Author: Big Mama

  • Fashion Friday: Edition it’s the end of the world as we know it

    Before we talk about fashion today, I need to talk about something that is technically fashion-related because it concerns Ralph Lauren.

    Y’all.

    His ranch.

    I saw it on Oprah the other day when she interviewed him at his 17,000 acre ranch in Telluride.

    (I’ve been recording Oprah even though I’ve never really been a big Oprah fan and don’t really care one way or the other that her show is ending. But I do think all those people who think the world is going to end this Saturday are crazy if they think the world will end before Oprah’s last show airs.)

    (I’m kidding about that.)

    (But, for the record, I don’t think the world is going to end this Saturday.)

    Let me say, I’ve never been someone who is overly impressed by big houses and fancy things. I’ll look at the section of celebrity homes in InStyle magazine and think they’re pretty or whatever, but that’s about it.

    But I fell in love with Ralph Lauren’s ranch. The whole thing. The mountains, the hand-painted tee-pees fully decorated, the house and the barn with the chandeliers. It’s all like one big Ralph Lauren ad.

    Someday I hope my little piece of heaven looks a little like that ranch. And you know God has higher thread count sheets than Ralph Lauren.

    Now for things that don’t concern hand-painted tee-pees.

    Piperlime is having a big sale on a bunch of things right now so that’s where I found most of my selections this week. But I’m in no way being compensated by Piperlime. They don’t know or care that I exist.

    1. janie tie-waist knit dress

    This little dress looks like the perfect thing to throw on this summer when it’s so hot that you want to take your skin off. Best of all, it’s on sale for $21.50.

    For that price it might even make a great swimsuit coverup.

    2. tinley road ruffle knit dress

    I’ve loved this dress ever since I first saw it and now it’s on sale.

    3. sleeveless top with shirred ruffle

    Great shirt for summer. And it comes in a bunch of colors. And I think it’s on sale for something like $15.00.

    I’d tell you the exact price but I can’t remember and I’m too tired to look. Let’s go with $15.00.

    4. lace detail boho top

    So pretty. And it’s on sale.

    But not for $15.00.

    5. bcbgeneration aztec tote

    There’s something about this that I really like. It looks like summer.

    6. tahari raven sandals

    Love these gold sandals.

    7. moroccan henley top

    This top is not on sale.

    But it’s really cute.

    8. embroidered gauze cover-up

    Do you notice that sometimes I hyphenate the word “coverup” and sometimes I don’t?

    I’m very conflicted about the whole thing.

    9. swinging rhythm lace trapeze top

    Pretty.

    10. fragrant swag tank

    I really, really like this. And it would look great with a pair of white jeans. Plus it has a really cool back to it.

    And that’s all for today.

    Y’all have a good Friday.

    And I’ll see you Monday.

    Unless I’m wrong about the world not ending.

  • The post without a title

    I realize it’s becoming a weekly thing for me to put up some sort of list but our life just isn’t that exciting these days. So unless you want to hear me complain about packing school lunches for the thirty-fifth time or to know what I bought at the grocery store yesterday, this is what I have to offer at the moment.

    1. The other day I noticed some of the paint is peeling on our back house. Some of you may remember that I painted it all by myself about three years ago and I can assure you I will NEVER do that again. P says the reason it’s peeling is because I didn’t scrape and prime the entire thing first. Sure, like that was ever going to happen.

    Anyway, while we were talking about paint, (or at least while I was talking and P was listening) I said, “I think when it’s time to get the house painted again I’d like to paint it some sort of dark blue-gray color.”

    P looked at me and replied, “That’s so weird. I’ve been thinking the same thing.”

    “You have?”

    “No. Why would I spend time thinking about what color our house should be?”

    He’s a gem.

    2. As I’m writing this, we’re flipping the channels back and forth between Dumb and Dumber and some backwoods game show on the Spike network (naturally) called Repo Games. That sound you hear is my IQ dropping by at least forty-two points.

    3. A few of you asked about the shirt I had on in the picture the other day. It’s by Tracy Reese and I bought it ON SALE at Anthropologie a few weeks ago. It was $15.00.

    And it’s not available online anymore or I’d link to it. You might be able to find one in your local store. Or if you just want a striped top I really like this one or this one.

    4. Caroline’s new favorite hobby is digging in one of the flower beds in our backyard. This isn’t really a big deal since the dogs don’t allow any actual flowers to survive in that bed and so it’s become her own personal place to dig for worms and such.

    Yesterday she was out digging and found what appears to be half of some type of old bracelet or necklace. She rushed in with her treasure, showed it to P and said, “DADDY! LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND! I THINK THIS MUST HAVE BEEN LEFT BY THE INDIANS!”

    She took her treasure to school today and I asked if everyone thought it was cool. She said, “Yes. My teacher said I was a anshrmeorhiphologist. That’s a person that digs up old stuff.”

    “You mean an archaeologist?”

    “I don’t know. That doesn’t sound right.”

    Yes, but anshrmeorhiphologist totally does.

    5. We’ve spent the last several months reading The Chronicles of Narnia out loud as a family every night before bed. I can’t tell you how much we have loved it and we finished The Last Battle yesterday. We were all so into it that we read about three chapters every night because we couldn’t wait to see how it ended.

    But now our time in Narnia is over.

    During dinner we discussed other series we might enjoy reading together, but couldn’t decide. At one point I even had to shush P and make slashing motions across my throat while Caroline wasn’t looking because he was bad-mouthing the Little House on The Prairie series by saying he’s sure it was a THRILLING adventure when Mary went blind and started her own school.

    Sacrilege.

    So I think my people are more into some action and adventure. I would love any suggestions.

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    Blogher and Purina are learning about ProPlan Selects. Click on over to check it out.

    Also, don’t forget about the Real Women of Philadelphia Community and recipe contest. You can find out more details and get my recipe for jalapeno bacon-wrapped duck by clicking here.

  • I walked the line

    There are eleven days of school left.

    I just thought you might want to know.

    That means I have eleven more mornings where I have to cobble together whatever meager offerings are in my refrigerator for Caroline’s lunch box. I used my last Lunchable yesterday so there’s a good chance she’ll go to school tomorrow with an overripe tomato and a leftover cinnamon roll.

    Oh I’m just kidding.

    I’m going to eat that last cinnamon roll myself.

    Several weeks ago, I promised our little friend Kate that I would pick her up from school and take her with me to pick up Caroline from “big girl school”.

    (Hold on. P just interrupted my train of thought to ask where Albany, Texas is. Clearly this is much more important than the blog post I’m trying to write.)

    (Albany is 135 miles west of Dallas.)

    (Also, Kate is three years old. That’s what I meant by “little” friend. Just wanted to clarify that she isn’t abnormally small or anything.)

    Time got away from me and I realized this is Kate’s last week of school so it was now or never. I made arrangements with her mom to pick Kate up from school, then gymnastics with Caroline and then, for the grand finale, Chick-fil-A for dinner. Let it never be said that I don’t know how to show a three year old a good time.

    So yesterday I picked Kate up and spent the rest of the afternoon confirming that it’s probably for the best that I only have one child. Mainly because that seems to be all my brain is equipped to handle. Or maybe it’s just that I am so used to having only one fairly self-sufficient person to keep up with that I forgot small children don’t know how to buckle their own carseats or wipe their own bottoms or avoid traffic.

    Anyway, I picked Kate up and lugged her 150 pound carseat across the parking lot and then spent about fifteen minutes in the blazing heat trying to remember how to secure it.

    (Wait. Now P wanted the computer so he could look up a snake he saw yesterday. Very pressing matter.)

    (He’s pretty sure it was a bull snake.)

    (I didn’t ask him where he saw it because I’m afraid he’ll say our yard.)

    (Having one computer is terribly convenient and enjoyable.)

    After I sweated all my makeup off trying to get Kate in the car, we drove to “Big Girl School” to pick up Caroline. She had requested that Kate and I walk up to get her because I think she was hoping for the chance to impress Kate with an up close look at the big leagues of elementary school.

    It totally worked. Kate was very impressed and even intimidated by all the big yellow school buses and screaming kids running to catch them.

    We spent the rest of the afternoon getting ice cream, playing dress up, attempting to get dressed for gymnastics, changing hairstyles 843 times to match each other and then actually arriving at gymnastics ten minutes late. The girls went in to their classes while I sat in the waiting room and attempted to catch my breath and wipe the chocolate ice cream off my white shorts.

    What I really wanted to do was lay down and take a nap.

    But then my friend Julie came in with her kids and a shoebox. Initially I didn’t think much of the shoebox until she sat down next to me and I noticed part of the top of it was cut open. She had a baby bird in it. A baby bird she rescued from her dog’s mouth.

    She has christened the baby bird Johnny Cash for reasons that are unclear other than maybe he was lost and now he’s found. I don’t know. She had to bring Johnny Cash to gymnastics because it was time for him to eat. And so we sat and visited while she fed Johnny Cash some sort of mix she bought at the pet store, like it was all perfectly normal and people bring in birds in shoeboxes to gymnastics every day.

    You might be a redneck if you bring a bird named Johnny Cash in a shoebox to gymnastics. Or if you’re friends with a person that carries around a bird named Johnny Cash in a shoebox.

    The girls finished with gymnastics and I attempted to corral Kate and Caroline toward the car but first Kate wanted to change out of her leotard and back into the nightgown she wore to school that day because it was pajama day. And so we did a quick wardrobe change and then headed to Chick-Fil-A.

    Which is where our food arrived just in time for Kate to need to go to the bathroom while Caroline wanted to stay in the playplace and I just wanted to make sure our chicken nuggets didn’t get thrown away. And then Kate hurt her toe and Caroline didn’t like her chicken wrap and I self-diagnosed myself with strep throat or a migraine headache or something.

    The bottom line is I SALUTE YOU MOTHERS OF MORE THAN ONE CHILD.

    Especially my friend Julie because she not only has three kids but a bird in a box named Johnny Cash.

    And, in all seriousness, I adored having Kate and can’t wait to do it again.

    After I get some sleep.

  • Help me, Fat Albert, you’re my only hope

    Well, as it turns out, P was able to fix the power cord. I’m not sure exactly what he did, and I hate to bore you with all the highly complicated jargon, but it seemed to involve disconnecting the whozeewhatzit from the flux capacitor and, TA DA, let there be light. Or power to my computer.

    Technically I should probably still take the power cord back to the Apple Store and get the whole thing checked out, but I’m going to Scarlett O’Hara it and think about it tomorrow. Or the next time it quits working at an inconvenient time and I curse myself for not just taking care of it in the first place.

    So our weekend kind of started on Thursday night because we attended Caroline’s school musical. She gave a riveting performance as Wednesday Addams of The Addams Family. It basically consisted of her class singing the theme song while they all snapped on cue.

    But she got to wear stage makeup and a pretty black dress and that was enough to make her supremely happy.

    Even though she did experience some serious envy over the class who got to perform “Footloose”. And, let’s be honest, who can blame her?

    After the performance, Caroline was ready for a star-studded after party but since it was already 8:30 all she got was the option to go home and go to bed because Friday was still a school day. Have I mentioned that I am so ready for this school year to be over? Because I am so ready for this school year to be over. Only twelve days left.

    Not that I’m counting down the minutes until we can enjoy a big schedule full of nothing.

    By Friday night I wasn’t feeling that great. Mimi and Bops called to invite Caroline out to eat with them but she told Bops, “Let me get back to you on that” and ultimately decided she’d rather stay home and eat the barbecue P had picked up for dinner since I wasn’t feeling so good.

    About a month before, she’d watched the original Star Wars movie that’s now called something else because of the three newer Star Wars movies. I could tell you all their names but that would require two things of me:

    1. Some internet research.

    2. For me to actually care what they’re called.

    So let’s just go with the original Star Wars movie. And then she’d watched the first part of The Empire Strikes Back after her Uncle Chris (who is slightly obsessed with all things Star Wars and may have named his son Luke just so he can say “Luke, I am your father”) loaned her his complete set of Star Wars DVDs.

    But she’d never finished The Empire Strikes Back and decided Friday night was the ideal time to watch the whole thing. So she and P went back in the bedroom to watch it while I laid on the couch and read a book and thought about how much my throat was bothering me.

    Two hours later they emerged from the bedroom. I could tell Caroline had been crying and still had tears in her eyes as she exclaimed, “MAMA! YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS. DARTH VADER IS LUKE’S FATHER! AND THEY FOUGHT AND HE CUT OFF LUKE’S HAND EVEN THOUGH HE’S LUKE’S FATHER!”

    It was the shock of her life.

    Almost as much of a shock as it is to me that I have a daughter who is now obsessed with all things Star Wars. And who may have attempted to perform several Jedi mind tricks on me throughout the remainder of the weekend. Does this mean she might end up attending conferences where people dress like Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader?

    Naturally, (or not, depending on your level of fanaticism) we spent Saturday night watching Return of The Jedi, only to discover that Princess Leia is Luke’s twin sister. Consider Caroline’s mind OFFICIALLY BLOWN.

    I woke up about 5 a.m. Sunday morning with a cough that wouldn’t quit and ended up staying home from church because people at church are usually funny about someone in the seats behind them hacking like they’re on their last legs with a bad case of the tuberculosis. Caroline stayed home with me where we remained in bed and watched Return of the Jedi for the second time.

    Later that day she tried to convince me she’d had a dream the night before about the neighborhood swimming pool and thought maybe God was trying to tell her that we should go to the pool. But I wasn’t buying into it because I knew the water would be too cold since our nights have been a little chilly (like 65 degrees but we are Texans) plus I am in desperate need of a new sun hat for the pool because my old hot pink one has totally lost all shape and, like I told Gulley, makes me look like Dumb Donald from Fat Albert.

    I wish I were kidding.

    Which begs the question, is it worse to attend conventions dressed like a Jedi Knight or to wear a hat that makes you look like a marginal character from a 1970’s cartoon?

    I guess either way our family may have it covered.

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    I have a new post up about the Real Women of Philadelphia Community and your chance to win $25,000. There’s also a recipe for jalapeno bacon-wrapped duck (or chicken) (or turkey). Click here to read more.

  • The power is out

    If you’re reading this, it’s because the power cord for my Mac has decided to quit working. Conveniently, it decided to quit working when the computer was almost out of power. In fact, the red light is blinking as we speak. Or write. Or whatever.

    For those of you who keep up with the intricate behind-the-scenes workings here at Big Mama, Inc., you may remember that I just bought a new power cord over Spring Break. And because of that I’d like to tell Steve Jobs congratulations on being able to dominate the world of technology, but how about finding a power cord that lasts longer than two months?

    Meanwhile, P is cracking jokes about a government shutdown of Big Mama because I’m too powerful.

    He is hilarious.

    If you need me, I’ll be at the Apple Store talking to the geniuses.

  • Fashion Friday: Edition it rained here yesterday

    The fact that it rained here yesterday has absolutely nothing to do with today’s Fashion Friday, but it was the first time we’ve had more than a half inch of rain since last September and so it seems noteworthy. It would have been a perfect time for me to wear my rain boots except that it wasn’t raining when I left the house yesterday morning and the rain has had a tendency to fall apart before it actually makes it here and I was paranoid about looking foolish in my rain gear. Not to mention, rubber boots are a bit warm in May if the sun ends up shining.

    But, lo and behold, it did rain. And it was a deluge. I missed almost the whole thing because I was in the school auditorium helping with the dress rehearsal for Caroline’s second grade musical, but I did see that the sky was black as night and P called to tell me he could either pick me up right then or I’d probably have to wait for an hour until he could leave the house.

    You may be wondering why P would have to pick me up in the first place. Where was my car you may be asking to yourself. Well, I’ll tell you.

    P checked out the radar and it was all a mess of purple and red and florescent pink storms headed our way. And rumors of HAIL. OF HAIL. And so he put the stay wag in the garage and told me it needed to stay there. Away from the hail.

    In the end, it didn’t even hail.

    But it could have and that’s what matters.

    And now I’ve talked about the weather for so long you probably feel like you’re reading your grandma’s blog. Sorry.

    Here are some cute fashion items. There is nary a SAS shoe in the bunch and there totally would be if this was your grandma’s blog.

    1. usekh necklace

    I was in Anthropologie this week and saw this necklace in person and fell in love with it. Love the gold with the color accents that are perfect for summer.

    2. loveappella crochet top

    I realize a white top is a SHOCKING thing for me to feature, but I really love this one because it’s pretty yet it looks comfortable. And it doesn’t look like it needs to be ironed which is always a bonus.

    I’m also laughing at my ALL CAPS “SHOCKING” because Gulley has told me all week that I’ve been unusually dramatic when I say certain things. And by “unusually dramatic” I’m pretty sure she means COMPLETELY OVER THE TOP.

    3. daisy daze eyelet dress

    So, so cute.

    4. mad for mandarin dress

    I couldn’t get the picture of this one to work, but trust me when I tell you to check it out. It’s the perfect color for summer.

    5. long and lean jeans (white wash)

    Many people are afraid of the white jean. In fact, I myself spent a few years fearing the white jean. But then I found a pair that I love and can’t wait to wear.

    These aren’t them, but I tried these on the other day and they are just as good. Such a flattering cut and fit. And great to have some jeans that aren’t cut quite as low, but still look modern.

    6. chroma reflections maxi dress

    This dress is actually the reason I went in Anthropologie the other day because I’d seen it in person before and loved it but it wasn’t on sale. Then I saw it was on sale and so I ran out there to try it on and YOU KNOW WHAT? SOLD OUT.

    And it’s almost gone online too. It’s so much prettier in person than it appears in this picture and I’m sad I never even tried it on.

    Granted, I have no idea where I thought I was going to wear it but I thought this might be the summer I’d receive a plethora of invitations for glamorous summer evening cocktail parties. Even though I think we all know my summer evenings will basically be spent at the pool eating a hot dog.

    7. priya platform wedge sandals

    Great wedge sandals. And they’re from Target.

    8. pleated yoke tee

    I realize there’s a lot of Anthropologie this week, but that’s because I LOVE IT and I was actually in the store this week and saw some of this stuff in person. I really, REALLY, liked this shirt but I didn’t get it and now I can’t remember why.

    In fact, I feel sad about it. Why didn’t I get this shirt? It would look so cute with the aforementioned white jeans.

    9. double ruffle tops

    I did make it into Old Navy this week and saw these tops in person. They are the perfect lightweight top for summer and would look great with a pair of jeans or shorts.

    10. east indies chandeliers

    These are gorgeous. Love them.

    11. embroidered flora pullover

    I know. Eleven things? Eleven?

    I wasn’t going to list eleven things but then I saw this pullover from Free People and fell, as Journey would sing, STONE IN LOVE.

    This is about forty-eight kinds of my love language.

    That’s all I have for today.

    Y’all have a great Friday.