Author: Big Mama

Listen. We have been movers and shakers this summer. In fact, I think Caroline and I have spent a total of three days at home over the last two weeks. And we’re leaving again tomorrow for our annual road trip with Gulley and the boys.n

So I guess I better recap our trip to Nashville while it’s still fresh in my mind because once we hit the Snake Farm tomorrow there’s a good chance that my brain will no longer let me have any kind of long term memory.

We left for Nashville on Wednesday afternoon. Caroline was so excited about the flight and really wanted a window seat. Unfortunately, her lame, forgetful mother forgot to check in on Southwest until later in the day and we were B29 and B30 in the boarding group. Which, technically, still could have given us a shot at a window seat, but it was a full flight that had a number of passengers who’d already been on the previous flight. And so it almost looked like we were going to have to sit separately, but a nice woman offered us her seat so we could sit together. Caroline took the aisle seat and I ended up crammed in the middle with an older man next to me who appeared to have undergone a full personality transplant. He never even looked up for the entire flight. And I’m not one to make new friends on an airplane, but sometimes a smile at your fellow passenger is a nice touch. You know, just in case the plane goes down and you end up dying together.

Caroline was especially grieved that he didn’t even seem to be taking any enjoyment from his coveted window seat. In fact, she asked me at one point if I thought he might trade seats with her, but he didn’t seem to be the sort of person who would appreciate that request. Not to mention that his noise canceling headphones wouldn’t allow him to hear me anyway. So I told her we’d just have to hope for better seats on the flight home.

When we landed in Nashville, Caroline said, “That old PaPaw didn’t even look out the window. He just drank two Miller beers and went to sleep.” I really couldn’t have said it better.

But then Sophie picked us up and we drove straight to my friend Kelly’s house. And all the sad times without a window seat were forgotten once Caroline saw the enormous oatmeal raisin cookies Kelly had bought for her.

Then they headed out to the garden to pick some vegetables. I’m not kidding when I tell you there were at least fourteen different kinds of tomatoes. And I ate these little orange ones off the vine that tasted like candy.

Later on we met some more friends at Burger Up and then went back to the house for blackberry cobbler and lots of solving of all the problems on the back porch. Meanwhile, Caroline ran around and caught fireflies in the backyard because apparently the entire firefly population resides in Nashville. I’d never seen so many in one place.

Sadly, the next morning we had to be up at 6:00 a.m. and report to the set of the video shoot by 7:30. No one seemed to care that this meant I’d still be asleep and have two deep creases across my forehead So I caffeinated myself within an inch of all reason and powered through. The first part of the shoot required me to pour coffee into a mug until it overflowed over and over again and it was relatively easy given my mental state and slow morning reflexes.

Meanwhile, Caroline did exactly what I would have done given the choice and curled up under a blanket to wait for it to be a decent hour of the day. And that’s where she remained until she realized that the backyard of the house where we were shooting was basically a mini forest complete with a pond and chipmunks and all manner of frogs and she set out to explore nature. Personally, I would have stayed under the blanket.

By the time Angie and her oldest girls arrived, Caroline was well-aquainted with the forest and, after a brief introduction to Angie’s daughters, she told them to “Come on” and had them follow her out the door. We didn’t see any of them again for the next several hours until they ran in to announce they’d found a new pet turtle.

I feel like this is more than this poor turtle was really equipped to handle. He remained in his shell for the remainder of the day. But that didn’t stop them from building him a proper habitat.

In the meantime, Angie, Sophie and I shot our various scenes in the video that will be shown at this year’s DotMom Conference. Did I mention there was a tiara involved?

Sophie titled this picture “The apples don’t fall far from the trees”. Truer words were never spoken.

When we finally wrapped up the shoot twelve hours later, we were all exhausted. We took the girls to swim at the neighborhood pool while we ate pizza and visited. Then we went back to Angie’s house and visited some more. And then at some point we finally had to give in and go to bed which was so sad because it meant the trip was almost over.

The next morning Caroline and I explored downtown Franklin with Angie and the girls (shout out to Christy at Philanthropy!), ate at Merridees, visited Honey’s Candy Store where I had a basil lemonade that was a game changer and then headed to the airport. By the time we arrived at the airport the girls were all hugging each other and doing their newfound secret friendship handshake “just one more time”. They said they missed each other already.

We’d kind of done a bad job of calculating our time and, between that and a traffic jam, I was a little concerned we might miss our flight. And even more concerned that Caroline might not get a window seat for the second time which would have qualified as a genuine tragedy in her book.

We made our way through the longest, slowest security line ever and got to our gate just in time to board. All the while, I was preparing Caroline for disappointment and praying that wouldn’t be that case. I realize this is supremely high on the life list of things that are American problems, but she wanted it so much. And I felt like she’d never quit talking about that old PaPaw with his two Miller beers if she was denied a window seat again.

But I said a little prayer as we headed to the back of the plane and, lo and behold, there was one window seat left.

And our trip to Nashville officially became the best ever.

Caroline sat back with her bag of candy from Honey’s Candy Store, put in her earbuds to watch her movie, sighed with contentment and said, “I don’t know when I’ve ever been this happy.”

Nashville, you might be our favorite.

Okay. I’m still in Nashville so this is going to be brief. I just hated to go another Friday without sharing some fashion. Even though, if I’m totally honest, I’m pretty underwhelmed by summer clothes at this point.

However, I dug deep and found some things:

1. sani buttondown

I really like this. The bright colors. The style. And I think it would transition well to fall with jeans and boots.

2. peasant tunic

If you’re looking for a tunic, this one is a good one. And it’s on sale.

3. tie dye skimmers

I tried these on in Gap the other day and really liked them. But Caroline was with me and she said they look like “teenager pants”. I don’t really know what that means.

However, I still think I’m going to buy them because why would I take fashion advice from someone who’s wardrobe consists almost entirely of Nike shorts and t-shirts from Target?

4. love is patient button up blouse

I have about four tops like these in various colors and I love them all. They’re great for year round wear.

5. gap baseball tee

This is a really cute option to just throw on with shorts or jeans.

6. splendid reseda bootie

I’m trying to get a hold of this bootie situation. And that sentence makes me want to say, “That’s what she said”.

These are really cute. I just need to decide if I’d actually wear them.

7. diva cut off denim shorts

I think I’ve mentioned these. But they are only $12 and the perfect cutoffs. I wear mine almost every day.

8. floral print blouse

Really pretty.

9. floral tank top

I love this because it would look great by itself or layered under a blazer for fall.

10. green gathered dress

This dress is so pretty. I can just picture it with gold sandals and pretty gold jewelry. Plus, it’s on sale.

That’s it for today.

Y’all have a good Friday.

I’m going to just say right now that coming up with things to write about during the summer is daunting. Because basically every day looks the same as the day before. We sleep late, we stay in our pajamas until noon, we run errands, we go to the pool.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

So yesterday we slept late. We stayed in our pajamas until noon. We ran errands. But, HOLD THE PHONE, we did not go to the pool.

I’d stayed up way to late the night before reading Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. I realize that it came out in 2010 and I am perhaps the last person in the free world to read it, but I like to stay current. In fact, if you haven’t seen a show called 24 involving the adventures of Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, I highly recommend it.

But, seriously, Unbroken. I can’t say enough about it. If you haven’t read it, then you need to. Maybe you could also pick up a copy of Sparkly Green Earrings: Catching the Light at Every Turn while you’re at it. I mean, they’re almost exactly the same except for one is a harrowing tale of being stranded at sea during World War II and the other one, well…isn’t.

Anyway, I couldn’t quit reading my book. And then we slept in. Eventually we got dressed and made plans to go to Target and HEB. We are very industrious and goal-oriented that way. Caroline even decided she wanted to bring some of her own money to Target in case she wanted to buy something.

So after we picked up the necessary items at Target, we went to the toy section to peruse the aisles because Caroline had $20 or so burning a hole in her pocket. She spent some time contemplating the various Crayola Glow items while I reminded her she has a birthday coming up and maybe she should just wish for a few things other than buying them with her own money. I also suggested that maybe she could buy a large puzzle and we could spend our evenings around the dining room table having good old fashioned family fun putting it together. She didn’t actually say, “You are so lame”, but I could see it in her eyes.

Finally she decided she wanted this Crayola Glow Dome thing. I looked at the price and said, “Okay, it’s $19.96.” To which she looked incredulous and replied, “TWENTY DOLLARS! FOR THIS?”

“Yes. $20.00. That stuff isn’t cheap.”

I also wanted to launch into a long lecture about how she never ends up playing with anything like that based on evidence from many prior Christmases and birthdays, but I held my tongue. And that’s when she said, “I don’t want to spend $20 on that. I work hard for my money!”

“I know. Now do you understand why Daddy and I don’t just buy you everything?”

“Yeah, but that’s different. Y’all don’t have to do CHORES for your money. I have to WORK HARD.”

Oh. That’s right. Daddy and I just go pick money up off the front porch where the money fairy leaves it every night. Our life is very easy.

It might be time for a little discussion on economic principles.

We spent the rest of the afternoon running errands to get ready for our trip to Nashville tomorrow. Sadly, I’m not doing a book signing while I’m there (some of you asked), but Sophie and I are filming a new video for the DotMom Conference this fall in Chattanooga, TN. (You should totally come if you’re a mom.)

After dinner last night I told Caroline to go figure out what she wanted to pack for the trip and lay it on her bed. She walked in a few minutes later and announced her bag was packed. This is unprecedented. So I asked to see her bag.

This is what she carried out.

It’s a backpack.

I blame her father.

He has been known to leave for a weeklong vacation with nothing more than a backpack. I don’t even understand.

Meanwhile, I’m just hoping I can get away without checking a bag that weighs more than fifty pounds.

We spent all day July 5th in our pajamas. Except for the twenty minutes that I put on real clothes to go drive through and pick up Mexican food for dinner. My ambition knows no bounds.

On Saturday morning we decided that it might be fun to join Mimi and Bops in Houston for the rest of the weekend, especially since P was leaving for a fishing trip. So we loaded up the car and drove to Houston. Just to clarify, I drove since Texas law frowns upon nine year old drivers no matter how cute they may be.

We spent the rest of the weekend just hanging out and I’m proud to report that we ate Italian food both nights we were there. San Antonio is a lovely city, but it is sorely lacking when it comes to proper Italian cuisine so I always feel the need to carb load on pasta when in Houston.

On Sunday we walked around the Galleria for a while and Caroline was devastated to learn that Dylan’s Candy Bar has closed down. Apparently you have to sell a lot of candy to afford the rent in the Galleria. So we went to Gap instead where I was thrilled that she wanted to buy shorts that aren’t running shorts but rather actual nice shorts that comprise an outfit.

It’s the little victories.

Of course I made sure to not show any real excitement. Just a slight nod with an “Okay. If you like them then we can get them.” No sudden movements. No smiling.

And then we made our way to Nordstrom where I died a slow death in the dressing room while she tried on a bunch of things at a speed that would make a snail say “MOVE IT ALONG, FRANCES!”

We drove back to San Antonio yesterday and Caroline decided to watch a movie on the computer so I put my iPod on shuffle to listen to whatever music I wanted. And after a while I realized that I kept having to skip past all the Christmas songs. So many Christmas songs. Which is when I discovered I hadn’t actually put my iPod on shuffle, but rather at the letter C. And A LOT of Christmas songs start with the word “Christmas” in case you didn’t know.

The bigger question is why I haven’t taken the Christmas music off my iPod since it’s, you know, July.

We finally made it home after a quick stop at Buccee’s for Funyuns and beef jerky and I have been doing laundry ever since. Caroline and I are leaving on Wednesday for a quick trip to Nashville and I thought it might be a kick to pack clean clothes. And since I haven’t done laundry since some time that is long forgotten, it will be my full-time job for the next twenty-four hours.

I don’t mean to brag about all the glamour.

One more quick thing before I go. I feel I should warn you it has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this post. I realize that’s sad given how riveting this entire thing has been, what with all the talk of Italian food and Christmas songs.

A couple of weeks ago when Caroline was at Aggie Soccer Camp, there was also a cheerleader camp going on. At least I assumed it was a cheerleader camp given the number of girls carrying shiny pom-pons wearing curly ponytails with enormous bows. But maybe it was just an Amway convention. I don’t know.

Anyway, there were a group of cheerleaders with Spartans embroidered across their uniforms and, naturally, we immediately thought of Will Farrell and Cheri Oteri. The original Spartan cheerleaders. Gulley and I decided it was time to introduce the kids to the wonders that are Craig and Arianna.

(I also need to quickly let you know that I received a notice of my parking ticket in the mail at my house in San Antonio. The long arm of the UPD tracked me down. It’s just a matter of time before they show up on my doorstep on their segways.)

I’m including the clip of the Spartan cheerleaders here just in case you haven’t had the pleasure recently.

Go Spartans.

Where have you been? It’s been forever.

It was actually nice to take a little blog hiatus. I did normal things like read books at night on the couch and watched movies and worked on book edits which isn’t really a normal, relaxing thing but it was a necessity because I have a deadline to meet.

When I last wrote we were in the midst of getting our roof replaced. This is neither relaxing nor enjoyable because it’s a roof. And so Caroline and I decided to spend Monday night at Gulley’s house so we could sleep in the next morning.

Then, it got even better because Gulley’s husband decided to take all the kids to a movie so Gulley and I could go eat dinner somewhere and have a real conversation that didn’t involve taking bets on who could burp the loudest. We got back to Gulley’s house later that night and discovered the kids were all hyped up on adrenaline because they got free popcorn refills at the movies. And, even better, you could pump your own butter.

Therein was the problem.

Will overindulged in popcorn and spent an hour throwing up. And when Will throws up, he doesn’t just throw up. He screams and then throws up. Gulley asked, “Why are you screaming?” and he replied, “Because I think I’m having a stroke. I fear death.”

At least no one will accuse him of being dramatic.

I will never throw up again that I won’t fear death.

After the throwing up portion of the evening was finished, we all went to bed. Caroline and I slept in the guest room which is also home to Will’s bearded dragon, Hank. And while I was fine with sharing my room with a lizard (as long as I didn’t think about it too much) I wasn’t prepared for the red heat lamp that Hank sleeps under every night. I felt like I was Kramer in that episode of Seinfeld when Kenny Roger’s Roasters moves across the street.

But I really only have myself to blame since I’m the one who suggested to Will that a bearded dragon might be an enjoyable pet. See how those things come back around?

Thankfully, the roofers finished on Wednesday and we woke up Thursday morning refreshed and ready to enjoy all the Fourth of July activities. God bless America.

We started the morning marching in our neighborhood parade with some friends.

And then P took the kids to go pick out some fireworks for later that evening. We all rested for a while before we headed to the pool for big fun. I only wish I’d thought to take a picture of the pool’s fancy new water feature that is essentially some old plastic pipes that spray water out of the pool like a broken fire hydrant.

The fun thing about 4th of July at the neighborhood pool is that there are all manner of contests and games. Egg tosses and sack races and things like that. Except there wasn’t actually a sack race but there could’ve been and that’s what really matters.

There was, however, a hula hoop contest. And Caroline decided she wanted to enter even though the ability to hula hoop isn’t contained in our DNA. So she gave it a fair shot.

She didn’t get a medal.

But look who did!

Gulley. She placed third.

And before you become concerned that Gulley was competing against children and taking theoretical candy from babies, I will assure you that there was also a sixteen and over age bracket.

Later in the day it was time for Caroline’s event. The belly flop contest. She’d been practicing her belly flops for weeks in preparation. She really felt like this could be the year that she reclaimed the first place medal.

She was the last contestant. She walked up to the board solemnly, game face fully intact. And then she flopped.

I smell Olympics 2016.

If only the belly flop was considered a legitimate event.

And can we also marvel that I managed to get that shot with my iPhone? I am a less than mediocre photographer on my best day so the fact that I got a mid-air shot at the perfect moment is astounding. I may start including this on my resume. Just as soon as I make a resume.

Her flop was perfection. And she got the first place medal to prove it.

Victory in hand, we left the pool with Gulley’s third place hula hoop medal and Caroline’s first place belly flop medal and headed to our house to cook hot dogs and light fireworks. We also may have had some celebratory queso and guacamole, just like the Founding Fathers did all those years ago.

This next picture is a more accurate representation of my photography skills.

I just felt like I need to be honest.

And that’s what we’ve been up to for the last week. I should also note that Friday, July 5 marked seven years since I started writing this blog.

Time flies when you’re having fun. Or trying to make nothing sound like fun. Either way.

Thanks for reading all these years. Y’all are the best.

Y’all.

We had roofers show up at our house at 7:45 a.m. this morning to start putting a new roof on the house. And in case you didn’t know, it’s a very loud process. Which is why you will hear me sound frightened and a little traumatized toward the end of this podcast.

So we discuss new roofs. And bringing back family card games of yore. And eating sandwiches for dinner.

You can click here to listen. Or here. Or, as always, you can subscribe on iTunes.

Also, this is going to be my only post for the week. I’m going to celebrate America with my family and friends and, truthfully, I just need a little break.

Happy 4th of July! Hope it’s filled with fun.