend
I bow to no one
Dogs on my last nerve
How long, O Lord, will I wait?
Need my house, my bed
Sister is so dumb
Making friends to get more treats
I will not be bribed
And I guess Piper got bored enough to write a poem of her own:
I like food. Food is good. Please give me more of that food. Where is my food? I’d like more food.
But since our vacation, life has gotten back to normal for the girls. They’ve enjoyed a couple of trips to the ranch with P where they were able to chase frogs and jackrabbits and swim in the tanks. And I take them to the dog park every day which has become my saving grace for getting rid of some of their energy. As soon as they hit the gate they take off running as fast as they can. Eventually, Piper slows down and just mills around and smells things like a normal dog. But Mabel never stops. She runs at full speed and never stops, constantly looking for a new dog to run and chase.
In fact, I looked at her the other day after we’d been there for awhile and her face was kind of sunken in from all the exertion and her tongue was hanging way out, but she was still frantically scanning the park to see if there was fun she was missing.
And I thought to myself that she’s the super hyper kid on the playground that starts off fun but then people want to avoid because maybe she looks a little nuts. That’s when it dawned on me.
This is Mabel at the dog park.
I wish this was an exaggeration. Frankly, it would be more accurate if I could find the clip where Mike Meyers actually pulls the jungle gym out of the ground and runs down the street dragging it behind him. On the upside, if my car ever stalls at the dog park I can give her a Snickers bar and a can of Coke and Mabel can tow me home.
I can’t imagine why she got expelled from a place where normal dogs go and manage to act like they’re not insane, but it does explain why she curls up like this about 7:00 every night and barely moves until twelve hours later.
I love this post about Mabel since we have a Blue Lacey also. Oh my word, the energy!
Hilarious, Melanie! As always!
Yes, I remember those first back-to-school days. Lunch boxes had nutritious food in them, I was organized, backpacks were beautifully in one piece, clothes were picked out the night before, suppers were planned and executed… And like you, by the first of October, the backpacks were ripped, we all stayed in bed until the last possible second, and lunches were whatever pre-packaged foods were in the cupboard- or lunch money was handed out at the front door, because no one had time to pack anything in a lunchbox!!
Good luck with this school year- I look forward to more hilarity as time goes by! And my condolences to you all for Scout. Dogs are truly gifts from God- they ask for nothing but your love and care, and give so much more back to you. He’s in a happier place now, free to run!
I instantly think of the dog from Funny Farm –
Glad she comes back though! 😉
Your story of Mabel reminds me of Molly, our black lab – who is sadly no longer with us. She had a ton of energy and if it stormed she would go completely nuts – and I mean chew through a wall nuts. Sounds like the first day of school is off to a good start. Hopefully the rest of the school year will go okay:)
Ceasar would have both dogs behaving in one half hour show. You would be able to walk them without them pulling you out into traffic.
I was an easy kid to pack a lunch. PBJ everyday. Pringles hips and ding ding cupcake. So healthy, I know!
These days, none of that is allowed in some schools. Peanut allergies, for one thing. But my son’s preschool doesn’t allow any candy/pure sugar in their lunches.
I seriously almost peed my pants reading this! I can totally picture her at the dog park. I was a ridiculous puppy mom when we got our dog last year and I rushed home daily at lunch to see him and then started taking him to doggy daycare at least once a week. I am really glad I did because now that he is so familiar with the location if I have to board him for several days I know he at least recognizes everyone and knows I always come back. Dutch recently graduated to playcare and has ditched all his small daycare dogs (he is a little terrier/beagle mix) and prefers to play with a great dane. Love them!
Too bad Sacramento isn’t closer to San Antonio. I would love to dog sit! I’ve had dogs all my life (currently have three) and could definitely handle yours. Plus, dogs love me! Really, they do. Also? I have a friend in San Antonio.
I’m not a huge “dog person,” but I loved this post so much! Our geriatric Black Lab…who is scared of every noise, who slides to the ground and rolls over on her back if anyone pats her head, who has to sleep on the floor in our garage every night, instead of in her nice, cozy bed on our covered porch…and who can barely move because of her hip dysplasia…JUMPED into action tonight, and chased down and CAUGHT the little mouse that’s been hiding under our grill. I haven’t seen her move that fast in years! She played with it to death (literally), and is now back in her resting position. That’s a lot of work for one day.
Oh I love dogs! Energetic, maniacal dogs! Especially when they belong to my favorite author and I can virtually enjoy them! Gig em Mabel!
Piper and Mabel are my favorite.
I love your dogs–they are hilarious!! (P.S. You’re pretty funny too!)
Here is a clip with “Phillip” pulling the playground down the street. 🙂 https://screen.yahoo.com/phillip-hyper-hypo-000000418.html
I don’t miss those crazy, hectic school mornings. Not. One. Bit. And I can so relate to the rambunctious dog problem. We have a 135 lb. English Mastiff and That Man decided one day to let him have free rein of the house instead of staying in the laundry room. I drove home to all three – THREE! – of the wooden blinds in my living room windows completely chewed and destoryed, with his head sticking through the middle one – a la Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining’ – looking at me like, “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting all day for you to get home!” When questioned about why he thought it was a good idea to leave Sampson out, he said “Well, I left the TV on for him.” Apparently he thought our dog had opposable thumbs and could use the remote? So, $210 later the blinds were replaced and Sampson now spends his days outside playing with the other non-opposable-thumb canines in the ‘hood.
You had me laughing out loud on this one! Mable reminds me of my brothers dog.. but she’s on the farm so she’s mellowed out quite a bit with all the exercise. Thanks for keeping me entertained!!