Author: Big Mama

Yesterday morning we woke up after a night that included several bouts of coughing. And as we sat in front of the T.V. to watch the U.S. women’s soccer team play in the semi-finals (USA, USA, USA!), I made the executive decision to go ahead and take Caroline to the doctor because her cough sounded worse and I knew I was leaving for Nashville today. I didn’t want to leave her with thoughts of bronchitis dancing in my head.

And now you may be wondering why I’m going to Nashville.

So I’ll tell you.

I’ve finally decided to pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a country singer and owning some sort of dress with roses made out of rhinestones.

The only thing standing in my way is a complete lack of musical talent.

In reality, Sophie and I are going to be a part of a new Lifeway Women’s conference called .Mom. It’s pronounced DOT MOM in case you just thought I put a period in the wrong place.

.Mom isn’t until September 23-24 in Birmingham, Alabama, but they’re bringing us in to Nashville to work on our script and some video-type things over the next couple of days. Because we’re going to emcee the entire event. And so we might need to have an idea about what we’re supposed to say in advance. Unlike our podcasts where we just ramble endlessly about The Bachelorette and our hair.

You might be wondering if I’m a little frightened at the prospect of getting up in front of 2,000 women and making an attempt at witty banter. The answer is no. I’m not frightened. I’m merely completely terrified and feel like I might throw up just thinking about it.

So I’m sure it will all be FINE.

Especially considering the last time LifeWay entrusted us with any sort of speaking/emcee duties it turned into me standing on the floor of the Alamodome asking how everyone slept last night. It’s a moment I refer to as my own private Alamo. As in REMEMBER THE.

But if you’re a mom of any age and stage of child, then you should think about joining us at .Mom in September. You can find out more here. If nothing else, you can be a witness to the moment Sophie and I either begin a new career as emcees or solidify decisions to never put us in front of a group of people again.

Good times.

Anyway, that’s why I decided I needed to take Caroline to the doctor. Because MOM OF THE YEAR if you leave town to work on your role in a conference on mothering and leave your child at home with an untreated respiratory illness. But by the time her 3:40 appointment rolled around, I began to suspect I overreacted and she was definitely feeling much better as evidenced by this series of pictures I took with my phone while we waited for the doctor.

I think it’s obvious that I felt really good about spending the $35 co-pay by the time we left. Especially when the doctor said, “She seems completely fine” and then fought the urge to hand me a pamphlet on neurotic mothers.

But in the meantime, P had taken our other child, Bruiser, to the vet because his ear flap had become very swollen over the last several days. At first we thought he’d just been stung by a bee or something, but then I got on the Google last night and began to suspect that he had an aural hematoma.

What did we do before Google? How was any illness ever diagnosed before we could just type in “My dog’s ear is all puffed up and swollen” and be rewarded with more information about dog’s ears than we even knew existed? Sure there were other methods of research, but I never would have known an aural hematoma was a real thing and, even if I did, I would have probably gotten sidetracked reading about Austria when I tried to look it up in the A volume of the encyclopedia.

As it turns out, the nice folks on Google were totally right and Bruiser had to have his ear drained. So when Caroline and I walked through the door after her doctor’s appointment, we found Bruiser looking like this.

I think he was annoyed with me for taking his picture while he’s not at his best. P said they stuck a needle in his ear flap to drain the fluid and then wrapped it up. All for the bargain price of not anywhere close to free dollars. But the good news is Bruiser won’t end up with an ear like a professional wrestler and that makes me feel so much better because he can be so vain.

Speaking of vain, I spent the rest of the afternoon attempting to pack my suitcase and then showered and went through my entire good hair routine. Amplify shampoo, vinegar rinse to get rid of hard water, conditioner, cold water rinse, Amplify serum, mousse, blow-dry, hot rollers, flat iron. I’m exhausted just typing it all out. But I tried to skimp on my hair routine before I went to Louisville, KY for Deeper Still last month and I had hair regrets the entire weekend. I felt like it was important to start off on a good hair note this trip.

Even though I’m sad to say I’m not sure I rinsed the vinegar as well as I should have and am noticing I smell a little like salad as I sit here and type. I’m sure the people sitting next to me on the plane won’t mind.

Or maybe it will just make them crave a Greek salad and they won’t even know why.

I’ll see y’all tomorrow for Fashion Friday. Fingers crossed I find a dress in Nashville with roses made out of rhinestones.

So I feel after yesterday’s comments it’s safe to assume that more than a few of you share my sense of loss over the end of Friday Night Lights. Which warms my heart to no end. And makes me wish we could all have one very large TEXAS FOREVER viewing party finale and drink large Tami Taylor-size glasses of wine.

And maybe eat a bucket of fried chicken.

Why fried chicken?

Why not?

But several of you mentioned that ESPN is airing Season 1 right now. And so I set my DVR to record it and I have determined that I will watch each season again in its entirety. Even Season 2 with the unfortunate story line about Landry and Tyra and the guy he killed. Because I feel it’s important to have goals.

Other than that, we are totally succeeding with our week of nothing. On Monday we spent most of the day hanging out at Gulley’s house. The kids were thrilled to see each other because it had been over a week since we’d all been together and Gulley’s husband laughed out loud when I walked in the door and Gulley exclaimed, “MY FRIEND!” as we hugged like we’d been apart for several years.

Throughout the day on Monday, Caroline began to develop a cough that has gradually gotten worse and kept us up on and off all night last night. And by all appearances it looks like we’re in for a repeat performance tonight. Which may explain why I feel a little bit like something that cat dragged in.

And maybe why I ate chips and queso on two separate occasions today.

It may also explain why I can’t stop laughing at this commercial.

I would like to meet the person who came up with the concept of putting Mary Lou Retton in a pinata.

And I’d also really like one of those triple chocoholic blizzards.

After we got home from the beach we literally did absolutely nothing all day Saturday. Well, that’s not totally true. P had to wash down all the fishing poles and beach canopies and beach chairs. And I had a pile of laundry that actually growled at me at one point.

So I spent Saturday fluctuating between sitting on the couch next to Caroline and switching out loads of laundry until it was finally all finished, folded and put away. And I reflected on my empty laundry room and thought “Don’t let it be forgot, that once there was a spot, for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot”.

It was a fabulous three seconds. And then P threw a t-shirt and three beach towels into the dirty clothes hamper and that was the end of that.

And now that I’ve rambled about my laundry, it’s time to confess that I’m just going to bullet point a few quick things that are on my mind or that I want to share or whatever.

1. My friend Shaun Groves has a new CD coming out called Third World Symphony. Let’s pause for a moment at the brilliance of that title. I am so fond of a great title.

You can listen to all the songs right here. And if you love it (AND YOU WILL), you can pre-order it here.

2. On what could not be a more different note, I was home by myself during the day a few weeks ago and turned on the T.V. Days of Our Lives was on, which happened to be my soap opera of choice way back in the days of Bo and Hope and Peabo Bryson singing “Tonight, I Celebrate My Love For You”, so I thought I’d watch for a few minutes to see how Bo and Hope have aged.

But all I saw were two characters in the middle of a proposal scene and the female character was giving the man her reasons for saying no, “I just found out that my mother was murdered. And the man that did it? He is at large. You are just out of the hospital. Your father has banned me from his house and, oh yeah, you’re married to my sister.”

And I think I have problems.

On the upside, I don’t know that I’ll ever be tempted to watch daytime television again.

3. I may be the last person on the planet to discover Pinterest, but I’ve always excelled at being the last person on a bandwagon.

4. Several of y’all have emailed me about this site promoting hot choffy because I think we all know that I came up with it first.

I assure you they will be hearing from my attorney. And by hearing from my attorney, I mean that they are lucky that they spelled it differently and don’t make it the same and I will sit on my couch and do nothing about it.

5. My friend Jenn heads up Women’s Bible Study at my church and several months ago she gave all the leaders these prayer cards with 31 Biblical Virtues to pray for our kids. I’ve always prayed for Caroline but I love having a specific verse that I pray for her each day of the month.

Anyway, you can find them right here and get a pack of 50 for only $9.99.

This isn’t an ad and I’m not being compensated in any way. I just thought some of y’all might like them since a lot of us are mothers.

6. Last Friday night I watched Friday Night Lights and for some reason I thought it was the very last episode and, y’all, I got so stressed out when I realized there was only fifteen minutes left and could not figure out how they were going to wrap the whole thing up in such a short amount of time.

And then I realized THIS WEEK is the very last episode, so I rejoiced at one more week of Coach and Tami Taylor.

And then I cried because ONE MORE WEEK of Coach and Tami Taylor.

I don’t know how I feel about living in a country that can’t keep a show on the air featuring Coach Taylor and Buddy Garrity, but embraces the cast of Jersey Shore.

7. Gulley and I are embarking on our annual summer road trip with the kids in the near future and are contemplating spending a day in Galveston. Does anyone have any thoughts or preferences about the best public beaches in Galveston or things we should do while we’re there? We kind of just figured we’d grab some Fritos and bean dip and a bucket of chicken, rent an umbrella and rock it old school. No need to get fancy.

But we’re open to suggestions.

I also got tickled because I went on Trip Advisor to get information about beaches in Galveston and several people complained about the man at the water slide being more concerned about smoking his cigarette than the kids’ safety and the dirty restrooms and the inappropriate clothing and all the seaweed and tar. Clearly, they haven’t spent much time on Texas beaches because those are all the things I remember from my childhood.

Those are the very things that make Galveston feel like home. Those are the reasons Gulley and I want our children to experience it for themselves.

God bless Texas.