Author: Big Mama

I’ll just tell you right now that if you’re prone to jealousy then you may just want to click away from what is sure to be a fascinating tale of how we spent the last weekend of September.

We ate Mexican food.

I had a cold.

C played soccer.

I’m sorry to make it all seem so glamorous and thrilling but it is what it is.

To make it even worse I’ll go ahead and confess now that I also cleaned our toilets.

If you can set aside your envy for a few minutes, I’ll share all the details.

Last Thursday I was positive I was coming down with the cold/virus/plague that Caroline and P had a few days earlier, but my body never really committed to it. I had the scratchy throat, the congestion and the fatigue but avoided the fever. And after a generous dose of Benadryl on Thursday night, I woke up Friday morning feeling significantly better. Which worked out because I had accidentally committed myself to spending the entire day at Caroline’s school.

She was on the morning announcements and so I drove her to school and stayed to watch. Then I’d promised her teacher that I’d make copies of the worksheets she’d need for this week’s lesson plan. However, I am not skilled in the copy-making process because, let’s face it, I went to school in the age of mimeograph sheets. (Shout out to the smell of a freshly mimeographed worksheet. Top 5 smell ever.) And in recent years I have largely avoided making copies whenever possible, especially anything that involved one-sided copies to two-sided copies or what have you. I mean, what am I? A rocket scientist?

(I’m not even exaggerating when I tell you I had to go to Kinko’s a few months ago to get something laminated and broke out in a dead sweat because I was so intimidated by the laminating machine.)

So I made 75 copies of a packet that consisted of at least ten pages and then proceeded to begin the laborious process of stapling them BY HAND before Caroline’s sweet math teacher happened to stop by, noticed that I’m an idiot who can’t be trusted with grown up tasks, and showed me that the copier has the capacity to not only collate these copies but to also staple them. It’s like I was a monkey at NASA. I had no idea.

Needless to say I spent the better part of ninety minutes sorting and stapling all these packets due to my lack of copier comprehension and finally finished just in time to leave the school and go pick up lunch for Caroline because I’d promised I’d eat lunch with her on Friday earlier in the week. I sat and watched her enjoy her BLT sandwich from Subway (I can’t really talk about the Subway bacon. It just doesn’t seem like it’s a color found in nature, but she finds it tasty.) and then drove back home for thirty minutes until it was time to meet her at the Book Fair in the school library. So it was basically an all-day affair for me at the elementary school on Friday and by the time I picked up Caroline and we drove home I felt like the cold/virus/plague was really beginning to set in. Or it could have just been psychosomatic because I’d spent all that time in the petri dish known as elementary school.

But we went to eat Mexican food with Mimi and Bops because I’m not one to let a scratchy throat stand in the way of chips and salsa. P had left town earlier in the day to go to a friend’s ranch for a big bachelor party weekend. And when I say big bachelor party weekend I’m sure it might bring to mind all manner of possible shenanigans, so let me just tell you that, when P called me to check in on Saturday night (at 9:00 p.m.) and I asked what they were doing, he said “Watching videos of Kate and Avery waterskiing.” Kate and Avery are the six and four-year-old daughters of one of the bachelor party hosts. Clearly this bachelor party was like something out of that old Tom Hanks movie. Rumor has it they even stayed up until almost 10:30.

Anyway, P did drive back in town for a few hours on Saturday to watch Caroline’s soccer game. It started on time but two strikes of lightning right by the field caused everyone to scurry like it was the apocalypse and the game got delayed for forty-five minutes until the storm passed. The refs finally signaled it was all clear and the girls could resume play. The game started again right as the sky opened up and it poured down rain. But there was no lightning or thunder so we all sat in the driving rain and watched the girls play. I have never had so many regrets about having my purse with me. The good news is that I think pleather can handle inclement weather.

After P left for the ranch again, Caroline and I headed over to Gulley’s house to watch the Aggies play Arkansas and eat pork ribs because what else would you eat when you’re playing against the Hogs?. (Sadly this same strategy doesn’t work when you’re playing the SMU Mustangs or the Vanderbilt Commodores because I hear both horse and navy officers are tough and chewy.) I’d been nervous about the game all day and watching it didn’t make me feel any better. I was glad to see the Aggies get out of there with a win. I don’t know what to think of our defense but something tells me our defensive coordinator isn’t planning to contact me for a consultation so I really can’t worry about it.

But I obviously went to bed with football on my mind. That combined with a generous dose of Mucinex Max Strength cough medicine caused me to have weird dreams all night long, especially the one where I was watching some guys paint their chests for a football game and realized they’d spelled a word wrong but it was too late to tell them.

I know exactly where this dream originated because a few weeks ago I was watching Texas Tech play and they flashed to a group of guys in the stands who spelled out “T-E-H”. The “C” was missing. Or they didn’t know how to spell TECH. I’m not sure which.

But I really can’t judge because until Friday morning I wasn’t aware that copiers were capable of stapling documents.

I’ve lived in Texas all my life. I just want to clarify that in case my next statement causes any confusion.

Why is it still so hot at the end of September?

Every year I’m surprised that it’s still in the 90’s. You would think after 42 years I would have managed my fall expectations, but no. I am an optimist.

Last weekend I was in Chattanooga when a lovely cool front blew in. It was slightly chilly last Saturday evening in Tennessee and, even better, slightly cool when I landed in San Antonio on Sunday morning. But it was all just a big ruse because it was 98 degrees here yesterday.

I can’t talk about it anymore. It’s too depressing.

So let’s talk about fashion instead. And look at all the lovely fall things I won’t be able to wear until November.

1. go rings

A sweet girl named Dru emailed me a while back to tell me about go rings. She and her friend Darcie originally launched them in November 2012 to fund Darcie’s mission trip, The World Race. Since then they have grown in popularity and the proceeds now go to fund other trips for missionaries that are living out Matthew 28:19 and going out to make disciples of all nations. You can find out more here.

2. arroyo vista printed top

I thought this would be really cute under a jacket. Or maybe just by itself if you live in Texas and the heat will never end.

3. fair isle blanket sweater

I love this sweater. I am a sucker for a fair isle pattern.

4. rugby stripe cardigan

It’s a cardigan that looks like a blazer. So clever. And it comes in a few different colors. I just happen to really like the blue and green combo.

5. fable yarn cardigan

This is one of those things that I’m going to have to have. I just need to decide on the color, but I’m leaning heavily toward this charcoal gray. I would wear this all winter long.

6. gap legging cords

So last weekend at DotMom, Lauren Chandler led worship and she was amazing. She also happened to wear a pair of maroon jeans on Saturday that proved to be a fashion revelation for me. All of a sudden I felt that my life wouldn’t be complete without a pair.

And so I ran out on Monday and bought these at Gap. Even better, they were 30% off. Best of all, I am already amazed at how many things I already have in my closet that go with them.

7. daisy lace dress

I wore this dress at DotMom last weekend and it was perfect because it kind of feels like pajamas. It is so soft and comfortable.

It also comes in red or black.

8. cabin retreat lace detail sweater

I’ve had my eye on these sweatshirt type tops with lace detail. And I’ve been skeptical. I don’t know how I feel about them. Honestly, it’s a little reminiscent of my Madonna period in eight grade.

However, this one might be a winner. There’s something about it that appeals to me.

9. faux leather moto jacket

This is also the year I want to invest in some type of leather and/or pleather jacket. I think this one could be the one, but I haven’t seen it in person. But I love the cut and the zipper detail. And the price.

The last time I had a leather jacket I loved it got stolen out of my car in a parking garage in downtown Austin. I don’t know if I was more sad about the jacket or the fact that I had to drive back to San Antonio with cardboard and duct tape over my passenger side window.

That’s a lie.

I was definitely more sad about the jacket. Especially because the car was a company car.

10. reawakening curvy plus blouse

I’m telling you that maroon (or wine or burgundy or oxblood) is the color of the year. This is a gorgeous plus-size top with gold button detail. I think it’s a must have.

That’s it for today.

Have a good Friday.

Is it just me or did everyone else find themselves singing “Every Which Way But Loose” most of the day yesterday? I would apologize, but I suffered right along with the rest of you.

You’ll be relieved to know that tonight we aren’t watching any vintage movies from the 1970’s. However, P did inform me moments ago that he just bought five pairs of pants off the internet for $95. Do you see now why I tell him everything costs $15? He lives in a world where that’s an actual reality. Apparently a good pair of tactical pants are impervious to rips, holes and inflation.

Speaking of clothing, a blog reader named Sloan sent me a link on Twitter yesterday to an article about a zoo in the UK that has banned visitors from wearing animal-print clothing because it confuses the animals. So of course I feel even worse about the time back in 1991 when I wore a leopard print top to the Omaha Zoo. I had no idea I was confusing the animals. But between the top and the perm that made my hair enormous, I’m sure I caused both the lions and the leopards a bit of distress.

In all fairness though, someone told me a while back that you can always tell that animals in the zoo are crazy because they pace back and forth. They don’t do it out of boredom, they do it out of insanity. I have no idea if this is really true, but I’ve repeated it dozens of times since then as absolute fact. You have to admit it makes sense.

And I really have no idea how we ended up discussing orangutans yesterday and lions today. It’s like I’m Marlon Perkins all of a sudden. Stay tuned for tomorrow when we discuss the migratory patterns of the wildebeest. Which makes me think of that episode of The Cosby Show when Theo wanted to go see the wildebeest migrate. Back then I didn’t even think wildebeest were a real thing, but then I saw The Lion King and realized I was wrong.

I think it’s clear this entire post derailed somewhere around the first paragraph.

I can offer no real explanation other than it’s been a long day that involved both science and math homework for Caroline. My brain hit full capacity somewhere around how many more apples Jane has compared to Ryan. You know how many? I DON’T CARE. And, frankly, Jane shouldn’t make Ryan feel bad about his apple deficit.

And now I think I’m going to watch the season premiere of Nashville. I’ve been worried about Rayna and Deacon ever since that car flipped at the end of last season and I’m just hoping they aren’t going to make her have amnesia or I will have to quit watching for good.

That’s a lie. I won’t quit watching. Just like I probably won’t quit wearing animal prints to the zoo.

Of course I never go to the zoo anymore so I guess that works out.

Here’s what you need to know. At this very moment P and I are sitting side by side on the couch watching Any Which Way You Can starring Clint Eastwood as Philo Beddoe and his pet orangutan, Clyde. Some of you more sophisticated cinema viewers might remember that this is the sequel to the highly acclaimed film Every Which Way But Loose.

And I will also confess that as an eight-year-old girl I owned the soundtrack to Every Which Way But Loose on eight track tape. My personal favorite song on the album (besides the title track obviously) was Send Me Down to Tuscon by Mel Tillis.

Watching this movie as a forty-something woman confirms something I have always suspected. The 1970’s were a weird time for movies. Between movies like this and Urban Cowboy and Smokey and the Bandit, it’s really no wonder that as a child I believed bare knuckle brawler or professional mechanical bull rider were viable career options. I mean what more could one want out of life than to travel cross-country dodging deputies and running beer across state lines with your boyfriend in his Trans Am?

The only explanation is that 1970’s Hollywood ran out of legitimate plot ideas, brainstormed while they were drunk and said “Clint Eastwood with a pet orangutan? HILARIOUS.”

Bottom line. I am watching this movie. With my husband. In 2013.

Please don’t envy my incredibly glamorous life. Would it help if I told you P has a cold and might hack up a lung before the night is over? We are practically just like Will and Kate.

In other news, I think I’m close to being caught up on sleep. Yesterday I functioned like a normal person and managed to go to Smart Barre, drop clothes off at Goodwill, go by the library, finish all the laundry and return two shirts to Old Navy. I realize this doesn’t seem very impressive, but it’s more than I could have imagined on Monday.

I think the tiredness was just a cumulative effect. Caroline was sick for three days last week then I left town on Thursday for all the fun and then proceeded to not sleep for the next three nights. And so I am thankful that this week is just a normal week with our normal activities.

But I also have to share some news.

Caroline had soccer practice Monday night. And after we got home, she showered, put on her pajamas and walked in the kitchen and said the words I’ve been dreading for several weeks. “Mom? Do you care if I want to grow my bangs back out?”

Oh bangs. You are a cruel invention.

I resisted whatever urge I had to remind her I was the one who told her not to do it in the first place and said, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”

Then she asked, “How long will it take to grow them out?”

Well. This is going to be painful.

I replied, “It’s going to take at least a few months. But you can just wear them back in a headband.”

She looked at me blankly for a minute before inquiring, “Isn’t there a way to make them grow faster? I just want them gone.”

Welcome to the story of my hair life.

The irony is I’ve looked at a lot of pictures of women with bangs recently on Pinterest and had almost convinced myself to go get them. But Caroline reminded me why it never ends well. Bangs are great for about five minutes. That’s their official shelf life. Five minutes.

Much like the cinematic treasures of the 1970’s.

I realize I didn’t post anything yesterday. Let me explain why.

I was so tired I could hardly stand up straight, like so tired that I went to bed at 8:45 on Sunday night.

8:45.

The last time 8:45 was my bedtime I was ten years old and mad that I had to go to bed before Taxi was over. It’s not that I really enjoyed the show Taxi as much as I just pretended to so I could stay up a little later.

Anyway, it’s a safe assumption that I had a great time at DotMom over the weekend. The only problem is I sometimes have trouble sleeping in a strange hotel room. This is in spite of the fact that I now travel with my own mini-fan to help with the air circulation. I should probably be embarrassed that I’ve become that high maintenance, but I’m not.

I also had some pillow issues because I require five pillows in a hotel bed situation. One for my head and two on each side of me, thereby creating a nest configuration.

And now you’re so bored that you’ve clicked away and I can write about whatever I want.

The truth is I’m still tired. It turns out that getting four hours of sleep over a three day period of time isn’t really conducive to productivity or coherent thought or the ability to put paragraphs together.

So I promise I’ll be back tomorrow with all manner of things you probably don’t care about and use way too many words to tell you all about it.

But right now?

I have to go to bed.

This is going to be quick because I’m in Chattanooga right now for the DotMom Conference. But there is no reason that the fashion needs to wait.

Here are a few things I’ve found this week:

1. south tucson aztec shift dress

Aztec prints are really big right now. I think this would be cute with boots. And maybe with leggings and boots depending on how short it is in real life.

2. autumn in helsinki long cardigan

When Gulley and I went to visit Nena last weekend she had this fab crocheted long sweater vest. She can’t remember where she bought it but she knows for sure that she didn’t crochet it herself.

Anyway, I can’t quit thinking about it. And then I saw this one and, while it’s not nearly as cute, I really like it.

3. on the brink of brilliance dress

This kind of reminds me of something Carol Brady would have worn to dinner when she was hosting a dinner party for some of Mike’s architecture clients.

And I mean that as a good thing.

4. fall festival checkered vest

I am aware that my Longhorn brethren (and sisteren) are in the midst of a rough football season. Maybe this jaunty burnt orange sweater vest might ease your pain. Just because your team isn’t good doesn’t mean you can’t look good.

5. new to town necklace

Tortoiseshell things are big right now. This necklace would be great with so many fall outfits.

6. grayson bootie

I have a bootie confession to make. I ended up returning the booties I bought a month ago. In fact, I returned them on Wednesday when I realized my thirty day return period was about to be up. Which means I had to bring my sick child with me because desperate times.

But here’s what I realized. I didn’t want a flat bootie because I already have several flat boot options. What I really want is a bootie with a heel. That’s what my closet is lacking.

I just thought you should know.

7. swiss dot bell sleeve blouse

This is so pretty. I love it in black or white.

8. eversoft striped v-neck sweater

I haven’t seen these in person so I can neither confirm nor deny if they are indeed eversoft. But here’s hoping.

9. peaceful turquoise bangle set

Love this bangle set. Great colors and textures to mix and match.

10. jeepster pullover

This is one of those things I’d wear all winter long. And it comes in a bunch of great colors.

That’s it for today.

Have a great Friday.